Dear minna, Hi! Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to thank Fushigi Kismet (her new series is terrific)
, Lianne Sentar (her fanfics are so GOOD, truly one of the 
greatest fanfic goddesses of romance ever), Sailor November, 
Sailor Dolphin (whose Night and Day Part 2 I have been 
begging for), Crystal Heart (whose fanfic Masquerade looks 
set to surpass Eternally Yours, if that is possible), 
Razzzberi, Ninx (a great writer, and a very sweet person), 
Rain Ayo (who put me up there with Jen Wand and Pandora, 
*sob* I really don't deserve that), Michelle Isom and her 
friend Laura Tucker, Corina Borsuk (another good romance 
writer), Tim Nolan, Tuxedo "Will" Wolfshohl, Kimmi Widhalm,
Princess Sora, Amelia, Valerie Chow, Mei (whose Awakening is 
terrific;I tried to write to her, but it just bounced back),
MJ, and whoever else I write to, but whom I forgot to 
mention. Pandora deserves a special mention, her Chapter 9 
is finally out and she sent us a very touching letter which 
told us how she started writing. I also want to thank my
school friend, Chen Huiling, who helped me with this, if she
is reading this right now ^_^. She laughs at me because I'm
such a romantic, but some of her off-hand ideas I have used,
so YOU'RE a real romantic too, heehee. You just don't show 
it. Oh, and all usual disclaimers apply, blah, blah,etc.
Let me make one VERY IMPORTANT NOTE and then on to the story
THIS TAKES PLACE BEFORE THE STARLIGHT TOWER. IT IS BETWEEN
DARIEN AND SERENA. Ok? That's all you really need to know.
The rest will just reveal itself to you like a perfect red 
rose unfurling its petals...(STOP laughing Huiling!)
-Sue Mei 
#In the mist, a small figure appears...with the slightest gesture...
a golden quill shines in her hands, glistening in the golden
sun...within the hall of deepest shadows and intimate secrets...of
pure white marble inlaid with the most precious of crystals and
jewels...all around are roses and lilies, ivy creepers stream over
the polished onyx floor, even as the singing of birds of paradise are
heard, and mixes with the bubbling of a crystal clear stream, murmuring 
with the voices of the nymphs, and the waves of the sea and laughter of
the mermaids...as she bends her head down over a new piece of fresh paper, 
woven from clouds and purified with dew...her chin length black hair 
brushes against her long, flowing robes of deepest rose, symbol of her 
office and woven by the Graces...her black eyes narrow as she dips her 
quill in the black ink and she begins yet another story...#
*OOOOOKKKK, that was a LONG trademark intro.



         
        Valentine's Day Special: Unspoken Confessions
                         By Sue Mei

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Prolouge: The Reminiscence
        
        I look out over the tall skyscrapers of Tokyo, dyed 
red, pink, and orange from the fire of the setting sun. 
Leaning against the railing, I stare thoughtfully out over the city. 
In my hand, I hold two golden objects delicately.
A watch, in the design of a star, and a star-shaped locket.
In many ways, the locket will always be a reminder, a symbol
of a love that has lasted through millenia, starting from 
Serenity and Endymion, but the watch has more meaning
to he and I than anybody knows about. Symbols, meanings, of
a love that was not planned, not from a Prince to his 
Princess, or of a warrior to her protector, but the love
that will endure even longer than Serenity and Endymion's,
love that began on the day when I threw a test paper onto
his head, turned around and fell straight into love.
        I hear the door slide open softly behind me, strong
arms wrapping themselves around my waist. He just holds me
for a minute, enjoying the view and the still evening.
        "What are you thinking of?"
        I turn around in his arms, slowly opening my clenched 
fist to reveal two glittering golden objects. He smiles softly.
        They are a golden locket, in the shape of a star, and a 
watch of gold, also in the design of a star, keeping time with 
the stars and the cosmos. He closes my fingers around them again
and brings my fist to his lips, kissing it. From his pocket, he
brings out a delicate silver link necklace, a beautiful pendant 
dangling from it. Now, it is my turn to smile. 
