Well, there is nothing to report. So there is nothing to talk about. I'm not worried about it. No.--John Kerry, responding to the Matt Drudge report that Kerry has a honey on the side

Huh? Is that supposed to be an outright denial? Question: Mark, do you have a mistress? Answer: There is nothing to report. Yeah, as long as Sugar Buns remains hidden out in Kenya. Mark, do you have a mistress? How 'bout dem Cowboys! Mark, do you want a mistress? Well, I'm a zen-sexual. Nothing is what I want.

Did we ever figure out just what the meaning of "is" is anyway? Maybe we'll debate the meaning of "it" this time. And Bush is supposed to be a liar?

I forgot which news site I snatched this from, but it had Diet Coke shooting out of my nostils:

Democratic presidential front-runner John Kerry said on Friday that it was time for the press to stop focusing on the photo showing him protesting the Vietnam war with anti-American actress "Hanoi" Jane Fonda, saying it was time to "move on."

That's classic. We should "move on" and forget about his having joined an anti-war outfit funded by the Soviets, but Dubya has to account for each and every day when he served in the Air National Guard over thirty years ago. I haven't heard a single democrat say that we should "move on" from the baseless "AWOL" accusations.

This morning I heard Barrie Singer on WILK saying that Kerry's anti-war days are irrelevant because more than thirty years have passed since those days. He claims that we all made mistakes when we were young. That's a big 10-4 on the young and stupid claim, but most of us didn't rabble rouse with a bunch of anti-American commies, and most of us didn't tell Congress that American soldiers collected the heads of innocent children that they had slaughtered for the fun of it. He was full of it then and he's full of it now. And he launched his political career by posing as an anti-war crusader.

I did plenty of stupid sh*t when I was young, but nothing I did could be construed as detrimental to my country. And I remember those Vietnam days very well. Every night, there it was on our television screens. The body counts. The grisly images. The F-4s downed by Soviet SAMS. The heroic stories. And the reports of operations gone wrong. The international news media blanketed that country, and if what Kerry claims was going on, how did the media manage to miss all of it? How?

What Kerry did after returning from Vietnam should not be excused no matter how young he might have been. He lied to an eager media and he lied before Congress. If I'm wrong about that, then according to his accusations, 9 out of 10 Vietnam veterans have committed unspeakable atrocities upon innocent civilians. Does anyone honestly believe that bullsh*t? I know plenty of 'Nam vets that'll call him a liar to his face right now.

And if he was such a brave war hero, why would he stand idly by while poor villagers were supposedly being beheaded by American troops to break up the boredom? You know why. Because he made that crap up so as to become the media darling of the growing anti-war crazies. And a political career was born of it.

I couldn't believe it when I read this. A Nobel Peace Prize? What are the quasi-Americans currently saying about Bush? He's a dunce. He stole an election. He was a cocaine fiend. He was a drunk driver. He was AWOL. He's a liar. He's an Enron stooge. He's a Haliburton puppet. He trades lives for oil. He doctors intelligence reports. Now, they're saying he paid for his old girl friend's abortion. What's next? He was Hitler's bodyguard?

OSLO, Norway (AP) — The Nobel Peace Prize awards committee reported a record 173 nominations for 2004, with known candidates including President Bush, jailed Israeli nuclear technician Mordechai Vanunu and the pope.

...this year including Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair for protecting world peace.

A Nobel Peace Prize for protecting world peace? Doesn't that just beat all? This is not an internet hoax. The Democrats are telling us that Dubya is the biggest threat to world peace, yet, he's been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Someone has their wires crossed. Care to guess as to whom that might be?

I heard some chuckle-headed pundit on the advertising box claim that the Matt Drudge report about Kerry's philandering ways is but the latest dirty trick from the Republicans. Oh my God! The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy has been resurrected. Grab some toilet paper and head for hills, Myra! Really? Try this one on for size:

Dirty tricks are old news in politics. Several analysts have said Mr. Bush might have won the popular vote in 2000 — and perhaps avoided the Florida recount fight — had it not been for a Democratic operative's success in breaking a story on the Thursday before Election Day that Mr. Bush had been arrested for drunken driving almost 25 years earlier.

