Stick a Sock In the Pie Hole--Dean Ethel Howard

Pie? That's an idea. Greasy, grimy Vietnamese children's guts. Yum.

More Forum games from the testicular-challenged:

Your boys? And you folks are telling me to get my facts straight?

The conservative talk jocks on WILK are my boys??? Sure, I'm hopelessly addicted to WILK, but that's only because I spend my work days alone in dark crawl spaces. When your senses are being deprived for hours on end, and you're spitting spider webs out of your mouth; those voices coming from the Radio Shack headphones keep you sane. Well, supposedly.

For me, the best shows on WILK were always the local shows. Local stuff is much more interesting to me. Fred Williams, Kevin Lynn, Barrie Singer, and "The Franchise," Sue Henry. I listen to Rush on most days. He's entertaining most of the time. I love the parody tunes. Most are funny as sh*t. "Rush's drug habit???" Is that the replacement from the DNC for the fat jokes now that's he lean and mean? Shawn Hannity does absolutely nothing for me. Bill O'Reilly bores me to death. Fact check: "My Boy" Michael Reagan does not appear on WILK. Michael Savage cracks me up every single time I hear him, which isn't often. He is the ultimate bomb-thrower and he's amusing if it's not your ox being so savagely gored. Savage Wannabe? You really should stick to playing with small pieces of colored yarn in the future. Or make the big leap up to pipe cleaners. They're so pretty.

It's so predictably typical of chicks to mention your penis, or your testicles when they wanna hack on ya. You're on to me. Hurt me! Hurt me! Challenge the size of my manhood, or speculate as to how it clouds my hunter/gatherer judgment. Mine are so small, they are invisible to the naked eye. When I wanna find my tiny member, I shave my neather region and wait to see which microscopic stub starts to bleed. But if I neglect to "read up" and build my own web site no one will suspect.

My boys? I'll take your assertion that I'm a myrmidon as an insult. I'm an "ego-testical" myrmidon that should "read up." Douglas Brinkley's book? Oh, my goodness. I never thought of that. Maybe I should read a book. What should I start with? An Al Franken book? How 'bout "The World According to Michael Moore?" Tim Robbins?

You wanna challenge everything I believe about Kerry? Feel free. But I'm not going to be swayed by any of your bullspit. It's funny though, you didn't want to touch his voting record on weapons systems. Bush is connected to Clear Channel? That's shocking. I think he's the very first politician in the history of this country to ever have any close ties to big business. And you exposed him. Excellent work. I'm sure Kerry's not in bed with any lobbyists. Did you bother to check?

And my facts are skewed? How much did you pay for your "I hate Bush" tattoo? Whew! Those chads really f**ked you people up.

John Kerry saw a mutilated body once. I'm sorry, once every hour according to him. What did they say in Apocolypse Now? "You never get out of the god-damned boat!" Or were the Vietnam Vets that served as advisors for the making of that film inaccurate too?

They were all baby killers. Kerry said so. Done. Fact. Duly recorded. Vote for him. A true American Patriot who was surrounded by hundreds of thousands of crazed baby killers. You know, those guys that re-upped for more than one tour while the Cold War was being waged. Kerry played Skipper for four months. Sorry Hanoi Ethel, but he wasn't there long enough to see all of the unspeakable horrors he later used to get himself elected. You are spitting in the faces of those returning Vets all over again, and Kerry is fine with that. He always was.

For your sake, I hope he wins and then y'all can get on with life and finally let those chads go.

The horror! The horror!

I never agreed with the decision to start a Charter School after the Bear Creek Utility Shed was shut down. Whatever. That doesn't matter. Y'all do what you feel in your heart is right up there in the pines.

I know the charter school folks have appealed to the state, but none of you of people actually believed that the Wilkes-Barre School District was going to vote "Yes," did you? How could they? How could they be expected to agree to fund a school that they already couldn't afford to operate? Heyna?

I think their comments as reported in the newspapers prove that they don't have an argument against the Bear Creek charter school, other than they can't freakin' afford it.

And the one guy that voted for it had something as lame to say as "it takes a village to raise a child?" Raise a child, comrade? I thought the issue was educating them. The Wilkes-Barre Educational Politboro has spoken. Vodka for everyone!

