Time of My Life
July 5th, 2001 (9:40 am)...
I'm leaving today.
our flight is at 8:30, but by 6:15 i will have left my house.
i am soooooo fucking nervous. Last night, Lara came over to give tam and i some tips for the trip, and by the time she left i needed a gravol to keep my tummy in check. I got in to bed at around 11:30 after taking ANOTHER gravol and didn't fully fall asleep until 2. I was so dehydrated (and am still), and so anything i drank went straight to my bladder. I peed like 3 times before finally falling asleep.
anyway, soon i have a waxing appointment and then i have a lot of other random things to do, so i'll be going now. please wish me good luck and have fun and i will talk to you all on august 6th or after :) oh, and you can e-mail me cause i'll be able to check every once in a while..laurf14@yahoo.ca
Lauren
June 29th, 2001 (11:53 am)...
sooo much to fill you guys in on...last time i wrote i wasn't sober so the entry lacked that certain...quality..
anyway, i totally forgot to write about something that happened before school ended. after i wrote my finite exam, the math teacher (who is also my calc teacher) came up to me and handed me back an assignment and it said "see me" so i saw him and he's like "your assignment and leo's look exactly the same...so one of you has to have a zero. you can decide and get back to me". so i was just like shit. it was leo who copied..even the teacher knew..cause like leo's mark was way lower than mine and just CAUSE. anyway. it because this HUGE moral dilema for me cause if leo took the zero he might have failed..and if i took it it would have moved my mark like a percent or two and it wouldn't have mattered cause im not using calc for anything now that im not going into commerce. (oo side note of bad news: i was reading something on the queen's website and it said that i have to take calc in first year university if i want to do an econ major!!) so in the end, i talked with another teacher that i trust about it and she advised me NOT to take the zero and that if i did, they would know i was lying etc etc. and so leo got the zero.
so thats ONE story.
the day after school ended, i went up with my aunt and grandmother to my aunt's cottage. the rest of my family and extended family showed up that evening..when i learned that tammy had left zig zags in the car the night before and luckily jordi was the one who found them the next morning. i had a great time at the cottage..so relaxing..such a nice seguay from school to summer. and when i came back it was the interact party that i sorta already wrote about..
and the next day was woodbine..the queen's plate. it was QUITE the event. too bad i lost 40 dollars!
the next day was monday i guess..what did i do monday? OH i cleaned my room and went to the dentist. that was an exciting day, let me tell you. the hygenist scrapde my teeth until my entire mouth was bloody, while, at the same time, telling me awful stories of theft in europe! it was a bad experience. BUT, my room IS clean.
and tuesday was definately an interesting interesting day. first, my sister and i met my grandmother at united bakery for lunch, and right after, i drove my sister to her friend's house and i came home. THEN, the guy from the interact party came over..(he DID call) and we...chilled.......
how triple-period and period happy am i today?
anywya. after that, i sorta needed to celebrate so dan and cole came over and we did. and then i picked my sister up from her friend's and came home.
wednesday was just an errand running day..getting more stuff for europe like a whistle :)..and thursday was yesterday and it was an "all by myself" day. i spent the day ALL alone. first i went to yorkdale ALONE and got sun glasses, a sarong, and sandals for europe, and then rented a movie on my own and then watched most of it on my own..
i've been seeing a RIDICULOUS amount of tammy lately. considering we are going to europe together in..what..6 days now..we have just been together sooo much. every minute that i DIDN'T mention in this journal, was spent with her.
every night, we call eachother and say "so, what do you want to do tonight", and the other person replies "same thing we do every night"..and then we giggle and say "try to take over the world", but REALLY, we mean we are going to smoke drugs hahaha. just kidding..sorta. we've been doing really random things. andrew ended up with us one night..and two nights ago, tammy's cousin stopped by her house at 11 (he's a year older) with bikes and two sketchball friends and was coming by to say goodbye before he began his trek across CANADA on a bike. they ended up pitching their tent in tammy's backyard for the night and we ended up chilling in their tent with them for a bit around 12:30. oh and that night we also made my sister a bus letter. it was wicked . but the night was random. and last night, we ended up in cedarvale park burning with the younger sister of a friend of ours.
i've spoken to nat three times since she's been away. i miss her a lot but im dealing with our new relationship. lol its like we are boyfriend and girlfriend.
this entry is a display of the deterioration of the quality of writing that comes with school being over.
so im going...oh, but not before i tell y'all (hehe) that the interact guy has NOT called me since our meeting on tuesday. which is SO uncool. what is it with me and attracting guys that are unreliable? or is it something about me personally? how can you know??
now im reallllly going. got errands to run...people to see (but not really since 90% of my friends are gone for the summer)
Lauren
June 24th, 2001 (10:58 am)...
I am posting something that i wrote lst night before i went to bed..well, this morning really. anyway. its kinda weird. but whatever. I am off to woodbine race track today for the Queen's plate. i hope to come home rich :)..so here is last night's entry:
June 24th, 2001 (3:20 am)...*
im pretty damn drunk.
why do people do such weird things when they are drunk?
for example. tonight, i had my interact grad party. there was a guy there. a guy who i always thought was cute but never put effot into. and then tonight we ended up making out. it was weird. i wonder if he'll really call me. i guess thats teh true test. the phone test.
triped is fuckewd right now so i can't really put this up..but eventually you'll all get to read my insanity. i was up at my aunt's cottage for the past two days. finished high scool..went to relax..it was good.
i am not typing english so i am oging to bed. tomorrow is woodbine and the queen's plate.
Lauren
June 20th, 2001 (12:01 am)...*/6
just got back from the nsync concert. It was very last minute..how it all happened. My mom called me at around 3:30 when i was at the stiches outlet on orfus (very unusual), buying hoodies for FIVE NINETY NINE!! she said she might have tickets for the concert and asked if i'd like to go. and i said yes. even tho i had spent the day away shopping and eating with mitchel from windsor and tammy after my econ. exam.
so tammy and i went. wasn't TERRIBLY exciting, but nonetheless fun and always a pleasure to watch and observe obsessive teens. sorta reminds me of something :)
so much has happened since i last wrote and i really dont feel like writing all about it but for history's sake...
friday night nat and jess took tam and i out for our birthdays since they were leaving for camp the next day. it was a really nice night. we went to marche up north for dinner and then back to jess' house where we were treated to a movie...but not just any movie...a movie mad by nat and jess of all of our childhood memories and locations that could be remembered. it was really a nice thing to see and very appropriate considering we all had to say bye that night.
saying bye to nat was way harder than i had anticipated. It finally sunk in that everything was changing..i finally came to understand it and i because very sad that i was losing something and how important natalie is to my everyday life...i know it sounds corny but whatever. you will understand if you've been thru something like it.
what else...well, sunday was my 18th birthday so on saturday night tam and i trekked down to the beaches with 7 guys and set up blankets on the beach and sang and played guitar and bongos and stuff. the police actually approaced us but we were clean. so it was all goo d:) that nigt we also witnessed a crime scene. cool but scary.
i actually spetn the birthday part of the evening pretty pissed off generally but it ended up being ok.
on my actual birhtday i had to study. which sucked my bum..but there was no avoiding it. I did manage to leave the house for a period of time in which tam and i went to lawrence square and i got the newest counting crows cd as well as a bikini top ad a bbq brush for my dad. At dinner time, my extended family came over and we had a dinner in honour of fathers day/my birthday. oh, and at the plaza i also bought my first lottery ticket...a loosing one.
after dinner i went to dan's to do some last minute studying and then after went to dutch dreams with tam and dan. had some rhubarb frozen yogurt. I was trying to be really different in order to symbolize that i want to make some big changes in my 18th year. like iwant to grow a lot.
anyway, i am kinda burnt out now and i need to wake up tomorrow to study for my LAST TWO EXAMS OF HIGHSCHOOL. goodnight.
Lauren
June 12th, 2001 (10:12 pm)...
I've been CD woman lately. In the past month i've bought at LEAST 10 cds. they haven't all been new though, because in addition to being cd woman, i've also become cash-converters woman.
I've been to cash converters twice so far and both times i've picked up atleast 4 cds. My newest purchases (not from cash converters or another used store) were simon and garfunkle: concert in central park which i am enjoying but not LOVING yet, and the indigo girls live cd called 1200 am curfew which is GREAT. Everytime i get upset about the fact that i have to be studying for exams, i think that i get to listen to the cd while i study and it makes me feel a biiiit better.
It is so funny how productive i become when exams roll around. If only i could focus that productivity on my school work. Instead, i manage to spend more time with my friends, and more time organizing and creating things that aren't related to school. for example. Yesterday, i managed to go to school for 2 hours, come home, smoke with dan (there is a funny story that goes along with this), eat, then study for like 2 hours, then go to tammy's to see the yearbook, then organize my drawers, then go to lawrence plaza with my sister and buy stuff, then go to tammy's again to get advice on europe from her veteren sister, then go to jess' where nat was and smoke, and then chill, and come home.
It is even harder to concentrate on exams given the fact that my best friend is leaving for camp in 4 days and i won't see her for over 2 months and even when i do see her, it will be mere weeks before we say goodbye for 8 months.
my life is changing, i have to face it. Although i think it is good that i haven't fully come to understand the reality of the situation, because if i did, there wouldbe NO way i could concentrate on exams.
Today I went to school only for the assembly and the barbeque that followed. I spent hours signing yearbooks and having mine signed (but not by that many people cause i had trouble getting mine from my stubborn teacher). Jess cried. Other people were like me, and it was obvious that they didn't truly understand yet what was going to happen to us as a group of friends.
the thing is, as much as its sad, we all KNOW that it has to happen in order to allow us all to branch out..meet different types of people..if we didn't understand that, then we'd all be going to the same university ala the cast of 90210.
I am so torn, sitting here, wanting to wish that it was next thursday already, but at the same time,knowing that on the next thursday, everything will be different and that, at one point this summer, i will probably wish to relive this very week..to have the chance to say goodbye one more time..or just to live it a different way. It's a strange feeling KNOWING you are living what is sure to be a vivid memory for you in the future.
so, anyway, here is the dan/smoking story from yesterday. We came to my house, broke up some stuff in my room, and went into the bathroom to clean out his water bottle bongy thing. we then went outside where daniel realized he didn't have his billy or weed on him. we figured it was downstairs in my room. only when i got there to look the cleaning lady had already started cleaning it..and worse, i couldn't find it. eventually she caught on to the fact that i was looking for something and asked me if she could help. I described the baggie with the billy wrapped in paper towel and weed as a baggie with paper towel in it that we needed for a science experiment. Nobody could find it. dan and i went outside to discuss our options. we thought that either she took it to enjoy herself, or threw it in the garbage. both our theories were proven wrong though, when the cleaning lady came outside holding the baggy. she simply asked us if the blatantly obvious bag of weed was what we were looking for. we took it and she left. it was pretty crazy. and i will never know if she truly knew what we were doing!
so ya, i was just reading tonya's journal and she was talking about buying and selling things on ebay. I have one question about ebay that has always bothered me. Why the HELL do people bother selling things that cost like 75 cents?? how are they making a profit? couldn't they jsut as easily transfer the energy they would use to sell something for 75 cents on ebay and go for a walk on the street and collect pennies on the way?? i just dont get it. am i missing something??
