Sailor Tampa
SailorTMPA@aol.com



"Introspection, chapter 1: A Moonstar Is Born"





"Andrew, what's it like to be in love?" I asked. I know it may seem 
like a stupid question coming from a 19 year old physics major, but
 I just have to know. Love. Don't know the meaning of the word. Never 
have, and probably never will. My whole life I've never loved or 
been loved. True, I've had MANY girlfriends, but none of them were ever
 even close to special. If I remember correctly, my longest relationship
 was about 3 weeks. Andrew chuckled a little and brought me back from 
my thoughts. "What's it like? Oh Darien man, you can't explain it....it
-it's just this wonderful feeling that overwhelms you, that makes you 
feel whole...gives you a reason to get up every morning!" he answered 
me enthusiastically. I was dissappointed to say the least. I thought 
the one person who could explain love to me would be one that was 
already in love. I looked over at Andrew and saw him getting that 
dreamy look in his eye, the same look he got whenever he was thinking 
about his fiancee.  I guess I am kind of jealous. Andrew spoke again 
to me in a spaced-out kind of whisper. "I'm sorry Dar, but there are 
just no words to describe love...you have to experience it to know 
what it feels like..."
I felt myself getting angry, but not at Andrew, at myself and the
 world for cursing me to live without this wonderful emotion it seems
 everyone else has and can give...but me. I abrublty got up out of my 
seat and shut my eyes hoping the tears that were all too familiar to 
me, wouldn't come. I gave a little wave to Andrew and walked out of the
 automatic doors, quickly putting on my dark sunglasses to cover my eye
s if I couldn't hold back."The world doesn't need me," I thought 
bitterly."I have no purpose on this earth but to be miserable." I 
started to walk away when something caught my attention. A sound. A 
very familiar cry. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew I had 
heard it somewhere before. I shrugged it off, too caught up in my own 
desolate little world to care. I only walked a few feet and then.....I
 suddenly got a feeling. It feels like deja-vu, and something....
something telling me to turn around. 'My God.....' I whisper to myself
 as I see a young girl with blonde hair talking to herself. I don't 
know what she's saying...I'm not listening, and I know I look like a 
fool just standing there gaping at her but, I can't help it....she's
 beautiful. A warm feeling settles over me, a feeling I've never 
experienced before... I shake my head to try to stop it from over
powering me. 'What do I do? Should I talk to her? Should I approach
 her?' My mind is buzzing with a thousand different questions to ask 
her. I take a step forward, opening my mouth to speak and get her 
attention and then, something hits me. It bounces off my head and I 
catch it. Opening the crumpled piece of paper, I see a big red '30'.
 'How can a girl this beautiful and perfect get a 30?' I think to 
myself.  She turns around and looks at me. I'm frozen. I can't speak,
 I can't move, I can't think; But, sure enough my old ass-hole self-
defense  kicks in. I know the only way my brain will allow me to 
function is to get this girl--no, this angel away from me. If she 
stays and looks at me any longer I'm know going to lose it...I have 
to act fast.
"A 30? Admirable. Are you stupid or just incredibly lazy?" I barely 
manage to say with a straight face. God, why is this so hard? Why am I
 thinking that all I want to do is grab this girl and kiss her? Hold 
her? Lo--
"Gimme that!" she says as she snatches the paper away from my grasp 
and starts to walk away, mumbling something to herself.
'Wait! No!' My mind is screaming. But I can't move. All I can do is 
stand there and gaze at her. She turns around again and stares back at
 me. I'm glad I have these sunglasses on to mask the emotion in my 
eyes. But, before I get a chance to speak again, she's gone. "What 
just happened to me?" I ask myself. "Could....Could this be love?"

Part Two...