Life Goes On
Part Three
By Ricci



Usagi merely stood there and watched as her beloved Mamo-chan turned
out the lights and went to bed. Hesitantly she took some steps until she 
stood beside his bed. He wasn't sleeping but looking at the moon far away 
in the sky. "Usako..." he whispered, and his eyes shimmered with tears once 
more. Usagi felt pain gripping her heart.
"Oh Mamo-chan! Please don't cry! I'm here! Mamo-chan!" she said, trying to 
touch his face, though she knew she couldn't. Helplessly she watched as he 
closed his eyes and cried silently, without making a sound. How much she 
loved him! Why was she being tortured like that? Would it go on forever like 
this? 
Mamoru turned around to lay on his side, his hands under his pillow and his 
body curled up. He felt completely alone. He would never again be able to 
open up  to someone like he had done to Usako. His entire life had taught 
him, that whenever he let anything or anyone close, it would leave him soon, 
in even deeper despair. The pain was chokinghim. He didn't feel that Usagi 
rested close to him, her invisible arms embracing him, touching his chest, 
her face buried in his hair. Again he turned around and stood up, giving 
Usagi the shivers, as he went right through her. Usagi sat up and narrowed 
her eyes worriedly to see where he was going. A moment later he came back, a 
bottle in his hand. He flung himself on the covers of the bed and opened the 
bottle, seemingly drinking endlessly. Usagi's eyes grew wide when she 
realized what he was doing, namely getting drunken. "Why do you do this?" 
she asked, though she knew deep inside that he tried to drown his misery. 
"Mamo-chan, stop it! Please, Mamo-chan! Oh, why can't you hear me?!" Anger 
rushed through her suddenly, only to be replaced by helplessness once again.
 She started sobbing. Carefully she sat down next to him, watching his
silent tears flow, that continued to rip her heart into pieces.

"Usako!" Mamoru had difficulties to pronounce the three syllables correctly. 
"Usako, why did you run away? Don't you love me ?" Yes, that had to be it. 
She was gone because she didn't love him. He had been too cold to her. 
That's why she ran away on that damned street, trying to kill herself. Of 
course! If he had told her often enough how much he loved her, she would 
have stayed and would still be alive and would still smile at him with those 
unbelievable big blue eyes that filled him up to his head with warm honey. 
"Usako..." He started to cry, feeling guilt and self-compassion piercing his 
soul. 
God had taken her away. Yes. If Mamoru had only shown how much he 
appreciated her love, God would have let her live. That explained 
everything. His parents were dead, because he most probably hadn't been a
nice boy and had always disobeyed and yelled and stuff and that's why God 
had taken them away to teach him a lesson. And now Usako was gone because of
the same reasons, he still hadn't learned his lesson. But maybe he was just 
to stupid to learn anything and that was why God was torturing him so much.
Mamoru turned around restlessly, all tears gone, his body aching and his mind 
whispering in madness. 
It wasn't until early morning, that he finally went to sleep.

