Wild Bill...

Comebacks

1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
2. Do I look like a people person?
3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You!... Off my planet!
9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
11. *@^&*((@#@
12. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
14. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
15. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
16. Allow me to introduce my selves.
17. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
18. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
19. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
20. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
21. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
22. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
23. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
24. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
25. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
26. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
27. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
28. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
29. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
30. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
32. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
33. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
36. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
37. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
38. I plead contemporary insanity.
39. And which dwarf are you?
40. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
41. Meandering to a different drummer.
42. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

Hummm...

1.If you mix vodka with orange juice and Milk of Magnesia, Would you get a Phillips screwdriver?
2.If a pig loses his voice, Is he disgruntled?
3.If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
4.Why is a man who invests your money called a broker?
5.When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put in your two cents worth, What happens to the other penny?
6.Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
7.Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
8.Why are overlook and oversee opposite?
9.If horrific means to be horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
10.Why isn't 11 called onety one?
11."I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do." is the longest sentence?
12.If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it stand to reason that electricians are delighted, musicians are denoted, cowboys are deranged, models are deposed, tree surgeons are debarked and dry cleaners are depressed?
13.Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
14.If you take an Oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
15.If people from Poland are called "Poles", Why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"