OK, this is like, the ninth story I've started, intending to 
finish, but haven't really yet. But, obviously if you're 
reading this, it is finished! I got this idea while listening to 
"Faith" my new favorite CD, and well, this is the first story 
idea, that has come completely from my mind! In this one, 
Darien dies *gasp in horror* SHUT UP! Yes, I know, it's a 
little cruel, but I don't care! This one is full of emotion, and 
the song that goes with it, is even worse. I cry every damn 
time I hear it! Anyway, it pretty much captures utter and 
total despair, where Serena just about won't get over him. 
Which, I think is the way it should be. Anyway, I am going 
to be using some of the song lyrics at the end, and please 
remember, I DO NOT, IN ANY WAY, CLAIM THOSE 
TO BE FROM MY MIND! I simply think it is a good way 
to end it. You'll see what I mean, after reading the lyrics, 
and the story. If you have Faith Hills' new CD, I highly 
recommend listening to this song while reading this. Oh, 
and in about one month, I am going to be finishing all the 
stories I've started and just haven't finished, so be prepared 
for a TOTAL overload on Sailor Europa stories! E-mail me 
please! - sailoreuropa@geocities.com

*************************

My Wild Frontier
By Faith Hill


How do I feel, 
well I feel so alone 
Like a sad armadillo
across this desert I roam 
I've been stripped down bare 
till I break
Still the wheel keeps turning

Had me a sweet one, I tell no lies
Summer nights in the cornfields, 
when the corn gets so high
We traveled clear across Wichita, 
headin' North
Leavin' civilization

And there were highways to get across 
And places far from here 
And I was his lonesome prairie 
And he was my was my wild frontier 

Harvested peaches in a small border town
Saved all our wages, put ten percent down
I never thought I'd see the world
through a child's eyes
Until early December 

Then one Calgary morning, still as glass 
While my baby lay sleeping, 
an angel slipped passed
And with one breath said
I'm taking him back
To his father in heaven 

Through gravel and ice 
and new fallen snow 
I held him through my tears
Because I was his lonesome prairie
And he was my wild Frontier

And sometimes at night
I swear I can hear him
Calling out so clear 
He says, 
You were my lonesome prairie,
And I'm still your Wild Frontier


*****************************

My Wild Frontier



	"Darien? Was that you?" I asked. I looked over at the 
limp body laying next to me in our double bed. "Thought I 
heard something. Sorry." I whispered to him. I smiled as I 
watched my love sleep peacefully. I loved watching him 
dream. Sometimes I just lay here and sigh as I listen to the 
beating of my heart, and love knowing the fact that he is 
dreaming of me. I could watch him for hours. 
	"Sweet dreams, my loved one." I whisper, as I put my 
hand on his forehead. I quietly sneak my palm to his chest. 
I wait to feel the steady beat of his heart, pounding away, 
while he snoozes blissfully. I put my other hand on my own 
heart, knowing of the synchronized beat to come. 
But instead, there is nothing. I wait some more, for the 
slow thump of his heart, but still nothing. I frantically 
search his chest for the rise and fall of his broad chest, so 
mighty. But, it too, lays still. My breath quickens, as my 
eyes wander his body, for any sign of his life. I see nothing. 
	This can't be. No. No sign of movement, not one 
breath is passing through him, as it had so surely just a few 
hours earlier. My hands trembling, I feel his chest. It's not 
true. He was fine this evening. No.....
	"Darien......Darien? Get up. Get up!" I screech. Still, 
not a thing. No, this is not happening. God, no. Please God, 
don't take him from me! I need him, so much! So much, 
God! Oh God, NO! 
	"DARIEN!" I wail, the tears pour, but I make no move 
to brush them away. I put my arms around his lifeless body, 
and hug his now cooling body to my own, so tightly. I 
watch as my tears fall, and are absorbed by his night shirt. 
	"No.......You can't be leaving me.....I need you! No, 
no......No......." I whisper into his raven hair, still so silky. I 
run my hands through it, like I used to when we would 
embrace. No......more.......I am sobbing now, and I have no 
control over it. My tears fall onto his face, and I am still 
waiting for him brush them away. For him to wake up, and 
wrap his arms around me, and hold me till I am still. But 
instead, I hold his limp body in my arms. I want to give him 
some of my life, hoping maybe he'll take my breath. I want 
to see him smile again. Watch him as he works again. This 
is not happening. Not happening to us.......To me.......he 
would never leave me. I never even said good-bye, God, I 
never wanted to! Please God, don't take him! I love him.... 
no...
	"NOOO!!!!" I wail. I rock our bodies together, my 
sobbing drenching us both now, making his body even 
cooler. My body wrenches violently from my tired gasps of 
breath. "Why? WHY, DAMN IT? Why now......Why 
him.....?" I can't stop it. My body is racked with 
convulsions, and I am crying so violently, it hurts. But not 
as much as my chest hurts. No, the pain is evident there. I 
feel it break into a thousand pieces, and I am powerless to 
stop it. "He was fine......What happened? Why did it have 
to happen tonight? God......Why?" 

