Life Goes On
Part Two
by Ricci


He sat on the floor, leaning on the cold stone wall behind him. The wind
blew the curtains at his open window up, revealing a beautiful fullmoon 
illuminating the black sky. He sat in silence, not moving a bit, though he 
felt rather cold in the chill of the night. The moonlight was reflected by 
the blade of a sharp knife that lay beside him, untouched yet.
How can I do this? he thought in despair. If Usagi could talk to him she'd 
say 'Don't do it!', he was sure of that. And yet... how could he go on 
without her?
He remembered the day when it had happened, the sight of Usagi's dead 
body would burn forever in his memory. Not some wicked demon had 
taken her from him - he would have had a chance to fight it, to save her 
life once more. He had been out with her to a cafe where they sold that 
special peach cake she craved for. She had been sparkling with life as 
usual, making him forget the dark shadows that fell on him from his past 
every now and then. Then she caught a glimpse of Makoto on the other 
side of the street, seemingly not noticing her. The next scene kept playing 
in his mind in slow motion, over and over again. Usagi yelling 'Makoto!'. 
Standing up and rushing through the door. Being half across the street. 
Then suddenly - her eyes wide in shock, moving, speaking words he would 
never know. The crash. All the people. He had sat there frozen when it had 
happened, but then he was at her side, without remembering how he had 
gotten there. She looked peaceful. Her eyes were closed. She lay there in a 
really graceful position, one hand beside her head, the other resting near 
her waist. A thin line of blood trickled down her chin, and her blouse was 
stained with dark red blood.

"Usako..." It came out as a whisper, there was a tiny glowing spark of hope 
inside of him that she was just sleeping, that he could wake her up, and she 
would smile her cheerful smile at him again. The murmurs of the crowd got 
louder as the ambulance arrived. The siren brought Mamoru back to reality. 
Carefully he took her up, cradling her in his arms, kissing her lips, still 
hoping she would wake.
"Excuse me, we'll take care of her." said someone, and he let them take her 
away, his view blurring and his eyes burning. He fled, hearing one the 
medicals say "There's nothing we can do for her. Does she carry some 
sort of ID?" 
Why? Why did she die for nothing? If it had been in a fight... It was my 
fault, he thought. I should have known she wouldn't look for cars. If I 
hadn't taken her to this cafe none of this would have happened. It's only 
fair if I die, too. Somewhere deep inside he knew that he was wrong, that he 
could have done nothing, that she had been old enough to take care of 
herself. His eyes started to burn with tears again, and he longed for some
more alcohol to drown his memory in. But there was nothing left, only empty
bottles everywhere. It was then that his look fell on the knife beside him. 
Slowly he reached out for it and stared at it, as if seeing it for the first 
time. His heart started pounding as he thought about it, a mixture of fear 
and determination. But then a vivid image of Usagi flashed up before his 
mental eye, personificating life itself. To commit suicide would mean to 
betray everything she had lived for. She had gone through so much suffering 
for her friends' well-being, her will not to sacrifice a single life had 
proven itself stronger than any evil they had ever faced. 
How could he do this? 
What would the scouts do if he abandoned them, too? Wasn't it his duty to 
keep on protecting them?
And yet, the evil voice in the back of his mind continued to tease him. You 
will join her in death. You could be together with her in an instant. And 
even if there should be nothing - you won't have to live a life in pain. 
Just take a look at yourself - you haven't been to university once in the 
last two months. You won't make it up. You lost Your job. You have little
money left. You won't even be able to pay the next rent for this appartment. 
And then you have nowhere to go to, nowhere to hide. The darkness awaits you,
prepares to consume you. End it now.  Ever so slowly he raised the knife, 
placing it over his wrist. His hands started to tremble. No. Yes! NO!
His breath came out faster, his heart beating like a drum. He started to 
panic.
 Then, with a cry he brought the knife down and felt it cut into his flesh. 
He moved it down, letting it slice his smooth skin. When it was done, he 
opened his eyes. 
Red blood oozed out from the long gash on his thigh. He stared at it with a 
strange kind of relief. Why had he done this? He looked at his wrist. It 
showed no sign of injury. But then he realized that a lot of the pressure he
had felt before was gone, replaced by a feeling of calmness. Usako... I 
didn't betray you. And he felt absolutely right in what he had done. The
pain coming from his leg was a low price. He felt the blood running down his 
thigh and staining the carpet. He had found new hope. In the wild hurricane
of despair that had raged around him, he had found the eye of the storm.

