This is simply a little tale that is a product of reading too much Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen ( Mask ) romance stories. I'm just a complete and total hopeless romantic! It's going to skip around a lot of things, but there are warnings and little side notes so that you understand what's going on. Enjoy! ********************************************** Behind the Scenes By Rain Ayo ( rain_ayo@hotmail.com ) Part One: Feelings Kept Hidden ********************************************** Cause I am barely breathing I can't find the air Don't know who I'm kidding Imagining you care I could stand here waiting Fool for another day I don't suppose this was the price It was the price The price that I would pay -"Barely Breathing" Duncan Sheik ********************************************** I can't take it much more. Seeing him every day and it's alway the same. "Hey there Meatball Head!" "So how's the klutz today?" Why is he so mean? What posses him to treat me like he does? Is it those two aliens that we're fighting? Maybe it's part of their plan to make me weak or something. Oh who am I kidding. It's ME! Klutzy, baka Usagi! It's all my fault. Maybe if I was more like the Princess I once was. Maybe then he would never treat me like a fool. That's it! Well....maybe not. Look what good it did me the last time. I still was klutzy Usagi. I couldn't even pass a Princess course. I think I'm going to cry. "Serena? What are you crying about now?" Luna asked me. "It's nothing, Luna. Nothing at all," I said as I escape her gaze by going for a walk. I choose to head for the park. To where Mamoru and I often met. Most of the time we were passing insults back and forth. But one time that wasn't true. It was right after the play bombed. I can see the whole thing run through my head as if it were happening all over again. Mamoru was leaning up against a tree. He looked upset. I didn't blame him. After his friend dumped the show on him, with next to nothing, he had put the whole show together with the few people that decided to help him. Myself being one of them. I had ended up with the part of the Queen. I probably would have lived with it had Ann not gotten the lead. She was going to kiss my Mamo-chan! Don't get me wrong. I saw how much he put into this play and I know how much it meant to him. So I was not about to ruin it for him, even if Ann was going to kiss Mamo-chan. I did what could to make the show a sucess, all because I wanted him to be happy. Anyway I had followed him out of the theater to the park. I stopped aways away from him. He looked upset and I wasn't sure if I should have bothered him. I was still unsure that he wanted me around. He was always so mean and all. But eventually, after having stared at him long enough, I went over to him. "Hi Mamoru," I said softly. He looked down at me and faked a smile. ( I could tell that he wasn't really happy. He was stiff and his eyes gave him away. ) "Hello Usagi. What brings you here? I thought you'd want to be with your friends," he said. 'No! Oh Mamo-chan, your so sad. I wish you wouldn't hold me back like you do,' I thought. "Well I was kinda worried about you." "Is that so?" he said looking away. "Well you didn't seem all that happy when I saw you leave the theater. I wanted to see if you were all right," I said. He looked up at the Moon. He profile made me think of all the times I had seen that profile. Some of those times he had worn a mask. He was as handsome as ever. It made my heart ache just to think about it. "I'll live," he said finally. I bit my lip. This may be the only chance I have to do this. "Well....I know we haven't always been on the best terms, but if you want to talk....well I'll be happy to listen," I said. He looked at me a little shocked. "You'd do that?" he asked. I nodded, trying to hide my feelings that he just might see in my eyes. "Well I didn't think I'd live to see the day you'd say that to me," he said, but not in his normal arrogant tone. There was something there that I couldn't quite grasp. "Thank you, Odango." I frowned at him, but didn't say anything. "I better go," I said. I look at the ground at my feet. "I'll see you later, Mamoru." I ran off, not really sure what was going through my mind. I was sure that there was something he wasn't about to tell me. The funny thing about it was I think that he wasn't sure what he thought about me. I was depressed, none the less. I guess you could say I was just really starting to wallow in self pity. I went home that night and cried myself to sleep. Luna didn't know what was wrong, and I wasn't about to tell her. She never understood anyway. She