What a stellar crowd. It looks like the index of Paul O'Neill's book. Let me say something about that book. Paul said I was disengaged because he talked to me for 45 minutes and I didn't say a word. I wasn't disengaged. I was bored as hell and my mother told me never to interrupt.--Dubya, speaking at a dinner this past Saturday night

I just returned from a lengthy walkabout through the Nord End. I can't explain why, but I thoroughly enjoy a robust walkabout during, or soon after any significant crunchy water event. It seems the deeper the crunchy water piles, the further I want to walk. And I didn't even do drugs when I was a know-nothing, know-it-all young adult. Well, I did try a hit of acid in Power Technology class once. It's really hard to solder anything correctly when the kid on the stool next to you is pulsating and his height fluctuates every 30 seconds or so. Mr. Herring got more than he bargained for during that particular class as he usually did whenever I wandered into his basement cauldren. Oh yeah, we did sniff an entire bottle of Bolt one time while blasting some Blue Oyster Cult louder than even the members of Blue Oyster Cult themselves could probably handle. Ear plugs? You pansies! And there was that one mostly unsuccessful methodone experiment. There was only one drug that I ever tried that I could make a habit of.

A friend, Dave, and I took our five little rodents, aged 2-7 to the rest stop up there just short of Tunkhannock for a bit of creek swimming. Dave pulls out a pipe and announces that he has some Lebanese hash. For all I knew, it could have been dried cantaloupe peels, but Dave said Lebanese hash was the best thing short of his Uncle Tuck's home recipe brewed in the dense forests somewhere near Noxen. I was initially reluctant to, but eventually found myself following Dave's lead after he fired up that funky-looking pipe. Within minutes I was the numbest and most completely content person this side of the Muckatuck river. At that moment, if I was doused with a diesel/kerosene mix and set ablaze...I would have simply smiled at and thanked the offending pyromaniac. Wherever I suddenly found myself, it was my very first time there.

Scarily, while I enjoyed this newfound place, in my mind, I no longer had any children to monitor. Peace could have informed me that her brother was drowning and I would have probably responded with: 'That's nice, dear. Now run along and play with those perverts creeping off into the bushes at the far end of the parking area. And fetch me three hoagies.' After my re-entry to Earth, I realized that this was not exactly a shining example of responsible parenting. That was the very last time I ingested anything that could get me shacked up with anyone named Bubba. Don't tell wifey. This concludes our digress-a-thon.

Any-mucking-way, I enjoyed my walkabout this morning and I'm prepared to give y'all a no-sh*t assessment of the road conditions as I saw them. The streets in this end of town were black and wet. This is the best I've seen the condition of the Nord End streets after a significant crunchy water event in recent memory. Mayor Leighton told us he was going to delegate authority to the department heads and take care of the city's important business for a change. From what I saw, last night's performance proves that some of our city employees can perform, and perform very well without a mayor crammed up against their prostates. Who knew?

As a matter of fact, another Nord Ender offered some praise to our road crews in the Wilkes-Barre Now II forum this morning.

Speaking of the forum, it seems I may have stirred up a hornet's nest to some degree by commenting about the city employee's health-care benefits. I consider that a good thing, being that it may have sparked further debate. Opinions are like city calendars. We've all got one. Or, we used to. In my opinion, whether they be insightful, or completely whacked-out, the more opinions expressed, the better. There does seem to be one often repeated sentiment being expressed no matter what the forum. I read every locally printed word. I read every SAYSO. I listen to every call to WILK. I read the posts in our own forum. I read your e-mails. I talk to city employees and residents alike. I also talk to some city businessmen. As I already stated here, the hoi polloi believe that city employees should be paying for part of their health-care costs. But that call for the city's employees to do the right thing is readily drowned-out by the demand that City Council do likewise.

