Dear minna, thank you all for the wonderful feedback I got on my 'fic Lost Chances. Actually, it's supposed to be a stand-alone story. All the rest of my 'fics will have different names as I see fit to entitle them. Thanks to Fushigi Kismet, Lianne, Pandora, Jennifer Wand, Valerie Chow, Eric den Biesen, Laurel Anne, Sailor November, Sailor Dolphin, Amelia, Sue Riley & Crystal Heart for giving me their great support and encouragement. You guys are the absolute greatest! This 'fic is again from Darien's viewpoint and it is set in the period of time between the discovery of Sailor Venus and the Starlight Tower. This will develop into a series, detailing the events in the Starlight Tower.I am writing from the Mandarin script, so I apologize if the script is slightly different. Send all comments to ts_cheah@pacific.net.sg Love Revealed &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& I lean against my door tiredly, my shoulder on fire. I can feel the blood seeping through the thick material of my jacket and onto my fingers. Stumbling, I head towards my couch. "Baka." I am filled with self-loathing. I was unable to protect her tonight. My fists clench tightly in frustration. Because of my stupidity, I had nearly killed her. I should have known, all along, that it was a trap. Kunzite was simply standing there, as if waiting for someone. But I had not stopped to think about that. I saw only her, hanging by her arms, as lightning flashed across the sky. My one thought was to save her. I should have known, when I had not felt her in danger, nor her transformation, that it was a trick, an illusion. I had found out my mistake soon enough, when the energy-blade slashed into my shoulder. And now what? Now that they know who I am, my identity, what will they do? I sink into my couch with a sigh. I was blinded by my love for her. I stare out into the rays of the slowly rising dawn over Tokyo. When would I ever understand myself? I hardly know Sailormoon. I don't know her identity, where she lives, what she's like. And yet I loved her anyway. I couldn't help it. Perhaps it was because she was so obviously not a warrior. She seemed to want nothing to do with fighting or the like. She wanted peace and happiness, and that set her apart from the rest of the senshi. They fought as if they had been trained for it all their lives, as if they were used to it. And she was so innocent. I remember how helpless her face had been, trapped inside the globe of dark energy. She could have died at anytime. And yet, when she heard my name, she still looked up in concern. For me. Did that mean that she loved me,as well? Or was it merely an infatuation? And what would happen to her, when I found my princess? I drop my head into my hands with a groan. How in the name of the Goddess could I be so totally in love with so many different people at once? Serena, with the happy laughter and beautiful smile. Sailormoon, with her beauty and love for her friends. And my princess, the person who called to me in my dreams, who I had fallen so desperately in love with, who I needed to find. "There you are, Darien." "Zoicite!?" Her image is projected in front of me, looking at me insolently. Her voice chills me. It is the voice of a snake, the voice that tormented people in nightmares. But I will show no weakness before her. I put on a wry, cocky smile and release my shoulder, sitting up straight. "So you have discovered my identity. What do you want?" "Why don't we combine our nijizuishou? The Starlight Tower, at 5 o'clock." "Very well...and if I have company?" "Then you had better be very careful....Darien." Her image blanks out. I stare out at the rising glow of the dawn. It could very well be the last I see. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& I struggle within myself. Then again, my whole life seems to have been a struggle. But this is turning out to be an epic war. Tell her, one part of me whispers. Tell her that you love her, that you have always loved her. That you love the way her soft hair shines in the sun, as if made of pure gold. That Raye is your friend, nothing more. Tell her that no matter how much she hates you, you still love her and always will. Are you nuts? You KNOW that she will just laugh in your face and tell you that nothing in the world could ever make her love you, another part sharply retorts. What could ever make her love a person who has treated her as you have? My heart aches in response to this, twisting painfully. Because I know that all of it is true. I look at the two nijizuishou that I hold in my hand. Perhaps, if I had not been chosen for this, then I would have had the chance to win your heart. Sighing, I put on my coat, carefully avoiding my wound. Clutching my shoulder, I ride down the elevator and step out into the street, heading for the Starlight Tower. I am lost in my own thoughts as I walk, head down, avoiding any eye contact with people. What would Andrew say, when I disappeared completely? Would Serena even care? She would probably be glad that I was gone. The jerk who was always insulting her. My thoughts are interrupted as a something hits my wounded shoulder, causing momentary agony. All of which disappears when I hear a voice.A sweet, laughing voice, one which I have grown to love, calls out behind me. "Aren't you going to say hello, Darien?" Wincing slightly as I turn around, I am greeted with the most beautiful sight of my life. "Odango Atama..." "What?" She is so beautiful, standing there. Her eyes, as blue as the summer sky, look at me quizzically. Her long hair, in the customary odango and ponytails, blow gently in the afternoon breeze, soft golden strands floating around her. Her rose-blush cheek, her lips, her creamy smooth skin, how I long to taste them, to touch them. "You just seem so cheerful today..." She is immediately annoyed with me. "Well, I'm sorry! But in all my life