Ok, this chapter should be LONG, and I'll try to format it so that
 you don't have to scroll over for the whole fanfic. This chapter 
will focus on Serena and Darien's meetings in "Fight to the Finish" 
and "An Unnatural Phenomena"(which really should have a whole chapter)
 but oh well. This fanfic will mostly turn out to be kind of like
 Darien's mental journal. Enjoy!


"Introspection, chapter 2"

by Sailor Tampa 
SailorTMPA@aol.com


"......And on the eighth day.......God created Darien.......<3"





I thought it was dream. A fantasy. A figment of my wildest imagination
. But it wasn't. *She* wasn't. The beautiful girl I met just a few days
 ago with the abnormal hairstyle, to which I've given her the nickname
 "Meatball Head".....and I don't even know her real name. So, of course
 I was surprised when she knew mine. I wonder if she asks Andrew about
 me, I wonder if she ever talks about me. Of course she does! "I hate 
Darien! He's such an obnoxiuos jerk!" is what she says. I keep telling
 myself its not love--just some silly infatuation. I mean, it was just
 a day when I was feeling rather vulnerable and I happened to see the 
most gorgeous girl in the world. A crush. Nothing more, nothing less. 
I decide that consulting Andrew on this was a good option at this point.

"Hey, what's happening, Dar?" Andrew greets me while waving his hand.
 I walk over and sit down on my usual stool and Andrew takes the one
 next to me. I guess its kind of our routine with us, we've been best
 friends for a long time and I always value Andrew's advice. He's a 
pretty perceptive guy, but I decide to be blunt with my question. 
"Who's that pretty blonde girl who's always hanging around here?" I 
ask as non-chalantely as possible. "Pretty blonde girl?" he repeats 
as he furrows his brow. "Oh! You mean Serena?" he says in realization. 
Serena....I keep repeating the name over and over in my head, even 
though I know I'll never be able to forget it as long as I live. "Yeah
.....Serena...." I drawl slowly. I then find myself slipping off my own
 little world, Andrew bringing me back a few seconds later. "Woah!
Where'd you fly off to?" he asks jokingly. I know if I keep slipping 
off like that, he'll *definetly* know something's up. So, I'll just 
joke back. "The happiest place on earth, my friend...." I say 
whimsically as I put my arm around him in good-nature. "Serena world?"
 he asks me, as if he knows it all. "What?!" I sputtered. My heart 
practically lept to my throat when he said that. How could he have 
known?He chuckles a bit. "C'mon, Darien....I'm not an idiot, ya know!"
 he says. "So-so what if I was!" I stutter defiently, crossing my arms.
 "I knew it!" he says as he points in my face, eyes widening at the 
knowledge. Oh great. Here it comes! He's going to tease the *hell* out
 of me and then I'll *never* hear the end of it. I can see it all now.
..we're both 40 years old, *still* single, drinking beer and watching
 some cheap porno (Andrew's idea of course) and thinking back to the 
old days when  we actually HAD LIVES!
*FLASH*
"Hey, Darien!" Andrews asks as he shoves a handful of pretzel nuggets 
into his mouth, most of then ending up on the floor. "Yeah?" I say as 
I stratch myself in a very indecent manner. " 'Member when we were in
 college, you know, before we dropped out and became construction 
workers, and you were like in love with that girl who was in juinor 
high!" he laughs and then starts coughing loudly from his emphasima.
 I cringe as he reaches over and lights up a cigarette. "This'll stop
 that damn hacking cough of mine!" he says, taking a drag. "You know 
Andrew, that was A LONG time ago and your *still* rubbing it in my face
." I state angrily. He puts his feet up on the coffee table and blows 
a cloud of smoke in my direction. "So?" he shrugs.
*FLASH*
I shudder at the thought. Hopefully it'll NEVER get that bad! I glance
 over at Andrew who has the goofiest grin plastered across his face I 
think I've ever seen. "Hope ya get her!" he says as he winks and walks
 away to aid a girl struggling with the Sailor V game. My mouth drops 
open and I stare after him for a few seconds. How in the *hell* does 
he always know?
	*	*	*
It's been a few weeks now since my first encounter with Serena, and 
now I'm pretty sure it was just an infatuation. I was at one of my 
weak moments, and she was there. Although I *still* think she's the 
most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my entire life, its not love. 
Couldn't possibly be. I hear love is an emotion strong and true, that
 gives you the most wonderful feeling in the world. I definetly felt
 something when I first saw her, but I'm pretty sure that's its not