I know some people truly believe that our council members are just flat out over-compensated. I also believe that many of the people demanding that council fall on the financial sword are simply angry at the current members for not reighing in our former out-of-control mayor. I do know with certainty that some of the residents that were the most outspoken about needing a new mayor in this city feel completely betrayed by a few of our council members who encouraged them to get involved with promises of drastic action to immediately follow. While some of us willingly painted bulleyes on ourselves at their request, those very same council members never delivered what they had promised. Some folks are still bitter about that and one of our best and brightest younger residents even threw his hands up, sold his home, and didn't look back at Wilkes-Barre in the rear view mirror. Is the charge that "It's all politics" really accurate and what we should expect in the future, or are we really only concerned with what's best for the city? Some folks out here are wondering aloud.

Should our council types be paid $1,000 per month? Probably not. With that said, if they agreed to work for free pizza in lieu of pay, the savings to the city would be nominal at best. Should they be paid a gas stipend for traveling from the Heights, Miners Mills, or South Wilkes-Barre to City Hall? F**k no! That amounts to an insult to the taxpayers. What employer reimburses their employees just for traveling back and forth to work? I don't know when that practice started, but it suggests that Wilkes-Barre should change it's name to La-La Land and the person that first proposed such a perk should be forever banished from our midst. Then there's the biggest hot button issue of all. Should our council members be entitled to extremely generous health-care benefits at the taxpayers expense? This one is too easy. If the folks clamoring for the gavel were to give an honest answer to that question they would respond by saying: "F**k no!"

I'm no city historian, but I doubt that many single mothers, or folks well down on their luck have ever been elected to a council seat. For the most part, the folks that have joined that elusive club are very successful, and many are well-heeled. I'm sure they've worked long and hard for everything they have and everything they've achieved, so don't write any class envy bullspit into any of this. But if they expect some plumber who can't afford to send his kids to the college they've dreamed of attending while he's paying for council's health-care costs to feel that those costs are reasonable and justified-they're smoking more hash than I ever did.

Why screw around? Let's go for it! If the employees of the city who work full-time, overtime when demanded, risk their lives on occasion, and are subjected to the whims of politicians need to start paying 30% of their health-care costs, then the folks that can easily afford to pay for 100% of their health-care costs should be prepared to do just that. To do otherwise would suggest that shouldering the burden of the city's financial woes flows only downhill to the folks that can least afford it. Namely, the city's employees and residents.

This is a friggin' hoot. These are the type of e-mails that make me want to continue to get out of bed in the morning. Chilidogeatersrule@attica.com??? From the e-mail inbox:

*******Dear Mr. Mark:

We take extreme umbrage at your latest post. What's wrong with eating chilidogs? Just because you eat rabbit food doesn't mean that us other ultra conservative patriotic Americans can't enjoy a national icon? After all, what would the 4th of July be without a few chili dogs? I've heard from a reliable but unnamed source that George Bush loves chili dogs. Are you dissing Dubya? Furthermore, I think a debate between the merits smoking a few cigarettes and sucking down a few chili dogs & brewskis would be over faster that Howard Dean can scream "Heeeeeyahhhh!" Are you secretly trying to put hard working chili dog vendors out of business? What about people who stuff weiners for a living? Do you also have a problem with our buddy, Hot Dog Bob? If someone wants to lay down a few bucks to satiate their hunger, clog their arteries and/or satisfy some perverted fetish, who are you to question them, bucko? For your information, second-hand smoke is a known health hazard. I'd rather have some slob sneeze a few bits of hamburger on my new Sprawlmart T-shirt than be forced to inhale some used carcinogens, thank you. After discussing your post with a few of the boys on the block, we decided you're suffering from a bad case of weiner envy. You should stop smoking and join us red-blooded carnivores for a few hoddawgs sometime. You'll live longer.*******

Rabbit food. I love it! I hear that all the time. During the late seventies, I had the distinct misfortune of touring a facility that produces tens of thousands of hoddogs a day. They say we are what we eat and if you were there that day, you'll be very disgruntled about what you are exactly. Whatever. Y'all can eat whatever ya' like. It's no skin off of my wiener. And I don't think we need to debate the mostly disturbing contents of the average dog and what they might do to a colon, an appendix, or a pancreas. The thing that cracks me up is how politicians have managed to demonize cigarettes and relegate smokers to second class citizenship, while the non-smokers go about their business doing mostly unhealthy things. The other night, 8,000 people risked a skull fracture and possibly immediate death from an errant puck, but their well-being would be at risk if somebody lit a cigarette? That would be laughable if it wasn't so illogical.