I, personally, am scared of ebay. you would think that someone who spends as much time on the computer as i do would have spent atleast SOME money on ebay or some similar site..but i really haven't. I do a LOT of research for stuff on ebay and the like, but i never end up actually buying. I came VERY close to buying a bunch of cds from half.com..i even went as far as to get all of my grandmother's information so that i could have the stuff shipped to her place in florida (cause its an american only site), but was turned away when they asked for the home address of the credit card holder and it was a canadian address that just didn't fit into the slots.
I guess im just scared of being ripped off or something like that. And then there's the lazyness factor...of having to go to the post office and do stuff there. I am not a post-office person, whatever that means.
oo. weird guy that lives down the street came over again today. I must commend my dad because without my counselling, he turned the guy away by telling him that i wans't home. goooo daddy.
Since i am up and waiting for my sister to shower in my bathroom anyway, i might as well write about the weekend that passed.
I actually had a great and wholesome weekend for the most part. On friday I saw the Animal which was good but no deuce bigalow and then chilled at tammy's. Saturday was really the good night because Jess, David and I trekked down to the danforth (i was driving) to have dinner. We ate at a great (obviously greek) restaurant and it was so delicious. the danforth is gorgeous, it was my first time there. We then decided that since it was SUCH a nice night and we were already in the general area, we may as well head down to the beaches and walk along the boardwalk. and so that is what we did. We spent about 2 hours just walking, eating ice cream, and sitting on the rocks by the water.
its funny that you can live in a city all of your life and miss out on so much of its beauty. For any of you torontonians reading this that dont spend enough time at the beaches, you HAVE to go. It is so nice. In the same city where you bear the winter and are surrounded by factories, skyscrapers, and other city-esque things, there is a BEACH that is so beautiful in its own way. Its a completely different area than anywhere i've been in toronto. And thats all the raving i'll do about the beaches. :)
Here is something random. Today my friend Haley signed my yearbook and wrote something that almost had me in tears. I won't quote it because that would cheapen it, but basically she told me that something i once casually said to her has made a real impact on her views of a certain topic.
It was really cool to hear that and it made me realize that however corny something you have to say to someone else might be, you should really say it, because it will probably mean a lot to them. it was a "why save the nice things for the funeral"-cliché type realization. but it was a realization none-the-less. even one of those life experiences that actually makes you change as opposed to just realizing.
as this entry gets longer and longer i think i am getting harder and harder to understand! so goodnight!
Lauren
June 11th, 2001 (12:15am)...
i am sad.
nat and i just chilled and when we were saying goodbye, in my car, we just suddenly had a crazy conversation which finally made me truly UNDERSTAND that i am leaving my home, my family, and my friends.
it's sad and scary. i'd say more but i want to go to bed.
Lauren
June 6th, 2001...
Moulin Rouge. what a pretty, amazing fantasy movie. its one of those movies that fucks you up. Like who has seen Fight Club? when i came out of fight club, i thought i could walk on water. my mind was really fucked up. and i wasn't even high. I felt like that after moulin rouge tonight. Baz Lhurman is a crazy (and great) director. so creative.
nat is depressed. and im going to shower and eat. brb
ok im back. i've been wondering for the past couple of days..why are people still making efforts to be my friend? do they not realize that i leave for europe in less than a month, and then three weeks after, am off to university?? I currently have the weird guyliving down the street calling me to go for coffee, and another weirdo, familyguy, asking me to see movies and theatre with him constantly, and stern, wanting to be "my friend".
i don't buy any of it. they dont want to be my friend. so either they are bullshitters, or they are dumb. maybe its a mixture.
right now i am interested only in strengthening the relationships that i already have, and maybe rebuilding some that used to be great. But i am NOT interested in making new friends. no, sorry, its not that im not interested, its that i don't see a point. I feel like i have a certain number of days left of my life as it is right now. its like a count down. in 30 days, i am off to europe, and the next step of my life starts. and the only people who are coming with me to that next step in my life will be my real friends..and those that have icq.. haha.
of course, i am still open to finding that "right" person. haha. i dream in fairy tales and its unfortunate. movies like moulin rouge only encourage me.
i totally eat up the corny and wanna-be-cliche-lines that they say over and over in movies like moulin rouge. i'm probably just naive but i really really want to believe that (please excuse the corni-ness) love like that really exists.
now to update my future self as well as the journal reading public of my life these days...
well, this past weekend, nat, tam, jess, and i all trekked up to collingwood in greer's car to go to greer's cottage. it was our last GNO(IB style) and it was definately a special one. we brought up a halfO (there are pictures hehe) and some alcohol and basically spent from 6 in the afternoon to 2 in the morning smoking and drinking and talking and rubbing ice all over our scantilly clad bodies in the sauna (every boy's dream :)) and watching some american pie and other such things. the next morning, i woke up at 9:30 which wasn't fun, and watched some tv till everyone woke up. when they did, we went to golden griddle for breakfast (the fattening nature of our meals complimented the disgusting quantity of food we consumed the night before), and then came home, chilled on greer's balcony some more, and then headed home.
its one of those nights that isn't like THE most fun at the time, but in your mind, and as far as memories go, its great. like a night spent with your best friends out at a chalet all by ourselves...
so that's all for now. exams are coming up and thats not cool. but all it means is that when im done, im done high school. no more busy work..no more..well, high school. its kind of sad and kind of exciting and very very scary.
Lauren
May 30th, 2001 (11:59 pm)...
I wanted to write a bunch of stuff. but i ended up being on the phone with a distressed tammy for the past hour or so. She is having boy issues. its good but not good. hard to explain.
anyway. I have had an interesting week. I've seen nat outside of school every single day this week and we've chilled. I saw Laura both monday AND tuesday. monday in our hood and on tuesday i went shopping randomly at the promenade with renee but our real reason for going there was to visit the laurula at camp connection. yes, the laurula, not just laurula. and just cuase.
so who remembers when i wrote about how a weird guy that i've known most of my life came to my door like a month ago and asked me to coffee and then got my number when i said i could not go? well, he finally called. he left a message on my cell last night. he wants me to be his date to a dinner at his yacht club...with his sister and father..and i shouldn't worry because i dont have to dress fancy. its casual.
i felt bad but i just had to laugh at the message. he was trying so hard to be natural and stuff but like he is just so not. i saw him at school today and told him that i was going away for the weekend..which is half true (cause i am going away for friday night), and then he asked if i would want to just go for coffee and i said maybe and went away . and then he called tonight but i didn't pick up the phone. scary .
yesterday i picked up stuff from nick who is a guy i went out with a couple of times. it was a bit awkward but ok since his friend was with him. i thought nothing of the friend. but today he added me to his contact list on icq and has suggested we 'chill' more than once. he told this other guy that he wanted to know what i thought of him and the other guy told him i wans't interested in younger guys (he's a year younger), which was good for me cause it made it easier to think of an excuse :) i also added in the "im going away to europe and university in a month" line. which is true. but has turned into a line..
i had a dream last night. a weird weird dream. there was one part that stuck out to me this morning. i was naked in part of the dream. i know it sounds weird but i was. and i remmeber looking so awful in my dream when i was naked. like really bad.
anyway, i felt like joseph (and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat) today trying to decode my dream..
nat was over after school today when another weird (and awful) thing happened. max was in the back and we had to get him in so that i could drive jordi (my sister) to dance. we called for him but he didn't come so i ran out in my socks and found my dog in pouncing position over a helpless baby bird. i literally freaked out..ask nat. and eventually i basically dragged my dog in. i felt so awful for the poor bird. it couldn't move. i guessed that it had no wings or that it was just too young to fly. when i came back it was still there, but luckily, when nat and i came home from driving jordi, the birdy was gone. i hope its mother came and got it.
anyway, its time to go to bed. i have a busy day tomorrow. tam greer and i are going to kensington. i've never been. and i have a chem test and calc quiz to study for. yipee kayo kayé hehe
oh wait. i also had another talk with cuteworkboy recently. he's just a fuck. like we had a screaming match and then were joking around and i dont know. i just need to stay away for the next month and then i'll be home free. probably.
Lauren
May 27th, 2001 (5:09 pm)...
well, it has only been 2 days, but there was an event that i just MUST write about.
it happened last night. Nat and i decided to chill togehter for the evening but were lacking sufficient 'nug'. we searched and searched and searched and eventually just settled on the amount that we already had because tammy invited us over to chill with her and mike for a dooby before the movie we were planning to see at 10:40. (lets see how many different -stupid- names i can come up with for it in this entry)
we got to tammy's around 9:20 and chilled there and smoked their gross ses for a bit before leaving at 10 for the movie. We got to yorkdale theatre with our rolled J, planning to buy our tickets and some food before we smoked.
so that is what we did. we saw tanya at the box office and bought our tickets..got a drink, and headed out to the parking lot. When we got outside, there were like 10 guys just outside and they started to harass us. They were obviously under the influence of something themselves so we were a bit scared. We decided that before we made the trek to the other side of the parking lot, we'd make a detour to my car and chill there until they left. only, they didnt, and eventually one of the guys came to our car and knocked on the window. finally, we came out and decided we weren't going to let these guys scare us. The only problem was that they kept on following us towards the other side of the parking lot even though we kept on telling them to stop.
eventually, we just accepted that they wouldn't leave us alone and nat sparked the 'star' (hahah, nat, remember montreal?). within maybe 20 seconds, yorkdale security pulled up, got our of their car and said "who's smoking weed?".
it was the scariest thing ever. by this point, there were like 20 guys with us and some guys in a car, obviously the reason that so much attention was attracted to us. The yorkdale security was demanding to know who had the weed. they promosed that nothing would happen to whoever's it was, but it was probably a bluff. they also said there were cameras and that if we didn't tell them, then we'd all be charged with tresspassing.
