Author: Amy S. W.

Rating: R

size: 24k

Category: RA/BADFIC

Keywords: Mulder\Scully romance

Summary: A night of confusion turns into a rainy day filled with tears. And what it means to give and not recieve.

Disclamier: Mulder and Scully and the rest of the gang belong to 1013 Century Fox.Fragment not intended. This is for the use of enjoyment and pleasure (o:

It was a late Friday night when Scully had decided to call it a night. Her partner, Mulder, had left hours before her. It was boring doing the same old routine checks day after day. Since the X-Files had closed there was nothing but calling and checking data. Mulder also seemed to leave earlier than she did. It just wasn't the same anymore. Her partner had turned into a annoying, moody, paranoid freak. Scully got up from her seat and picked up her folders. Just then the cell phone rang.

"Scully" she announced on the phone.

"........."

"Hello?" she said again hearing a long breathy voice on the other end.

"Sk -- Scully?" said a groggy voice on the other end.

"Mulder?" Scully replied her eye brow going up slightly.

"uh yeaaaa??" the voice said.

"Mulder, where are you?"

"Auhhhhhh, I don't know."

"Mulder are you drunk?" Scully said in a deeper voice

"Let me think a sec Scully....." He replied "Yup, I am."

"Where are you Mulder?" she said with a sigh.

"I don't know." He said breathing into the phone.

"Mulder, I want you to hand your cell phone to the bartender." She ordered. A second later she heard a husky low voice at the other end.

"Hello?" He said

"Auh, yes, I need to know where your bar is located?" She asked him.

The bartender gave her the directions.

"Could you please keep him there until I get there?" She asked waiting for an answer.

"Well, he isn't going anywhere until he pays up."

Scully shook her head and replied "I'll pay you when I get there. Just keep him out of trouble."

"I will."

She hung the phone up and sat there for a second.

-------------------------------------------------------

Mulder finished his last scotch and took a look around the bar, watching couples sway to the music. He felt light headed and detached from the world. It had been a habit of coming here after the X-Files were closed. But he had never over drunk himself the way he did tonight. In a matter of minutes he had automatically dialed Scully's cell phone -- Asking her to come and save him once again. His FBI princess with a pistol no doubt ready to prance her way to save him once again.

"Can I ask you something?" Mulder said to the bartender.

"Sure, what can I do for you?" He asked leaning against the bar and folding his hands.

"It's that lady on the phone, isn't it?" The bartender blurted out.

Mulder frowned and replied "Scully? No she's my partner." he looked down at his small glass twisting it around on the table.

The bartender gave him a smile and replied. "Funny, I've listened to some pretty stupid and shitty things. I've listened to more stories than you probably heard in a lifetime. But when I look at you, it's as plain as that nose on your face. You're just too stupid to admit it."

Mulder said nothing to the man.

"Look .. don't do what I did. I waited to fuckin' long. Look what I turned out to be. A bartender who has to listen to every sore loser who comes in here."

"Well, thanks for the advice." Mulder said sarcastically taking another sip of his scotch.

"You want some more advice?" He paused "If your lady-friend doesn't have the cash, you're going to have a long night cleaning dishes."

-------------------------------------------------------

Scully rolled her car into the parking lot of the small dirty looking bar. Scully's nose crinkled looking at the run-downed building. She stepped out of the car and walked in. There was smoke and the smell of liquor filling the small building. She scanned the bar and spotted Mulder with his head down on the bar. She shook her head making her way through the couples that danced slowly clinging onto their partners. She took one good look at him before advancing closer.

"Mulder?" She asked touching his shoulder.

"Mulder?" She shook him harder than before.

Mulder stirred under her grasp. "Scully?" He said turning his head to meet her face. Scully looked into his red blood shot eyes and the sweat that he was drenched in.

"Mulder, lets go." She said giving him a very disappointed look. "How much?" she asked the bartender.

"Well, lets see ... 30 bucks." he replied

Scully reached into her trench coat and pulled out 30 bucks and handed it to him.

