Don't be hard on yourself about hooting and hollering. If I had spent the money you did and got 18 percent, I'd still be in Iowa hooting and hollering.-- Al Sharpton, hacking Howard Dean's jewels

Al needs to decide whether he wants to be the President, or a stand up comedian.

See! Yap all you want about the arena, Montage, or whatever else floats your boat when the mercury dips too low for most outdoor activities. There's just nothing to do around here on a typical boring Tuesday night. Nothing! Pulling the fire alarms at Sherman Hills gets old fast, and so does robbing the local Turkey Hill armed only with a loaded index finger. There's just nothing to do. But one local managed to rise above the doldrums and deserves massive points for creativity. What better way to spend a frigid evening in late January than to get sh*t-faced, call 911, and threaten the President's life? Those folks in Glen Lyon really know how to have a good time.

Check out this breaking story. Not even WNEP or WBRE have caught on to this story as of yet:

BREAKING NEWS: HILLARY CRASH

UPI- released two hours ago. Junior Senator Hillary Clinton of New York was flying cross-country last night in her personal aircraft was forced to make a emergency landing in southern Texas because of bad weather. She was unhurt and the National Transportation Safety Board officials have determined that pilot error was the major cause of the accident. The accident scene pictures including the wreckage of Hillary's aircraft have been released prior to being returned to upper New York State for major repairs.

NTSB officials have also indicated that the Junior Senator was not wearing the appropriate seat belt or safety restraints, was flying in IFR conditions while only having obtained a VFR, single engine land rating and will be cited for those violations accordingly. NTSB officials also say the absence of a post crash fire was due to the lack of sufficient fuel on board to sustain flight. There were no on ground fatalities.

Remember Catherine Bosley, the TV anchor chick that decided stripping in public might add to her resume? Ernie managed to post 21 pictures of her onstage and in various stages of undress. Actually, mostly nude, but it's worth a look. I realize it's a dated concept, but I like girls. I clicked my way through the links and considering what her job was, all I could think was Oh my God!

Did I hear that local news broadcast correctly? Local copper dudes are attending a two day Spanish course? With the influx of Spanish speaking folks to the area, I'm sure it's a necessary thing at this point. The only thing I was wondering was, just how much Spanish can you learn in only two days? "Freeze." "Where are you shot?" And "Which way did he run?" That ought to suffice for now.

This is a first. I'm linking to that cesspool otherwise known as MTV.com. Who could have thunk it? Anyway, being a rock 'n' roller, I prefer the 'Welcome to the Jungle' mix. Ladies and gentlemen, on lead guitar: Slash! Back-up vocals: Axl! Lead vocals, screaming, and numerous other acts of insanity: Howie!

From last night's snoozefest of a debate:

I'm proposing to create a national health insurance pool from which -- like the one that members of Congress get our insurance from. And we would say this: If you don't have insurance now, you'll be able to get it, probably free, if you're among the low-income working poor. If you're a child, you will be covered by insurance at birth. If you are fired from your work or lose your job, you will not lose your health insurance.

MediKids is part of my program. Every child born in America will become a member of MediKids, and it will cover them from birth through 25. Why 25? Because young adults have a hard time affording health insurance, and a lot of them think they're not going to get sick, but they do, and we need to cover them.--Joe Leiberman

This guy strikes me as the lone voice of reason compared to his running mates on most occasions, but MediKids? We can't seem to fix all of the screwed-up federal programs we're suffering with now. Let's start another federal program. Yeah, man! That's the ticket! MediKids! How about the MediPolitico program? That's where we medicate these free spenders and render them completely docile before they spend us into oblivion.

Wow! Hose Chickie is now a published author. Rumor has it that her 10 year-old paperboy actually wrote this letter, but he's not returning my calls for comment. From today's Voice:

Inaugural ball of Mayor Leighton shows city can hope for new era

Editor:

On Saturday night my husband and I, along with hundreds of other people, attended Mayor Tom Leighton's inaugural ball, an event which will always be remembered. It will go down in history.

What people don't always see is all the hard work that goes into planning such an event. The people who donated food, their time, desserts and even flowers are some of them. I can't remember all who helped out, but they know who they are and I would like to tell them they did a great job.

There is one person I would like to thank personally for a great and super job. That person is Lori Majikes. She worked very hard. This ball was a super affair. Many different people of all occupations came to celebrate not only the beginning of a new era but a very well-liked Mayor Tom Leighton.

