:

Honkin de Spain wrote Mon 2/19/18 re Pebbles the "comfort
hamster" ordered flushed down the toilet by Spirit Airlines:

Atrocious!  May we assume they were in flight at the
time?   Otherwise,  if the woman's hamster love  was
true,  she should have refused to board the aircraft.

If you had followed the link we gave with our report,  you
would have seen  that the airline refused to board the ham-
ster.  But the woman was on a  time  crunch  seeking treat-
ment for  a  severe  medical  condition  and felt she had no
choice.  After  the airline had assured her twice on the tele-
phone, previously, that Pebbles could fly with her.

And we understand your inability  to  "follow the link."  Our
records show  that you are one of our U.S. mail subscribers
at  the  Texas Women's Prison.  You can't link-click a piece
of paper,  and you probably  have  limited  if  any access to
the internet.
                                                                                 – Editor

A 12-year-old girl was arrested in Dugger for Slapcrap Snap-
chat threats on her school. . . .

Four juveniles and an adult were arrested for a Slapcrap Snap-
chat  threat  on  Corydon High School  (20 per cent of the stu-
dents were absent on the target day). . . .

icenogle.jpg Terre Haute's most wanted: Shawn Michael Icenogle, 33, 5'11", 170 lbs, escape where defendant just runs away from lawful detention (level 5 felony); Leviticus N. Price, WM, 26, 5'1", 110 lbs, fraud, weighted ear lobes (attempted upside down ears); Luis Daniel Agilar, WM, 34, 5'11", 160 lbs, failure to appear; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Charles Thomas Guinn III, WM, failure to register; Constance Chanelle Foster, BF, assault with a dangerous weapon; Dewayne Darryl Kirkdorfer, WM, failure to register (Wabash Valley, Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The General Assembly voted to repeal  prohibition  (Indiana
will no longer be the only state to prohibit carryout alcoholic
beverage sales on Sundays).
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A 13-year-old girl was arrested for writing on a bathroom
wall at Anderson Middle School in Lawrenceburg, "I am
going to shoot up the school on 2-21-18." . . .

A 14-year-old boy was arrested in Breckinridge County for
bringing a large knife to school that he admitted he was go-
ing to use to stab other students. . . .

A 15-year-old girl was arrested  for threatening to blow up a
school in Jackson County. . . .

Six more juveniles were arrested for school threats in Mar-
shall County, where a gunboy took two lives and wounded
21 at the high school in January. . . .

Man/boys 18 and 19 were arrested for a photo threat on line
to Jessamine County school and 29 other counties responded
to "going scholastic threats" . . .
 

pbilimes.jpg "We've only changed our name," they say - but not entirely, as you can see in the engraved sign on the face of the older building, on the right (and for the second time recently - the new Limestone Bank was the PBI Bank for the last 15 years, and they said, before, "We've only changed our name" - which was a lie then: PBI, a statewide bank, acquired the Brownsville Deposit Bank) (Tabloid Headlines photo)

A grade school teacher was arrested in Menifee County for
crushing a pill and snorting it in front of her pupils. . . .

A dead cow floated into a flooded inlet from the Ohio Riv-
er in Louisville.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

azaylasy.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Azayla Bledsoe, BF, 18, 120 lbs, ready; Kelly Keeling, WF, 34, 5'6", 150 lbs, thinking it over; Kirsten Quinn, WF, 21, 5'5", 147 lbs, not sure; Sytanya Fells, BM, 53, Down and out, can't decide (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "Call  me.  You know how I can get.  I've been accused of  sexual   harassment.   I've been accused  of domestic violence.   I've been   accused of 'going scholastic.'  You know how I can get.   I blame   myself.   But,  call me." – Leonard Simon

The  "RubGrub,"  an interactive vibrator that orders pizza after your or-
gasm.  According to a press release, this diddle-and-dine device "comes"
with an internet-connected button on one end similar to the button on the
Amazon Dash Wand.

jethrobo.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Jethro Tull, Jethro Bodine

Passengers on a Dutch airline Transavia flight  from Dubai to Amsterdam
made such a ruckus over  another  passenger's  farting  the plane landed in
Vienna to unload the two hecklers and their sisters (but not the farter). . . .
Parkland, Florida, was ranked as the safest city in the state by the National
for Home Safety and Security before the school massacre there.  .  .  .  The
shooter fled to a nearby Walmart,  where customers can buy rifles and am-
 munition but cannot purchase music with lyrics that contain "fuck." . . . Al-
abama halted the execution of Doyle Lee Hamm, 61, for murder, after med-
ical technicians had trouble inserting the lethal injection needle into his can-
cer-damaged veins. . . . A cow in Poland escaped her loading on the slaugh-
terhouse truck, swam to an island in a lake, and continued to defend herself
from her would-be captors, breaking the ribs and arm of one of them.