 what I thought it to be. I'd seriuosly like to be friends with her..
...No, scratch that. I'd seriuosly like to *date* her. I like her alot
 when she's not throwing shoes or waded up test papers at me. But we 
just can't seem to get along. I guess that's mostly my fault, though.
 If I would just talk to her like a civilized human being and avoid the
 dreaded nickname "meatball head", we'd probably get along perfectly. 
Thats me, though. Most of the time I let my ass do the talking and I 
end up being a total jerk to everyone I meet. It's my only means of 
self-defense; keep people away and I won't get hurt. But it hurts just
 as much when I don't have somebody there for me, never have. Ok, I 
guess I've depressed myself enough for today...better go pay a visit 
my on-call shrink, Andrew. He always listens to me bitch, no one else
 does. I wonder if anybody's life sucks as much as mine. Here I am, 19
 years old, no girlfriend, no money, 1 friend and confused about my 
feelings for a schoolgirl who I thought-or think-that I love who makes
me want to kiss the breath out of her one minute and then strangle 
the next! AUUGHHH!!!! With my luck, I'll probably get hit by an 
unidentified flying shoe in the next 5 minutes! I shove my hands deep 
in my pockets, my head hanging low and continue to walk. Suddenly, 
something conks me on my head. I look down at the ground and see the 
object that hit me. A shoe. I groan and look towards the sky. "You hate
 me, don't you!" I say as if God could actually hear me. And if he
 could, he's probably laughing his ass off right now. I pick up the 
shoe and walks towards the owner, sure enough, Serena. Today is just 
not my day, and instead of glad to see her, as I usually am, I'm just 
plain *pissed off*. She mumbles some kind of apology as we stop a few 
feet in front of each other. I am so mad that before she came finish, 
I cut her off. "Why can't you keep your stupid shoes, on your stupid 
feet, Meatball Head!" I say, extremely annoyed and angry at the same 
time. She scowls at me(probably for the use of "the name") and then 
puts her hands on her cheeks and shakes her head. "No way!" she says 
happily. She takes her hands off her face and clasps them together in
 front of herself. "I have to be natural! There's this guy who's in 
love with me...."My heart freezes and I can't even comprehend the rest
 of what she says. There's-There's another guy? I thought Andrew said
 she didn't have a boyfriend!? I find my jealousy raging out of control
 as she continues to babble about her "love". "Oh really. Sounds like 
he's a real winner." I say sarcastically. The whole day's misery comes 
at me with full force and fuels my jealously. Jealousy? Why in the 
*world* should I be jealous? She narrows her eyes and then glares at 
me. "I bet he's way smarter than you'll ever be!" she screams. "I 
dunno," I say reflexively, cocking my head to the side. "Can't *be* 
to bright if he's in love with you, or maybe he's just really dorky." 
I finish, sounding rather nasty and regretting I ever uttered those 
harsh words to her. She gasps and then her beautiful eyes brim with 
tears. "I don't care what you say about me," Oh no.... "But to talk
 that way about him!" she cries and then sinks to ground wailing. Your
 such an idiot Darien! Why do you even open your mouth! I mentally 
shout at myself. I quickly glance around and notice a crowd forming. 
Say something, anything! "Uh don't cry, "I start lamely. "I better 
leave...here's your shoe!" I say nervously as I toss it on the ground 
and back away slowly. "I'm sorry.....Bye Serena!" I finish quickly and
 run in the other direction. I run all the way to my apartment and 
shut the door loudly, leaning against it for support. I stand there 
for a few minutes to catch my breath, replaying my words in my head. "
Can't *be* to bright if he's in love with you...." That was *way* harsh
...even for me. I'm such a hypocrit. I let my jealousy control me
 again....wait a second...why *was* I jealous? I furrow my brow as I 
slowly make my way to the couch and sink down on the cushion. <You were
 jealous because it wasn't *you* she was gushing over, telling someone
 else so enthusiastically that you were her love...> a voice inside my
 mind suddenly screams. It kinda sounds like Andrew.....But it's right.
 It's SO right. "Why does this girl confuse me so!" I yell to no one. 
I decide that I should take a nap, and hopefully when I wake up, I can
 sort out my feeings for Serena. I climb into my bed and start to 
daydream for no reason in particular. "She *does* look awfully cute 
when she's mad..." I mumble with a smile, but then frown. Where did 
that come from?! "Oh man....." I groan as I turn over.
	*	*	*

