Lol, finally the second chapter is typed up, I am so sorry for keep you guys waiting... please forgive me^_^I am also in the process of writing chapter 3, since I got plenty of time during March Break, it depends if I am lazy or not to type it up. Just a warning, this chapter may be a little sad, because I wrote this through tears... no more blabbing, have fun. Web page http://crystaltokyo.cjb.net plus all comments goes to serenausako@hotmail.com A Vision of You and Me Chapter 2 --- Life under the stage By: Neo-Queen Serenity Editor: Twilight The door of a luxurious apartment swung open, and a woman dressed in a white outfit stepped inside. Serena shut the door tightly behind her and leaned against it with a tired sigh. She was exhausted and hungry. Dropping her white high heels wearily on the hard wood floor, she walked straight to her fridge. Throwing it open, the young girl seeked inside for something she could eat, to fill up her empty stomach. Milk. sandwich? No, that was a week before. Fast food? She forgot to do her grocery shopping last week. Order something? It’s nearly midnight now, all shops were already closed. The fridge was empty. Serena sighed and pulled out a microwave dinner from a cupboard. Throwing that inside her microwave, she set the time for 20 minutes. Serena dropped herself lazily on the black leather sofa with a can of coke. Tired and exhausted from a day’s modeling. Sipping absentmindedly over the brownish liquid, she closed her eyes. Serena wanted to have at least few hours of sleep before the up coming of dawn. *First I will have to fix myself something to eat; second for some cleaning ups... When was the last time I did a vacuuming? Last month? Or last year? Silly... At last, some hours of sleep!* She looked around her apartment while lifting her heavy eye lids tiredly. It was a rather large, elegant and luxurious apartment unit. Black leather sofa lined neatly in a line next to her snow white walls; beige carpet plus hard wood floor; forest green marble coffee table; large, clear bay window joined to a pull aside glass door to the balcony. Spacey living room, decorated with paintings and pictures; light green curtain contrasted nicely with the snow white ceiling, A little distance from where she was sitting, a huge TV stood with a pile of movie videotapes. Of course, that’s where Serena’s time goes when it comes to holidays. Across from the little hall, Serena’s bedroom joined to her private bathroom. Almost all the furniture in her apartment was white or plainly colored; yet elegantly placed and decorated, showing its mistress’s great taste and judgment. Serena loved white and pale colors, she liked to be plain. But is her life that colorless and pale like those of her snow white walls? Serena got up from where she sat and walked towards the balcony. Lightly she pushed the door aside and stepped into the night’s dark cloak. The night time of Paris is absolutely breathtaking. Millions of neon lights flashed here and there, dressing up the dark sky line, winking and dancing like stars against the navy backdrop. Red, green, blue, and yellow sparkled from hundreds of restaurants, hotels and clubs of the well known city. From the distant highway, hundreds of tiny cars raced forward looking like small ants. It was a stunning vision of our modern world, so bright, so dizzy. Serena sighed and inhaled the fresh scent of the spring night. She hadn’t tasted the fresh air for so long, she was always busy. Now she missed them all. Serena looked down from her balcony, down from the 23rd floor. All grand scenery was captured by the girl who stood by it. The cool breeze lifted Serena’s shining blonde hair, caressed its smoothness back and forth, like a loving mother stroking her sleeping child. Serena was in her early 20’s, 23 to be exact. Maybe quite young to be a successful model of her age. 5 feet 8, tall, straight and elegant. Most of all, her blonde hair was her most fond symbol, it was the most natural and rich blond, flowing across her shoulders and waist to form a waterfall of gold. A length that could make one jealous of it’s beauty, smoothness and perfect color. Serena could do whatever she wanted with her hair, able to make it suit with the style which she was wearing. As a famous model Serena was considered beautiful but not just ordinary beautiful; enchantingly beautiful. There is this certain elegance that radiates from her, which makes her a special woman. Large shining sky blue sapphire always hold coolness and confidence, straight nose, a pair of very curved lips that is the color of rosy pink. Occasionally small hue of red would appear whenever she laughed or smiled. Curls of gold tendrils fell loosely from her forehead, framing her face with more grace. No wonder she’s a model, she as to be an extreme beauty. Serena leaned on her elbows that now rested on the railing of her balcony. After a whole week’s worth of work she was finally home again. ‘Home’ what a familiar and cozy feeling, only it doesn’t mean anything to Serena. To her, it’s just a resting place, like hotel, only to be stepped in and out occasionally when she passed them by. She did admit however she had a successful page in her life. Serena Murphy, a well known and successful woman in the history of fashion. Paris knows her and the world respects her. Designers and companies paid her dearly in the past just to have her to model their clothing. Money seemed to fly like paper into her pocket and the digits of her bank account kept increasing rapidly. Her pictures, her