Bravery and Confession Part 3 --- Hesitation By: Neo-Queen Serenity E-mail: Serenausako@hotmail.com webpage: http://crystaltokyo.cjb.net Serena leaned warily against her room door with a tired sigh. Her key chain jingled audibly between her fingers. Another 2 weeks her final graduation will follow along. She knew she did a great job with her final exams, but something was missing out, for the past one and half month. Mina, Rei, Lita and Ami all tried hard for their exams. Teasing and laughter faded from their usually noisy and cheerful spare time. Only silence and the flipping of books occupied their rooms. Yet, it was not silence, it’s more like tension and hope. Serena tried her best to act cheerful, but she can’t. Ever since the play production she helped with Darien, he just captured her mind. It’s specially hard for her not to think of him when he’s in nearly every of her classes. She most wanted to avoid him, but on the other hand, she desperately wanted to see him. Even at night, his fine humor and handsome smiles came back to haunt her. She tried to forget about him. It’s just a play Serena! He probably didn’t mean what he had said after all. Or perhaps he’s always like that? Serena shook her head furiously with frustration, trying to block him out of her mind. Her blond curls fell loosely in an array of gold around her curved shoulders. What should I do? She suddenly recalled a week ago how she and her best friends planned for their future. (flash backs, a week ago) "Have you decided what to do later, Serena? I mean it seems that our college life will soon end right here. You’re from the U.S..." Mina played the straw inside her milkshake. The other three of them were also unwilling to let their best friend go as well. They looked up to see Serena’s reaction. Sipping her own milk quickly, Serena was extremely calm. Feeling the cool liquid washing down her system, she exhaled loudly, determined. She had made her decision long ago. "First, I want to go home. I’ve thought of this long ago...America is my real home, just like Japan is yours. I think that’s where I truly belong...especially when my parents are living there. I am their only daughter, how can I, stay in this foreign country and leave them alone? I don’t have the heart to do such a thing. They’re expecting me. I’ve considered staying in Tokyo, but I just realized how much I loved my former home. This is just driving me crazy. I just couldn’t leave, thinking about those cherished moments we shared...I truly am sorry. I will miss you guys very much." "I am glad Serena, you’ve made up your mind. But, we will be going to US to visit you. Don’t kick us out then. I will miss you too. Plus, you can always come back here with your family for a vacation or something that sort. Tokyo is also your second hometown." Lita added touchingly. Everyone got up and hugged each other. Serena smiled. "Don’t worry Lita. With the amazing services of communication today, we can always make phone calls and write letters. I won’t be too far away." "I will miss your big smiles Serena." Mina had tears in her bright blue eyes, she’s really going to miss this sister-like best friend of hers "What about Darien, Serena? He..." Rei was slightly worried. All of Serena’s emotional changes for the past month hadn’t gone unnoticed to her. Serena was more distant and quiet. She likes to stare out into nothingness and wonder to herself now. "Don’t you think you will miss him too?" Every eyes fixed on the blond. "We were just friends, that’s all. A play doesn’t change who we are. I am still Serena, he’s the same. He-" She lied. But a choking sob in her throat cut her voice off. Rei shook her head. "You can lie Serena, to yourself, even to your own heart. But you can’t lie to me. I can see every emotion and thoughts in your eyes. Honestly speaking, you’re in love with him." She stated. Serena smiled bitterly. "I guess a close friend knew me better than a distant relative. Yes I am. Perhaps my affection seem very silly, but I had this helpless need to love him. A feeling so fierce that I don't know what to do with it. Things were happening too quickly, I don’t even have the quickest second to react. The feeling of falling in love is truly great, but I don’t know if he feels that way as well. I don’t know how he thinks of me. Darien Chiba, he’s making this place harder to say good-bye." Then there was deep silence. Life seemed to drift out of focus as five girls each cast themselves into a deep trace of pondering. Life, love... (end of flash backs) ********** Darien sat alone under the shade, his long fingers caressed the thin strings of his guitar fondly, making a smooth rhythm. Love is stressful. *What’s about her anyway? You haven’t take notice of her the last 10 months, and you’re letting yourself fall just because she helped you with a play?* His mind told him. *Admit it. She’s beautiful, kind and nice. She’s everything you ever wanted and everything you will ever find in a lifetime companion. You were observing her ever since you first set your eyes on her, weren’t you? You just didn’t want to listen to what your heart tells you. You love her, it’s not because of this play, but through the whole thing you just realized how talented she was, how you like to converse with her, to learn her. Admit it, she has your heart.* His heart debated in denial to his mind. *But I don’t know what feels about me.