WE were the guilty ones.
neither of us said a word. we just made it clear that WE were going to see a movie and had tickets, unlike the other boys, and that THEY were following us and wouldn't leave us alone. all true. but like i said, WE were the guilty ones.
eventually, the security let nat and i go under the condition that we refund our tickets and go home. The guys were left standing with the security..none of them guilty of smoking the weed at that moment, but all of them high or drunk from before. They probably blamed it on us the second we turned around, and because we were scared of that, nat and i went straight to my car adn home instead of refunding the tickets.
it was so fucking scary. we were so fucking close to being caught. like one of the guys was looking right at us, pleading with us without actually incriminating us. i feel bad about it. at the same time, i don't because we asked those guys to leave us alone a MILLION times and they ignored us and still stuck around. and because they will probably not get in trouble either..unless they had some 'cheeba' on them.
anyway, after that we were soooo like shaky. well, i'll speak for myself. i was shaky. and we were BOTH high-strung and going near-crazy. we ended up chilling at jon's house because he was having a party-type-thing with northern people. we got more 'pot' and ended up chilling with this guy dickie all night by ourselves in the basement. it was actually really chillin' with an "in' " as opposed to an "ing". haha.
nat ended up sleeping over because of a key problem and this morning we went to yorkdale first thing to try to get a refund. There, we also saw cuteworkboy. cuteworkboy and i had an awkward exchange, as he was ONCE AGAIN guilty of being an asshole to me (he never called or even messaged me when he came back from nyc). we ALSO ended up picking up something very dirty from the ground which i can not say in my journal. and we ALSO ended up not getting an actual refund, but getting a pass to see a free movie. so that was good.
and that is my crazy awful story. i only have 5 more weeks at home and i will definately take care to never come that close to being in trouble again. oy.
Lauren
May 25th, 2001 (2:31 pm)...
holy shit.
I will try my best to recount all remmebered details of prom night at thornhill secondary school. I can not guarantee that i will get everything right, but you'll get the gyst of it. It was THE most random and therefore cool night.
so on wednesday night i was so nervous that i could not fall asleep. Even after two gravols it took me like 2 anda half hours to fall asleep. I finally fell asleep after two and for some reaosn, i naturally woke up at 9 am and could not fall back asleep because i was so nervous/anxious.
that day..yesterday i guess..although my perception of time is really fucked right now..I spent hours and hours preparing for prom. In the morning i packed my bag for the marriot..shaved..painted my non existant nails..etc. and then went for hair at franco's and makeup at lancome.
I liked my hair but didn't LOVE it and liked my makeup but also didn't LOVE it because i thought it was way too cakey and too much. There was nothing we could do, though, because we were in the hugest rush and when we got home from makeup i was literally given 10 mins to get into my dress and do all my last minute stuff like jewlerry and shoes and packing any final things.
nat, jess and greer came over to see tam and i and we all took pictures with max in a tuxedo. max is my dog. it was so cute.
After that, tam and i were off to thornhill where we were meeting the limo and our dates. We got there like 30 mins after we had to and after taking a milliong pictures (there were like 50 parents standing in front of all of us just snapping them!), we were off in the limo downtown to prom.
the limo was gorgeous. there were 8 of us in there..tam and her boyfriend, me and my (friendly) date (he's already made appearances in this journal and his name is jason but i'll just refer to him as mydate), this other guy i once went out with and his date, and another friend of their's and his (friendly) date. we popped open a bottle of champaign and toasted together. it was just like in the movies! so nice.
we arrived at the arcadian court at a good time and just chilled in the lobby. Tam and i knew basically noone so we were sticking together and looking at other people's outfits. I did see SOME people i knew though..like this guy i used to go to camp with that i had a huge crush on but who turned out pretty ugly..and this girl that goes to camp with a bunch of my friends..and MARK K(ay), from rent (!!!) who i was trying to avoid hardcore and who was dressed in a casual vintage 70s outfit and who i eventually spoke with...and lanie..nat's friend from camp..
THe actual prom was interesting. I am glad i got to experience it and see what real high school is like where you have a choice of like 100 or more people to be friends with as opposed to the maybe 30 at my school. So different. and it makes me excited for university because i'll finally experience like what normal social school is like.
the food was ok and the music was bar mitzvah style. I didn't dance except for the occasional slow song but i did watch! lol and it turned out that one of the guys from my limo's girlfriend goes to dance with my sister and knows her. so random.
oh..did i mention that i saw tamara morganthou at fraco's (my hair place)?? she was going to chat prom and was sure to tell me that she's going to nyc tomorrow to see rent.
I don't know what else to say about the actual prom. i remembered there why my date and i didn't work out when we tried going out a couple of months ago. we have absolutely nothing to talk about. he seems like a nice guy but when we are alone all we can see to make conversation about is the simpsons adn other television related things. its strange.
so we had the limo pick us up at 11 which seems early but i was definately ready to leave. We all headed back to the marriott which is where most people were going to chill. We went to the one at yonge and college. For a bit, we were all chilling in tam's room with just whoever came around but then her boyfriend started getting really paranoid about security coming to kick us out. unforunately he wasn't paranoid enough and when me, mydate, and my friend and tammy's friend danF were chilling in our room, every single person in my limo but mydate and i were kicked out of the hotel including stern leaving me with literally 3 people i even REMOTELY knew at the hotel. For some reason i didn't really care though. i was so up for adventure that night. i had so little to lose since it wasn't my prom and I would probably never see any of those people again.
so my date and i and danF were..well, i dont' really remember..but somehow we found out selves with this guy lipowitz. he was so drunk and asked me what school i went to and i said vaughan road and he's like do you know natalie kaiman? and i was like yes, she's my best friend, as he said "she saw rent fucking 25 times or something". turns out, he went to wahanowin and knows nat and somehow we got to talking about one of nat's old flames..art..who, i then found out, IS THE PRESIDENT OF THORNHILL SECONDARY. i FREAKED out and demanded to meet him since i never had before (he was a camp boyfriend). only i had already, and had no idea that this john character i met was the one and only art from wahanowin!
unfortunately, art was very very very very drunk and his stories about him and natalie were sort of hard to understand. he actually had an apology for her that i will explain to natalie. anyway, it was just all very very random.
i was chilling with art adn lipowitz and the other guys in their room, and ofcourse, my date, when we decided to go on a mission for weed. Around 2:30 or so we found and eventually eventually smoked it in their bathroom. After like 30 mins mydate was ready to go back to our room adn sleep. i was also tired/burnt out, so i dind't argue but i was very nervous seeing as i had never even met the people sharing our room with us and they were a couple, and, ofcourse, i ended up with the only girl from Forest Hill collegiate in my room.
when we got there, they were gone and it was very awkward going to bed with someone that i had no intention of fooling around with in a little double bed. For that reason, i just could not sleep, so i let mydate know and decided that i was just going to brave the night and sleep when i got home. I called art's room and asked if they were still awake and luckily they were, and so, i ended up chilling in their room for the entire rest of the night until about 8:30 this morning.
in the middle of all this there were a bunch of little things that happened..like my mission for pepsis...getting drunk on straight vodka at 5 in the morning..finding danf and recruiting him to chill with us too..getting almost kicked out for being in the halls by the security guards..sneaking back into MY room to get my shoes that i left there while everyone in there was sleeping..twice!..meeting a lot of random random people, etc.
did i mention that art's room contained a passed-out-art (who, natalie will be glad to know, i took various pictures of), a passed out lipowitz, another guy named dan who ended up sleeping around 6, another guy named dan, a guy named gaby, and danf, making me one girl in a room of 6 guys. it was so fucking random. i didn't know ANY of those guys except danf and for a long time, danf wasn't even there.
it was fucking crazy. finally, at 8:30 am, one of the dan's and left and came home on the subway, which was such a ghetto way to come home from a prom. I looked hilarious too..having my hair up in its glued in position on the back of my hair in a flowery type pattern and a good amount of makeup still on me, while wearing sweatpants and a sweater and carrying around a fancy purse and a blue jay bag with all my clothes and dress. i got more than my share of weird looks on the ttc this morning as everyone else headed to work to start their day.
I finally arrived home after nine..having only one sock on (the other one was thrown out because i stepped in something yucky in the elevator) and being totally and completely exhausted. I took out my hair, and ate a big bowl of cereal (i was sooo hungry since i hadn't eaten anything substantial since dinner at prom) and finally got into my bed and fell asleep at around 10. Unfortunatelyt i was woken up at 2 by tammy but i guess 4 hours is better than nothing. Now it feels like morning at its 3 in the afternoon and its very very confusing. When did yesterday end and today start? I was awake for 25 hours without sleep and it really really fucks with your brain. Like if you are partying all night and when you go home its morning, at what point does it become the next day? whe nthe sun comes out again? when the store that closed as your were arriving at 11, opens in the morning? its so weird.
this entry must be completely disjointed but i dont care because i just wanted to get the facts down. memories..ya know :). It was so great to get to experience prom even though it wasn't mine and it made me want to be at a normal high school really badly. something weird about it though was that like of all the people i met, tam and i were the only people actually graduating! a lot of the people there were planning to go again the next year (to prom). so strange!
so that is all i have to say. im sure im missing a lot of stuff but its hard to think when you have just woken up from 4 hours of sleep in the middle of the day.
It was a night to remember, like laura said. i even got a shot glass (each seat had a little shot glass behind the plate to take home as a souvenir!!!) out of it.
like they say in thornhill, i'm booking :)
Lauren
May 22nd, 2001 (9:34 pm)...
wow. its been a while. since last time...the answering machine lady is STILL calling me and leaving message for a lady named "Ilana" or somethign like that. I know too much about those ladies. and you would think that after the second time she lfet a message and i CALLED HER back to tell her that it was the wrong number, that she's stop calling..but no!
the familyguy is now stalking me. luckily, he is in vancouver still for a wedding. Before he left he asked me many times to join him for activities such as: going for dinner, seeing mamma mia, seeing lion king, and my personal favorite, going swimming at his grandparent's pool. freaky.
what else. lots. well, a while ago, nat's boyfriend, nat, jess and i went to a baseball game. we had awesome seats but it was the same night as the leafs big loss so there were not a lot of people in attendance. 16 000 to be semi-exact. anyway, there were these boys sitting in front of us..they were maybe 14 or 15 years old and they were fully quiet throughout the entire game, and so we figured they were listening to our conversation. near the end of the game, they moved to the closer seats and one of the boys kept on turning back like sorta trying to get our attention so i sorta played along with it and was basically fake-flirting, figuring i'd never see him again. except i did..that weekend when i went to yorkdale to meet my promdate for ice cream.
it was funny..we both walked by eachother and then burst out laughing.
another defining moment of the past 15 days had to have been my night at woodbine. For those of you not familiar with woodbine, it is a horse-race track and casino just outside toronto. there is this boy in my econ class who is absolutely obsessed with gambling, and he goes every wednesday night, so he tried to convince us all to come out last wednesday as an econ night out. In the end, daniel and i ended up going with him and this other boy from our class. It was definately an interesting night. The ratio of men to women at woodbine had to be atleast 30:1 and we were definately the yougest group there. The guy who is obsessed with gambling definately proved his obsession that night. he came with a newspaper with all the race listings, having already crossed out and circled those horses he did not and did like. there is actually an element of skill to picking horses and i learned a bit of it but in the end, we all lost money. I lost 40 but it wasn't near as bad as the 110 that the boy lost. :) we all went to burger king afterward (at like 12). it was such a weird group. such a weird night!!