Scully pulled Mulder up by the fore-arm, as he groggly stood on his feet. She pulled him through the crowd until she couldn't move him.

"Mulder, come on!" She said more sternly, looking up into his face.

"Lets dance." He said with a smile as he leaned his whole body against Scully.

"Mulder, I don't have time for this!" She said madly as her face turned red. Mulder took her hand and wrapped his other hand around her waist.

"Of course you do, Scully." He said in a slurred voice as he tried to keep in rhythm with the music that played in the background.

If she was bigger she probably would have slapped some sense into Mulder. Just then Scully's eyes flew open wider as she felt Mulder's hand slide down to her bottom.

"Mulder!" She said out loud. She took one of her hands and leaned into Mulder more trying to make sure he wouldn't fall and reached behind her and grabbed his hand and smacked it.

"Ouch!" He said with his eyes half closed and a visible smile appearing on his face again while he put his arm back around her waist.

"Mulder-" with the sound of her voice he dipped her down, and quickly brought her back up. Suddenly, Scully finally gained control over Mulder.

"Mulder, I"m leaving with or without you. I'm giving you a choice", She said pissed off. "I would bemore than happy just to leave you here!"

"Calm down, Scully! I'll go with you." He got closer to her ear and whispered "Now, what did you have in mind?" purring softly into her ear.

Scully's mouth dropped open and pulled away from him.

"Come on, Scully, stop and smell the roses." He told her giving her a big whiff of his breath.

Scully's face turned away from the horrible smell.

"How 'bout you come with me now, or I slap you around a bit?!." she said smirking.

"Can't we do both?" He said giving his winning smile.

Scully felt like leaving him there, but she couldn't blame him for his actions. *I'll kill him tomorrow* she thought. Before Scully knew it a huge man twice the size of Mulder pulled him up by his shirt collar, lifting him off the floor.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, you ass-hole?", He roared, looking Mulder straight in the eyes.

"Are you deaf, drunky?", The huge man said still holding him up.

Mulder looked him in the eye. "Who are you calling an ass-hole? Have you looked at yours lately?" He slurred, looking at the man's bulky ass. "With an ass that big and deep who needs the Grand Canyon?" Before Mulder knew it the man took his fist and hit him right into the eye, letting Mulder slump back on the floor.

"You ever touch my woman again I'll knock your damn head off!" He yelled, turning around to dance with his girlfriend.

Scully quickly ran over to him. People started dancing around him -- keeping their distance. They made it seem as if nothing had happened. She got down on her hands and knees looking at his eyes with concern.

"Mulder?" She said shaking him lightly. She brushed a piece of red hair out of her eyes. She shook him again, but more urgent. Mulder laid flat on his back finally blinking his eyes open.

"Did it get me Scully?" he asked moaning from the hit.

"What?" she asked touching his skin around his left eye. She could see the bruise beginning to form.

"Bigfoot" He said groaning louder.

"No, Mulder -- some guy hit you in the face." She told him sounding like she was talking to a four-year-old.

"Come on, lets get you up and out of here." She said helping him back to his feet.

She quickly moved him to the door and into the cold night air. Scully took a few deep breaths letting the clear cold air fill her lungs. Mulder leaned against Scully. He held his hand to his eye.

"Are you ok?" she asked him listening to him moan.

"Yea" he said. They made their way towards her car and opened the door to the passengers side waiting for Mulder to get inside.

"What?" she said looking at his face.

"I think I gotta throw-up." he said feeling the nausea coming onto him.

"No, wait ... I'm fine." he said. Scully walked around the front to the driver's side getting in and leaning towards the other side of the car.

"Are you coming?" she asked him while watching him start to get in. He paused and started spitting as he sat down.

"Do you want to throw-up in here or outside, Mulder?"

"I think ..... both." he said taking a long sigh before slamming the door behind him.

'alright', Scully said to herself turning on the engine and turnng her head to see if Mulder was alright.

"Are you going to be ok?" She asked him. Mulder looked at here and replied.

"What about my car?"