I completely believe that heredity will kill you faster then anything within reason that you might do to yourself. That's a less than scientific belief of mine, but there it is. If smoking was so completely debilitating, explain to me how a 45 year-old can hump 2,000 miles on a mountain bike during an eight month period and still be annoyed that the weather curtailed his riding plans. Who knows, right? The smokes will kill you. The hot dogs will kill you. McDonalds will kill you. The pucks will kill you. Anything other than wheat bran/bean sprout sandwiches on oat wafers will kill you. But the smokers...those bastards...are the only folks doing unhealthy things that are being penalized for what they do to themselves.

And the argument that second-smoke is somehow dangerous makes me want to tar-and-feather the lawyers that invented that nonsense in an attempt to pad their own wallets. Following a truck or a bus for ten blocks and breathing diesel fumes is no biggie, but that guy sucking on a f**king Marlboro is a health risk? Darn! It's cold. Light that kerosene heater, honey. Your car's exhaust system is malfunctioning? No problem. Fix it on payday. Hey! NASCAR is coming to Pocono. Wanna hang out, eat hoddogs, drink mass quantities, and breath in the exhaust of 43 race cars burning something similar to jet fuel for four hours? YES!!!! COUNT ME IN!!! There's no non-smoking section in the infield at Pocono, but who cares?

I'll tell ya' a little story from my restaurant days. A lady comes in with her two daughters on a slow Tuesday night. I greet her and ask if she'd prefer the smoking, or non-smoking section. Then, predictably, it f**king starts.

We want the non-smoking section. We don't come here, spend good money to eat, and expect to be subjected to cigarette smoke. If I had to...

Blah! Blah! Blah! Get off your high horse and try watching a little less CNN. Jesus! She's seated. She eats. And she leaves confident in the knowledge that she just saved herself and her two daughters from the health risks those bastard smokers pose.

Fast forward to Friday night when we have a sizable waiting line. The same lady and the same two daughters pass through the front doors. After I add her name to the waiting list, I ask her the same old question. Would you prefer the smoking, or non-smoking section? She pans her head around, sees the hordes of folks waiting in the lobby and says...Whatever is quicker. No mini-diatribe. No lecure about the "recent studies" brought to us by the good commies at CNN. Nothing. If you're impatient, all health concerns are suddenly rescinded. In other words, most folks bitch about smoking and smokers only because they are encouraged to. And very many of these anti-smoking zealots came into our restaurant topping the scales well above 200, sometimes even 300 pounds bitching at me because we didn't have low-fat ice cream, or low-fat sprinkles to top their low-fat ice cream with on the menu.

And after having to deal with morons such as these day in and day out...I shouldn't smoke? Heeeeeyahhhh!

A little tip from the rabbit food eater to the carnivores. The best freakin' chili dog sauce you'll ever taste is Castleberry's. Trust me on this. Look for it at a grocery store near you.

Heeeeeyahhhh!

More on those concession stands at the arena from the e-mail inbox:

*******Hope you enjoyed the game.

Just a side note to last nights e-mail. There are several non-profit groups working at the arena, for example, Coughlin Cheerleaders Boosters, Meyers Field Hockey Boosters, and several others. Even though they are wearing Aramark uniforms, some stands are actually occupied with the non-profit groups. It is a nice fund raiser, in addition to the lottery tickets, night at the races, concession stands, hoagie and candy sales, etc.

It does defray the costs of running such programs.*******

We did enjoy the game. I was happy just to see my kids have a good time and experience something new to them. By the way, we're doing this hockey thing again fairly soon when the dreaded Philthydumpia Phantoms roll into town again. Two teams that really don't like each other. Now, this is what hockey is all about. Bad blood. Blood on the ice on March 6th. I can't wait.

Gotta go. Wifeys Minute Rice meatloaf is just about done.

Later