"...the school could lose it's identity as a community school?" What do the board members care? They already closed it. "It bothers me what types of kids you're going to get?" Major OOPS! "Not enough diversity in the student population?" That kinda remains to be seen, doesn't it? And is it really that big of an issue? We can no longer recieve a quality education unless the student population hails from the four corners of the Earth?

Last but not least, there are problems with the curriculum and the school's financing. What about the color of the walls in the faculty lounge? Darn! Never thought of that!

Ain't happening, kiddies. Not as long as the school board has anything further to say about it. You will not be allowed to raise your own children. The Wilkes-Barre Area School Board will raise them. Nyet!

Hmmm. If you had a huge motorcycle that went charcoal on you, why would you stand it upright in a trailer for transport to the motorcycle graveyard? Why not lay it down? It's gonna fall over anyway after the first pothole attacks. Vindictiveness? Sending the neighbors a silly message of defiance?

From the e-mail inbox:

*******Mark,
The crapper/camper/garbage trailer (XN-89330) is no more - it has been transformed into "TORCHED MOTORCYCLE" trailer. How did it happen? And more importantly where was all of the other garbage dumped? If anyone notices illegally dumped garbage anywhere, pictures of the contents are available which may help to identify who the culprit is. I'll be more than happy to share them.

"TORCHED MOTORCYCLE" trailer (XN-89330) appears to have married YAP-8792. Notice the picture - they're "hitched". Will this eventually be dumped somewhere?

"TORCHED MOTORCYCLE" trailer was reported to the WBPD on 2/26/04 at 8:00 a.m. Do we have to wait another 72 hours to force it to be removed? If so, it should be gone no later than Sunday morning 8:00 a.m. "Dare to Care" wants it out of there.

We will not be "Refuse Central"!!!*******

Hee! Hee! It seems that Jersey Dude has a bit of a problem all of a sudden. From that e-mail inbox:

*******Holy fu*k!!! Mark, please tell me they aren't coming after the students who had parking tickets from a few years back...I easily have 70-80 unpaid tickets from 2000-01.*******

Bummer, dude. The new Mayor went and hired some company, MuckityTech, or something, to collect the gross amounts of unpaid parking tickets. Y'all been funked.

How much could 80 seriously overdue parking tickets possibly amount to? Jeez! You might want to consider joining the military. Get the heck out of here! There are plenty of children in Iraq that need to be decapitated. Read some of John Kerry's notes. He's the baby killer expert.

Another one:

******* Hi Mark,
Of course the French will send troops to Haiti, that's what they have the French Foreign Legion for. Of course the Foreign Legion is almost exclusively FOREIGN, I believe mainly Russian right now. Remember ,in modern times, the only war the French have won is the French Revolution. Kinda Hard for them to lose that one since both sides were French.

Have Fun,
XXX*******

Do they have any oil reserves under Haiti? If so, maybe Dubya will wrongfully claim they have a nuclear program, seize the country, and let the baby killers loose there.

The French? They'll probably stick to meeting at the U.N. and debating how to bring world peace upon us with non-hostile means, while the public gets caught up on the dangers of a Ricin attack. Or an Anthrax attack. Or Ebola. Radiological bomb? A nuke?

Figure this one out. It must have been something I typed.

*******Hey Mark!

like a fox I tell ya! LIKE A FOX!!!!!! (snickering)

XXXXX*******

Why not? Let's do it. Another e-mail:

*******Bobbit Update

Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.

She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition and Louella has been charged with ....

Misdewiener

One more time:

*******Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, And trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

That, my friends, is Globalization!!*******

We forgot one. And an American press covering up the fact that the entire thing was flawlessly staged, and she's alive, well, and living in Oxford, Connecticut.

Gotta roll. Michael Reagan is coming on soon and I gotta take some studious notes. It's much easier than reading books.

Actually, we had an ill eleven month-old screaming all night and I'm so completely sleep-deprived; I'm about ready to fall over and sleep wherever.

50 degrees tomorrow? Anybody up for a bike ride? I'll be on the Square at 1 pm. Join me, kiddies. Ethel, you're invited too. We don't necessarily have to kiss, but we can make up to some degree.

Later