Life Goes On Part One By Ricci It was late afternoon when he finally woke up. He slowly opened his eyes, opened them to the cruel reality. He lay on the sofa in his living room. The clothes he wore were at least six days old, but he didn`t care to change. He didn`t care about anything. Except maybe for the nearly empty bottle of whisky in his hand, that he was unconsciously hugging like a baby. He ran a hand through his hair. The curtains were shut tight, to let no sunshine in. The room was sticky and needed cleaning, but he didn`t care. The only thing he cared about was to keep the times he wasn`t drunk as short as possible. To avoid thinking about IT. About HER. Forcefully he cleared his mind and stumbled to the bathroom. He didn`t bother to look in the mirror - in fact there was none. He had smashed them all, when the rage came over him. His stomach demanded noisily to be fed, so he walked in the kitchen and opened the door, stumbling again from the effort to bend down. There was nothing left to eat, just some rottening peaches. He made his way back to the living room. Clutching the whisky bottle tightly he slumped on the sofa. The oh so hated but inevitable tears began to form in his eyes. He raised the bottle and stared at it before emptying it. That should keep his mind busy. After a short while he fell to sleep. "Mamoru? Are you there? Come on, I know you are there! Please let me in! Mamoru?" Mamoru opened his heavy eyelids and felt disoriented for a moment. Then he recognized Motoki`s voice. He remained silent. "Mamoru, I know you are inside, and I know that you can hear me. Please, I want to talk to you. I know you are listening! Open up!!" Seemed as if he was determined to get in. With a groan Mamoru heaved himself from the sofa and somehow managed to get to the door without falling. "Cumming." He mumbled and unlocked the door. Motoki`s face showed worry that seemed to explode when he looked at Mamoru. "What did you do?" Mamoru turned around and kicked the door shut. The movement send his empty bottle sailing. It rolled over the floor, the noise pain to his ears. He collapsed to his knees, lacking the strength to get up again. "What do you want?" He asked Motoki quietly. Motoki took his arm and helped him get to the sofa. "I wanted to see if you`re all right." He answered and opened the curtains to let the soft evening sunshine in. "Obviously you aren`t. I can understand your pain --" "NOO, YOU CAN`T! " Mamoru yelled suddenly, his body racking with surpressed sobs. He wouldn`t cry. He wouldn`t cry. I won`t cry. I -- "Mamoru. I am your friend. I was worried about you. There are still people who care about you, you know." Motoki tried to keep his voice as calm as possible, though Mamoru`s outburst had shocked him. He would never have thought to see Mamoru close to tears some time, and he never would have guessed just how much this girl had obviously meant to his friend. He took up the bottle that had come to a halt at the table. "Trying to drown your pain in whisky, aren`t you? I can tell you, that doesn`t help much. THIS is your world, your life, and there are many things to come you never could guess. We are still young. Don`t let yourself down like this. I can imagine how you feel. If I think of Reika dead..." Mamoru barely listened. He considered to simply throw Motoki out, but he wouldn`t have the strength for that. And besides, there was a tiny part inside of him, that longed for Motoki`s words, not the meaning, but the consoling and warm tone of his voice. A tear rolled down his cheek, on the side of his face Motoki couldn`t see. Mamoru cleared his throat. "I appreciate that you came looking for me, but I assure you I`m all right. Just need some time for myself, that is all." "Are you sure?" Motoki`s face expressed his doubts. Mamoru willed a weak smile on his face. "Yes, I am. Well, I don`t want to throw you out, but I am very tired and I have a lot of cleaning up to do." He accompanied Motoki to the door, trying with all his might not to show any sign of his physical instability. "Okay. Then... just let me know if you need something. Or someone to talk to. And come around to the arcade again! It`s really boring without your visits, you know!" Motoki smiled and waved Good-bye as he went down the stairs. Mamoru watched him until he had reached the street. Then he got back in his appartment and slammed the door shut. In a sudden rage he took the empty bottle and threw it against the wall, followed by some empty glasses. His own snarling voice brought him finally back to conscience and he brokenly started to cry. I won`t survive this night. I don`t want to. Don`t want to. No. Like he was in a trance he stumbled to the kitchen. He opened a drawer and began to search frantically. Sharp. It must be really sharp. Tomatoes. The knife for cutting tomatoes... To Be Continued... Well, like it? As you most probably have already guessed I like Mamoru a lot and I DON`T plan to let him suffer throughout the story, so CALM DOWN!! Though not my first story this is my first fanfic, and I would be really, really, really, really, really, REALLY thankful if You tell me about Your first impression. Please, I long for feedback!! As I`m a hopeless romantic I like Usagi&Mamoru - love stories most. Those are my favourites (if You`d like to pay them a visit) 1) Lianne and her wonderful stories. I LOVE ´Surfacings´. Go read it at once!! 2) For the more mature readers (YES, I mean hentai!!): http://www.access.victoria.bc.ca/~joannee/story.htm A wonderful and romantic love story! Hope it`s going to be continued (HINT HINT HINT). 3) ´Always watching you` by Sailor Jes. It`s really cool! 4) And finally ´Sentinel Rose´-- I`m ashamed to admit that I don`t know who wrote it, since my little sister did SOMETHING with my computer, but You can find most of those stories listed at Jupiter Knight`s fan Fic Archive. I also recommend that You visit the page of Luna & Artemis, if You haven`t already. It`s certainly the best Sailor Moon fan fic collection in the whole net!!! And now enough of those stupid Author`s Notes (Got to keep my sister from ruining the PlayStation!!). Feel free to send any comment to tliebla@fh-koblenz.de I am Ricci and thank You for reading this story! Bye!