could barely figure out her own feelings about Artemis, so how would she ever understand me. I sat down beside the tree Mamoru was leaning against now and sigh. Luna said earlier that Ann and Allen are our enemies. It doesn't seem completely off. I mean Ann's got an attitude on her, but for some reason I just don't see her and evil alien. I got up and headed for Ann and Allen's apartment. Luna was walking around town looking for me. "Where are you going?" Luna asked. "I'm going to see Ann and Allen," I said as I walk by her. She chased after me. I didn't really care. Luna's been a close friend, but there are times like these that she pisses the hell out of me. She just doesn't know when it's best that she shut the hell up. She always thinks that she's right, even when she's really wrong. I mean, how could she have thought that Tuxedo Kamen was our enemy! "What do you think your going to do here?" Luna asked me as I stand outside their apartment. "I don't know, Luna. None of this computes. It doesn't make all that much sense to me," I said. "I'm going to go in there and find out what's going on." "Serena, wait! You don't know what your getting yourself into," Luna called out to me. I sighed. "I could use some company," I said trying hard to not sound pathetic. "Oh Serena. Honetsly," Luna said. "Fine then," I said. "I'll do it alone." I headed off to the apartment. I looked ahead of me and spotted the oh so familar odango-headed blonde ahead of me. She was with that cat of her's again. I can tell by the look on her face that there's something wrong. Oh who was I kidding. She didn't want me butting in her business. I decided to stick to bringing these flowers to Ann. I walked right by her trying not to look at her heavenly face. The less I looked at her, the less I have to worry that I'll kiss her. She'd probably kill me if I did that. She hated me enough already. She stopped me of course. It wasn't far. Her sad eyes looked at me and then the flowers in my hand. "Who are they for?" she asked. "Someone up there," I said pointing to the apartment building. She looks like she was going to cry. Oh gods, Usagi don't cry. "You never brought me any flowers," she said. "Don't feel bad Usagi. Ann helped me out with the play and all," I said. I turned to head into the apartment. Usagi yelled something about how there's some alien tree growing in Ann and Allen's apartment. I just hurried into the building so I didn't have to be near her much longer. She always had a way of making me do, say, and feel things I didn't want to. I got to Ann's door and she greeted me with a surprised look. "You came all the way up her, just to give me these beautiful flowers?" she asked me. Her normal annoyingness, I guess you could say, was gone now. ********************************************* [ Now I know you know what happened next...so let's not going into any unnesscary detail....] ********************************************* ********************************************* If you could only see The way she loves me Then maybe you would understand Why I feel this way About our love And what I must do If you could only see how Blue her eyes can be When she says When she says she loves me -"If You Could Only See" Tonic ********************************************* Part Two: Together Once Again The four Inner Senshi giggled as they continued to embarass us. You've not been embaraced until you've been forced to stand there and listen to their giggling. "Please, you guys stop!" Usagi said trying to get them to shut up. Of course why would they listen to reason. I looked down at Usagi with a smile. I took her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. That caught her attention. She looked up at me and of course understood immediatly what I wanted to do. We turned and walked away, leaving four annoyed Senshi behind. They tried to chase after us, but we got out of there as fast as we could. I winked at Usagi as I took her as far away from the destroyed apartment as I could. We wandered into the park. I looked up to see the Moon smiling down at us. Part of me felt as if something or someone was aproving of what had just happened. Usagi turned away from me when I looked down at her. Her face flushed red. I smiled. 