Usagi sat in the corner of his bed. She felt exhausted, though not 
physically. She had witnessed everything, his tears, his cries, his
self-accusations, his longing for her. She had been with him in his own 
private hell, had nearly drowned in this hurricane of emotions, his and 
hers. For she hadn't been able to do anything. She had wanted so much to 
console him, to hold him and still his tears, whispering soft declarations 
of love in his ear until he went to a peaceful sleep. But neither her words 
nor her hands could reach him. She looked over at his face, illuminated by 
the moonlight. His former tears had left traces on his face, and he didn't 
look good. There were black rings under his eyes, and he looked worn 
and haggard. She could see that he had lost weight, she knew that he didn't 
care about his physical well-being anymore. During the day she had watched 
him, being as close to him as possible. He had slept for a long time, until 
noon. Though she didn't know a lot about the harsh realities of life, she
realized that he would lose everything if he went on like this. Her death 
was destroying him. Why did I run out on the street, without looking? Oh 
Mamo-chan, it's not your fault, it's MY fault! It was about five, the time 
when all the people drive home from work, I should have known that the 
street would be busy!! I'm not a baby anymore, why didn't I... She started 
to cry, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. She would never hold him again, 
could never feel his strength again. And he would never kiss her again. She 
sobbed. Through her tears she looked at him. He looked so young when he 
slept. So vulnerable. Not the always mocking, teasing, self-confident 
student that she remembered from their first meeting, but a child that
needed warmth, needed love, HER love. And she couldn't give it to him. She 
wasn't there when he needed her. At least, not physically.
"Yes, you ARE there." Usagi started at the sound of the strange voice.
"Who.. who are you?" The air in front of Mamoru's bed shimmered for a moment 
and an old woman materialized out of it. She was old, but still very 
beautiful, in spite of all those tiny wrinkles.
"It doesn't matter who I am. Everything that matters is: who are YOU?" 
Usagi stared at her. "Me? I'm... I mean, I WAS Tsukino Usagi, before - 
before -" Again tears welled up in her eyes, and the figure of the old woman
 blurred. "Is that all, I wonder. I know that you are more than just the 
school girl Tsukino Usagi. Aren't you the moon warrior known as Sailor Moon? 
And that part of your soul deep inside of you, isn't that the Moon Princess? 
You are far more than just a school girl, and that is why I am here. Listen
to me, Tsukino Usagi. You were never meant to die there. Your spirit doesn't 
belong here, in the world between life and death. If your fate had been to 
die, you would have gone into the light, but you still ARE here. Your bonds 
to this world are so tight that you didn't even consider to make a decision. 
You just stayed. Of course, this is no solution. 
From what I read in your eyes, this place is more like hell than heaven, and 
you don't deserve to end up here." Usagi frowned and tried to understand the 
meaning behind those words. What light? And who was this woman who 
seemed to know so much about her?
"I'm not finished yet, Tsukino Usagi, I told you to listen, for you will have
to make a decision. I cannot bring you back to life as if nothing had 
happened. That would only disturb the divine order of things. But I CAN 
create a new life. I can give you a second chance. It's up to you to decide, 
wether you take it or not." 
"What do you mean, you can create a new life? Would I be reborn?"
"No. I'd give you a new body. A new identity, if you will. Tsukino Usagi 
died in a car accident. You can never again be her in this world. You can't 
be Sailor Moon. The Moon Princess is part of who you are and will never 
leave you, but as far as your new life would be concerned, you were just a 
normal person."
"But...but where do you get the body from? Does someone else have to die... 
so I can get her body? No, I never would do this!!!" The old woman smiled, 
awakening all the wrinkles to life and looking more and more like an old 
apple.  "I wouldn't have expected anything else from you. No one has to die. 
Let's just say, it's in my power to create a new body for you. It won't look
like you, but it's all yours. No make the decision: leave everything behind 
and go in peace, or take the chance I'm offering you."
Usagi closed her open mouth. This was like a strange dream. A new life? In a 
new body? Nobody would know her! And Mamo-chan... she looked over to him. 
If she was alive, she could touch him. Caress him. Hold him in her arms. Kiss 
him. With these thoughts she inhaled deeply and said: "I'll do it." 
The old woman nodded, as if she had expected this, but well, maybe she had? 
"So be it, Tsukino Usagi. Return to life. Live! I send you back to earth,
Murata Shigeko!!"
Usagi cried out as white coils of pure energy surrounded her and dragged her 
away from the sleeping form of Mamoru. Fear gripped her heart, and the last 
thing she saw were the gleaming eyes of the old lady before everything went 
black.

Sunlight woke him in the morning. He squinched his eyes shut and tried to 
stay in this sweet forgetfulness that only alcohol and sleep could create. 
What was there to wake up to anyway? But sleep didn't come back, and so he 
opened his eyes and stared at the blank ceiling. A part of him urged him to 
stand up, to continue his studies, to MOVE, but he just didn't listen. His
life had lost his purpose, and since yesterday he knew what was to do. His 
blue eyes narrowed and became crystal clear. Yes.




Hello minna! I know, I know, this should have been out LAST week. Well, I 
go to university, I have a job AND I have Emma, my little Chibi-Usa, 
sometimes I'm too tired to sleep. SORRY!! I'll try to have the next part 
out next week!
Many thanks to Selena:The Moon Goddess! The first chapter of 
"Out of the darkness and into the light" is out! YAY!! I've never read 
anything this good, hope, it's continued soon! Thanks Selena! Thanks also go
out to Lianne (I just read her story "Never let go" - about twenty times? 
For sure!). Go visit her homepage, You'll find some of the best 
Usagi&Mamoru-fanfics.

Last but not least thanx to all the people who wrote and encouraged me. 
Please don't give up hope that I answer your mails, I WILL!! It's just so 
difficult to get access to the internet, because I use my friend's access to
 his computer at HIS university (got it?), it's not as easy as it sounds, 
especially with li'l Emma on my lap!! Be patient, I was overjoyed when I got 
your mails, and I'll answer them as soon as possible. Keep on writing!!
I'd also like to mention some of those wonderful fanfic authors out there
 who inspired me to countless stories:
Joanne Edison-Brown (or Sexylyon), Tim Nolan, Greenbeans, Lianne, Sidnei 
(Thanx for writing me!!), Razzz (enough z's?), Mark Berger, Lady M. Harris, 
Sailor Mac and many others I just can't recall. Check out their stories, 
it's worth the time! Enough author's notes... see ya in the next part!!
Bye
Ricci ^_^