smiles occupied newspaper articles and magazines. Herself crowded by camera lights of media no mater where she went. Everyone talks about her, everyone loves and admires her. This is Serena Murphy’s life, swallowed and piled with the word ‘success’. But is this what she wanted and wished it to be? No, Serena sighed. Of course, she loved fashion, it’s her dream and her life. She is now in the middle of that sweet dream, fulfilling it as she wished for it a long time ago. She loved her career, she loved everyone and she appreciated the respect and support they offered her. But were all these enough? No, she concluded again. Working had occupied most of her time, getting herself busy is the best method to run away from the reality of life. Of course, Serena Murphy is still single, there isn’t’ a single person in her life. No one. But she wanted someone, someone to love her and take care of her. She wanted to be cherished and to be made special. She wants to love him back, to give him love as much as her heart can offer. She wanted to be cared for and loved in the embrace of the man she loves. She wanted to have a real home, not a represented apartment when she’s alone. She wanted to be kissed and held when she stepped through the door by a pair of arms, belonging to her loved one. Not fixing a cold dinner after the lonely click of her shut door, not sitting dazed, facing four empty white walls. Who in the world would have guessed the hottest model, Serena Murphy’s life was like this under the flash light of the stage? On the stage, a confident young woman showed her world of her dreams and color with the materials on her, is actually a lonely girl behind it? Who could have imagined that behind her sweet, charming smiles, and the graceful figure, a crying heart prays and arches? Who could have believed that in the shadows behind the spot light, her elegant pace could be just as heavy? Who else would trust that a bright person’s life is even darker, who knows the bitterness of success? Silk, satin, velvet, gold and silver, a dream built by a colorful person, who’s here to understand her, who’s here to swallow the bitterness after the joy of success with her? Serena knew, everyone worshipped her, they praised her, but who is there to point out her flaw, to correct the mistakes in life for her? She didn’t want praise, she wanted understanding. Media? No, Serena hates media. In her opinion, media is a liar, a lair who wears that fake kindness while deceiving and killing. Camera lights would cast to her direction no matter where she went. Their narrow and critical eyes watched her with cold and cruel silence, waiting for her to make a mistake, waiting for her to fall apart. Serena knows very well the media could help her but, they could also tear her world apart. They could pull you up into the height of heaven, making everybody respect you and they could also push you into the under ground layer of hell, then gloat over your pain and suffering. In newspaper articles, Serena Murphy’s the face of a beautiful, cold and arrogant beauty. In the eyes of many, she cared for nothing but money and wealth, as if money is what she loves and lives for. Money, what is money, it’s merely a cold sum of green paper! It doesn’t have feelings or love, it only serves those who’s cold and heartless! Serena could feel her eyes damp and her vision blurring. Pride, coldness were her disguise. She needed them to protect her from the cruel world outside. How could she deal with the dark world around her with a vulnerable heart and faithful smiles filled with caring, trust and innocence? No, that’s not possible, the world would crash itself up on her, loading its heaviness upon her weak shoulder, making her heart cry and bleed. Pride, she needs them, no matter how much she dislikes them. Serena Murphy, a strong woman could not afford to be vulnerable under the critical eyes of the modern world. She needs pride, she needs confidence. Who would have ever guess that a pretty models’ cold and arrogant mask, actually covered a heart of pure gold? Serena shook her head, this is ironic, life itself is an ironic confusion... As everyone would wonder, what’s the story behind a famous model’s dream? What was her legendary past? Serena could feel her tears rushing down even more when thinking about her past. Serena’s childhood was a tragic one, one that was full of pain and bitterness. She had never even had a glance on her own father, he died before she was even born. Leaving behind his pregnant wife and unborn daughter, leaving them helpless, alone... Young Serena would always understand her lonely mother. The death of her husband brought the life of her daughter. Mrs. Murphy hated this cruel exchange of life. Yet she’s comforted to some level, she has a wonderful daughter, someone who’s related to her by blood, someone who’s her only kin in the world. Serena would always love her and comfort her, calling her mother. The most painful part of Serena’s childhood was to watch her mother’s tear stained face after a tired day’s work. She’s used to wash her days with tear. She was aging, sickness never left her side. Serena vowed to herself. She will work for her dreams, to build up her own world of wonder with her own bare hands. She would have lots of money, for her mother. She would buy anything in the world for her because she had lost too much before... Serena dreamed, worked and pleaded to be a famous model. Her mother had always supported her silently with her love and care. Serena knows how much her mother