i went up north this past weekend. we were looking for a cottage but didn't find anything suitable. my family has been actively looking for over 2 years. its crazy. but i can honestly say that i didn't see any this weekend that even III would have settled for.
when i got back, i basically went straight out cause tam was having a party. it was a good night. very chilling. a good amount of people and a good crowd. thank goodness for long weekends.
oh and a big congratulations to my IB friends who dont really read this except nat..but they finished IB and i know thats an accomplishment and that they are all very happy right now ! so congratulations!
i am pretty happy right now too. i was very stressed before but i've settled down and now. maybe its because i got my plane tickets for my trip this summer in the mail today..or because i am starting to accept the idea of prom and have stopped stressing about it..or because..i dont know. i finished my last ISU of the year. that was good. i still have some stuff to think about but im trying to just enjoy my last couple of weeks in high school instead of stressing about them. i realized today that i spend so much time stressing and very little time relaxing.
i dont hardcore stress. like i dont have stress problems, but i am always thinking of what i still have to do. maybe thats just the way i am. but im trying not to be like that. its probably better for me.
does anyone else think its funny that the new global tv woman's name is sheryl hickey?
anyway, there is a bit of cuteworkboy news. i dont know how much i want to talk about it but we talked recently and wow i really can't explain whats wrong with me and with him but i am willing to put myself in a vulnerable position again and we'll see what happens. i couldn't stop thinking about him all weekend, however corny that sounds. like i said, we'll seeee.
oh and who saw the season finale of boston public?! omg. and who saw the season finale of dharma and greg (which i dont even usually watch)?! omg. and who saw the season finale of that 70s show (which i only sometimes watch)?! omg.
crazy season finales. anyways, how many times i have i said "anyways" in this entry.
Lauren
ps. nnaaaatalie rocks..ohhh natalie rocksss (its a song)
May 7th, 2001 (9:33 pm)...
oh my gawd. how strange is my life.
friday night my dad comes down to my room and tells me that "laurence from down the street" is here to see me. naturally, i assumed it was the little boy laurence who has a disease that i can't think of right now and comes to visit me once in a while. so i recruit my sister to come along to entertain him. I get upstairs and realize that it is, infact, NOT the laurence i was expecting but laurence baker. the OTHER laurence that lives down the street. The Laurence who i went to USDS with and who grew up to be so very very weird. as my sister detoured into the kitchen where she burst into laughter, i went to greet him.
he told my father that he had called me earlier in the week and gotten a fax machine signal. complete bullshit. how the hell would he have my number? let alone the one that is connected to the fax.
so he asks me if i want to go for coffee on eglinton. i say im getting together with nat in 15 mins. sort of a lie. but really, i had no choice. he then asks if he can call me and then for my number. so i wrote down my cell number and gave it to him.
thankfully, i have not heard from him since.
maybe he thought because i danced with him at the school dance (after he cornered me), that i am somewhat interested. this must sound immature, but you have to know him.
anyway, later on during the weekend, i get home in the afternoon and check my messages on my phone.
i should mention first of all that my answering machine on my line is "voulez vous couchez avec moi, ce soir? voulez vous couchez avec moi?".
a message comes on from a lady whose voice i dont recognize and she starts: "(insert name here), you slut!" and goes on to tell whoever she meant to call that she is welcome to come to the party and her friends, who she calls "cool", are welcome to come too. it was pretty funny but unfortunately i erased the message today by accident.
the most recent thing that has made my life sorta weird lately happened just a couple of hours ago but began on friday before the laurence incident. I was at a restaurant with my family and cousins and i notice a guy there that worked at sc when i worked there. then my parents recognize a couple who are quasi related to us. turns out they are all together and the boy who worked at sc is the son of my quasi relatives. so after our meals, we go over and say hi. nothing else. the guy barely even remembered me from work.
today i get a phone call. its him. he got my number from his aunt (through marriage) who is my third cousin. he wants to go for coffee. i told him i had to check my schedule and i'd get back to him. it was impossible to understand him because he speak with a stutter but i got the message.
i tell my mom and she tells me that i HAVE to go. otherwise i might be responsible for a family crisis. so i call him back and now i am going.
first of all, where do these people get such COURAGE!? and second of all, WHAT THE HELL. ahh.
anyway, i had a nice weekend. friday night nat and i were planning on going to the james joyce basically alone but ended up being accompanied by this guy jon. it was a good night we all just chilled and listened to the live music and talked and stuff. saturday night, jess and i treked to north york to visit lisap. we ate subs and watched the hockey game and went to dairy queen. oh ya, that day i also met jon for ice cream. so i had a lot of ice cream that day. and i ended up having more the next day after nat and i watched popstars. that night i also saw laura for the first time in MONTHS which was crazy. this weekend i also managed to avoid stern a grand total of 2 different times..flat out lying one of the time. when i was at lisap's, she mentioned that it seems like im always going out with a guy for a week and then getting bored or whatever. it doesn't just SEEM like that. it IS like that
it was actually a weird scene. me, nat, laura and renee all sitting in the same room and chilling. hi laura. hi renee. hi nat. :)
i dont have much else to say. tomorrow i have two tests since i missed one today cause i was sick and then i have an audition and then i have a dinner cause its my little sister's 15th birthday!!
i hate when my weeks are packed. it sucks looking forward to stress.
if i dont write again before thursday, wish me luck with family-boy..or should i call him family-man since he IS 21. oy
Lauren
May 3rd, 2001 (11:23 am)...
i have like 10 minutes to update but i just really felt like it. I have to go pick up my cousin (who is in from vancouver for the week) to go meet my grandmother for lunch.
im sitting here listening to "its raining men" by geri halliwel. i love the song for its upbeatness but i think its hilarious that they've done everything possible in this recording to cover up geri haliwel's awful awful voice.
anyway, the reason i really felt like writing is cause im in a pretty good mood. for a very superficial stupid reason too...just cause i got a commission cheque from my agency for the pizza pops commercial. its like money for nothing! but ofcourse if this was my sole income and i was supporting myself i wouldn't be as happy lol. but im not. so i am. :)
its raining men..hallelujah..!
lol
i actually saw bridget jones's diary this past weekend and i LOVED it (the song is in the movie). i will HAVE to buy it. the character is SO ally macbealish in that everyone thinks they ARE bridget jones. what made the whole birdget jones experience even better was that we got free tickets because the movie was shakey at times! i love free stuff.
now im listening to deborah cox-nobody's supposed to be here..dance version. another great upbeat song :).
in other news, school is back in session. its awful sitting through hour long classes when im sooo used to half hour classes or no classes at all from the 4 week strike. oh well. i'll live. there are only 5 weeks of school left and then a week of exams and then i graduate high school. crazy eh? i am old guys, face it. all you people that read and still think im that 14 year old you first met..im not! i have boobs, i grew maybe an inch..and well im basically 18 now! graduating high school..off to europe for a month in the summer and then off to UNIVERSITY. nuts. nat and i had a full out talk about all that stuff last night. (goodluck and have fun times ten to the power of infinity minus two on the IB exam you will be writing in an hourand a half from now)
what else what else..i've been going to a lot of auditions lately. some that have gone really well (like the one for an educational video where the woman told me that she'd definately be calling my agent but hsan't yet) and some have gone not so well (like the one for a movie where i froze in the middle of my monologue like i never have before and had to ask to restart...so brutal). i have another one today. at 7:30. do you know what that means? i will miss the beginning of survivor. i dont know what im going to do. hopefully they'll be on time.
i've also been smoking a lot of weed lately. just for fun. oh, and gaining weight from not going to the gym and driving everywhere i go. my dad has been leaving me the car during the day WAYtoo often and i am abusing it HARDCORE. driving to school on the nicest days and stuff..
gotta go. i wrote a lot for 10 mins
Lauren
April 23rd, 2001 (10:56 pm)...
how long till my soul gets it right? did any human being ever reach that kind of light? i call on the resting soul of gallileo, king of night vision, king of insight.
who can name the song? well, i 'll tell you what song it is. Gallileo by the Indigo Girls..my obsession song of the moment and also my obsession song of about 2 weeks ago. its a great great song.
i'm listening to it over and over again. you know what else i'm loving right now? Hanging by a moment by lifehouse. i want to rail the lead singer..sounds obsene doesn't it? oh well. i really do. he's so fucking attractive.
its definately snack time. hold on
ok im back with a cup of fruit. untraditional snack for me..but healthy none-the-less. i've basically boycotted the gym and i'll probably continue the boycott until tammy forces me to go again..which could very possibly be in like 3 weeks. haha.
so schools are on strike this week. its good for now but bad for the future. i already have 6 tests piled up on me. for now though, i just have to pop into school periodically to get some work and stuff. this strike has gone on for 3 weeks already. the end of this week will be 4..thats a month! a MONTH of striking. its nuts. im not fully enjoying my time off because of the cs. im just generally still feeling antisocial.
want to know what else is nuts? the protests in quebec city. who watches the lofters? 2 of the lofters went down to quebec to see what was going on and it looked crazy. i dont know how else to describe it. they showed police throwing tear gas at people that were just standing around in remote areas...and protesters trying to break down barriers..and others having the times of their life. in the end, both the lofters said that they were very happy they went because it was an experience of a life time. the problem i have with all of this is that although im sure it really was the experience of a life time, that is NOT what the protests should have been about. there were issues there..and those who strongly beleived in the issues really did belong there..but those who went just cause it was a cool thing to do on the weekend, or because they just wanted to yell at the government..i just don't support that. it gives a false image of the support for the anti-free trade cause, and it is what causes the tear gas and the violence.
in other news, i was at canada square theatres on saturday night with david. we saw pollock. i can't decide how much i liked it. it was interesting..and different..and the actors were all very good..but i dont know howmuch i liked the actual film. we encountered super sketchiness before the movie though. this woman came up to us and asked us to tell her which two of the movies on her list we had seen. i had only seen 1 but she encouraged me to lie because she was giving out free passes to a screening of "an exciting new movie starring juliette lewis and gina gershon". we got the free passes and we are going tomorrow. through the IMDB i found out that the movie we are seeing is called "claire's hat" and it was filmed in toronto. we are part of like a beta audience or something. we are seeing the director's cut. its pretty cool..i hope we get seats (they gave out extra tickets to ensure capacity).