                                                      [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, HuffPost, AP]

mistyram.jpg Wanted in Wichit Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Misty Ann day, 45, brown hair & eyes, bond forfeiture, criminal conspiracy to manf./delivery of controlled substance PG1 o/1g u/4g, attempted gender transform.; Ramzi Khamis ISSI (ISSI, not ISIS), 54, brown hair & eyes, 200 lbs, 6'0", surety off bond, manfufacture/delivery of controlled substance; patiedan.jpg Patience Milburn, 24 (Yorkshire hog of the week), black hair brown eyes, 215 lbs, 5'6", debit/credit/card abuse; Daniel Steven Torres, 24, black hair / brown eyes, 150 lbs, 5' 9", pr bond canceled, possession of controlled substance; Texoma's most wante fugitives of the week

French "ice dancer" Gabriella Papadakis showed her left tit
at the winter Olympics when her partner,  Guillaume Cizer-
on, lifted her and snapped the clasp on the back halter hold-
ing her dress together.  They still got a  silver  medal.  And,
there's video!

When I was in my teens, and even into my 20s and 30s,  I was
a  plain  Jane.  I had little self-confidence.  But  strangely,  I'm
one of those people who has gotten better looking as I've aged.
Now in my 50s, I am better looking than many women my age
or even younger.  Men definitely notice me, and I love it.

My problem is,  I'm now obsessed with my appearance.  I con-
stantly worry that I'll lose my looks.  I've even considered cos-
metic surgery.  I don't want to be the shallow person I see com-
ing. What can I do?
                                                                                Late Bloomer

lifejeth.jpg Life Saver Dude: And your mother thought Jethro Tull was a Beverly Hillbilly? Jethro Bodine

:

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 2/11/18 @09:52 PST:

Another version of Natalie Wood's death that has been scuttlebutt in Holly-
wood ever since it happened is that she caught Robert Wagner and Christo-
pher Walken in bed together,  ran off in drunken rage,  went down a ladder,
stumbled, and fell into the water; and they were too busy to hear.

and @11:01 PST re Ron Kirby Jr., C.A.I., A.A.R.E., C.E.S., U.C.M.A., R.L.I.:

Reminds of a friend in Toronto who is both a doctor and lawyer,  along
with some others, including a master's and Ph.D.,  ending with "One of
Her Majesty's Coroners for Ontario" – all shown on a crowded business
card.  What we used to call a professional student,  except that after the
first degree the others were obtained while working.  I once wrote him –
back in the day when people still wrote letters – addressing the envelope
with all the professional designations after his name followed by "ABC"
and "XYZ," which he did not even notice.  Perhaps you can enlighten us
as to the meaning of the letters following the name of Ron Kirby Jr.

Thank you.  We know Mr. Kirby personally, but have no fucking idea about the
credentials.  We can guess only that "R.E." refers to "real estate." Try these also,
from Google:  C.A.I., A.A.R.E., C.E.S., U.C.M.A., R.L.I.    – Editor

The former president  of a Mishawaka parent-teacher asso-
ciation was convicted of fondling an 11-year-old girl while
several children were watching a movie at his home. . . .

A woman stealing a surveillance camera at a store in India-
napolis reached into her pants, threw shit on a security offi-
cer trying to stop her, and escaped (but not with the camera).

                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

rahimama.jpg South Bend' most wanted: Rahim Brumfield, BM, murder; Berrien County, Michigan's: Amanda Lynn Trowbridge, WF, Jessica Lynn Johnson-Smith, WF, possession of stolen credit card; Terre Haute's (Yorkshire hogs of the week): Brenda Smith, WF, 61, 5'4", 160 lbs, Casandra Louise White, WF, 34, 5'5", 300+ lbs, meth, and overstay at the China Buffet (Michiana and Wabash Valley Crime Stoppers)

Marshall County gunman faces grand jury
Gunman?  How 'bout, "gunboy"?  Age 15, killed two fel-
low students at school and wounded 21.   If he's indicted,
we may learn his name.   (Well,  look!   He was,  and  we
did – and they even put his pitture in the paper!) . . .

"If a tree don't fall on me I'll live till I die"  – Tex  Ritter,
singing "Rye Whiskey."  Well, a tree fell on Jamie Brew-
er, 41, in Wolfe County; and he died.
                                                               [courtesy LEX18]

devantew.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Devante Warfield, BM, 24, 5'11", 180 lbs, stalking; Monica Smith, BF, 52, 5'5", 150 lbs, stalking enticement; Harry Chapman, WM, 61, 6'3", 165 lbs, "featured fugitive of the week," terroristic threatening, singing off key (pulled kicking and screraming from the Herald-Leader)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "The Wheat scores big,  sports fans.  A gentleman never kisses and  tells, but her name was Morgan Fairchild.  Yeah, yeah, that was her  name!  Morgan Fairchild!  You know,  she thinks I'm some kind of  Cherokee chief.  Yeah!  That's the ticket!" – Leonard Simon

I'm not attracted to my husband. I love him and don't want to
live without him,  but I do not want to be physically intimate
with him.  It is unfair  to  him;  and I've tried antidepressants,
meditation and diet,  but nothing works.