        The pendant is beautiful, two hearts intertwined with a 
ribbon and a wreath of dark green leaves and roses. Two small 
figures, a beautiful, golden haired nymph and a young god, with
soft white wings on his back, support it, smiling at each other.
Psyche and Cupid.
        I lean gently on his chest, his lips brushing my hair 
gently. Closing my eyes, I relive once again the day, one of the
happiest and the saddest days of my life, before Metallia, before
Beryl, before we even discovered who we really were in the Silver
Millenium, when we were just Darien and Serena. To the day that 
not even Raye knows about, and will likely never know about.
        Now, a necklace can be a very simple thing.You can see it 
anywhere, on the street, hanging around someone's neck, in the window
of a shop. You might wonder what exactly holds the appeal of this
necklace for Darien and me. It is just another ornament, a piece 
of jewellery. But not to me. Not to Darien. Not when you are head-
over-heels in love.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
The Story:The Past ,February 14th Saturday

        I stare at the dawn coming up, staining the sky with hues of
pink, yellow and orange.Falling back against the pillow, I sigh gently 
looking up at the ceiling. Today, the dawn is special. Today 
was Valentine's Day. The day that lovers came together to celebrate their
love. The day that people confessed their love. 
        Not me, though.Every year before, I had thought of today as
only another day. A day decorated with millions of flowers, red
hearts, candy, so on, but just another day.
        But this year, everything holds special meaning for me now.
The flowers mother put on the front door. The red hearts daddy gave
her. The little gifts they had exchanged. Because they loved each 
other. This year had been one of the most exhilarating and terrifying
of my life. And I don't simply mean being Sailormoon. When has life
ever been as simple as that? No, this year has been much more special 
than that. This is the year I fell in love with the one guy anybody else 
would have sworn I hated. Oh, I have tried to deny it, to push
him away, but I just get tired, especially when I KNOW that I do, that I'm 
just fooling myself. And then he started dating Raye. That hit me harder 
than anyone ever knew. He was probably with her right now. 
Laughing down at her. Kissing her. Giving her a present.I close my 
eyes in pain. No. I will NOT think about that. It hurts less that way,
less than imagining what they might be doing together today.
        I get up slowly, stiffly. I brush out my hair carefully, 
until it is soft and silky,flowing like a waterfall of molten gold, 
pinning it up into my customary odangos. I dress with extra care, 
putting on a new turtle-neck dress of purest white, embroidered with 
an emblem of a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the breast. Dreamily, I
wonder if HE would like this dress. Would he have loved to see it cling 
tightly, then flare out just below my hips, revealing my legs? I
add a golden belt of hearts delicately linked together 
absent-mindedly. I know that I should not think about him. He is 
Raye's ,after all, but I cannot help it. I wonder if love is always 
this painful as I clasp the necklace around my neck, the pendant 
dangling from it. I have had this necklace for as long as I can 
remember. It was left to me by my "Aunty",who was really no relative
of mine.I only remember her vaguely, that she used to tie my hair up 
in these odangos and she told me that I was very special, and she used
to hug me tightly so I couldn't breathe and we used to play games. She
only visited at night, and she stopped when I was 4. I loved to play
with her hair, a most fascinating colour of dark green, and 
she always wore black. She called me Princess. I wish I could have her
here by my side right now, have her hug me, and tell me she loved me,
and give advice. But I have to accept that she's gone now, to 
someplace I cannot reach yet. I am...alone. For now.   
        With a sigh, I turn around, facing the door. I look at it as
is it might burn me. Ever so slowly, I reach out for the doorknob.
I turn it, step outside, closing it gently behind me. I turn around.
I have to face Valentine's Day now, watching everyone be happy when I
know that I can never have their happiness.I sigh.
        This was going to be a very long day.
        Trooping downstairs, I smile at my mother and father, looking 
like a couple of high school kids. Mother holds a huge bouquet of 
lilies in her hand, a small jewellery box in the other.
        "Morning Serena."
        "Morning Mom, Dad."