tonya, isn't it funny that we never talk in real life or even in cyber-life but we are having journal correspondence? well, i think its funny. as for the question "will lauren find true love?"..how was i supposed to guess that that was the question?! the answer is i hope so. wouldn't it suck if you couldn't experience that at one point in your life..
ladies and gentlemen (if any read this)..i can't believe i forgot to mention this. the end of an era is upon us. 894-LAUR has been officially cancelled. the cell phone number that i had for almost 2 full years...that introduced me to the joys of cell-phone-dom..that spelled my name in the last 4 digits...its gone!! i have a new number though. for yours records it is 931-8945. not nearly as catchy. damn bell for making me get a new number and not having LAUR available.
its funny cause my new phone is worse in almost every way than my old phone..but its still better. cause its new :) .and i can surf the net on it because i just dont surf the net enough at home (haha).
i feel like an uber-bitch this week but nat assures me that im not and that i'm allowed to be in anti-social moods. i've been avoiding phone calls..people..social situations.. i'm not in a particularily bad mood anymore. I just don't feel like seeing/talking to people. especially on the phone. and i feel bad about rejected stern's attempts to call me/see me, but nat made a good point when she said that we are not even officially together and he is already wanting to talk and see me as much as people that are in a serious relationship.
you know what im thinking right now? its cool that i have this journal. a diary of my adolesence. its something i can look back on. i'll always have some of my thoughts captured. that's something i fear sometimes..that i'll forget what i learn day to day..and ofcourse i will, but with my journal i don't loose it all.
you know what i've always wanted to do? like everytime my parents piss me off or i realize something about family and stuff, i always want to start a book on advice for myself for when i have kids..but i never get around to doing it and i just trust that i will remember what it was like to actually be a kid. but looking at history and how our parents have even changed from when they were younger, its unlikely that our generation won't change and become more conservative. its a shame. although when i look back on this i'll probably laugh at my naivety. whatever. right now i know everything hehe
thats all for me today. i just felt like writing so i did!
(reminder: write a letter to yourself)
Lauren
April 21st, 2001 (1:58 am)...*
Just me and my dreams.
i have had a pretty shitty week. I won't often classify an entire week as shitty but this week was pretty damn shitty.
<
It was all caused by one main thing. my cold sore.
on tuesday it began to develop. It was devistating. not because its sooo painful or anything like that, but because i became painfully embarassed and self consious about it..because it reminded me of my grade 7 and 8 years, dubbed "the ugly years" or "the formative years" mainly because my braces managed to cause an allergic reaction on my face (mostly my lips) due to the exzema that already existed in my pre-pubesent skin. it was so bad. i remmeber not wanting to go to school in grade FIVE because i had a rash around my nose..and in grade 7 when i had my braces, i remmeber my lips being constantly swollen and on those very special days that came way too often, they would swell to the size of bananas.
oh the memories.
and now i get a cold sore. i haven't had a cold sore in years and its awful and it comes just when im hooking up with someone. you see, damage of the cold sore is not in a controlled environment..it has escaped into the realms of ruining my current social excitement.
today tammy and i went on a mission to thornhill to get our supplies to celebrate the date, and even thought i had made it VERY clear that i did not want to see stern or even mike for that matter, they BOTH approached the car when we got there. I didn't know what to do. should i show him the disgusting cold sore or should i hide it and basically make him believe that i am a complete freak/baby? I chose the second option and that was not the last time today that i had to blatantly avoid him. it was so awful it made me feel like shit. hence the shitty week. i know this all seems so blown out of proportion and stupid but thats the thing, even though its so petty its something that is so sensitive for me and im not asking a lot..just not to have to encounter the general public. im not even putting myself into compromising situations..i dont even know what im talking about. this is a complete rant.
its a fucking cold sore. but i can't get over it. its taking over my life. i went to the fucking doctor. i thought i was seriously ill because i had a lump in my throat to accompany the fucking cold sore. my doctor says its all related. he thinks im a fucking (hold on while i figure out the word...thankyou david)hypocondriac.
whatever. he also said that it would last for 10 days. which means this coming thursday. the pharmacist that i saw agrees. how nuts am i . i feel nuts writing this but it makes sense to me at the same time.
i am just overall feeling shitty this week. i have way lower than normal self esteem and its throwing me off hardcore. im taking everything personally and i can recognize that but not accept it..so it can't be solved.
Maybe i just need a good cry. at the same time im not feeling ready to let the tears out. sad music doesn't appeal to me..i am just not in the mood. On the outside, i am feeling and i think seeming very indifferent. on the inside i have cramps (for a reason that i dont know) and i am feeling a little sad at times. at other times im not, but i come back to this again...generally, the feeling is shit.
I think the reason the cold sore issue is bugging me so much is cause its throwing me off balance generally. i look in the mirror and i constantly feel greasy. its such a deja vu from being 13. OK i have to stop talking about the fucking cold sore.
i guess i'll recount my evening. for records sake.
we took jess out for her 18th birthday tonight. me tam nat went to pick her up in my (dad's) car which was all dressed up with bows and ribbons (designed by nat). we then took her to il fornelo and had a nice dinner there. then it was off to varsity theatres to enjoy VIP status (which included things such as waitors that came to your seat, a lounge area, a private bathroom, captain's chairs..and only 30 of them in the whole theatre, a complimentary phone, and carpetting). the movie we saw was great. Blow with Johnny Depp and (the horrible) Penelope Cruz. afterwards, we dropped jess at home because she had to be up early and went to nat's where we enjoyed 4/20..both the date and the activity. except it was 4/21 by that time. haha. soon after, i went home. but not before stern and mike came to the DOOR to get me and tammy to come back to tammy's even tho we told them i wasn't coming.
I don't really know what to say. i have so much inside me now but i don't know what to say. did i mention i got into western?
i am all over the place. im here. and there. and here and there and here. ha.....oh, tonya, what did you mean "will lauren find?" what does that mean? i was trying to figure it out?
like did you mean "will lauren find a boy?"..because the answer to that is probably no. its too late. i leave for europe so soon. the best i can hope for is a fool friend or a casual dating relationship..
or did you mean "will lauren find herself?"..because if it was that, then that's way too deep a question to be asking in your journal so very casually.
or maybe did you mean..umm.."will lauren find (insert whatever i lost)?" because i didn't lose anything..we found max..and otherwise, nothingggg has been lost.
:)
let me know. journal correspondence is funny. most of you that read this, i don't even talk to. well, actually i dont know. i can think of some that i talk to. people who i dont talk to ? do you read this? tonya reads apparently, who else? i really really dont know. is it possible cow still reads this? lara? LINDSAY? no way..or like tallguy. wow. STARLA. starla, if you read this E-MAIL ME. i waslooking for your journal yesterday but i couldn't find it and i think i left a message for another girl that i thought was you.
I have to do a social action project for my HPOOA (politics) class. that means that i (with a partner) have to put together some sort of activity/campaign/whatever, that will somehow better society. for example, last year some people put together a program where people could buy vouchers from second cup to give to homeless people instead of change..and another group put together a show for elementary school children to raise awareness about the environment..and this other girl put together a street sale to raise money for a local charity. its pretty cool what some people came up with when forced to do something good. i want to come up with something great. any ideas? you know my addy..icq..whatvvver
ok back to the cold sore. i am sick about the stern thing. like this isn't me. i am not so self consious normally. he is seeing such an extreme part of my personality and its not fair that it had to come out so early in the 'getting to get comfortable with things' stage. i wouldn't be surprised if he thought i was immature and didn't want to continue anything. this isn't to say that things would for sure work out even if the cs (short for cold sore) never existed. its just that the cs has painted a false image of me.
wow i think i am going to lose a lot of friends (or respect) from this entry.
I think im done. i think i can go to sleep now.
my cs has shitted up my life. directly..indirectly..whatever..it still shitted it up harddddcore
Lauren
April 16th, 2001 (10:12 pm)...
It has been an interesting, interesting weekend. as i write, the Leafs are about to go into overtime for their third playoff game against the senators. i hope they win. i m one of those fans that comes out only in playoff season and it only gets even moderately big when they go far, so at this point im still blah about the playoffs.
i dont know anything about hockey.
back to the weekend. its been very, very long. 5 nights because our school was targetted on thursday. so lucky for us vaughners..and me especially because i had a take home test assigned wednesday for thursday that didn't have to be finished until today because of the picket.
wednesday actually ended up being a very crazy day. i came home from school ready to write my 1000 word essay-test thing for thursday and find out that i have an audition for the first time in MONTHS. i reluctantly made all the necessary plans to get downtown on time and sat down to write my essay. When the time came, i called the cab and went to the back door to call my dog, max, in to the house. He didn't come. I didn't freak out right away but when i realized he was really gone i FREAKED OUT. i can't explain or even fully understand (anymore) just how i felt at that time but it was so intense. i do know i was hyperventalating. After i stood on my porch looking and calling various people for help and to let them know (my mom and dad), i started to run down the street toward the school to see if i could find him. luckily, as i got to the top of my street i noticed him sniffing around the grass of our next door neighbours (but like off of another street..its hard to explain). I yelled SO loud for him to sit down and not move..all the parents and kids at the school must have thought i was crazy but i guess i was at that moment. so max is fine (the leafs just won thats 3 for them woohoo). my parents came home like 10 mins after i found him and tammy was at my house..it was just crazy. but he's fine.
on wednesday night i saw josie and the pussy cats with a bunch of people. it was so good. so much fun.
On thursday night i went to a club (i've been such a clubber lately..i didn't write about this but i ewnt to an all ages (crappy) club the week before too). It was promoted by this guy that i know from school and it was all ages. we went pre-drinking before and this guy stern came. he is tammy's boyfriend's best friend. after legend's (the bar), we went to the club and busted some moves for a couple of hours. It was really fun cause there were enough people there that i knew from school and otherwise..including ali who i hadn't seen in forever and this random renthead named alana who i had happened to see a week before at the pickle barrel. The only bad part of the night was when i tried to get into the bar and my (laura's) ID was taken away. it was SO scary and i felt SO bad, but luckily, the guy from my school who was promoting it that i knew smoothed it over with the bouncer, got my ID back, and got me up to the bar.
that nigt i got to dance with this boy from school who is wayyy too young for me but that i've been in love with for almost 2 years now. :):):):):) and also with this guy zach who i had been talking to on the phone for the past week. i didn't really think much of stern although i heard that he liked me and i figured it was true since he bought me a drink.
