I Use To Be A Foolish Girl By: Neo-Queen Serenity E-Mail: Serenausako@hotmail.com Webpage: http://crystaltokyo.cjb.net I had my childhood, my life and of course my love, just like any ordinary girl of my age. I could say that life is perfect, perhaps in the eyes of a pure, innocent girl. Yet deep in my memory, I missed a chance to love, and a chanve to be loved back. Most of all, that incident changed my life forever. If now; I trace back to the year when I was no older than a 20 year old girl, who’s fighting for her life in her third year of university, you would realize how foolish I was at that time... During my junior years, a boy named Darien Cindton treated me with care and friendship, he was almost a big brother to me. He was studying in the law department, in dream to become a very famous lawyer. He, a very tall, handsome young man, who could gain the favor of any girl by just a charming smile. I also considered him as my best friend. Yes, best friend, a real pal, you can tell him everything, and he’s always willing to listen. I was so proud to have him as my friend. Other girls would stare at me with the greatest envy whenever I would go somewhere with Darien on the weekends. Darien and I talked about everything basically. We chat about our school life to the distant future; from the United States to the other side of the Atlantic; from exquisite music pieces to the wonderful world of literature. I consider myself a girl full of dreams, and wished that my world was stuffed with fairy tales. I am a helpless romantic, how I loved to read sappy romance novels. I am the puffy eyed girl, who loves crying over a tragdy. I once read from a book that love is the exact feeling of horror. I never experienced it, so I believed it to be true. As I observed Darien the next day, all I could see in front of my eyes was my plain, or rather handsome best friend. Except some occasional blushing, he’s definitely not "horrible". Therefore, I set our relationship to friends, best friends. To me, a girl isn’t suppose to fall for her best friend, because if she does, who’s going to pick up the falling pieces after? Who’s going to be here to comfort her when she’s heart broken? A year quickly went by and it’s my birthday again. Only this time, it was somewhat different. It was the 20th one which marked my birth. I invited my friends in school and decided to have a major celebration over the event. Darien didn’t attend our little party though, I remembered that he had some very important school work to get over with and he was extremely busy. So I excused him and promised to tell him every detail of our fun day. I joined my friends in my room and had an afternoon full of fun. Cakes, laughter and music, I was completely drowning with happiness. Someone knocked on our door and a young boy showed up with a dozen red roses. I received that bouquet with great hesitation. So perfect were those red petals, I couldn’t help put keep on blushing, matching up the flash on my cheek with those exquisite red. With the roses, there was a very beautiful card printed with silver roses and written in gold. "I hope you like these roses, have a happy and memorable 20th." From a boy who admires you The card wasn’t signed and there was no name attached to it. It left me with wonderment and great curiosity. My friends soon engaged themselves in deep conversation about the person who sent these roses. Finally they came up with a decision, they concluded that he must be my prince on the white horse. All this time, I was sitting dazed, fingering those soft and tender petals. I went to the flower shop which delivered the roses the following morning, hoping to get some information about the mysterious admirer. The lady who was in charge of the shop smiled mischievously at my presence and declared that she promised to keep her customer’s name in secret. She told me, he was a very tall, handsome and young boy. I blushed all the way back to my room in school. My heart beating at a feverish rate, thinking about that "handsome boy". I rushed to Darien and told him all about the party, and of course, including that dozen of red roses. He was wearing a dark shirt that day, looking irresistably dashing and intriguing. I finished my story in one breath. Looking up respectively, I asked for his judgment and opinion. He smiled. That dashing and handsome look I never forgot. "First, answer me two questions. Who do you rather think that sent you these roses? Who would you rather want to believe that sent you these roses? Now, you must speak honestly." I drew in a deep breath, quickly searching for a real answer. "First question, I don’t know. Second, I wish William sent them." William was a guy who I fell in love with when I first met him, a great leader and friend. "What?! William? You love him?..." Darien’s face suddenly turned pale, his eyes unbelieving. "What’s the matter?...Is he that bad?..." I was confused by his strange action, I thought he considered William unsuitable for me. "no...no...It’s just that I never thought of it...hmm..." He soon made an excuse about having a headache and left me alone. I was rather confused by his odd behavior. But I remained happy, because to my belief, no girl could be sad on her own birthday. A week later, I was stressed out about William because he already had a girlfriend. So he’s out of the list. But who sent me those red roses? That "handsome boy" never showed up again in my life, I never got to know who he really is. I was stressed to conclude that I will never find him, but those roses, they’re really beautiful flowers. Graduation followed quickly, there ending my 4 years of university life. I parted with Darien in tears, not wanting to let go of our friendship which I treasured so much. He comforted me and held me close like he had done numerous times before. Sobbing into his warm chest as I clutched his arm, never even realizing that he was also in tears. 2 years later. I found myself a job and lived my life normally in Boston. I soon forgot about Darien, my one and only best friend in college. We never contacted much after our departure, time loosened our friendship. One day, I received a letter from Australia. It was from Darien Cindton. That familiar curly writing brought back my memory from the past once more. In the letter, he talked plainly as if nothing had changed between us during those years of separation. He’s still that teasing and cheerful man. He went to Australia after college and began his education at a higher level. He got married, to a very beautiful woman who’s in the wedding picture he attached to the letter. I read on, catching up our youthful days from his words. Suddenly, a line of writing burned my eyes. "You’re a very special girl, and very important to me. I once sent you a dozen of red roses, but I guess I am not what you wanted, maybe fate decided that we should never be together. As a best friend, I wish you good luck as always." I stared at his beautiful writing and that line of black ink. Those roses! I read the line 10 times until tears fell out of my eyes. It was HIM! Regret, longing, recognition, and millions more jumped out of my heart, forming a bitter taste mixture. How foolish was I to cast away true love, how much I now regret over what could have belonged to me is now mine no more, how... I treasured that letter in-between my dairy pages. I never wrote back, I wouldn’t let him know. Perhaps past is always the past... The End. Any comments about it? haha, for the meanwhile, ja ne.