loves her, how much hope and prayers had she placed into the only daughter of hers. Now, Serena Murphy stood, alone, without the satisfied smiles from her mother’s curved lips. She died. She died when she was only 44. She left too early, following the path to her dear husband, to a world where there is no violence or poor, but peace and love. The departure of her was too early, too early for her to witness the success of her beloved daughter; to see her confident smiles on the stage and graceful pictures on the front page of newspapers. She left, silently, without knowing, leaving Serena alone... The most tragic part is, Mrs. Murphy departed from the world on Serena’s 18th birthday. *****Flash Back (5 years ago)***** "Happy birthday, Serena dear." Mrs. Murphy smiled. "Thanks mommy, oh chocolate cake! Candles!" A happy Serena squealed. "I knew you would love it. Come on now, blow out the candles?" On the little table, a chocolate cake sat neatly in the middle as the words ‘Happy Birthday’ stuck out, written in a nice white cream italic style. Surrounding the chocolate center, little flowers and stars made of colored cream decorated the cake’s outer border. 18 little candles flames danced in the center. 18 of them, Serena is now 18 years old, a mature adult who could take care of herself. When the moment Serena blew out the candles in the quiet singing of her beloved mother, Mrs. Murphy’s face suddenly turned white and she fainted. "Mother?! Mother! Mother!!! Wake up, what’s wrong mother??!!" Serena screamed to her with fear and panic in her voice. With little sense she rushed to the telephone and dialed 911. (40 minutes later) "Doctor? How is she?..." Serena asked with large tears whirling in her eyes, her voice so low it was merely a shaking whisper. She was so scared....she was afraid she’d lost the last relation she ever had in the world, her mother. "She, she had a sudden heart attack. We tired our best but the attack was too sudden, I am afraid that she’s helpless now... We are truly sorry, there isn’t much we could do..." The elder female doctor replied with great pity for the young girl who stood with shock in front of her. Serena felt like a heavy stone just hit her hard on the head, her mind whirled around dizzily. She grabbed the wall for support, fear she might lose her conscious and collapse right here. Serena wanted to see her dying mother, to see her leave... "Mother...Wake up, wake up mother... Please don’t leave me...I need you, I can’t lose you mother..." Serena cried softly into her mother’s cold hands. They’re so cold. She rubbed them on her warm cheek, desperate to take the lifeless coldness away with her body temperature. Mrs. Murphy’s blue eyes were locked, few white bangs mixed with her original blond hair fell weakly down her pale forehead. Serena caressed her mother’s face, feeling the lines and wrinkles under her very own finger tips. She’s old, she’s aging, now, she’s leaving... "Mother, open your eyes... It’s my birthday remember? Cake, candles, we haven’t yet finish our song yet... mother please, open your eyes...smile, tell me you’re all right...wake up mother, let’s go home..." Serena pleaded helplessly, she felt as if the end of the world is coming. How will she survive to face those empty walls of their little apartment with her mother’s bidding no longer ringing beside her ears? "Mother, please don’t go.... don’t leave me alone. I am scared, I don’t want to be alone... I am only 18, how am I going to live on in the world without you? Don’t leave me... Don’t leave me and go to father, I will be all alone, thinking about the two of you when it’s my birthday again...Please mother, I want nothing now, let’s go home, open your eyes...I know why are you going...it’s all because of me...it’s all my fault... you worked too hard mommy...you’re so tired, just because you wanted more money for me. Mother, I don’t want money, I want you...I will get money for us in the future, I will buy everything in the world for you, if you want. Promise me, don’t leave, wait for that day... Tell me, what can I do to get you back?? I will do anything in the world... Mother, open your eyes, don’t scare me, let’s go home..." Serena felt her mother’s hand moved a little weakly. She quickly looked up and wiped away her falling tears. Mrs. Murphy forced her eyes apart, she knew she was going to leave soon, but her daughter... She loved her so much, she didn’t want her to be alone and helpless. The older woman gazed at the crying girl in front of her eyes, her hands shakily wiped away Serena’ falling tear. "Don’t cry Serena... I am not going to leave, I will be fine, I will only be sleeping. I am happy now my child, I will see your father in a few moments, then we could watch you down here from heaven. Be happy for mama... I love you too much to leave you Serena...Be strong, I believe in you. I will never be too far away from you daughter. You can find me in your dreams, deep in your heart, a place where you can reach into when you’re scared and lonely. Serena, promise me, right now... Don’t give up. Nothing will ever stop you from going further and heading for success. Be strong, you can conquer anything in life if your heart desires. Promise me, mama will be counting on you. You’re 18 now, an independent and mature adult, I believe in you, take care of yourself for me. Don’t cry, a big girl should be strong... I know I leave you too early...but your birthday, I haven’t finished your song yet... Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Serena, happy birthday to-" Mrs. Murphy sang the little birthday rhythm which everyone in the world knows so well, she wiped away Serena’s tear out of her sky blue eyes, even though they keep on falling... But before she could finished the last word, her hand suddenly dropped weakly and slide out of Serena’s tear strained face softly. Casting a last glance at Serena, her eyes closed up tightly... "Mother!!!!! Please don’t go!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t leave me!!!! You love me, open you eyes..." Serena screamed from her heart and soul when she realized what had happened. She shook her mother’s now stilled body and buried her face into her mother’s white cover. But above her blond head, Mrs. Murphy’s blue eyes were closed, their blueness will never again be able to look at Serena with their motherly caring anymore. They shut tightly under the cruel hands of death, never to open again to see the crying Serena. She left, like this, so quiet, forever... Serena cried her heart out that night. "Mother! Open your eyes!!! Please, let’s go home, please... just go home with me!!! Don’t die on me mother!!! I love you! I need you!!!" Serena spun around looking at the monitor screen that displayed the movement of her mother’s heart beat. Yet, that green line had changed from a ragged one to a plain straight line... Serena remembered herself been pulled away but the kind nurse, they placed a white sheet over her mother’s pale face, shielding it from her own daughter’s blurring vision. All the patients, doctors and nurses present stared at the young girl with great pity, sharing her pain and grave in deep silence... Serena got up from her mother’s death bed, she ran as fast as she could out of the hospital, blindly, into the dark cloak of Paris’ night... *****End of Flash Back***** Tears now rushed madly down Serena’s cheek, her heart pained by that piece of dark memory of her 18th birthday. From that day on, Serena learned to take cared of herself and live without the guidance of her loving mother. She sometimes felt that there is no hope of living, yet she kept her words and never gave up. But deep down her heart, she knew she was never far away from her, she’s always around herself, in her soul, in her dream, to guide and leading her between right and wrong. Serena is now happy for her mother, she’s not alone in heaven, she’s got her father, he would love her and take care of her as he did 18 years ago. Her mother is now surrounded by love and happiness, in a place ruled by gods, where there is no war, no violence, but tranquillity and harmony. But the life ahead for that 18 years old Serena wasn’t easy, she went to university and studied hard, in mind she vowed that she would never fail her mother, never to let down those who offered her love and strength. Serena had struggled over her dreams, with pain and bitterness, but overtime, she battled challenges with her mother’s word’s in mind, "never to give up." Now 5 years have passed by, a 23 year old Serena Murphy replaced that once 18 year old heart broken girl. She is now an independent and mature woman, that plain school girl disappeared from Paris, only the famous model Serena Murphy stood firm and cool. The world today is different from the one we lived from yesterday, everything around us is changing, including us, ourselves. Serena is now a well known model to everyone else, a successful woman in life and a figure which graced the stage with ease and elegance. She worked and climbed her way to the top, without the help from anyone, but her own bare hands. She deserved respect, she deserved success. Serena knew everyone envied her life, everyone was blinded over by the word "success", none of them would see through her confident disguise, to that bitter and dark paragraph of her childhood, that lonely and miserable figure under her smile. Only if they could see.. Serena stood up while wiping away her falling tears with a with handkerchief. A bitter and ironic smile spread across her tired and sad face. Who in the world would know that their famous and worshipped woman now stood by her own balcony, crying, pained over by the sadness in her life? Who would noticed that the lonely figure on the 23rd floor is actually a vulnerable little girl who needs love and understanding most of all? People, they’re enjoying themselves over the colorful world their are now in, dizzy over the neon signs of streets, who is here to comfort and listen? People, are you all blinded by the tide of wealth and artificial elegance, yet cast aside what is called inner beauty? Serena sighed again, looking above her head, millions of shinning stars winked at her from the sky. From far away, she’s merely a white dot contrasting with the dark night of Paris, a model’s life under the spotlight of stage... Things are changing, life is never perfect, including herself. she knew very well, that in front of fate, she was not a lucky one, she needed to fight... Now, she would go and take out that re-heatable dinner she had placed in the microwave earlier, fix herself something to drink, and finish her late supper while flipping across some news channel through the TV screen. After a little rest, she would clean up her now crowded apartment and then go to bed to have at least a few hours of sleep before the coming sunshine of dawn. Let the past stay as the past for the future is much brighter ahead... The coming of dawn, another new day ahead in the hands of destiny........ hm...So how do you like this part? any comments? ^_^ for the meanwhile ja ne!