The next day..umm friday..what did i do? well to be honest, i did a lot of SHIT this weekend. i believe on friday i waked and baked with the natster and we made eggs (since that was all we could eat..passover). nat actually made the eggs that day and she did a wonderful job except the slight burning :).
i dont know what else i did that day. im telling you it was a weird weekend.
that night i also did shit. nat, david and i spent the night doing basically nothing..except we did end up at a second cup for about 15 mins. we also saw nat's cousin and his 4 grade 10 friends. also interesting.
saturday tam and i went to yorkdale and i got some weird sunglasses..mainly for europe..that night was by far the craziest night of the loooong weekend. mike, stern, tam and i went to this bar called the james joyce. leo and his friend met us there. we chilled for there for a while and we ran up one HUGE bill. I am sorry to be so blunt but i was very very drunk. i had more to drink that night than i really ever have, i think. but i wasn't sick AT ALL..or even dizzy..just really pleasant. and drunk.
by the time we left i had made out with stern. and by the time we got to jessica's (where we were going to sleep over), we were pretty 'together'. i dont know what i mean by that.
i am such a sketchy journal writer.
um so ya jess got pissed at us and went to bed early. so it was me, nat, tam, mike1 and mike2 and stern(aka mike3) left..and eventually it was just stern and i.
lets skip to later on, when all the boys had left and tam, nat and i were trying to figure out how/where we would go to sleep seeing as jess was pissed at us. we eventually decided to all sleep in one double bed in the spare room..we talked until about 5:30..maybe 6 in the morning and we were all up again around 11 the next morning. such a short sleep..
getting out of the house was even more difficult than the sleep ordeal cause jess was still in bed and we were all too scared to ask her to let us out (the alarm was on). luckily, nat grew balls and was man enough to knock on her door and get the alarm code.
when we finally escaped we came to my backyard to chillll and then went to groucho's for eggs and fries (it was still passover for tam and i...nat ate grilled cheese (fucking bastard)). we did nothing the rest of the day..watched the second half of jerry mafuckinguire and watched some quality television including some of charlie and the chocolate factory.
what day are we on? this is way to disjointed but whatever i'm just getting the facts down. it was sunday right? yesterday? is that possible? wow..
well um we me, tam, this guy dan and andrew went to the pickle barrel to break passover finally. it was soo good. orgasmic.
afterward, tam, me mike and stern all chilled at tam's for the night and watched scary movie. i got home at 3 and for some reason my parents cared and both asked me if i thought it was "apropriate" to come home that late. i said yes. i dont know if they are convinced.
today i had to do all the work i had put off all weekend..and i did it..but i also made time to chill at tam's (once again) for about an hour with mike and stern. (anyone sense a pattern?).
it really was a crazy weekend..as an extension of a crazy couple of weeks that are the result of the strike. i've gone out almost every night since the strike started. i dont really know why. it just doesn't seem like there REALLY is school even though i've been going most days.
another thing that is crazy is that there has been this crazy change in the dynamic of our close group of friends lately. one of my good friends recently lost his virginity and it was my first close friend to do that. it really makes me realize just how old i am getting. not that 18 is so old but i dont know. its just like a step of growing up. and now there is so much talk of love...among my closest friends, and its pretty crazy cause it just came so quickly and at the same time and its really really cool but at the same time surreal.
this weekend was really..........strange..but one i'll remember. i would think. definately a weekend where i learned and experienced new things about myself and my friends.
anyway, i'm out. the consequence of having a great weekend is being super -tired. i only got 5-6 hours of sleep the past two nights.
oh, one more thing..i got pre acceptance into u of t for commerce (it starts in second year). that was exciting. and one last last thing, i am developing an obsession with david keystone.
Lauren
April 9th, 2001 (9:11 am)...
its morning and i need to leave for school in less than 9 minutes. actually, now is 5 minutes cause today is my grandmother's 80th birthday and i just called her to say happy b-day. it sucks that she has to be sick on her birthday. she was up all of last night coughing apparently. can you imagine being 80? imagine how much you'd know.
anyway, the reason i am updating at such a strange time is because last night at around 11 i decided to check the queens website cause i remmebered yesterday was the day that they were announcing first round (early) acceptances. So, i went to the site and low and behold, i got early acceptance into queens arts!!!!!!
it doesn't have any detail on the site but i should be getting a package or something.
for commerce it still says "decision pending" which i expected cause apparently NOONE gets early accpetance into that program. It sucks that i have to wait so long though. laura told me she waited for queens acceptance till the very end of may. And in the end, i probably won't get in.
anyway, that's all. OH WAIT. im going to a prom! lol, i am going with this guy i went out with 1 and a half times. he goes to thornhill and its cool cause one of my good friends (tammy) is going with her boyfriend and they are friends so we'll all be togehter probably. its also cool cause our schoold oesn't have a prom so i get to go to one (even if i wont know many people)
Lauren
April 2nd, 2001 (11:09 pm)...
4 years of high school, 3 strikes, 1 (or 2?) work-to-rule. goooo public school!
nat, i bet this will make you happy hehe.
my new favorite song is gallileo by the indigo girls. im on a girl-music kick. i was, at one point today and this past week, creating a general chill CD but it has turned into a full out girl-song-cd. maybe its inspired by the events of last friday.
you see, cuteworkboy managed to fuck with me ONCE again. who's surprised? I am not feeling it nearly as much as i was on friday but there is still some passion about it left in me. you see, on friday he STILL hadn't called me (from tuesday, when we discussed the future of our relationship and he even went as far as to ask me to make him a bead bracelet). I did, however, have an icq message waiting for me when i got home from school. eventually, i asked him why he hadn't called, and so we had a fight. at the end i was just so frusterated i flat out asked him to tell me the truth once and for all and it turns out that our "personalities are too different" and that he didn't feel comfortable with me. so basically, he told me that for the past two years, while he has led me to believe that he truly likes me, he has really just been attracted to me sexually.
fucker
at the end of our conversation he asked if we could still talk on icq, and with some good quality natalie coaching, i pulled a very dramatic move and just said "no bye". it would have been better if he hadn't replied "no what???" and i wouldn't have had to reply to that saying "you asked a question and i said no". it just ruined the general perfectness of the ending :).
my weekend generally was not great after that. friday night a couple of us rented meet the parents which was funny but like i wasn't in a great mood. its kinda hard to hear that someone you have put so much effort into doesn't feel the same way.
saturday night i had a bat mitzvah where i knew noone, including the bat mitzvah girl. randomly, though, i ended up seeing a guy from school who works there (and seems to now want to give me his number), two girls that used to go to my middle school, a friend of some of my friends, some distant cousins (who i knew would be there), and my first cousin's girlfriend who worked as a caterer there. %(added two minutes later: on sunday, nat tam and i watched dick (the best movie ever) and then nat's mike and tammy's mike and this guy zach and david and the three of us all went to fran's (eventually). dont know why i felt compelled to add that)%
so random
now natalie is keeping me from updating. damn you nat. first you tell me to update and then you dont allow it to happen. dsam girl. ha
did i write about queen's yet? i dont think i did.
it was really great there. i went with jess on the morning train. we happened to meet a guy on the train (who, at first we noticed listening to our conversation and so we made it a little more interesting than it really was) from the commerce program at queen's, so even before we got there, we knew everything about the program and a nerd's prospective of the school. he seemed to like it a lot. and it was so funny how like even at the mention of ivey (at western) or mcgill, he like cringed and totally put them down. that is basically the vibe at queen's it seems. very snobby about their own school but its good, because its just like a ton of school spirit, which is something i've never experienced going to the school that i go to.
jess and i both went with pretty closed minds, having already basically decided on mcgill, but then at one point during the tour jess just turned to me and was like "this place is really nice" and i was like "ya..." and both of us just loved it from then on. its on a fucking beach. and its just a different feeling from toronto and montreal which could be really cool. There are two major problems though. 1) residence. i am worried about getting stuck somewhere bad, or with a roommate if i dont want. 2) im not going to get into commerce. i just have to accept that. like there is a slight possibility but its basically a no. i applied with .5 less than they accepted last year (their lowest commerce student had an 88 last year) and my extra currics arent amazing. so i have a lot of thinking to do now..
OH. wow, i also went to sing along sound of music on wednesday. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. i cant even tell you..i didnt even know the movie well and at the beginning, when they are like teaching you all the moves and stuff, i was like on the floor. nat, jess and i went. nat half-ass-dressed up like a brown paper package tied up with string and jess and i dressed up like NOTHING. so many adults were dressed in SUCH funny costumes and they were SO rowdy. like these are the same adults that shush us kids in movie theatres...
so, in conclusion, cuteworkboy is an asshole (i should have known), queens is awesome, and singalong sound of music is funné.
Lauren
March 27th, 2001 (8:08 pm)...
so considering i have a chem test that i am completely unprepared for,and a calc quiz that i, as well, am completely unprepared for, i really should not be writing a journal entry. but when there's news, there's news.
who wants to take a guess at what guy this news involves. i'll give you a hint..he's cute and i met him at work.
its none other than cuteworkboy.
two nights ago, while watching the academy awards, i got this unbeleivable urge to add him to re-add him to my icq list even though i had sworn to myself that i never would.
we ended up talking last night pretty late at night. it was kinda intense. we started out talking about the academy awards and by the end i had just totally opened up about the fact that like no matter how much shit he does to me i always seem to like him a couple months later and like how that means something to me and stuff and he told me that he likes me more than i may think and that bsaiclly feels like an idiot for everything he's done.
now, i know what readers must be thinking. how can i trust him, i mean he's done such bad things..let me down so many times. but i can't explain it, i just trust him. no matter what he does, i am secure in the fact that there is something between us and i've never been secure about that with anyone else.
we decided that we would get together today so at around 1:45 this afternoon he arrived at my house. we chilled, smoked, chilled, cuddled, etc. and we talked about our situation. it was awkward to talk about but i think we are all cool and i am hoping that he is not going to be a shit like last time. this time was different, cause we talked about things, but still, there is always that doubt in my mind. we'll see tomorrow evening i guess.
in other news tomorrow i am going to the sing along sound of music and on thursday i am going to kingston for the day to visit queens with my friend jess. friday i don't know what im doing but saturday i have a bat mitzvah. once again, a busy week.
Lauren
March 23rd, 2001 (4:21 pm)...*/3
well wow its been a long time. I can sort of explain. see, first i went to florida, then my dad went to israel, then i went to montreal, then i had a really bsuy week at school.
Florida was really good. it was probably the best time i've had there in a long time. I dont know why, but it was just really relaxing..perfect weather..i had a friend there (lorne from robin hood) who kept me company some days and who i chilled with one night at the clubhouse (im also in his video of florida many times)..and my family was in a good mood generally.
the trip sort of turned tho, when we got news from israel that my grandfather had had a minor heartattack. at first noone was TOO worried except maybe my dad, but a couple days later we found out it was pretty bad and they were going to have to balloon his insides to unclog an arterie.
we came back from florida on saturday in the afternoon, andby 10 that night we were back at the airport to drop my dad off to go on his unexpected trip to israel.
