“The best country for the common man--white or black…if he can’t make it here he won’t make it anywhere else.”--Eric Hoffer

I wandered downtown today and bought a couple of Christmas gifts. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend anyone. What I meant to say was, I bought some holiday gifts. Anyway, better almost late than never.

Can someone tell the good people at both Barnes & Nobles and Boscov’s to turn the freaking heat down already. Jesus H. Mohammad! I was sweating by the time I made my escape from the basement toy department.

Tomorrow we will celebrate Jeremy’s very first birthday. Anyway, the youngest of the grandrodents is one-years-old already. Honestly, I’ve got high hopes for this kid. Seems just weird enough to be right. Or, just weird enough to hit it off with the likes of me. Oh, and he’s been fitted with a bike helmet and ready to roll. Although, he doesn’t know as much.

From the Citizens’ Voice:

The ordinance leaves 10 percent of the city where sex offenders can live in scattered locations, including about seven blocks off North Main Street in North End, parts of South Main and South Franklin streets and small areas in the city’s Heights and Iron Triangle sections.

Great. So Nord End becomes the repository of choice for the perverts, creeps and lowlifes? Wonderful. What part of this is not to like? Give us your tired, your poor and those known to have sodomized small children. I can’t wait.

From the Times Leader:

WILKES-BARRE – A proposed city ordinance which will be voted on next week would ban sexual offenders from living in about 90 percent of the city, council said Thursday. “I’d hate to live in that 10 percent,” resident Sam Troy, a staunch opponent of the plan said during Thursday’s council meeting.

Welcome to Nord End, a Vaseline optional community.

If some pervert goes and moves to Nord End as a result of this pending legislation and then gets around to using little Johnny like a plastic fu>k doll, can Johnny’s parents then turn around and sue the city for forcing the pervert into their neighborhood? Sounds doable to me. It’s better than having some kid from the Heights raped. Right, Jim?

Who knew? They called for a meeting and a freaking three-ring circus broke out. What? No sword swallower? No jumpin’ through hoops of real fire?

This is soooo typical of those who constantly carry on about their rights and suchlike. We must afford them their rights and their dignity at all times, they remind us at every turn. But, they are never bound by the same rules of decorum. Nope. Look at ‘em cross-eyed and they are crying to the press and threatening lawsuits in damn near every direction. Oh, but when they climb atop the mighty soapbox, vicious insults flow as if fired out of a long dormant geyser.

“I’m not picking on Mr. Frati, but when you hang out with rats. …”

You know, I warned the lot of you hapless internet assassins when you first went off on this ridiculous tangent about Butch Frati not being qualified. But, no! Nobody wants to listen to the guy who actually knows what he’s talking about. No. We wouldn’t want to accept reality when we could be frothing at the mouth while inventing our own private Idaho. Nah, facts ultimately suck, so they should be avoided at all costs in the myopic minds of the oft-berserk revolutionaries. Why listen to some really good advice when you can march down to city hall and make a complete spectacle--a complete jackass--of yourselves? Mental dormancy? Ah, who cares when you can get your name in the paper and next proceed to tell all of your fellow loose cannons at Indypress.com? Look what I did! Look what I did! Whoopee!

No, we’re not picking on Mr. Frati, we’re simply calling him unqualified in a very public forum. And doing so in a remarkably mistaken fashion, I might add. He’s not qualified! He’s not qualified! He’s not…oops. Never mind. Tuck your anarchy between your legs and slither on back to beneath your rock.

Your vitriolic, overzealous, ill-advised, and mean-spirited antics were as much needless as they were useless, but you can add those clippings to the growing scrapbook, hayna? Is no one above your mud-slinging? Everyone is fair game in your quest to impress whomever it is that you think would actually be impressed by such a clear paucity of thought on your part? They are all “rats?” Such misguided utterances belie the fact that you still are, but should have never been trusted with a vote in the first place. And your inane antics are exactly the reason why those arguing for increased ballot access will never, ever achieve that allusive goal. Reasonable thinking persons will shun the proud perpetrators of such unmistakably counterproductive mischief at every turn. That would be you, champ.

Seriously, in a rare moment of clarity, would you put somebody like you in charge?

Ah, the sky is falling! This is not Russia! You’re going to get yourselves in trouble! Tom Leighton is Joseph McCarthy’s grandson! Frati hangs with rats! They are thieving idiots! They are part-time thieves! The newspapers won’t tell you the truth!

This is not Russia? Nyet? You could have fooled me when the accounts of the council meetings sound as if they have been overrun by Chechnyan rebels. It’s really sad to see so much time and energy being squandered for not. And don’t be so foolish as to pat yourself on the back for all of your misguided civil disobedience. One man’s civil disobedience is another man’s congenital malformation. Someone once said that dissent, rebellion, and all-around hell-rousing remain the true duty of patriots, but trust me…you ain’t no patriot. All that you are is someone who can’t see through the blinding hatred--the suffocating mistrust--you have for your own government at every level. You live in the one country in the world where anything you could possibly want to achieve is within your reach, but you seem too completely embittered to take advantage of such a precious gift. Instead, it’s nonstop allegations, nonstop lawsuits, nonstop name calling, nonstop slander and nonstop libel.

So keep it up, Fidel. When they grow tried of your sophomoric antics, they aren’t going to need any pro bono assistance to make your life a living hell in civil court. You’re going to end up on the hook for the city’s legal fees just like someone else who planted the spoiled seeds of revolution before you.

By the way, this city’s director of operations just happens to have an attorney for a son-in-law. Enjoy.

Long live the resistance!!!

Peace. (Groan)

Recently, someone suggested that I should run for a council seat out of the Nord End. This has come up before and I laughed at the notion the last time it came up. Some say I could actually pull it out while the anti-incumbent candidates split the remaining negative votes. Whatever.

With what went on last night, can anyone actually picture me sitting there listening to that useless, pitiful swill without reacting somewhat badly? Would I say or do the wrong thing? Probably. Would I commit political suicide? Probably. Would I actually give a flying fu>k? Absolutely not. There does come that point where abject absurdity run amok needs to be dispensed with as quickly, loudly and grotesquely as humanly possible.

And therein lies one of the principal reasons that I am not interested. There’s completely too many idiots running loose inside city hall…myself included.

Sez me.

I hear that. There’s just no explaining the absurd thought processes of some of the folks around here. Enhanced security is a bad thing? You figure it out, I usually avoid such overwhelming sophistry of thought.

Beware: Joseph McCarthy’s grandson is watching. (???)

Uh-oh! Does this mean we can’t urinate on the square?

Drat!

We can still throw them the bird, though. Right?

Buh-bye

“Double--no triple--our troubles and we’d still be better off than any other people on earth.”--Ronald Reagan