I don't hear any serious debate of the important issues coming from the Democratic side of the aisle. All I hear is accusation after accusation. If we're going to be treated to nine months of baseless accusations and increasingly shrill rhetoric-I think Kerry and the rest of those "Anything but Bush" buffoons backing him are in for a rather nasty surprise come November. It's only February and it's already getting very tiresome.

But what do I know? As "Kurt from Scranton" of WILK fame so often says, I and my ilk are all "right-wing nut cases." (???) At least we don't call WILK while we're getting stoned.

Did I really say I wanted to see Sterling Marlin slidiing on his roof? That sounds so mean-spirited. Funk him! You can bet your fatty pelvic cushions I do!

From dem dere e-mail inbox:

I've discussed this before with a few NASCAR fans and they disagreed with me most vociferously. As far as I'm concerned, Sterling Marlin killed Dale Earnhardt. He had no f**king business making contact with anyone while going 190 mph-plus, through the very last turn, of the very last lap at Daytona. There was no way he could possibly vault from third to first at that late point in the race, so why not settle for third place, rather than sending a car travelling at those speeds hurtling into the wall so that he could jump from third to second place with only nanoseconds left in the race? Don't even bother trying to debate this with me. In my mind, Sterling Marlin needlessly killed Dale Earnhardt.

*******Yes he did - because you are correct there would not have been enough time. But Earnhardt was known for racing dirty himself. Probably why Sterling decided to do it. And I am a total fan of the Earnhardt family so my comment is not to bash anyone.*******

10-4. Good ole Dale could bump-and-grind with the best of them, but he usually played that game on the shorter tracks and at much, much slower speeds. Every NASCAR fan holds their breath during any race at Daytona and Talledega, knowing full well that the slightest contact between any cars could result in the biggest wreck since Dirty Mary & Crazy Larry. Sterling decided he wasn't going to be blocked anymore during that last lap and he caused NASCAR's most famous wreck of all time. He killed Dale Earnhardt.

Back to the inbox we go:

*******Mark-first of all, congratulations on your company, and local office earning such great honors. As a customer, I can attest to the professionalism, and expertise that your company displays. Although, certain employees are kind of strange looking.

Second, what the hell happened to McWalter's coup d'etat that was scheduled for this past week. I do believe that this was confirmation from the citizens of this soon to be great again city, that we think he is as annoying as hemmorhoids, and needs to shut the hell up, and go back to whatever he called a life, before he took it upon himself to let us know that Mayor Leighton is as evil as President Bush. Now that I got that off my chest, I hope you enjoy this e-mail. It's pretty cool, and shows the amount of work that a true artist puts into his work.

Enjoy the 500 tomorrow. You know my views on Sterling Marlin, they're not too far off from yours, and I'll be watching Harvick intently, as he starts off what is going to be an awesome season for RCR.
Later
Copper Dude*******

Kind of strange looking? Why, you sumbitch. I'm not gonna pepper you with donut jokes for that crack. I'll go one worse. I'm gonna jam an eclair down your shorts and then crush it. Explain that one to the sarge. Although, I am curious. What could I be charged with for attacking a police officer with a loaded eclair? Hmmm.

Thanks for the congrats. We really do strive to be one seriously professional outfit, and our always ongoing training is literally second to none.

As far as Walter's siege at City Hall is concerned, I think we missed it. The blame falls squarely on Walt's shoulders though, because he can't even operate a calendar correctly. Mayor Leighton can't possibly be as evil as President Bush if we're to believe the pundits. Bush is evil personified, right? Godzilla's illegitimate offspring. But Walt will probably keep throwing charges around hoping that one of them will resonate with the voters. Your e-mail is an art form unto itself, but if I'm reading it right, if we stock some Preparation H at City Hall, that annoying itch will go away? Let's buy it in bulk.

The link you sent along is awesome. Turn up the volume kiddies and ler her rip! To Be Played At Maximum Volume

Answer this one, why dontcha? On what legendary LP did the words To Be Played At Maximum Volume appear? Need a hint? Picture a phone booth. For those of you that never knew life without a VCR, an LP was a vinyl plate of sorts and when spun around and around on our kerosene-powered turntables they would emit music. And if you're clueless as to what music is, stop watching MTV.

I'm glad the coroner's office cleared up the mystery. That lady that was murdered a couple days ago was shot 6 times, but not stabbed as earlier reported. As if it mattered.