******************

	"Serena what's wrong?" I hear her ask. I can't even 
tell her, it hurts so bad. I can't talk, I just sob. So hard, so 
feverishly. My body jumps as I sob, not even pausing for a 
moment. 
	"Serena! What's happened? Tell me!" Ami almost 
screams into the phone. 
	"He's gone!" I finally get out. The phone is soaked 
already, from my unceasing tears. I watch his body, which 
had once been so full of life. Now, it was still. I don't want 
to watch it anymore, but I can't tear my eyes away. I 
can't.....
	"What? Who's gone, Serena? Did Darien leave?" She 
asks swiftly. I sob even more at this. I can't hide it. He's 
gone. Never......any more. Forever, until I can join him. 
	"Ami....." I can't say anymore. My tears are coming so 
fast now I can't even talk. I drop the phone to the floor, and 
I cover my streaked face. He can't have left me. He never 
said he loved me one last time......I never got to kiss him 
good-night. GOD! NO! WHY NOW? WHY EVER? Damn 
it, why? 	
	"I'm coming over Serena. I'll get someone to cover for 
me here." I can hardly hear her. The phone lays next to me, 
and I sink to the carpet, my chest heaving more violently 
now. I can hear the phone click to the dial tone, and I make 
no motion to retrieve it to the cradle. I sob freely now, no 
reason to stop. My hair is matted to my face, and I don't 
look up. I can't look at him anymore. He won't get up. He's 
so still, as if he is still at his dream world, and not gone 
from my life for good. My body is infected with horrible 
spasms, and I still cry, so hard I feel nausea creeping into 
me. As my breath racks in so deeply, I can feel the vomit 
come up my throat, and I can barely make it to the 
bathroom in time. I don't, and I lay on the cool tile, heaving 
onto the floor. And still, my crying won't cease. My heart 
has taken over, and he is gone from it. It is now gone, he 
took it with him, and I will never again have him back in 
my arms. 	
	I barely hear the knock at the door, and the soft voice 
calling to me from outside. I can't move. My night shirt is 
stained with vomit, and my arms refuse to pick me up off 
the floor. My heart refuses to think of anything but him. 
Me. Us. I hear it again, louder this time. Still, I do not 
answer. I'm paralyzed. Powerless to everything that is 
going on. I sob forever it feels like, until I hear the door 
open. I hear the footsteps, but, still, I don't look up. I can't 
look at him. I won't. I'm paralyzed. 
	"Serena! Where are y..." She steps into the darkened  
bathroom, and sees my horrid figure upon the floor, in a 
pool of vomit, sobbing uncontrollably. I don't look up, I 
know she is there. Just as I know Darien is not. And he 
never will be again. 
	"Never again....." I whisper as sobs overtake my 
breath again, gasping to get out. I feel myself begin to 
wretch again, and Amy notices this and pulls me to the 
toilet. I look up for the first time and notice the tears in her 
own eyes. Yet, she asks no questions. After I am through 
she goes to the bedroom, and I hear her ask Darien to 
awake. I sob once more, the tears falling like a hurricane, 
unceasing as I lean over it. I feel the cool porcelain as I lay 
my damp cheek on. I feel no need to move. I don't want to 
ever move again. I want to stay here until I take me last 
breath. Until I can be with him once more. 
	I hear her gasp. I don't need to see to know that she 
has figured it out. I hear her mutter the same words I have 
been, since I awoke. 
	"No......" She whispers, so soft that I can barely make 
it out. Upon hearing this, I begin to cry again. I am no 
longer alone in this. Once again I hear her fast foot steps as 
she runs to the bathroom again, where my tears are now 
