Downtown Wilkes-Barre's newest retail shop, Around Town Bicycles, is expected to be open within a matter of days. If you care to visit it and support your downtown in the process, it is located directly behind Musical Energi on North Main street. In effect, it's like one stop shopping for this crazy cat. Bike stuff and CDs. What else is there? I'm gonna drop by there and see if I can get the scoop and a few pics. These are the folks I mentioned a while back that will build your dream bike from scratch. I'm suddenly eroused.

Oh boy!!! From the e-mail inbox:

Need To Get A Hold Of Martha Stewart?

Call her cell.

Reuters News Agency;

Date: 03/29/2004 7:47:17 AM Pacific Standard Time

API and UPI report that the French Government announced today that in light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised it's terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate"!

This is rich. From the e-mail inbox all the way from Michigan:

LIBERALS and CONSERVATIVES:

The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women. Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed them.

Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal menus. Their women have more testosterone than the men. Liberals like deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group Therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. Conservatives have principles; believe in a Creator, and the rule of law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe in the concept of truth.

Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because they always do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money which they vote away from conservatives.

Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other foreign criminals.

Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They disarm conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own self indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate answer.

Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries, convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals from other countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't explain their reasons.

Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it against the law to reference any source of law such as the Bible or Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model.

The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been born yet".

So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?

I don't get it. If every property in the county is going to be reassessed in the name of fairness, how is that the four third class cities, Hazleton, Nanticoke, Pittston, and Wilkes-Barre can opt out of the entire reassessment undertaking if they so choose once the numbers are tallied up? I read the Voice article and I understand the state laws involved, but how is that possible? If the folks in Kingston see their property values and taxes raised significantly (which they more than likely will) and then watch as Wilkes-Barre opts out, wouldn't that have the populace screaming bloody murder and calling attorneys faster than one can say Holeplex? Like I said, I don't get it. I think what it all comes down to is this state is really f**ked up. There's more gray areas than anything else whereas Pennsylvania is concerned.

I read the Voice's editorial this morning and I got to wondering how many of the folks at the Voice call the Leader's SAYSO line. Boo f**king hoo! Please, please Mayor Leighton, life as we know it is untolerable without clutter cleanups and recycling calendars. We just can't take no more! Please advise. Please relent. Please spend money we don't have. It's too much to ask of residents to have to remember what day is garbage day. Goodbye, cruel world! Tell Laura I love her.

They should stick to reprinting those mostly putrid anti-Bush diatribes from whatever source.

Two sheriff's deputies were shot to death in Bradford County while trying to serve a warrant. For whatever reason unknown to moi, that resulted in a Luzerne County-wide BOLO alert. Two total morons are on the loose in a red, or maroon Cavalier. You never know. Keep your eyes open. And pay your local law enforcement types a bit more respect. You never know.

Two days in a row, it was supposed to rain. Two days in a row, it didn't rain. How many more dopplars...

I attended a rather surprising meeting this morning. Believe it or not, I was offered a rather lucrative position with the City of Wilkes-Barre. I can't provide many details as of yet, but my CDL license and extensive background in management were the primary reasons why I was approached. Decision time. Stay tuned.

I gotta fly.

Be cool