        Daddy folds his paper down, looking over the edge of it at me.
        "Oh, and Serena, don't forget to sort through your bags this 
year."
        I peer around the corner and see two large bags, filled to the
brim and nearly bursting with Valentines. I turn back. Every year I 
get this. Ok, this year maybe a little more than usual. 
A huge stack of Valentines. I had started getting them when I was 
twelve. I had not even realized that I KNEW so many boys.They just
seem to send them, by hook or by crook, even if they had just seen me 
at the arcade once.It always took me hours to look through all of 
them,but the poetry was always beautiful and candies they sent WERE 
delicious. I always used to dive into them, but this time, I am 
reluctant,knowing that I will be looking for only one Valentine, that
won't be there. 
        I look at the clock, standing up.
        "I'm supposed to meet Molly and Melvin at the park. Bye Mom, Dad. 
Happy Valentine's Day."
        "Bye dear."
        I grab a light coat of summer blue and run out into the bright
morning sun, heading towards the park.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
         Another giggling couple passes me by. I look up at the roses,
dappled with the morning sun, and ask myself what I'm doing here.
        Darien, you baka, you know EXACTLY what you're doing here.
        You're making yourself miserable.
        Yup, that would be about right.
        I look down again, at the two things in my hands. A small, 
torn piece of paper. A portrait, very small, of a beautiful girl,
smiling at the beholder of her beauty. Delicately, I trace the name
written on the paper, then the curve of her cheek. Serena Tsukino.
Gently, tenderly ,I bring the portrait to my lips and kiss it. This is
probably as close as I will ever get to her. Just once, I would like
to hold her in my arms and kiss her. Just once. My heart aches in my
chest, the nearness of tears in my eyes.
        In your dreams, Darien. In your dreams.
        If only I had not been so stunned by her beauty when I had first 
seen her, after she had thrown her test paper at me. If only my
brain had actually been functioning, if only her hated nickname had
not escaped my lips.
        I get up, stuffing the things back into my pocket, feeling
the old, familiar weight of my star watch, the only personal thing
left of my parents from the accident.It is almost like a talisman to
me, a good luck charm which will protect me. I have always brought it
with me wherever I go, and it is very important to me. It was with me
through my nightmarish days at the orphanage, throughout the taunts
and whispers, and, most recently, throughout my lonely nights of
longing for HER. I walk slowly, enjoying the warmth of the sun, which
reminds me again of her. Head down, I stroll towards the most secluded
part of the park, the fountain in the middle
of the rose garden. Maybe listening to it for a while will help me 
clear my mind.
        But, when I get there, someone is already sitting on the 
bench.I look up in annoyance, my mouth opening to say something.
        My mouth hangs open. I forget to breathe.
        She's sitting, looking down into the fountain,looking like a 
goddess. Her long hair is silky, golden in the sunlight and streaming
from her odangos, soft loose tendrils framing her face, her skin fresh
and glowing, smooth and creamy, cheeks tinged soft pink. She is 
wearing a soft dress, white and frilled with cloudy lace at the
sleeves and collar, a golden necklace adorning
her graceful neck. The bodice clings to her, flaring out at the hips
to emphasize her long, shapely legs.
        Almost without realizing it, I start towards her.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
        I hear a noise, the softest intake of breath and I look up,
wondering who on earth it could be, here in the most secluded of
spots. My mouth goes dry.
        He is walking toward me like one in a dream.He looks so 
handsome, thick silky black bangs falling over into his eyes.
        His eyes, they captivate me the most. Deepest blue, shining
with something that I don't entirely understand, glowing almost in
the pure rays of sun. His face is illuminated and shadowed by the
slant of sunlight which turns his smooth skin golden. I note dreamily
that he is wearing a white button-up shirt under a thick black wool
sweater and blue jeans encase his long legs. My thoughts are
confused, jumbled. Why isn't he with Raye? What is he doing here, of
all places? And why was he staring at me in that way, making me
tremble and my heart beat wildly.
        I stand up, unable to tear my eyes from his.He stops just
scant inches away from me.I can almost feel his heat radiating
through me, smell the cologne he wears. Chills race down my spine.
