Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.--Henry Kissinger

We had two locals who knew Barbie’s full name. It’s Barbie Millicent Roberts. Don’t you think she’s a gorgeous blonde? How is it that local guys know so much about Barbie? As a struggling young dork, I played exclusively with G. I. Joes, but they did occasionally rape up on the Barbie’s and beat the hell out of Ken. Or was it rape up on Ken and beat the hell out of Barbie? Whatever. You guys can pick up your 100% genuine Holeplex souvenirs at your convenience. Make sure you use your Wilkes-Barre Online “dude” names or wifey might mistake you for one of the mayor’s few remaining supporters and employ the axe handle.

The winning entries:

******I think Barbie’s full name is:

Barbie Millencent Roberts******

******Hey Putz:

As I was researching the history of Barbie's last name I was astonished to find that her original last name was Roberts and then had been officially changed to McGroarity.

-SNAKE-******

Putz? I know you don’t mean me!

Wow! Where did that come from? “I know you don’t mean me!” That little ditty was quite the rage in the Nord End circa 1973. Hey sh*tdick, you struck out again? I know you don’t mean me! You spaz, I’ll hit you so hard, it‘ll kill your sister. I know you don’t mean me! You’re a fu*king retart. I know you don’t mean me! You’re a pussy. Only a pussy would be afraid to rob the trains. I know you don’t mean me! You drank three warm cans of Gibbons and puked all over yourself. I know you don’t mean me! You’re afraid to skip class and head over to the square. I know you don’t mean me! You think Laurie Partridge is prettier than Marcia Brady? What a sped! I know you don’t mean me! I had completely forgotten how much I hated that overused retort. Sorry. We will now return to April 2003.

I see that FACT (Families Acting Crazy Together), all five members, were back at the armory protesting the use of animals in the Irem Shrine Circus. Unfortunately there are laws on the books that protect these loonies from physical abuse. No, we can’t use them as lawn dart targets. We know! We know! These animals should not be in cages. We got it already and we don’t give a muck. They should be returned to the wild where they will be free to live out their lives and do animal things. The elephants should be freed to stampede over the villagers as they catch flies for supper. The tigers should be freed so that they can chase down and kill the cameramen from National Geographic and the lions should be allowed to kill whatever the elephants and tigers missed.

The most pathetic part of these yearly protests is the fact that anyone would have a five year old kid holding a protest sign about anything. Now that’s child abuse. Using a small child to further some goofy cause is beyond the cuff. The kid should be at home enjoying her jungle gym or playing with Legos. What does a five year old kid know about it? If her mommy told her to hold a sign protesting the existence of police officers, the kid would do what she was told. Let her be a little kid already. The sixties are over. There isn’t going to be another Woodstock or another Vietnam. John Lennon is dead and the Greatful Dead suck big ones. Organized protests are really beginning to get on the nerves of people that do productive things, rather than chant on cue, strum an acoustic and get in the way of everyone that wants nothing more than to get on with there day. The Gulf of Tonkin incident is histoire, Tricky Dick is long gone and the marches conjured up by communist moles have been well documented. Sing, dance, love and protest has been done to death and it didn’t change the world one iota.

According to the Voice article, the organizer, Lisa Walker stressed she is not giving up until she can put an end to the use of animals in circuses across the country.

Well isn’t that just special. One ultra-enlightened person will tell the rest of us how things will be if she has anything to do with it. I intend to fill her ear next year when Gage Andrew and I attend the circus together for the first time. I’ll do it five years later and five years after that, because nobody pays much attention to kooks. Ask Kurt Shotko, he’ll verify that.

Suppose that you called a last second, emergency meeting on a holiday weekend and then nobody showed for the meeting. Does that suggest that the folks that didn’t attend don’t care about the subject matter, or does it suggest that the person calling for the last second, emergency meeting was pulling another circus stunt hoping to generate some positive press for himself? I was literally sickened while reading the Voice story about the mayor sitting in his office all alone at 6 p.m. last night. A snippet from the story:

"I'm sad. This (lawsuit) is a major headache. A woman said she was discriminated against in 1995," McGroarty said. "Council said they didn't have enough notice."

That’s interesting. He wasn’t sad when the call center went belly up on us. When we started paying for that debacle out of the general fund he told us “I did the best I could at the time.” He wasn’t sad when the Holeplex construction came to screeching halt. He told us “They had their turn, now it’s our turn.” He shed no tears over the fact that the city never placed the promised lien on the Steam Heat pile which cost the taxpayers $400,000. I heard no “It’s a sad day” pronouncements from the political animal when the city was sued for defaulting on enough loans to be entered in the municipal version of the Guinness Book of World Records.