From today's Voice:

For the first time in the history of Wilkes-Barre, the St. Patrick's Day parade will be held on Sunday instead of Saturday.

Mayor Tom Leighton announced Friday the parade would be held Sunday, March 14, beginning at 1 p.m., in an effort to avoid competing with Scranton's St. Patrick's Day parade.

Whether this move pays immediate divendends remains to be seen, but I believe that it will eventually. The parade will grow and so will the event as a whole. And if we can convince Kevin Lynn to stop bashing our special events and our city in general every chance he gets on WILK, that could only serve to help attendance also.

How about this snippet from the Voice:

Scranton Mayor Chris Doherty has offered to assist in recruiting entertainers to Wilkes-Barre.

We may not be ready to merge into one municipality, but this is an example of regionalization. Wilkes-Barre's gain is not Scranton's loss, or vice versa. If every city in this area booms, this area will get noticed nationally. My hat is off to Mayor Doherty, and no, it is not green.

I don't believe that I've ever attended a St. Patrick's Day parade. I do have some Irish blood coursing through me, but I'm more Francais than anything else. St. Patrick's Day is just one of those holidays that means nothing to me, much like Martin Luther King Day. The only difference being that not celebrating St. Patrick's Day is not proof of ones being a racist.

I will attend the parade this year, only because my interest in my city has grown exponentially during the past few years. Never having been accused of being a clothes horse, I seriously doubt that I even own a green garment, so a hose dudes T-shirt will have to do. See ya' there.

I saw the Voice story about our fire department being reorganized and a demotion that resulted because of it. I don't know what's going on with all of that and I'm not going to pretend that I do. I recently received a few e-mails from the ranks of our fire department and after reading them, I refused to post them here. A few weeks ago it was the "Hose Dudes for Leighton," but now that the new administration is firmly in place, some of the same folks who banded together are pointing accusatory fingers at the administration, and even at each other now that demotions and promotions are a possibility.

This is a stark reminder as to why promotions should be based solely on tenure and performance, and not who supported who at the polls. If promotion policies were etched in stone, no one could accuse anyone of playing politics, and way less rancor would be a direct result.

I've read some fairly heavy-handed e-mails lately that would not have been productive to make public here. And I've read what I found to be many unfair statements, if not outright accusations. Since this one was already made public, I really do need to take issue with it. From today's Voice:

I think it's illegal to do what they're doing," said Mr. (Donald) Fiorucci. "It seems to me that anybody who was connected with the last administration has been demoted or fired.

Unless that statement pertains to the fire department only, nothing could be farther from the truth. If I'm not mistaken, with the only exceptions being Jason Dongas, and Gwen Blasi, Tom Leighton took the reigns and then surrounded himself with nothing but holdovers from the previous administration. If he was looking to demote or fire everyone connected to the previous administration, he has a weird way of showing it.

I have been treated to years worth of half-truths and outright non-truths from the previous administration of this city and to be quite honest-I am sick to death of trying to read between the lines, or to have to seek out the truth. If we're going to fight it out in the press, so be it. But let's at least keep it factual. To do anything less suggests that we haven't learned anything during the past eight years.

I'm not happy to get out of bed and then read of folks losing their jobs, or being demoted, but I'm much less happy to have to yank that rubber band off of the newspaper and then have to read more rubbish. I've done it for far too long and I don't want to do it anymore.

If Tom Leighton has been conducting a witchhunt since taking office, I think he's doing a very poor job of it.

Gage Andrew was treated to not only free Blow Pops at Oh Yes today, he was treated to a free pair of shades. It was funny as all hell. He refused to look through them as we were walking along. He would only look over the top of them.

Gage Andrew and I toured the city on the bicyclette today. It was warm enough and a bit of Spring Fever is upon me. I wandered down to Davis Place to see what I've gotten myself into. I peered through the front window and I've seen much worse. We shall see.

I noticed that Mayor Tom II was at City Hall today, and I must remind him that we don't need him burning out on us. Rest and relaxation, big guy. This isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.

I saw Times Leader Dude, but he was whizzing by in a gas-guzzler, so no conversation was possible.

I did notice that not one trash bin on Public Square was overflowing onto the sidewalks. I'm not sure why that is, but it's been a long time coming.

So? To Be Played At Maximum Volume. Anybody got a freakin' clue?

Tunes. I'm already there.

CYA