The atmosphere of the night was so exuberant and outgoing - with people laughing and getting along - that it goes to show the people of Wilkes-Barre finally have in Mayor Leighton someone that they not only know will do a good job that will take time but one who will listen to the people and give respect to them.

Thanks for a wonderful time
Linda Schultz
Wilkes-Barre

Dittos! It really was quite the evening. And to think that I didn't really want to attend because I was told to 'clean up.' I can only hope that that feeling of unity and the strong sense of purpose carries us forward before 'politics as usual' starts creeping into the equation. We've got a two year window of opportunity before the folks promising cooperation, but quietly planning to replace our new mayor will start providing less and less cooperation. It's all politics, man.

I'm sitting here playing with my 'puter and wifey yells from the next room: "What the heck is this? The fire department is on channel 66." I reached for the remote, turned on the ad box, and lo-and-behold there's goes Rescue 7 across the screen. What the muck? Then, the new fire chief appears on the screen, so I'm thinking this video was made during the past two weeks. I reached for the cell phone and called Larry. It seems this show was put together by the kids at Wilkes 4, or 5 years ago. Oh. The next thing I knew, the video was from that bar down around the corner that went inferno a few years ago. Believe me, not one resident of Thompson Street misses that scum magnet. It's amazing how few police calls we generated while battling with those assholes night in and night out. Axe handles: They're always loaded and they have a built-in silencer.

The segment about the firefighters utilizing their culinary skills at headquarters is a hoot knowing when this video was made. They may have been allowed to whip up a quick quiche while the cameras were rolling, but as soon as those kids headed back to Wilkes, I'd bet the resident chef and his buddies were dispatched to repaint the hydrants pronto. If you remember correctly, 4, or 5 years ago our firefighters were already being demonized by the administration of this city. The bad old days. Whatever. I gotta get me a copy of that tape.

Okay. Council approved the $10 million loan request. Basically, a debt consolidation loan. The thing I want to know is how the taxpayer advocate crazies could demand that the city present a finalized budget with $10 million worth of financial loose ends lying all over the place? And they serious? Are they stupid? If Mayor Leighton presented his budget without an answer for the $10 million in overdue debts, they'd be crying foul over that. So he seeks to pay off every one of our loose ends and then present the budget and they're crying foul. If he showed up with $30 million in state and federal aid and announced that the capital of the state was being transferred to Wilkes-Barre, they'd be whining about that. If you don't show up and bitch, you can't get your name in the paper and build up your name recognition.

It was a refreshing change of pace to have the Voice identify these folks as "a former mayoral candidate" and "another former city candidate" rather than the usual 'defenders of the universe' they've gotten away with being percieved as for well too long. If these people were asked to present a budget with $10 million worth of unanswered questions hanging over them, they'd run home right quick. I see that the question of whether a tax increase is a possibility was raised again and I've been consistent on that issue for a long time now. Raise the wage tax back to 3.0% as it stood before financial chaos become the 'norm in this city. Tony Thomas pointed out that lowering the income tax from 3% to 2.85% cost the city almost $4 million. If that number is accurate, let's do it. Raise revenues. A .15% increase is not going to bankrupt anyone despite the arguments to the contrary

Everyone concerned claims they want to see Wilkes-Barre zoom to new heights, but it'll never happen without some available cashola. We're not going to rebuild everything, attract development, hang on to our existing employees, add even more one day, and stage the best festivals and parades while trying to hold the line on taxes that should have never been reduced in the first place. If an insignificant, miniscule .15% increase adds up to millions of dollars, by all means go for it. I realize that raising taxes is anathema to elected types, but we're in some real pretty sh*t here. In my mind, it's unrealistic to ask our elected leaders to work countless wonders while trying to tie their hands at the same time.

It was also reported that some Nord Enders "took exception to a comment from union officials who expressed concerns about city employees being asked to share in the cost of their health-care insurance." That was my entire point the other night when I said those complaints would fall on mostly deaf ears. Nobody wants to hear that. Paying nothing towards ones health-care costs is going to come under heavy fire wherever it's still being practiced during these days of seemingly coast-to-coast budgetary constraints. And the waning power of unions upon elections all across this country won't help those union member's position as they face calls for concessions.

The grandkids are all here for the weekend, so please, please wait until Monday to fire-bomb the adobe. I'm gonna go watch my Lance Link: Super Chimp videotape one last time. I might even inflate my Socker Boppers one last time and beat Gage Andrew just short of senseless. Maybe I'll search my filing cabinets for those crumbling Tiger Beat magazines I still have. As I face my mortality head on, I just gotta know. Susan Dey, or Maureen McCormick?

What say you?