"Hello, Motoki." a familiar voice said. Motoki looked up in surprise from 
cleaning the tables. His eyes became wide as recognized the speaker.
"Mamoru! It's-it's good to see you! " He gestured him to sit, not noticing 
the short grimace of pain on Mamoru's face as he moved to sit down.
"Do you feel better?" Motoki asked. Mamoru looked down at the table.
"I don't know... I just couldn't stand the sight of my appartment anymore. 
But... that's not what I came for... Actually I wanted to ask you if you know 
some job openings. I really need to get a job, otherwise they'll throw me
out of my appartment!" 
Mamoru said the latter with amusement in his voice, but Motoki could see 
that his eyes were as serious as before.
"I'm not sure, but I can call a friend who knows more. I can call you back 
later, if you don't mind."
"No, that would be just fine." Mamoru answered. "Anyway, I got to go now. 
I'll stop by tomorrow again."
"You already have to leave?" Motoki couldn't help the feeling that Mamoru 
was hiding something, but then there had always been something mysterious 
around him, and if he didn't want to tell, Motoki wouldn't ask. Mamoru 
nodded and smiled shortly.
"I'll call you at, say, six, okay?" Mamoru nodded again and left Motoki 
staring at his retreating back and wondering what had gotten his friend out 
of his misery.

Mamoru stopped at the entrance to the large cemetery. It was a beautiful 
place surrounded by a delicate fence made of black iron. Old trees cast cool
shadows on the silent graves, and Mamoru felt as if the air was heavy. 
Hesitantly he entered. 
He wandered through the lines of graves, searching for a relative fresh one. 
His heartbeat sped up every time he found one, but none had had the signs 
that said 'Tsukino Usagi' so far. He knew she was buried here. Finally he 
found it. It lay at the foot of an old ahorn tree, small and beautiful. The 
gravestone was made of a white stone, saying 'Here lies our daughter, sister 
and friend, Tsukino Usagi, beautiful, loving and loved. May she rest in 
peace.' A rose was engraved under the script, and tears welled up in his 
eyes at the sight of this. He collapsed to his knees.
"Why did you have to go so soon? Why did you leave me here? Why?" He sobbed,
tears streaming down his face. His hands clutched the dark earth that covered
her grave. If it were possible he would stay here forever, sleeping on the 
soft gras next to her eternal bed, taking care of her grave as he would have 
taken care of her for the rest of her life. He grew very still, the tears 
still running down his cheeks. 'I love you, Usako. I will always love you. 
No matter where you are now, you'll be always in my heart, always. My heart 
shall be your home for the rest of my life, yours to live on in. I will 
continue to fight against evil, but I won't be avoiding danger anymore. I 
promise I won't kill myself, but I can't promise I won't hurt myself. It's a 
way to realize that I am still alive and you are not, and it's a way for
punishing  myself. Yes, punishing. I took you for granted, Usako. I took our 
whole future for granted, just because of a prophecy. I never showed you how 
much I love you, instead I hurt you so often... and you never stopped 
believing in me and trusting me. Your love triumphed over every obstacle.
And what have I done? Did I tell you often enough 'I love you'? Did I 
appreciate your love enough? I don't know. And I will never know. Until we 
are reunited in death. 
Usako, I love you!' 
He took a rose out of his jacket and laid it down on her grave. It took him 
a few moments to compose himself, but then he gathered his strength and
walked away, without looking back once.

Tears were streaming down Usagi's face. She had heard every thought of her 
one true love, and it nearly drove her crazy to see him suffer so much. Last
night, as he had contemplated to kill himself, she had desperately tried to 
touch him, to tell him that she was there, but he didn't, couldn't see her. 
When she had woken up, she'd thought everything was alright, remembering 
that she had been out with Mamo-chan. But then she noticed where she was - a 
strange chamber with some kind of bed in it. Someone was lying there. 
Hesitantly she walked towards the person, and her eyes became wide of fear 
as she recognized herself - herself! - , pale and seemingly cold. No! She 
looked down at her body. She wore the same garment she had worn at her date 
with Mamo-chan. It weren't the same that - thing before her was wearing. She 
touched herself, her arms, her belly, her face. She was real! She couldn't 
be dead! She wanted out of this room, turning around she ran towards the 
door, trying desperately to open it, but she couldn't get a hold on the 
handle. She panicked and wanted to hit the door when she suddenly stumbled 
forwards and a strange feeling surged through her, causing a temporarily 
feeling of nausea. When she opened her eyes again she saw that she was in a 
corridor.
 Amazed she looked back at the door. Could it be? Were all the mystery 
stories she had read true? Tentatively she reached out to the door. As 
expected her hand went right through it, giving her little shivers.
I'm.... a ghost!!



Well, how do you like it? No way I would kill my most loved character, 
Mamoru! Did I fool You into thinking that? I PROMISE there's a happy end 
(on THIS earth), so stay tuned for chapter three!!!
Many, many thanks go out to Jennifer Mekolichick ( go read 'Cords of Silver
and Gold'! Though it's unfinished it's one of the best Serenity/Endymion 
stories I ever read! Oh, and don't forget to take a look at the preview of
her new story 'Out of the darkness and into the light' Hope it'll be 
continued soon HINT!) and also to Sidnei. Thank you so much for encouraging
me! I was so uncertain !! THANX!!  The usual disclaimers apply, as you 
surely know by now.
Thank you for reading this! Feel free to email me, any comments or 
suggestions regarding the story-line are welcome, if you find some 
grammatical errors, tell me! Oh, and it might appear that I write 'Bunny' 
instead of 'Usagi'. That's because here in Germany she's called that way. I
try to avoid it, but I'm no good at this thingie called concentration.... 
See ya!! ^_^
Ricci