"Forget your car Mulder, I'll pick you up tomorrow and we can go get it."

She explained turning her lights on.

"Scully?" Mulder asked in a soft voice.

"What Mulder?"

"Thank you." He said turning his head infront of the seat -- closing his eyes.

She said nothing and drove out of the parking lot and down the two way street torwards Mulder's apartment. He was scilent the whole way home. She would glance at him once and awhile to make sure he was comfortable. Finally the engine stopped.

"Are we here?" He asked in a husky voice looking at her with squinted eyes watching to see if she would respond.

"Yea, lets get you inside and get some ice on that eye of yours." She said getting out of the car and than helping him get out.

------------------------------------------------------

Mulder turned the keys to his appartment and stumbled in reaching out for the couch. He fell on it with grace. Scully turned his light on and went into the kitchen for ice.

Mulder kicked his shoes off and losened his tie hearing the noise of ice being cracked. He still felt like shit and stil couldn't figure out was was going on. He really couldn't focse on who was in his apartment. Was he dreaming? He saw a woman walk in with something in her hand. What was it? What was she holding? he thought.

Scully sat down on the side of the couch next to Mulder she took her hand and examined his eye with care.

"He really got you Mulder." She said frowning noticing how dark the skin was getting.

She brushed his hair away from his eye and gentally sat the pack on.

"Are you an angel? He asked her still not all there.

"No Mulder, I'm not, it's me Scully." She whispered rolling her eyes She took his hand and guided it to the ice pack.

"Yes, you are." He smiled holding the packet in place. "You're my light in the dark."

Scully stirred looking away from Mulder. Mulder could see he had made her feel ucomfortable. "I'm gonna go now mulder, before you start seeing little green men." Trying to change the subject.

"Grey." He told her

"What?"

"They're grey." he said again

"I'm leaving." She said with a slight smile.

Before Scully could get up he took his free hand and grabbed onto her arm.

"Don't go." he said turning his head to face her.

"But Muld-"

"Stay, stay, a little longer." He said

"But-"

"But what?" he quickly said looking into her eyes searching for an answer

"You won't will you?" he said

"I won't what?" She said staying in her place looking at him with a frown.

"You won't stay." He said again.

"No.... I."

"Why?" He asked

"I have a big day tomorrow I have things-.

"Tomorrows Saturday."

"Mulder, get comfortable and I'll-" she began to say

"I *am* comfortable." He told her in a clear voice, watching her eyes shift way from him.

Mulder felt a cold stream start to trickle down his neck into his shirt. He a bruptly got up as Scully manage to get out of his way.

She was glad that it had happened now she could leave.

"Whats wrong?" She asked looking at him.

"This pack has a hole in it." he said as he ran into the kitchen.

Scully could hear the pack being thrown into the sink. Mulder came out a moment later with a towel.

"I'm going now Mulder." she said turning around.

"Wait, up Scully." he slurred running over to her. He put his hand on her shoulder. She turned back around to face him.He looked down on her looking into her eyes.

Before she could answer him he bent down and kissed her hard. Scully tried to get away from him but she couldn't escape his lips She didn't want to kiss him, she needed to kiss. Mulder could feel her pulling away but then he could feel her surrender under his touch. His body moved closer as his hand pulled her waist closer to his own.

His other hand came up to hold her face up to his.

"Do you know how long I've waited for this?" He whispered pushing her hair out of his way. Kissing her again, feeling her mouth respond to his.

Scully closed her eyes and flung her head back. She couldn't think straight or understand what had come over her. It was if a spell was over her and she didn't want it to become a reality.

Mulder began to tenderly kiss her neck while undoing the buttons to her blouse. He could feel her hands begin to undue his shirt also feeling her long fingers press against his bare chest.

Scully could feel his legs give out as both of them tumbled to the ground. She found herself on top of him, bending done on him and kiss him on his mouth harder and more urgent than before. He took his hand and ran his fingers up her leg to her thigh pushing up the fabric to her skirt. He heard a moan come out of her throat as he kissed her again exploring her mouth. She could taste the faint liquor that he had, had earlier. And could hear the buzzing of the phone. She stopped what she was doing and looked down at Mulder looking at him with confused eyes. No, she couldn't believe what she had just done. Mulder began to pull her closer to him. But she pushed him away.

