“Spanning the globe to give you a constant variety of sports…” Can anyone tell me how in the hell you play cricket? I did a Google Search and here’s what I got:

How to play cricket? Beats the hell out of me.
Cricket-Isn’t that a bug?
Cricket-How to hit a ball backwards, and still score points.
Cricket-437,386 simple rules.
What?
Cricket-the other white meat.
You wanna learn to play what? Haahahahahahahaha…….

Since Christmas, I have had the strangest schedule. I mean Christmas was great, and I took my kids to Florida the first week of January to use up a week of vacation I had left over from last year. We sat on a beach at Anna Maria island and did nothing all week. Everyone needs a vacation at least once a year where you do nothing.

I returned to work only to fly off to Carlsbad, California to deliver some training and to try to help get rid of some bottlenecks they were having in two areas of their plant. It was very nice out there, but talk about expensive. Gas $2.11. Food? Clothing? Yikes! I’m sorry, but all you poo poo heads crying “Foul” about everything that goes on in this here little old state should try looking at life differently for just one nanosecond. I escaped Connecticut to come back here because the cost of living in the Socialist Republic of New England was more like the cost of dying as you had to kill yourself just to make ends meet. For example, how about paying 4 different taxes each year for each vehicle you own? That’s four separate checks: Property Tax, Sewer Tax, Water Tax, and Fire Tax. Every year. Even on my old 1966 Mercedes (which I wish I still had). And I lived in a town with no sewers and got my water from my own well. Well, try California. I have no idea why folks would want to buy a 1000sq ft townhouse for $265,000-$350,000. Search me.

Once I returned from California it was off to Crewe in the United Kingdom (so they call it). Stayed in a great place. But my internal clock never switched over. It was 2:30 in the am over there, but my body was saying, “Heck no-it’s only 9:30pm.” That was a very long, hard week, especially with no sleep. You would think I would remember something called a sleeping pill. Anyway, we had a great selection of 12 channels, three of which showed soccer or cricket. I did find some good American shows late night like ER, Law and Order, and some good movies like The Green Mile. I tried, I really, really tried to get into soccer, sniff. But it just won’t work. I need action. I mean the broadcast goes something like: “Jones kick the ball downfield. Oh, it’s intercepted by Ramsey who kicks the ball back upfield. Oh, it’s intercepted by Gould with a wonderful header….zzzzzzzzzz.” I mean baseball is boring, but give me Randy or Roger throwing 95 mile an hour heat any day.

So I tried cricket and the first thing I saw was a guy tipping the ball backwards with the flat bat and he runs to a base and then back and scores a run? Hey, what the hell happened to foul balls? And the guy was up to bat forever, he finally tips the ball again, it hits the dirt and a guy catches it and then he was out or retired? I tried. I really tried. I went to work the next day and asked a few of the folks I was working with, “Can you explain cricket to me?” They looked at me like I asked them to explain the theory of relativity. “No-I’m not a fan,” was the answer. I fear I will spend the rest of my life as a cricket illiterate. I am so saddened by this. And I still can’t find a “Cricket for dummies” book.

Anyway, arriving back home found me beyond jet lagged. I felt as if I was having a heart attack. That Sunday night as went to get my two little ones out of the shower, the hot air got to me and I got tunnel vision, dizzy, my knees buckled and I fell backwards into the door and ended up out on the floor. Talk about weird. Very early Monday morning it was off to the ER to find out it was just stress, jet lag, and that I had three separated ribs. Great.

A quick trip to the pharmacy for some pain pills and finally, some sleeping pills, and I’m as good as new almost.

Mark, the pictures and story of the men coming home was wonderful. Where I work, we are still waiting for word from PFC Gordon Simerson-one of our guys. God bless you and keep you Gordon. We miss you.

It is great to see all of the work going on in the valley. Everywhere you look you can see construction going on. How you managed to get behind the tarps I’ll never know, but it seems your celebrity status is climbing. Hey can you hook me up with Candice Grossklaus? Just kidding. My own new relationship is going great. I finally found a winner it seems.

By the way, your solution to the Kev problem is simple. Do what I do. Turn him off. If you can get AM790, try that station. Then at 9, switch over to “The franchise.” Hey and thanks again for your donation, and thanks to Sue Henry as well. My daughters raised over $500 for St Jude’s Children’s Hospital during their recent Mathathon. My daughters did well over two hundred math problems each in less than one week. They did it on their own with no pushing from me. Way to go girls.

Anyway, it is good to be back to the old routine. It was good to see you up and around the other day. Looks like the injuries are healed and the biking can begin shortly.

Keep the faith.
Private Sector Dude.