Dear minna, to all those of you who wrote to me, I'm sorry if I haven't replied yet. I've been chatting with MJ about Project STAR, Story Tellers' Association of Romantics for all those who love Usagi and Mamoru and are romantics, authors or not. Plus I've been doing my homepage stuff. My address is: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/7334/index.html and my stuff is up there. There'll also be a couple of updates on Project STAR and the newsletter should be making its rounds. For all those who want to join or know more, e-mail MJ Tsukino at mj_tsukino@geocities.com and ask her for the first edition of her newsletter. I have to thank MJ and dedicate this fic solely to her because without her I would have never written this. I have to attribute the ideas in this to her, because I was stuck and I had NO idea what to write. I also want to thank Crystal and Jade, Crystal for giving me some good advice and Jade for sending me such an impatient letter I immediately started writing this, though a completely different and crappier version. To all others, I'm sorry I can't mention you, it's 2.00 am here, straight after my chat and a few heart attacks (laugh) with my new lil sis MJ and I can barely think straight. Just know that I'm thinking of you and I always enjoy reading your mail and knowing that people enjoy my stories. Love ya! All usual disclaimers apply. #Her head drops tiredly on the marble board, her eyes closing tiredly, her robes flowing like a river of rose onto the floor... but it is with a satisfied smile on her face that she closes her eyes, as the quill drops from her fingers...she heaves a sigh of infinite relief and falls into a dreamless sleep...# MATTERS OF THE HEART PART 2 by Sue Mei "That Jadeite! How DARE he say that to me! *ME* of all people! And laugh at me! If he wasn't one of Endymion's guards I'd light him on fire!" I looked over at the furious Mars. Her face was contorted and flushed red from yelling and exertion, making her dark hair look more than ever like a dark blanket on her shoulders. I smiled softly. "Sure you would, Raye. Sure you would. And what happened to, "Oh my GOD, he's so HOT!" which if I recall was your first words to us after meeting him?" "How could I EVER POSSIBLY fall in love with a jerk like that? He's a total idiot!" I turn back towards the mirror and start bruhing out the golden hair which lies like silk over my shoulders. "I share the EXACT same sentiments about Endymion." *Liar.* *Shut up.* *You can't go on fooling yourself forever, you know.* *I am NOT fooling myself. He is a selfish boor!* *So you keep repeating, little fool.* *Stop calling me a fool! I DO NOT love Endymion!* *Remember the saying,"There's a thin line between love and hate?"* *THAT has nothing to do with this. Absolutely nothing at all.* *Sure it doesn't, Serenity. Can I just ask you a question? If that has nothing to do with you, then WHY are you picking out your dress for the ball tonight with such loving care?* *I'm just trying to make a good impression on the court.* *And on Endymion as well, no doubt.* *Why do all my thoughts lead back to him!? Shut up shut up shut up!* Laughter. Angry at my weakness, at my failure to convince myself that I felt NOTHING for Endymion, I stand up, cutting Mars off in the middle of her tirade on Jadeite's imperfection. The rest of the Senshi are just as bad. Mercury is gushing over a book which Zoicite lent to her, blue eyes big and starry, shining with animation. Jupiter is practically swooning over the recipes which Nephryte gave her, emerald eyes shining and sparkling to match the brightest star and thick brown hair waving excitedly as she talks to the empty air, not caring if she even has an audience.Venus is just lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling,and repeating over and over again, like a chant, "He loves me, he loves me." I drop back into my chair with a groan. Everybody else seemed to be so happy, so content with their loves. Why not me? It was true that maybe I had not given Endymion a chance or anything. We had started off on the wrong foot and were resolutely stepping on each other. He did, however, insist that in public we would at least be civil to each other. It would not look good if the respective royalty of the Moon and the Earth screamed insults at each other in full view of the court. Tonight was the night of the ball, to welcome Moon royalty to Earth. Maybe, just maybe, I could start to be truly nice to him tonight, and we could begin again. I WAS in love with him. It was incredible to me that I could lose my heart so quickly, so completely, to a total stranger, and I had to admit that I was vain. I had already had so many suitors that I felt that no one could possibly have my heart, that I was untouchable and something that men desired, but could never have. Until I had met Endymion. I had been almost disgusted with myself, that I could be so weak, that my heart, my love, could be stolen so easily.Maybe the damage was not completely done yet. Maybe I could still win his heart from him, if he allowed me to. Please, to what gods there be, please let him give me a chance, just a single chance, to win him. Please. I will never ask for anything else if you just grant me this one wish... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I stand at the edge of the crowd, bowing politely to the court subjects who smile, simper or blush their way past my line of vision. Inside, though, I am deep within the clutches of self-loathing. You idiot! What are you waiting for? Go ahead and dance, and stop waiting for HER. She's not going to dance with you, not sfter all the insults and nicknames you used on her this afternoon! Go and dance and forget about her! Forget about her! And how am I supposed to do THAT, pray tell? Find another woman or something! There are hundreds of women here, stop making yourself miserable over ONE. I can't. I turn away with a sigh, looking a little bleakly around.Then I freeze into a motionless statue. She's HERE. Her hair is pinned up again, into her odangos, and cascading from them into two golden streams of flowing honey-gold. She's wearing a simple dress of silver-white, seemingly woven from moonlight and clinging to her body like a second skin. The dress flows into a frilled skirt, to the floor, with a slit up the side, showing off her long shapely legs. The only ornaments she wears are earrings and a single necklace of shining gold. Her face is glowing with health and life, happiness radiating from it like a beacon, cheeks pink. Her face, it captivates me, as if heaven itself is captured in the perfect features, the symmetry of her face, and the beautiful soul glowing at the world through her eyes of lapis lazuli. She wears, not tiaras or jewels as the would-be princesses do, but fresh white roses, fragrant and perfect, in her hair. My heart sings in joy and I start towards her, determined to get to her before anybody else. It is then that she turns away slightly, to somebody at her side, saying something. Through a break in the crowd, I see who it is that she is talking to. The person who she came in with, who she is holding the arm of. The person who has betrayed me, to have been with my Serenity, to be able to look at her and hold her hand. Rage and betrayal flare through my veins, making me clench my fists in the effort of NOT tearing my Princess away from him and hitting him. One of my own Generals. Jadeite. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I know, I know, you're completely confused now, but you'll understand everything in Part 3. It SHOULD be out next week, for all of you impatient people who keep hinting or outright demanding me to complete this. Any questions about this or Project STAR send straight to ts_cheah@pacific.net.sg. Love ya! - Darkest Light Sue Mei and Mistress