"I-I-I" Was all she could get out as she got off of him and pushed her skirt back down, looking at Mulder on the ground.

"Scully." He managed to say. starting to get up but dropping back down because he was still drunk. He couldn't believe he had kissed her, he too was shocked, but something kept telling him he was sorry that she should for give him. But He wasn't sorry that it had happened.

"No Mulder, I-I'm sorry." She blurted out running torwards the door.

"Scully, wait, we need to talk." He yelled

"There is nothing to talk about Mulder-" She said unsteady slamming the door behind her.

Mulder remained on the floor after she had shut the door. Gosh, what had he done? He covered his face and sighed.

Scully ran down the hallway of Mulder's apartment out to her car. She unlocked her door and slumped into the seat.

'What just happened? What Did I do? He was, no, I was. How could I have done that? How did I get so weak? How did I lose control? I couldn't think,my mind was going in loops. Why Dana? Why, how, could you have done this? I let my self fall, I'm so strong, how could this have happened? But he was so, no, he was drunk,he didn't know what he was doing, he had too much to drink. But how could allow myself to do that to him. It happened so fast, it was so fast.' Her mind was racing she couldn't think straight. She sat there for such a long time trying to go over everything that happened.

She felt hot and could feel the pit of her stomach ache. She turned on her engine and left Mulder's building never looking back.

-------------------------------------------------------

Mulder awoke from his deep sleep to find him laying on the floor. He sat up and felt the pain shoot up to his head. He groaned and held his head. He managed to get up but te pain be came unbearable he staggered towrds his couch and laid down.

He was confused still and his eye felt swollen. He gentally touched the tender skin around his eye flinching from the soreness. He couldn't make out what had happened last night except that he had a lot to drink. But he had something crazy in the back of head. But couldn't make it out. He looked at the clock and decided to stop at the Beauro and pick up some folders he had left at his desk.

He managed to make it down to the parking lot. He scanned the lot looking for his car but couldn't find it anywhere.

"Where's my car?" He said out loud to himself scanning the lot again. 'Someone stole it!', He thought starting to pick up his cell-phone. Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He suddenly felt sick in the stomach. "Naaw', he thought, that was just a dream. "Scully!" he said to himself.

Remebering it more clearly. He had let her walk out on him. And he hadn't gone after her. He was to drunk to think of it then. He wonder what scully might be thinking. He had to go over there. But he didn't have a car to do it.

He thought about calling her but he knew she wouldn't pick up her cell-phone. He suddenly didn't want to go over there he felt ambarresed. He remebered her looking at him the way he had looked at her. It had happened so quickly.He might have been drunk but the feelings that he had felt hadn't changed. He needed to show his feelings. And when he was drunk all his true feelings came out. He loved Scully. Not as a partner, not as a friend, but something different. He had alwaysed loved Scully but the feelings had changed. It was a different kind of love. He saw Scully differently now, and that scared him. What if she didnt love him back or didn't feel the way he did? But he remembered gazing into those calm and surrendering eyes he knew he had felt her passion.

-------------------------------------------------------

Scully, sat quietly coming back to reality. She still couldn't forgive herself for what happened. She couldn't believe she had used Mulder that way. She couldn't call him, she didn't want to. It was to ambarrsing. She knew things would never be the same anymore. She had made a fool of herself. She had put her faith in him that moment in time. She wanted to cover up everything that had happened. But she couldn't express her love to him. She was to scared to. She didn't want to believe.

Suddenly the door opened and Scully turned to find Mulder standing drenching wet looking at her. His weary face showed everything. The water drizzled off of him as he walked towards her. She stood up looking down. He could see it in her eyes, as her eyes turned away from him. He waited before speaking. "I didn't want to come here Scully, but-." He began

"Mulder, I don't want to talk about this." She said sternly. Knowing why he had come, crossing her arms.