falling onto the white seat. She puts her arms around me, 
and although I wish I was alone, I haven't the strength to 
push her away. She cries next to me, her arms holding my 
shoulders as they jump up with my ragged breathing. I 
finally hug her tightly, my tears no longer falling on an 
unfeeling source. I have almost forgotten why my tears 
cease to stop. Why my heart no longer beats for a reason, 
other than to keep me alive. It no longer pumps for him. 
	I pull away again, now exhausted after sobbing the 
whole morning. Still crying, Amy lifts up my haggard body, 
and helps me to the living room. I cry still, not wanting to 
leave the room where my heart is. She softly puts me on the 
couch, and I hardly have the strength to keep myself 
upright. My shoulders sag, and my face tips downward, the 
tears no longer streaming down my cheeks, but directly to 
my lap, making a small puddle on my bare legs. I can hear 
her call the phone, barely able talk over her own sobs. She 
nods into the phone, and replaces it in it's holder. I sob 
still, not wanting to stop, I hope somehow, it will bring him 
back to me. Back to my arms. But he still lays in the same 
position as when he left me. When he was dragged from my 
life, without my knowing, without my consent. Amy walks 
to the couch and lightly lays my tired body down. I am 
thoroughly exhausted, but I don't want to sleep. I want to 
sob until my heart stops, till my body lays still like my one 
true love does. Until I can lay next to him.......But I sob 
until everything goes black, and I fall to an unwilling sleep, 
as my body still shakes from the violence of my crying. But 
my mind is still crying, even as I sleep. And my heart is 
sobbing, as if it will never stop. 
	I awaken to the sun rising, the curtains now open, and 
the light pours through my eyes, even though they are still 
closed. I drag my aching body upright, and I now hear the 
sound of many voices. I look behind me, and I see five men 
wheeling out a gurney, and one talking to my friend. I had 
almost forgotten, and I am once again, overtaken by sobs. 
My body falls to the couch again, and the tears fall freely 
again, as if happy to be out. My chest heaves, even though 
tired from earlier. I am not even thinking anymore. I see 
Amy sit beside me, and she wraps me tightly in her arms, 
not saying a word. For once, I am glad she's here. Here to 
just hold me, like he would. But like he never will again. 
God, I miss him. My heart aches at this, and for once, I 
want to forget. Forget my life, my love. I don't want to hurt. 
I want him back. I want his love back......All he had once 
given me......But it's gone now.....Forever......Along with 
any life I once had. Gone with one breath. One beat of a 
once strong heart. Never to be again......He was my life. He 
is my all, my heart, my love, my destiny. And he still is my 
wild frontier. 


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

OK! This is probably my favorite to date! I tried to capture 
all that she would have felt, and I think I did it really well! I 
spent three straight hours in front of the computer for this 
one! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!! Is writing still 
worth my time? I want to know!!!!! Oh, I need to thank a 
few people first! Lianne, one of the best writers around, Jen 
Wand, GOD GAVE YOU A GIFT GIRL! Razzz, (Am I 
adding too many 'Z's ?), and last but totally not least, 
Sidnei, who is now the lucky person who gets to write with 
me! If you haven't already, go ready "Without You" and 
"Always and Forever"!!!!! Go now!!! And don't forget to 
look for our co-written story soon! E-mail and tell me what 
you think! sailoreuropa@geocities.com