It’s primary time, council didn’t jump when he said jump and that has him saddened? What I think he fails to understand is that the voters have seen this pathetic routine before and so has city council. What he still believes to be clever political grandstanding is finally being seen as nothing less than adolescent and counter-productive. The city has two attorneys on the payroll. Have them type up their opinion on the matter, distribute it to all of the members of council and put it on the agenda for the next council meeting. That’s what an adult would do. Unfortunately, our hapless administration, with increasingly frequency is resembling an episode of Romper Room. I’m sad. I’m sad about what one clueless individual has done to a formerly great place to live.

They’ll eventually settle out of court with that wannabe chick cop. The mayor’s 6 p.m. circus stunt was much to do about nothing. Much of what he has done during his two terms as mayor has amounted to nothing. It’s sad.

Another snippet from the Voice story:

"All we need is a legal opinion so we can make our decision," Tom Leighton said. "The mayor doesn't need to be there. The city attorney will advise us on this."

Enough said. An adult has spoken.

Can anyone in the city tell us what this trailer contains. The hot rumor is that it’s filled with McG yard signs, but that wouldn’t keep with the underdog strategy. We asked for some serious law enforcement and we received the mystery trailer. We begged for more patrols and received horse poop. Whatever happened to the E.S.U. vehicle, our repainted ambulance? Was it gutted and converted to a recycling vehicle? Is there an actual plan in place? Does law enforcement consist of strategically placed vehicles and nifty little buggies, or is it putting enough troops on the streets and telling them to go get ‘em?

Another question. Should we send our troops into Harm’s way while they are struggling with low morale, or should we do what it takes to convince them that they are the line that should never be crossed and do whatever it takes to support their efforts? I don’t think we need copper dudes that are worn down by nonstop politics, or policing strategies that are dictated by what the leader thinks the polls might say. This law and order stuff is not rocket science. There’s lots of bad guys in Wilkes-Barre. Believe it or not, there are also lots of hard working, law abiding residents living here. The only thing standing between the bad guys and the good guys is the Wilkes-Barre Police Department. They need to be unleashed, freed from petty politics and allowed to do what they are completely capable of doing: Bringing the hammer down on our streets.

A nice place to start would be paying them what they were promised when they were relieved of their parking enforcement duties.

More debris-piled gutters from the neighborhoods that the college kids call home. If you want to identify who the worst of the slumlords are, investigate exactly who is gobbling up the properties that the college kids rent.

I just got off the phone with Gage Andrew. He had two things to say to me. POP-POP! And BOY! He and his sister, Taylor Kate, are coming to Wilkes-Barre on Saturday and the weather had better cooperate. The Gagemeister loves to be outdoors, so he and I will be painting the town, weather permitting. BOY!

Is it me, or does rain water usually run downhill? I spent five hours on Reno Lane today and I noticed that the storm sewer at the intersection of Reno and Coal St. does nothing more than collect water until it’s full. I realize that we had to put a coat of asphalt on Coal St., because the thirty billion dollar widening and rebuilding project never came to pass, but shouldn’t the rain be carried away by our new storm sewers? In Kingston maybe.

My Reno Lane experience was unique. The homeowner has recently returned to the city and had lots of questions as to what the hell happened to the city. We gabbed and gabbed and gabbed some more. Then the guy asked me if I ever look at that Wilkes-Barre site his sister had told him about. This has happened to me before and for whatever reason, I’m always filled with trepidation when I have to break it to them. Yeah I look at it everyday, because I’m the person responsible for it. The guy was amazed to hear that, but didn’t doubt it for a second based on what I could effortlessly spew forth about all things Wilkes-Barre. At one point, I was nose to the slab and he came outside handing me a telephone. It was his sister on the line and she had nothing but great things to say about the site. She thanked me for taking up her son’s cause and also reminded me that I had traded a few e-mails with her other son who resides in the more bucolic reaches of Luzerne County. I guess that’s proof that it really is a small world. The guy that just came back to Wilkes-Barre hooked me up with some folks that reside in Wilkes-Barre. Her kind words just serveto motivate me further. Some day this war is going to end and Wilkes-Barre will be rebuilt. Some day being May 20, 2003.

Private Sector Dude just left the humble adobe. He brought over some trinkets or something for Taylor Kate. We’re going to let the nifty gift bag sit here until Taylor Kate, Gage Andrew and their mommy come to town on Saturday. I’m not completely sure why so many people read the site, or why so many of the common folks have been kind to us, but we do appreciate the kindness when it comes. It sure beats being threatened by oafs.

Make checks payable to: Leighton for Mayor

TLFM to you IM typists.

Nite