        I can see, now that he is so close to me, the glowing
emotions in his eyes. I see love,desire and longing, shining out of his 
eyes. I see what I feel for him, my most secret intimate emotions
reflected back at me in his eyes, that make me forget the world with
the way they are staring at me.
        I can feel them, surging up like an overwhelming 
wave over me.I love you, so so much. Why do you play with my heart
like this, making me hope, making me almost believe that you love me?
I can almost believe you, looking at the love in your eyes. 
Desperately, I want to kiss you, hold you, feel your arms around me.
Slowly, I reach up, taking off the necklace I wore today.
        I step towards you. You don't move, still staring at me. 
        Slowly, ever so slowly, I offer my necklace to you, my
most treasured possession, the only thing I have left other than my
memories of my "Aunty". You shift your gaze from my face to the 
necklace, simply staring at it, and I feel my heart freeze and shatter
under your look.
        Then, before I can pull my hand back and run from the
hurt, you reach out and take it from my hand, waves of fire and ice
flashing through my body as your fingers brush mine. My heart freezes
into stillness. Your eyes hold mine again as you raise the necklace to
your lips and kiss it gently. 
        Only a few centimeters away from me, close enough that I'm 
sure you can hear the pounding of my heart, close enough that I can
feel your warmth radiating into my body and close enough that, by just 
raising my arms, I could hold you, you take my hand, tenderly, as if
you thought that I was made of fragile glass, that I might break or 
disappear into dust if you hold it too tightly. You open my clenched 
fingers, one by one. From your pocket, you take out a small golden
object and place it delicately into my hand, your fingertips running
gently over my sensitive palm. I tear my gaze away from your face to
look down. A small golden watch, shaped like a star, is in my hand. 
You release my fingers and close them over it gently, carefully. I look up 
into your eyes, filled with emotions that I know that you can
never feel for me, no matter how much I want to believe you do, and
your dark head haloed against the sun like an angel. All I can think 
of is what ifs, what we could have had, could have shared, if only I
had not been so stubborn. Tears well up in my eyes. I could be yours
right now, I could have had the right to be here, with you, as your
love, had we not quarreled and been so set against each other. And
that was simply assuming that you might have even deigned to notice me
, if at all.     
        Oh, I love you. How can anything so beautiful be so painful? I know
that, after all the things I said to you, you can never love me.
It is so easy to believe, as I look into your eyes, but I cannot
believe, to have my heart broken when you reject me.
        I can only see you. You, laughing, in my minds' eye, at me.
You, in the boat with Raye. Raye clinging tightly to your arm.
I might have to watch that a million times more, as I go through the
years. I cannot bear that without even touching you, just once. Just
once. It is dangerous, betrayal to Raye, one of my best friends, but
just one time, before I am forced let you go forever, however my 
heart will protest.
        Suddenly, I reach up and bring your face down to mine in a 
lightning-quick motion. I kiss you, passionately, longingly, knowing
that this might be the last time I ever touch you. I want this moment 
to never end. Your lips burn against mine, your hands coming up to
hold me tightly. I can feel your body against mine, as you hold me
tightly to you. I bury my hands in your thick hair, black silk under
my fingers. Tears slip down my face. I love you. Always. Forever. 
Eternally. I do not say it with words, but I will love you until the 
end of time, although you do not love me.
        I break away from you, looking one last time, for a split
second, into your eyes.I hold your watch possessively as I turn and run 
away from you, from the only man I can ever love.
        I keep running, heedless of everyone and everything around me, 
blindly, until I am safely at the pond.I smile softly,  looking over 
the pond. Now, at least,I can bear the pain of not having you with me, 
loving me.Now, I have something to remind me of you. I raise it to my 
lips and kiss it gently. Tomorrow, we will be back to yelling at each 
other again, we will be back to Odango Atama and insults. But, in my 
heart, I will always love you, always remembering today.When I 
confessed my love for you, without words.