5:30 the next morning i was up and getting ready to go to the airport once again to fly to montreal with my mother in my father's place for a family friend's bat mitzvah. Montreal was good and 10 hours after our plane took off from toronto, we were back on a plane to toronto. That evening i basically passed out and so began my busy busy busy school week
i dont really want to explain the week or its busy-ness . frankly im not in the mood. i think i said frankly because i'm watching rosie for the second time today. anyway, today was pretty crazy in itself.
i woke up, went upstairs and after checking my daily notes (that my family leaves me if they want me to do something), noticed that i had to walk max this morning. unexpected. so i do my thing and rewalize i need to call my dad in israel as well. before that though, i decide to go to the bathroom. i flush, and the flusher breaks. so, thinking im all skilled in plumbing and such, remove the top of the toilet thing and try pulling at a random tube. the result was a tube in my hand, not attached to the rest of the toilet anymore, and a lot of draining water. before i know it half the water in the toilet is drained into g-d knows where and i am panicking cause its making a lot of noise. luckily, my dad in ISRAEL was able to help me by telling me to shut off the main water supply to my toilet. atleast it got rid of the noise. so now i no longer have a functional toilet in my room.
i also found out from my dad that my grandfather was sleeping so i wouldn't be able to talk to him. so whatever, i figured i'd call the next day or when i got home. 10 mins later, my uncle calls to let me know that my grandfather has woken up and i can talk to him. so another 10 mins later, 2 mins before school starts for me, i am finally walking max, my last chore of the morning and i run into this woman who begins to gush over my maxy because she had a westie, who, as of last week, is dead. ANOThER 10 mins later, i am finally in my car on the way to school.
once at school, i had 4 hours of straight class with not ONE break. 3 of the classes in a row were calc, finite and chem. thats fun in a bowl let me tell you.
at 2 i was home, using some "leftovers" i had and then eating a lot and making a bead braclet.
so my week has generally felt very crazy. having my grandfather sick has been realyl hard because my relationship with those grandparents has so many barriers..language and distance particularily. but i still love them. i dont know how to explain the hardness of the situation. its just like, i feel like i should be there but there's nothing i can do. and ah whatever. earlier in the week was some bad news because they tried to do the balloon operation and found that the heart was too weak. since then he's just been having fevers but when it goes down he is moving to a convalecent home for a while.
anyway im out.
Lauren
March 9th, 2001 (3:34 pm)...
I'm going to florida in about 2 hours (well, thats when i leave for the airport). I will be gone for about a week. I'll be back next saturday so if you are just dying to contact me, that's the day to do it.
i wrote a kick ass (i think) calc test. it was the trig unit and well, i dont know for sure but i think i did well and thats a good feeling to walk away from school with.
more weird things about montrealboy. so now we talk on icq and we figured out that while he is in france this summer, i will be too (but only for a two day overlap since my tour only stops in france for 2 days) (and also, only as long as we finally book this trip already). Also, both of our grandparents have places in the same area of florida. too weird. like on top of the fact that he was supposed to be set up with jess (see last entry).
thats about all. i'll talk to you all later. have a good week!!
Lauren
March 4th, 2001 (3:05 pm)...
So i saw the vagina monologues last night. Erin Brokovich was the special guest or whatever you want to call the third (and usually famous) actor that they replace every week in Toronto.
I think that i came out of that play with about 25% more confidence in myself than i had before i went in. It was completely great and, although this is a cliche word to use, liberating. go see it. I learned so much from it and from the thoughts that came to me afterwards. I went to see it with my friend Jess and we came out and we just had to sit down and talk and we had this completely uncandid conversation in a second cup by the theatre which just proved to me how it had affected us.
It's true, i could not relate to many of the sexual references, but still appreciated them based on hearsay :). Otherwise though, it was just great. I can't really articulate my thoughts clearly so i won't bother. but just basically other than the confidence, it helped me to bring out the little feminist in me, atleast temporarily. I am just seeing, today and last night, how the vagina monologues was really a sexual metaphor for all the ways that women are made to feel ashamed of themselves in society. whatever, like i said, i can't explain it properly i'm just having a feel good day today.
this weekend i also saw the mexican. I had been planning to go and see it on opening night for like a month, and although i knew it probably wasn't going to be great, i wasn't expecting 2 and a half hours of it. I must admit, though, it was pretty. Brad and Julia. imagine their children. Brad and Jennifer will have to do though.
Oh, crazy story. I wrote a couple of entries ago about my trip to montreal and how i met this guy at a club. well, we kept in touch and we talk through e-mail every couple of days lately. anyway, jess went to montreal a week after us and she met some people her mom works with over there. She started talking with one of them and the woman told her that she had a cute nefew and that she wanted to introduce her to him and his friends. Jess basically ignored it, and other than randomly joking around with me that it could possibly be the same guy, we didn't really think much of it. It turns out, IT WAS THE SAME GUY. the woman was talking with jess' mom and the woman was telling her that her nefew mentioned he had met some other people from toronto and so jess' mom said that jess had some friends who were recently there and then they compared names and it turns out that her nefew is my club guy. literall, the chances are probably 1 in 50 000. cause we knew that both guys were jewish and going to mcgill. its crazy. i freaked out on friday when i found out.
I don't havemuch else to say. I am procastonating work cause i dont have anything like due right now. its hard to get motivated to work on the stuff you dont HAVE to do right now. oh wait. i meant to also say that there was a vaginahead sitting next to me at the performance. I think she was, atleast. I think i have pretty good obsession radar because of my past experiences...
goodday
Lauren
February 27th, 2001 (8:57 pm)...
so i had my second surgery in a couple months hehe.
this one was different than the last (wisdom teeth) because, well, it was on my foot instead of my teeth.
I wasn't allowed to eat anything from midnight the night before and when i got to the hospital at 7:30 am, i found out that iw ouldn't be getting my surgery till atleast 11. i didn't end up going in until 11:30 (after having read 2 cosmos and an article on nelly furtado). i was very very very very hungry.
i don't know if any of you have had a formal surgery but it was very "ER"-ish. the room was green and tiley and all of the "utensils" were just, like, layed out in front. i was a loser and realized that i needed to go pee just as i reached the operating table hehe. they must have thought i was such a baby.
they put me to sleep and about an hour later, i woke up in another room. I had no dreams and was completely unconscious so basically i was dead. its a weird feeling. you go to sleep and the next thing you know, literally, you are somewhere else and time has passed, and you weren't a part of it. its weird. i dont know how to explain it properly.
i had to stay at the hospital for like another 2 hours but it was cool cause i had a roommate (not that we really talked much but it was nice to have company!).
so ya i spent the rest of the week in a LOT of pain (i can't even describe it at its worst..which was like thurs and friday. it was like having a broken bone and having to just deal with the pain. the double doses i was taking of tylenol 3 wasn't even helping)
it started getting better sunday evening i guess...
and today i went back to school for my one class. its so weird being out with crutches. for example, on sunday morning my parents made me leave the house since i hadn't even SEEN outside since wednesday morning (my room is in the basement). we went to yorkdale and two people actually asked me what happened and mannny others were blatantly staring at me. it was brutal. like i never realized the attention i would get.
oh by the away i deleted cuteworkboy from my icq list. i want him out of my life. i was reading old journals and its just sick how much i talked about him.
back to the surgery..ya it was also interesting to see which friends called/came over. on saturday night nat and jess came over and kept me company while my parents were out which was very nice (i was unfortunately stuck in my house the entire weekend). david, billy, josh and jess all ended coming over for a bit which was cool. it was nice to see people even if i couldn't leave my house.
anyway this is so disjointed i just feel like getting eveything down. umm i ended up watching about 5 movies (beautiful girls, waiting for guffman-so funny, billy maddison-also so funny, bring it on, and cradle will rock-amazing movie that i've seen before) and reading a million magazines. well three in total but i read them all on thursday and friday and 2 of them were cosmos, which made me want a boyfriend way too badly. that magazine is so full shit but ohso entertaining anyway. the truth is, before the whole foot escapade, i had never even read a single cosmo!
anyway gotta go. i can't write.
Lauren
February 19th, 2001 (9:28 pm)...
how does so much time pass by without my noticing? two whole weeks and not one single update. i really am a bastard.
so what do i have to say..
im tryig to think of what i did two weekends ago..oh I KNOW. i spent it mainly with jess. nat was sick..tammy was umm with her boyfriend and in buffalo..and well i guess i randomly say david and aaron and billy and bart and bart's friend. I came out of the weekend having seen "saving silverman" and with a brand new answering machine for my cell phone, which, i must say, is pretty classic. (david, jess, aaron, and i sang a mean "itsy bitsy spider, with david on piano, aaron on percussion, me on lead vocals, and jess on back-up)
let's think. oh this weekend was kind of interesting. not especially good, but definately interesting. on friday i was supposed to meet one of tammy's boyfriend's friends (again) who's name was also mike (like tam's boyfriend). so i did, and the four of us basically did nothing at yonge and eg. later on, tam and i ended up at nat's house without the tam's b-friend and the boy. let me emphasize that. the boy.
that was my official reason for why i wasn't interested. he was kind of cute..really funny..nice.. etc. but he was a boy, and i just wasn't into it. also, near the end of the night we had very little to say to eachother.
i came home that night, and, like always, went on icq for a bit. cuteworkboy was online and i messaged him with "hi". he quickly asked me to see a movie with him the next day (saturday), and, in my slightly impaired state, i agreed. the next morning it still seemed like a good idea. the night before we'd planned the time, the movie, and sketched out some possibilities for before and after. i had to be at yorkdale for 7 on saturday, and i was not to bring my car because he would "take me home".
saturday i woke up and called nat until she woke up. we got together at her house and, after a very stressful wait for her parents to leave, chilled, and then decided to go for coffee. i think that nat would agree it was one of the biggest mistakes we've ever made :). we first went to pharma plus at the top of her street (by foot) to pick up some stuff. we sort of knew the cashier so we briefly spoke with her and were on our way to second cup. about 3 minutes after we'd left the store, i looked down at my hand only to realize that i had forgotten my bag at pharma plus! i was completely embarassed when i had to go back in and explain that i'd forgotten the bag to the girl that i kind of knew and her friend who she happened to be talking with.
anyway, nat and i were back on our way to second cup in the extremely cold weather. we got there, ordered our drinks, and then fitted them for caps. unfortunately, we could not find a cap that fit just perfectly, so, because we were, apparently, complete morons that afternoon, we settled for the caps that ALMOST fit.