'Oh Usako,' I thought. I turned her face so that she was looking at me. "What are you embarassed about?" I asked smiling slightly. She blushed a brighter shade of red. "I...I don't know," she said. "Usa?" I asked nervously. "Yes, Mamoru,"Usagi said. No Mamo-chan. "Um...Usa...did you...did you mean what you said earlier? About your feelings," I asked her feeling all of a sudden really nervous. Usagi looked at the ground. "Of course I did," she said. I felt a rush of relief. I was so scared! I thought that because of my being such a jerk to her in the past few weeks...well might've ruined what we had together. "Look at me, Usagi," I said. She looked up at me looking nervous herself. I took her in my arms and kissed her. I felt all so estatic and happy. She really did... ...love me. I felt like a thousand pound wieght had been lifted from my shoulders. He let go of me and I just stared up at him adoringly. My Mamo-chan! I felt like I was going to cry, shout, and sing all at once. The world was right again. Mamo-chan and I were back together again. "Oh Mamo-chan. I'm so happy," I said. "I was so afraid...that you didn't feel the same." "I could never feel any other way," he said smiling down at me. His smile melted my heart like it always did. He leaned down and kissed me and the world simply melted away. Words cannot describe the way I feel when I'm with him. ******************************************** [ Time passes and a small child entered their lives. Things slowly changed, leading up to an event that shattered their relationship....] ******************************************** ******************************************** You can consider yourself free to flirt and chat With whoever you want It should have always been that way The way that you flaunt the way that you play My mind is blank slate I'm pretending you're erased (( I )) cannot let (( you )) down when I cannot see you're face Hang in there use your head How can I love you after (( being )) dead Hang in there and keep trying How can I love you after dying -"DLMD" 311 [ Author's Note: Okay the stuff in parenthesis isn't the exact words, don't kill me for it, but it fits better with the story. ] ******************************************** Part Three: The Killing of the Souls Death. That's what it was like for me. It was as if I was dying. Dying by my own hand. dying because it's the only thing I can do to save her. Dying because I love her with every part of my body and soul. Now you may or may not know about the dreams I had that leaded me to this desicion. They were terrifying and nerve racking all at once. They were just warnings....no answers to any of my questions came with them. A vision of our marriage for example, followed by the destruction that only happened during the time when we ruled Crystal Tokyo. A voice rang through my head saying that to save my Usa, I had to stay away from her. Now you must understand how seriously I took these dreams. I found my Usa with dreams. Now if my dreams told me to stay away from her because it would save her, then there would be no other thing I could do. Would do. So as I stood there and looked at her smiling face. It killed me to have to break that smile. "I don't think we should see each other any more," I said. "WHAT?" she exclaimed. "You heard me," I said trying my hardest to sound like I used to. She stood there blankly at me, obviously in shock. I couldn't stand to look at the blue eyes so close to tears. I turned and it took all of my will power not to run away. My body shut down. I'm surprised that I continued to stand there. Did he actually say that to me? Me must be joking. Ha ha! Good joke. Your not smiling. Your serious. I got angry. How could you? I love you. You love me. You don't change your mind that easily. I don't know how long I stood there staring at him. As he turned away I slumped to the ground. I felt like I was falling into a black hole. I had died. My old self had just been killed by a steel-tipped rose. ******************************************** [ Usagi did survive the event, but was heavily wounded. Tuxedo Kamen stopped coming to the rescue. Mamoru continued to have the dreams. Later on Sailor Moon was attacked by a droid, and was put into a deep sleep. No matter how hard he tried he had to go save her. ] ******************************************** ******************************************** See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails she makes me wait And I wait...without you With or without you With or without you -"With or Without You" U2 ********************************************* Part Four: Don't Fall Asleep I was floating above the city. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted her. She was fighting a droid. A part of me felt really scared. Scared that because of me I was going to get her hurt. That if I went there I might be helping her more than by staying away. Then the inner voice of reason spoke. 'You stay away from her. Your only going to hurt her,' it said. 'And how do you know?' I countered. 