*********************************************************************
Epilouge: Crystal Tokyo, The love that endures forever
        
        I open my eyes slowly, blinking at the bright early morning
light. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I raise myself up on my elbows
and turn to the side to be greeted with the peaceful sight of my
wife. I prop myself up on one elbow to watch her, sleeping softly, 
unwilling to wake her from her slumber. Her silver-white hair spills
over her smooth shoulders and spreads out around her in wavy strands
like a fan. 
        My wife. Even after a thousand years, I am still wildly 
elated to think that she is my wife. I still wake up every morning,
fearing that it is only a dream, that she cannot really love me, that
she is still Serena and that she hates me. Then, I turn and she is 
there, beside me, still growing more and more beautiful, more precious
and perfect by the day. I watch her lovingly as she sleeps, vowing 
that she will never be seperated from me as she was when she was in 
the healing crystal after the Black Moon attacked her. I was miserable
then, more than anybody knew. I longed for her, and was terrified that
she might never wake, that maybe she would hate me for not being there
to protect her, to take the blast for her, or that she would only see
someone who she once loved, and had fallen out of love with. Then,
when she returned to me, when she told me that I could have done 
nothing to prevent it, when she reassured me, without words, that she
loved me still, more than ever, I thought I would die with happiness.
Everyday, my love for her grows. Only bitter fools think that love 
can only die as time goes on. I pity them, for they can never know the
joy, the ecstasy I feel, knowing that I love her and she loves me. 
Sometimes, love sounds like such a weak word to use for what I feel 
for her. Obsession, possessiveness, they don't even come close. I 
brush some loose strands of silver-white silk away from her face.
She stirs as my fingers brush her soft cheek.
        Her blue eyes of the most beautiful azure colour open, 
blinking slightly, before focusing on me. She smiles sweetly, in 
happiness. 
        "Good morning, Endymion."
        With the slightest movement of my fingers, a red rose appears
in my hand. I put it in her fingers as I slip my arm around her 
shoulder, kissing her sweet lips passionately. 
        "Good morning, Serenity. Happy Valentine's Day."
        She stretches slightly, nuzzling her head gently in my ear.
        "Is it late yet?"
        "No. And we don't have to take breakfast with the Senshi
today. They went AWOL last night after dinner. Even Setsuna and Logan
have taken an "off" day, and Small Lady has gone to visit Helios in 
the Elution. The Inners and the generals said not to bother expecting 
them back for dinner either. That leaves the whole day free, and to 
ourselves."
        She smiles up at me, nipping my ear lightly.
        "And I suppose you encouraged them *subtly* to leave us alone
and preferably from last night until tomorrow, and that we would be 
just fine until they came back, not to worry?"
        I purse up my mouth thoughtfully.
        "Well, if you can call a direct order from their king a subtle
hint..."
        She laughs huskily into my ear, and I am forced to grin 
guiltily. I hug her to me tightly, not wanting to get up right now.
She puts her arms around my neck, kissing me lightly. Even after all 
this time, I still never get tired of, am always hungry for her sweet 
lips. Finally, we manage to tear our lips away from each other and 
come up again for air.I whisper softly as my lips brush her hair.
        "I love you."
        The words need not be said, but I say them anyway. I look down
into her eyes, shining with love as they had had the very first time
we kissed, and I know that, no matter what happens, even in death, we 
will be together and we will always love each other. Not because we
are the prince and princess, not because we are Sailormoon and Tuxedo
Mask, but because we are who we are. 
        We love each other; the words need not be spoken, we need only look 
into the eyes of the other to confess our eternal love, without words. But,
sometimes, we say it anyway. And then of course, there are always many many 
other equally satisfying ways of confessing our love for each other without
words...

_____________________________________________________________________

That last bit will more than likely get me into deep trouble with
Lianne. I can almost hear her now. (Hits ear in hope that will be able
to hear again in the next year or so) Just kidding, Lianne. Well, 
tell me what you think. Oh, and that long trademark thingamajig up 
there is ,well, my new trademark. Write to Sue Mei at 
ts_cheah@pacific.net.sg Love ya!