Ahh....the night air feels good as I jog at a steady pace towards the
 arcade. I hadn't really planned on going there, but I decide it never
 hurts to go see what Andrews up to. Although he's usually just
 handing out tokens or something. My eye suddenly catches on something
 in the road. It looks like...a cat? Yeah its a cat allright...with a
 speeding truck heading right for it! I quickly jump the railing and 
scoop it up just before we both would've been roadkill. I skillfully 
land on my feet directly in front of the arcade. Looking down at the 
cat, who appears to be in shock, or a least a kitty expression for 
"shock" I'm suddenly reminded of a certain clutzy girl I know. "Your 
as accident prone as Serena." I chuckle. "Gotta be more careful." I say
 petting its black fur. I hear a loud "Ohhhhhh!" and stand up to be 
met by, who else, Serena walking towards me with her fists clentched.
 "What have you done to her?!" she demands angrily. What have I done 
*to* her? You mean what have I done for her Meatball Head! I can't 
believe she would just jump to the conclusion that I'd hurt a living 
thing! Now that pissed me off. "Stopped her from being squished! if 
it weren't for me, she'd be kitty pancake right now!" I retort, a small
 portion of anger reflecting in my tone. "Oh, come here, Luna!" she
 calls and the cat jumps from my arms and into her. Out of the corner 
of my eye, I see a girl with long black hair staring at me. Oh great.
 I know that look. She's probably going to start chasing after me like 
some lovesick dog. I'm not conceited or anything like that but, its
 happened too many times for me *not* to know what's going to happen.
 The automatic doors of the arcade slide apart and Andrew gives me a 
friendly greeting. "Hey Darien!" he waves, stepping onto the pavement
. I turn my attention towards him and give him my coolest sounding, 
"Yo, what's up?" line. "Andrew...." Serena suddenly groans hopelessly.
 We both turn to look at her, myself still a little angry about her 
accusation. "you know this creep?" she whines. Okay, first she calls
 me an animal-abuser and now a creep...and I hadn't even started it! 
My eyes narrow as I look at her. "He nearly muttelated my kitty!" she
 finishes with a pout that makes her look hopelessly adorable. Damn 
you, Darien! Is it always going to be like this around Serena?! All 
my emotions seem to do a complete 180 whenever I'm around her! I sigh 
to myself as walk past them all, including that black-haired girl who 
tries to flirt with me and then, seeing that I just start to walk
 faster and not even acknowledge her presence, she shouts her name 
after me. Like I really care. And besides, who names a girl, Raye? 
Her dad's probably some drunken loser. I snicker to myself as I break
 off into a run. I've really got to stop being such a jerk....
	*	*	*
School really bites sometimes. Its just my luck that I have to attend
 some boring lecture on physics on such a gorgeous day. "No way! If 
that really happened, I'd probably just die!" I hear a familiar 
screeching voice say from around the upcoming corner. I sigh. It's 
Raye. I hate my life. She ever-so-subtly peeks her head around the 
corner and then mumbles something. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll go
 away.....No such luck. She comes running around the corner and trips 
on an uneven slab of sidewalk, falling on her face. I quickly look 
around to see if anyone's watching and then non-chalantly step on 
her head, acting like it was an accident. "Woah! I'm so sorry!" I 
say fakly. If this doesn't give her the message that I'm not 
interested, I don't know what will. She looks up at me. "It was all 
my fault." she says from the ground gazing at me with that same look 
from last night. "Yeah, I know." I say rudely and step around her, 
continuing on my way. Suddenly, I see Serena and her cat watching 
from across the street. I can't really see her face, but I know she 
looks beautiful. Serena. Beautiful, confusing, although most of the
 time infuriating, Serena. Maybe I could make her jealous....Raye 
suddenly stops me, putting one hand on my chest and one on my arm. Ok.
...rule #1: No one is aloud to touch my chest but me, and maybe my 
chosen girlfriend for the week. "Raye, I'm kind of in a hurry you 
know." I say annoyed. She right up in my face now, batting her 
eyelashes at me. I shudder. "Oh! You know my name?" she says, acting 
surprised. "I thought you might not remember." she finishes as she 
puts her head on my chest. Rule #2 : Flirtatious young schoolgirls 
with bad breath ARE NOT aloud to lean on me in any way shape or form.
 I tensed my muscles and tried to block her touching me out of my 
mind. But then a new image invades it. An image of Serena leaning 
against me, smiling. Woah there Darien! Better stop now before this
 fantasizing thing gets outta hand! She suddenly looks up at me and 
smiles. "Are you coming back from martial arts class?" she asks, 
leaning her face up a bit to close to mine for my liking. I move my 
head back as far as it will go. Her question flashed through my mind 
again. Martial Arts Class? Ok, Raye, here I am walking around in 
jeans and a t-shirt, carrying my physics book, and you ask me if I 
just came from martial arts class. This girl is extremely perceptive.
 Not. But, I decide to humor the poor girl. "Yeah, I'm studying Karate.
.." I say hoping she'll lose interest. She doesn't really look like 
the type who's into that kind of thing. "Gee, I've been thinking of
 joining a Karate class myself too!" she says. Damn. "You should its 
great." I say evenly. She leans up and starts to inch closer and 
closer to my face. And I start to move farther and farther away 
from her. I'm starting to think making Serena jealous with Raye, *
isn't* such a hot idea after all..... I move my head back as far
 away as I can before my neck feels like it's going to crack in two
 and she turns away quickly and looks down. "too shy." she whispers 
to herself. Thankyou, Lord. I forgive you for the flying shoe incident.
 Before I can get away she shoves herself back in my face.
 "wanna get a milkshake with me?" she asks hopefully. "Huh?" I say.
 This girl just doesn't get any hints. Well, I haven't tried the old 
"I'm supposed to meeting somebody" excuse yet. She just ignores my 
words. "Hey we can do take out!" she suggests. I can see something in
 her eyes telling me that's she paying. Hell, I might as well go. I'm 
pretty hungry. "Ahh, they can wait." I say. She grabs my arm and yanks
 me toward the cafe, clinging to me for dear life. I have to admit it,
 I'm kind of scared. This chick is *way* to pushy, and I absolutely 
cannot stand pushy girls. I wonder if Serena's going to follow us...

	*	*	*