'Oh Usa....why did I have to do this?' 'Because you love her. You know what could happen if your with her...she'll die,' the inner voice replied. 'Don't be foolish.' Why does this have to be so hard? I turn away so I don't have to see her getting herself into trouble. I'm suddenly pulled back to my bedroom. A black cat lands next to my bed. The creasant on her forehead is a dead give away. Luna looks worried. "Mamoru....I don't care about how you feel....but Usagi's in trouble. You've just got to help her," Luna pleads. 'Trouble?' I think. 'Usa! Oh god! I can't stay here. Oh but I've got to....NO! Fuck the dream. I'm going.' I jumped out of my bed and ran for my motorcycyle. I sped through the streets of Tokyo as fast as I've ever gone. Haruka would've been proud. Midway I got so worried that I unconsciously transformed into Tuxedo Kamen. When I got there the Senshi were crowded around her. They were trying to wake her up. Did they cast some spell to put her to sleep....permanently. 'You fool! How could you do this to her?' I thought. 'Oh Usa! I can't do this....I can't live without you....I will protect you at all costs....even if it's my own happiness.....' The sleep came apon me like a calling. I didn't have any reason to fight it. Mamoru hated me. I didn't have a reason to live. So I gladly followed through without fighting back. I felt cold and warm all at once. I just floated. Numb to the world. Time seemed to have stopped for me. All I knew was the darkness and the tiredness of my soul. Slowly, almost as if who ever did this was enjoying it, I felt my soul falling asleep...permanently. I thought of my friends. 'I'm sorry all of you. You mean a lot to me....but I can't go on like this. Not with him hating me. Being without him is exactly the same as death....perhaps it's better this way,' I thought. When a suddenly rush of warmth rushed through me, I was startled. I knew without seeing, that he was with me. Why? Are you here to cheer on my death? I thought I heard his voice whisper, "I can't do this....I can't live without you." But that wasn't possible. He didn't care about me. He hated me. I'm just a baka teenager. I'm nothing worth his time. Oh but what I wouldn't give to be held in his arms once more.... There's a bright light. I can't see very well. Through the light I can see him. He's there. I run to him and rush into his embrace. I must be dreaming again, but I don't want it ever to end. Stay with me forever! His lips brush mine and I'm ripped from the dream. Why? NO! I don't want to wake up. I feel the tears coming. But something remained from my dream. The warmth. He's holding me. What's going on? I don't get it! I opened my eyes and see Tuxedo Kamen is holding me. The droid I'd been fighting is still there. It drew this sword and aimed to attack Tuxedo Kamen. I screamed out and pushed him out of the way. Thank the gods he wasn't hurt. I stood up and pulled out the cutie moon rod. "Moon Princess Halation!" The droids gone. I turned to Tuxedo Kamen, very scared. "Another brilliant attack!" he said. "So do you love me...?" I asked him. "No, I don't love you," he said flatly. "But you saved me..." I said. "That's different. The string of Destiny has been cut," he said. "NO!" I cried out. He turned and left. The tears fell like there was no tomorrow. In fact it felt like there was none. No hope....no joy....no peace....no love. ************************************** Not bad for a start, ne? Send any and all mail to me. I need to know how bad this sucks! Email address at bottom. If you really like this and want to make me happy...go to my web page and sign my guestbook on my fanfic page. Okay...I should making a few things clear. Inspiration has come from many things. For one thing I must applaude an amazing author, Pandora Diane Waldron. She's written a lot of simply amazing stories. And I thank her for writing. It helps the lowly fanfic "attempt" writer, such as myself, get inspired. Also the simply amazing, Jennifer Wand. Her story Darien's View is a must read! I've read it how many times now? It doesn't matter everytime I cry! Read it now! One more for now...Sue Mei! READ LOVE REVEALED! Fabulous! Surperb! I feel all squishy inside anytime I read it. Keep writing! One more quick thanks to the people who have written to me telling me how good China and Seeing Double Moons is. I love ya for it. Okay I'm done now! Next week I'll add to Take A Walk next week. I've been really busy trying out for the school operetta. I'm the understudy for the part I tried out for. It's soooooooo cool! Enjoy! Rain Ayo ( rain_ayo@hotmail.com ) http://members.tripod.com/~Rain_Ayo/index.html