"I'm not leaving till I get this out,he paused ."Last night-"

"I know what you're going to say Mulder." She said interrupting him.

"Would you please let me finish. I have it in my mind, but saying it right is the hard part." He said his voice sounding shaky. He came closer to her looking into her eyes.

"I've known you for so long Scully, I've seen your brightness turn to grey. I've been your shoulder to cry on. I've seen you in your darkest hour."

"Don't go there Mulder." She whispered trying to keep a straight face.

"Why are you so scared?" He asked her

"I'm not." She told him stepping away from him.

"You know, you don't always have to be the strong one." stepping closer to her.

"Yes, I do." she said looking back into his eyes.

"No you don't" he said shaking his head. "I've see it in your eyes, you think you win, scully, but in the end you lose.

She looked down to the ground avoiding Mulder's gaze. "Look at me Scully." He replied taking his hand and raising her face to meet his.

"What happened last night, was something so real, something that I've known was there but was to blinded to see it.

"Mulder, what happened last night was a mistake. You were drunk." She began to explain.

"No scully, it was something real, I could see it in your eyes. How can you denie that? You can shake your head but I can tell by your lying eyes..

"No, Mulder I can't conceive of it!" She said sternly.

Mulder took her by the shoulders. "Why is it so hard for you to just say it? Why can't I get through to you. Why won't you let me in?"

"Because Mulder, I don't want to lose what we already have. I am trying very hard not to get into this, because once we open that door there is no turning back. We can never go back to what we had. And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to." She replied trying to get the tears back.

"I'm scared to Scully, I don't want to lose that either. But I love you, and I'm willing to take that chance. We can do this together, you are my light in the dark. You complete me Scully, you are everything to me, you been there right under my nose, and I'm not going to lose you. We already opened that door, we already made that move. We can't go back. He whispered not looking away from her unsteady face. Her jaw clinched her teeth, trying not to show him her weakness.

"I can't open that door wider, I can't let myself fall into this. It isn't fair for me or you." She told him as a single tear fell from her eye. A shutter released her lips as she looked into his blue water eyes. "I can't love you the way you want me to. For a single moment I thought this would work, that everything would be fine, but I know it won't." She told him biting back the burning in her eyes trying to swollow the knot that had formed in the back of her throat.

She looked him straight in the eyes not hesitating to let the words escape her mouth. The guilt that had taken over her made her voice trimble, because she knew she didn't want to hurt him. "I don't feel that way, I don't love you, Mulder." The words came out like sharp jagged knives spliting into his soul.

His chest began to ache and he couldn't bear the pain that was building up. He squirmed at the pulling that had taken over him. He looked helplessly into her eyes and whispered "Then let me love you."

The words came out of him with so much emotion that it made Scully begin to weep. The tears streamed down her face, and she could not cover it up. Her mouth twisted as she kept the agony that was trying to be released by the pain that she had set upon him. But she could not allow herself to fall into his strong and secure arms.

He reached out to her like he had done so many times. But she pushed him away stepping further away from him. He wanted nothing more than to hold her. It was killing him inside and out. He knew now that he would always love her even if she didn't feel the same way. But deep in his heart he knew she did. That is why he wouldn't give up.

She rejected him again, stepping further away as his arms slumped down to his sides. But he continued to come closer to her as she backed up some more. The wall stopped her from moving any further. He said nothing as he took his arms and wrapped them around Her. He forced her head towards his chest, hugging her tighter moving her body closer to his. It felt as if he were hugging a wall.

"Let it go Scully." He said in a meek voice, setting the side of his face against her head.

She couldn't bare it any longer, she gave it up, all of the emotions that were bottled up in her came out like a tide. Mulder could feel the tension leave. She wrapped her arms around him clinging on to him. She could only make herself vulnerable to him. And the world seem to past before thme. That time didn't matter, that nothing existed except the love that they had encountered.

THE END

Hey hoped you like it (O: Please send comments to Talitha-cumi@webtv.net