I've always been a cheerful girl!" My heart twists and throbs in pain. I've done it again. Insulted her and made her angry at me. She had seemed so happy to see me. And this might be the last time I see her, ever again. This is not what I would have wanted wanted our last meeting to be like. I cannot tell you my feelings now.Inside me, I can almost hear my heart crack and break. "Well, I hope you go on being cheerful, then..." She stares at me, bewildered, confused. So like an angel. "Goodbye." I turn away before she can see the pain in my eyes. Slowly, walking as if I were dragging chains behind me, I continue walking, step by step by step, away from her. My heart is leaden in my chest, which aches tightly. A single solitary tear rolls down my cheek as I walk away from her, probably forever, without her knowing what I truly feel for her, how much I love her. I will always be the jerk, Darien, to her. Nothing more. She will probably not even remember me. Perhaps it is better this way, to leave her unknowing, than to have her know, and make her uncomfortable. If I didn't come back, she might blame herself. And I wouldn't let her hurt, be in pain, if my life depended on it. My life so far has been meaningless. So few friends, no one who truly loved me. I would just disappear, unnoticed in the endless river of time. At least, now, I know what it is to have loved someone, to love her, Serena, with all my heart, to love her more than life itself, than to have died without knowing what it is to love. Now, I can disppear forever, without anyone caring. Serena was the only one I wanted to say goodbye to. Andrew would never let me go off without telling him when I was coming back and where I was going, and I didn't want to lie to him. Raye was just a friend, no point saying goodbye to her, she would probably yell at me or cling to me. At least, I got to say goodbye to her. For that I am thankful. I can go a little easier at heart now. My stride is a little lighter as I walk towards what might well be my death, my unmarked grave and my ultimate destiny. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& I look after him in confusion.He seems so...different today. So sad, his expression tender, wistful, weary. Or had I merely been imagining it? Was I so desperate for his love that I would fool myself into believing that he cared for me? Even when I had yelled at him, he had not retorted. It was as though he was too...tired to reply. His words, they had a ring of finality to them. Fear claws at me. Could it be that he is leaving? That he is not coming back? Would he leave Juuban without saying goodbye? I was always insulting him, telling him that I hated him, I had no right to expect him to say even a goodbye to me. He would leave without ever having known that I had fallen in love with him. I could not imagine a life without him, without hearing his voice, dry and husky, or seeing him smile, heart-meltingly, without knowing that he was there, safe. In my own way, I protected him. I fought youmas to protect those I loved, and he was one of them. He would never know, of course. Not unless our lives depended on it. He would probably say something about my fuku, or my klutziness, or my hairstyle. I want to run after him, call his name, hold him in my arms, to let him know that I love him. But, as always, I stop myself. What would he ever see in me? A terrifying thought strikes me. What if I had become smart, graceful, a warrior, would that have made him fall in love with me? At the very least like me? Would that have made me, at least, worthy of notice in his eyes? Did he go out with Raye because she had pretty good grades, went to a prestigious school, was a priestess? Tears burn, prickling, in my eyes, and my throat chokes up. Had my holding back on becoming all those things destroyed my chance at ever winning his love? 'No.' Through the ache, the pain, I hear my inner voice, the voice of wisdom and compassion, of beauty and strength. It is a voice which I know is mine. Not just me, Serena. I can feel the power of Sailormoon in it as well, but it is powerful beyond imagining. And it is inside of me. It sounds as if it could move the very stars in the sky, shape the very destiny of lives and loves. It has always been there, in the past, to help me and guide me, when I was dangerously near the brink of utter despair and depression, of self-loathing. And it is there now. 'No, Serena. Love is not about being smart, being graceful, being powerful. It is about loving for what is inside a person, that they love you no matter what.' My tears, about to fall, disappear. I would not have wanted that from Darien. I wanted love, not admiration. I wanted him to love me no matter what. I am so preoccupied with my thoughts that I almost don't notice the wetness on my fingertips. I lift my fingers to my face slowly. The deep crimson red fills my eyes. Fear chokes me, making it difficult to breathe. Without another thought, I begin to run after him, in the direction he went. The pounding of my heart fills my ears. I can only run. Nothing else matters. Inside, I am screaming in terror, but I cannot spare the breath to do so now. The metallic smell is unmistakeable. The very significance, everything it implies, it overwhelms me. For I cannot deny the proof on my hand. I run, blindly, looking only for one object in the crowd. I can only sob inside as I acknowledge, painfully, what the wetness is. Blood. Darien's blood. And then nothing else matters except that I am running, running. I can only pray that I am not too late. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ So, this is a series that will detail the events in the Crystal Clear Destiny and Princess Revealed (or at least I *think* that's the title) ^_^; Send all comments to Sue Mei at ts_cheah@pacific.net.sg. I will be switching the view back and forth, so read carefully. Ja ne.