* *Well, it’s because you never told her how you feel about her.* *I don’t know what to do!* *Be brave, follow your true feelings and surrender your heart.* "You really like to sit alone and enjoying the night, don’t you?" A sweet but soft voice reached his ears, temporarily startled him. Without any doubt, Darien immediately knew who she is. No one, but Serena Bates has such a sweet and melody like voice. Serena kneeled down and sat beside him on the grass. If it were not that she and Darien now are friends, she would never have the gut to sit so close to him. The night of March is absolutely stunning. Clear sky, cool yet comfortingly warm breeze, millions of shining stars, winking and singing. Serena noticed Darien’s back among others in the school yard earlier. Approaching him, she discovered that he can even play guitar, quite nicely rather. It made her wondered for a brief moment, if there is any thing he couldn’t lay his hands on, and skillfully master it. For a long time, she just stood there, listening. This is perfect. "I never noticed that you play guitar. It’s beautiful." She smiled, not actually looking at him. Darien was a bit surprised when she intruded his peaceful moment. Or rather his moment fight with his logic. Since his private thoughts were focused on her, he didn’t mind it at all. "I like to have a song or two when I am lonely or depressed. Here is where I usually come to think things clear. I guess today is a day like that." He put the guitar gently aside. Leaning against the tree trunk behind him, putting his dark head on his two hands. *Lonely? He’s actually lonely?* Serena was a bit confused to hear that. To her, he should be carefree. His gaze landed gently on her back. She was stunning in the night, especially in a night like this one. The cool breeze picked up a lock of her gold hair and swing it back and forth. Making it to look like a waterfall of pure gold. Serena wore a casual looking white blouse and a dark blue skirt. Very plain, but nice. Her back was directed to him, her expression and face hidden away from his sight. Darien didn’t know what she was thinking then, he can only guess. "Graduation is under way, what’s your plan?" Serena bit her lips. "Me? Stay here. Either to continue my studies at a higher level, or work for what I want. You?" He replied, if a little uncertain. "I am going back." "Where?" He blinked. "My home, Seattle." Suddenly panic seized his heart, she’s going away? "But-why can’t you stay here. I mean Japan is such a nice place-you love Tokyo most of all, don’t you?" "Yeah. That’s what I thought. Yet again, I will always have better opportunities in America. I owe my parents too much, there isn’t a way I can ever repay them in this lifetime. My former friends, my hometown, I really missed them all. I guess that’s where I truly belong after all, I am only on exchange here for a year." *So she’s desperate to go away.* Darien pondered sadly, completely forgetting that not too long ago he was debating with himself about her. And now, he really doesn’t see the point of tell her about his feelings. "Yeah, I guess you’re right. Good luck with your American dream." He lied. His voice sounded even strange to his own ears, a combination of hopelessness and dread. Darien didn’t wanted her to go, it all became too clear now that he really cared enough to want her to stay here. Because then he will have a better chance. *Better chance? At what? She’s going home you fool, she’ll soon meet her friends and family and probably forget that you ever existed.* *No-I should let her go, how silly am I for holding her back? I don’t even have the right. Besides she has more opportunities there didn’t she said so? She will have a brighter future. Be glad for her, love is-* *So you finally admit you love her now? Then tell her you do.* *But I can’t. She doesn’t even feel the same way.* *How do you know? You never tried.* The old arguing between logic and heart was back again. "Got anything planned out as to where you want to work late?" Serena was troubled that he did not ask her to stay. She hoped he would stop her. If he did, she would stay. But he DIDN’T. "Don’t know..may be some day I will be a doctor. Saving life is such a holy task. But that’s too far in the future anyway-what’s your plan?" "You have a very good heart Darien... I’d rather get into business. Remember my dream?" Darien suddenly remembered Serena’s long ago dream which she shared with him one day during the play rehearsal. Her dream. Serena loved business, ever since when she was a little girl. She wished to have her own trading company in the future. The owner of a spacious headquarter and modern office was her longing. Darien could tell, with her intelligence and talent, if given the right opportunity, she could make it. She would, he sincerely believes so. But that opportunity is in Seattle, not Tokyo. That night went on quietly. The moon raised to the middle of the dark sky. The elegant light made the night seem a whole lot brighter and clear. Stars lost their color in comparison, it’s too beautiful. The couple’s conversation of future went on, both in doubt if they should ever reveal their feelings to each other. Both desperate to proceed to confession, but in the presence of the other, they really lack the courage and bravery. to be continued...