To our COMPLETE surprise, on the way home, our respective drinks managed to splash us both in the most obvious places. by the time we again passed pharma plus, nat had managed to spill hot chocolate all over the front of her jacket and jeans, and i had skillfully spilled my mochachino onto my sister's WHITE sweatpants that she had bought that morning.
annnnd, ofcourse, the girl who witnessed me forget my bag walked out of pharma plus at the EXACT moment that we passed.
nat and i are so smooth.
when it got to be 5, i went home to get ready to meet cuteworkboy. I got home and came on icq to find a message from him. apparently he forgot that he had hockey tickets for that night with his dad and he was very sorry and would wait for me on icq until i came on in order to make sure that i knew he couldn't come. in fact, he sent his first message at 1:40 and was still online at 5 when i came home. how fucking sweet.
i should have guessed that he would cancel. although it seemed and seems completely innocent, it has happened too many fucking times. oh, and his reason for not calling was that he once again lost my number. he did, however, swear that he would call me, to which i replied that i was starting to loose trust in him. a little argument followed.
he makes me so mad and i don't know why i bother with him anymore. he is completely wrong for me. 21..works at silvercity...is an idiot...what do i see in him and why do i keep on allowing him back into my life?
i told him that day that from that point on, everything was in his hands. if he wants something to happen then he can take full initiative because i am not getting involved anymore. i wonder if i'll ever talk to him again.
i ended up making last minute plans with nat and my friend leo from school. we went to see the wedding planner, which i loved. it was just what i wanted to see and renewed my faith in romance. Although it was unrealisitic, it is what i want, and possibly the reason why none of my "dates" work out. if i would have went out with cuteworkboy this weekened then i would have had two dates in one weekend. does that make me a serial dater? i wanted to make a list the other day of all the poeple i've dated just to remind me how pathetic this all is and what a baby i have been and am.
after the movie, nat and i chilled at leo's cause his parents were out of town and we had a great time in his bathroom.
in other news, i have become obsessed with finding this guy on the internet who nat, carly and i once met in florida. he was natalie's florida boyfriend and we all kept in touch for a bit after we came home, but have lost touch since. so far i have found his home address and telephone number, and some e-mail addresses that were possibly his in the PAST but that are no longer functional. i actually have decided that he doesn't have internet connection because if he did, then i would have found him by now.
oh, and in other other news, i am having surgery on wednesday. don't worry, it's not a huge deal, i am just getting a bone removed in my foot that has been inflamed and bothering me since i was ten years old. it was never an excrutiating pain, but it is consistently bothering me so i am having it fixed once and for all..i hope. i have this fear that the same thing is happening to my other foot because i've been poking it lately to make sure (and thus unintentionally self-inflicting the inflamation).
i think that is all..see, i don't write for two weeks and a full out essay comes out of my..uh..keyboard.
Lauren
February 5th, 2001 (5:35 pm)...
CONTINUATION:
sorry about yesterday, but i was beyond tired and i had to tell my non-journal reading friends about the trip.
so anyway, as i was saying, nat and i went to the jacuzzi and the sauna and then we hung around until it was time for maya ashley and jodi to arrive at our hotel so that we could go see mcgill.
i planned and booked a tour for 1:30 that day but jodi, maya and i ended up being late (we couldn't find the right building), so we did our own walking tour. Mcgill is so beautiful. For those of you that live/know toronto, every building looks like those U of T buildings by the ROM. So classic and old.
we then walked back and on the way found this really good deli-type place where Jodi has the BEST matzoh ball soup and we all had very tasty grilled cheese and fries.
after that i was so fucking tired from my lack of sleep the night before so i came back to the hotel and chilled by myself, watching tv, while others shopped/went to the jacuzzi. it was so nice and relaxing although i did not fall asleep.
that night was, in my opinion, that best of the 3. all 7 of us met at this realllly nice restaurant called "shed" at around 10 and had dinner. we had a really bond-y conversation and played the "I Never" game which i hadn't played in like 5 years. it was such a good dinner cause i never REALLY talk with those girls (minus nat)and so it was nice to get to know them on a different level.
we then headed to this club which name has perma-escaped me. We were carded but all got in with our varying fake IDs. At first, it seemed like it wasn't going to be a great night. there was an 8 dollar cover and the drinks were expensive, plus there weren't many people there and they were playing techno music with no words. eventually, though, more people started coming and we all started dancing.
there was a guy there that i thought was cute and who i was sorta making eye contact with at the beginning. eventually he came over and led me to the dance floor where, eventually, i had an italy-esque encounter. the guy was actually really nice and we were like, having conversation which was unusual. what was also crazy was that i went with 7 girls and 4 of us hooked up with people. 2 were uninterested and 1 recently broke up with her long-term boyfriend so it made sense. it really proves that its easier for girls to get action than guys.
i really realized that night that clubs are pretty gross in that a majority of the guys are there just to get action. like, they have very little interest in the dancing or the fun..they just want to get laid. or atleast kissed. but mostly laid. its just gross.
anyway, eventually i had to leave, so the guy and i exchanged information and low and behold, he e-mailed me yesterday.
im not sure how i meant that "low and behold" to be read. i just wrote it. it doesn't really mean anything
oy i just got mega-interrupted. don't i sound like the people from clueless?
i'm still on the phone but i'll write litte bits
ok now im really back unless the phone rings again.
anyway, friday night was really great. we ended up getting like 6 hours of sleep that night which was a record for the trip. When we woke up, julia was already gone cause she
had a train to catch at 9:40 (so brutal). Nat and i eventually got up and went to a restaurant called eggspectations where nat (get read for a big shock) ordered EGGS. and she ate most of it! i even have a picture to prove it.
after that, we came home and i spoke to jenifer aubry and then we smoked in the bathroom of our hotel room and headed off to lazer quest which was unbelievably fun and i am proud to say that i came in third (out of 7 :)). we were the only english people there. it was so funny. it really rocked.
we then went to the 24 hour second cup on our street and saw some people from toronto, one of whom was my best friend when we were young and who i lost touch with for about 5 years and then saw TWICE in two weeks and one of those times was in MONTREAL.
so strange.
we then crashed in our room all evening and realized as it got closer to night time that we had no plans. we were very lazy though and didn't really get out of bed till 10. we went to a bar called the mad hatter eventually. it was pretty nice but we didn't know anyone and we were just sorta sitting alone until i went to the bathroom and found nat talking to a random guy when i came back. he ended up introducucing us to another guy who was there with a little group of people. we were pretty drunk when we agreed to leave the mad hatter with this group of 22 year olds and go to another bar called cheers. when we got to cheers there was a line, so we waited and eventually got in but had to show ID. that is when nat realized she lost her credit card!!! so back to the mad hatter we went, and then back to the hotel when we couldn't find it.
we got into the elevator up to our hotel room and there was another teenager in there. he asked us where we were from and we asked the same and then we got to our floor..but as we were leaving the elevator i asked where he was staying and he said "302". can you guess what we did after we couldn't find her card in our room?...
we called them. it was 2:30 and we didn't want to go to sleep and we didn't feel like going back out so we called and they called us back and eventually we invited three strangers to our room to smoke a j (or a star or a loose as they called it) in our bathroom. it was a potentially dangerous thing to do but it ended up being completely fine. the guys were totally non-threatening and we ended up hanging out until like 5.
we didn't end up sleeping till almost 6 and had to get up at 9:30 the next morning to get on our train that ended up being 2 hours late (it was worth it though, because next time i go, i get 50% off).
now can you see why i was oh-so-tired yesterday?
why do i ask questions when i can get no answers?
well thats all. it was a crazy weekend.
Lauren
February 4th, 2001 (9:26 pm)...
i just had one of the best weekends of my life, if not the best.
I don't know if i'll really be able to portray just how crazy and fun it was, but i'll try to write in everything that i remmeber...unless i fall asleep in the middle
Thursday morning jodi, julia, nat and i headed to union station to catch the 11:30 train to montreal
the train ride was very interesting. we sat in those 4 people seat thingies and we had this big blanket which was very comfy. We weren't on an express train so we picked up so many people on the way, including a big bunch of students from lakeview (or lakefield), ontario. they were sooo funny cause one of them was drunk ON A TRAIN TO MONTREAL. so weird. so stupid. so amusing.
we got there and went to our hotel room which ended up being very small but clean and fine and the hotel was in an amazing location...right at the corner of drummond and st.catherine street which is the equivalent of bloor street in toronto. so pretty.
julia and i then ran some errands and picked up some chips and drinks to stash in the room for whenever we wanted. we then were turned down at the liquer store so we sent natalie, who is legal in montreal, to go get it and she got it without being carded.
that night we met maya and ashley and maya;s friend and sister and such at a bar called "le bifteque" where they had cheap alcohol and lots of students. it was a lot of fun and i dont really remember what we did..just sorta talked and stuff. i think i drank a lot that night. like i did, but i didn't feel it like i usually do. like i wans't smashed ya know? and i didn't feel sick. anyway, nat and jules and i then went to the peel pub where they had 1 dollar shooters and we sang really loud to all the good music they were playing and nat danced with someone and there were gross guys there trying to get us to move to their tables.
we then walked back to the hotel and went to sleep (we only had one queen bed for three of us so we slept width wise).
nat and i woke up at 8:30 the next morning for no real reason and we had a very very very long day. first, julia and i went to a place around the corner to get food. then nat and i went in the jacuzzi while julia slept..and then in the sauna..and then
oy i cant' write anymore. i have to sleep and talk to my friends on the phone
Lauren
February 1st, 2001 (9:34 am)...
unfortunately, this isn't going to be a real entry. I have a good reason though..
I AM GOING TO MONTREAL IN 30 MINUTES
i can't wait. ofcourse, i dont want to jinx it but this trip has a lot of fun potential. I am going on the train with jodi and julia and nat and julia nat and i are staying at the best western RIGHT downtown and jodi is staying with maya and so is ashley (at maya's sister's) and simone is staying at her brother's. so, basically, there are 7 of us that are going to be together in montreal. The trip motto is "free love" but i think that's more joke than real.
the plan is to sleep/explore during the day and party at night. Legal age there is only 18 and my ID sucks so they better be lenient. I hear they are though so its alll good. I am also going to check out mcgill since that IS where i want to go (atleast, i think i do) and i'd like to see it for myself.
anyway, i should go and get together all that last minute stuff. my carry on and mini-suitcase are already sooo packed.
OH, one more thing. remember bigdreamers.com? well, the domain expires tomorrow and i never bothered to renew it so it is going to dissapear i believe. its pretty sad for me..i worked very hard on that site at a time...i have over 300 people on my mailing list, and have received countless e-mails from aspiring actors asking me for advice or thanking me or whatever. It is sorta like an era of my life coming to an end. Who knows though, maybe i'll resurect it when i come back. or maybe the people who i bought the domain from will make a mistake and it wont actually dissapear..but thats a long shot.
so anyway, go visit it if you want onnnnnnnnnee lassssssst tiiiiiiime and laugh if you want, cause its pretty corny.
see you/talk to you on sunday or monday!
Lauren