I used to have a high libido,  but I haven't wanted to have sex
with him in years. We do it maybe two or three times a month
because I force myself to, but it is unpleasant for me. He does-
n't want to guilt me into sex and hates that I force myself,  but
he has a high libido.

We are in our mid-20's, and this is killing him – and us.  I  am
attracted to some (but very few) others – just not to him.   I've
always been more emotionally attracted to women  than  men,
but I don't think that is it.   I  need  help  before  our  marriage
starts to crumble.
                                                    Avoiding It in South Carolina

Borf 's weekly BONUS:          Flynn,   a  bichon  frise,          was  "best  in  show"  at          Westminster   (it's  even          more fun to say  than to          look  at.   Try  it:   "bee-          SHOWNH FREEZ-uh"          – and  don't  forget  the          uvular R in "FREEZ"). . . .

A driverless bus in Las Vegas, Nevada,  had an accident its first day
on the streets (but it was the other guy's fault). . . . A pastor charged
with public lewdness after being found in a parked car with a naked
man bound in nylon rope  in  Munhall,  Pennsylvania,  said  he  was
counseling a man with a drug problem. . . . Dakota  Meyer  filed for
divorce from Bristol Palin. . . .  A man accused of killing a 19-year-
old woman in Adams County, Colorado, told police he replied to an
ad she posted on Craigslist seeking a hit man for a suicide. . . . Mc-
Donald's planned to  eliminate  cheeseburgers  and  chocolate  milk
from its "Happy Meals." . . . American Media Inc., publisher of the
National Enquirer, bought the rights to a story about an affair Don-
ald Trump had with a Playboy model a decade ago and sat on it  (in
a tabloid procedure called "catch and kill," to protect errant celebri-
ties of choice).
                                        [courtesy LEX18, J. Ewing, NBC.com, AP]

lisajela.jpg Wanted in Waco: Lisa Franklin, BF, 43, 5'4", 270 lbs, food stamp fraud, overstay at the China Buffet (City of Waco); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jelana Davon Timmins, BF, 24, 5'5", 130 lbs, tattoos on neck, back, chest, left shoulder, human trafficking; Eresha Marsha Carter, BF, 25, 5'7", 180 lbs, tattoos on neck, both arms, battery of law officer (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

melvindo.jpg Wanted n Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Melvin Larry Walker Jr., 40, black hair, brown eyes, 160 lbs, 5'9", fail to comply with registration requirements; Dorothy Gibson, 32, brown hair, blue eyes, 153 lbs, 5'9", surety off bond, theft u/$2,0i00 with 2 or more convictions; Texoma's finest fugitives

News almost too dumb for Tabloid Headlines:  A Chicago TV
station identified the P. F. Chang's  restaurant  chain  as the site
of the Winter Olympics.

:

Re the Natalie Wood case, see also new reports from Variety and CBS' 48 Hours. . . .

Natalie Wood case solved, she cheated with Walken and Wagner flew into jealous rage, booze crazed, he yelled 'I want a divorce - get off my boat!' (Examiner); Nancy Pelosi gets makeup tips from RuPaul (Enquirer); Ex-hippies root for FBI (Borowitz Report); Winter Olympics canceled due to inclement weather (Onion)

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 2/4/18 @14:23 PST:

What – no Lifesaver Man??

He's back!    – Editor

A 5' 10" Rushville man who once weighed 700 pounds has
dropped to 190  but still is hobbled by the bags of skin that
held the fat. . . .
                                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

jodybuis.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Jody White, WM, 5'6", 130 lbs, nonsup.; Charles Buis, BM, 5'11", 195 lbs, fraud; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Laurie Marie Miller, WF, embezzlement; Myquele Lechelle Ferguson, BF, ID theft; Brook Alan Lennox, WM, domestic violence (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

   

thadiass.jpg Terre Haute's most wanted: Thadias Jack Carpenter, WM, 25, 5'11", 140 lbs, burglary of a dwelling, black spelling; Sarah Elizabeth Cox, WF, 35, 5'0", 110 lbs, last known address Club Soda, theft of a firearm; Michael Myers, WM, 39, 5'2", 120 lbs, meth (Wabash Valley Crime Stoppers)

WebHub ranked Kentucky 46th on its list of best states in
which to be single  (Mississippi, Alabama,  West Virginia
and Arkansas bottomed out the list, in that order).

                                 [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

brittney.jpg . . . and now a 38th way to spell BRITTNEY, Hollister, Pig Diner, Pig KY 42171, not a Yorkshire hog (Tabloid Headlines photo)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "The facts, ma'am,  just the facts:  Women own the largest percentage of  the wealth of the world.  Men die and leave their money to woman, and  women die and leave their money to women." – Leonard Simon

Grumpy Cat  won a $700,000 verdict  in  a  federal  court in California  over unauthorized use of her image by the  Gre- nade beverage company. . . .

A 21-year-old Florida woman said she was forced to flush  her  comfort
hampster,  Pebbles,  down the toilet by Spirit Airlines. . . . Actress Fran-
ces  McDormand said she was tired of film awards. . . .  California Con-
gresswoman Nancy Pelosi became speaker again when she made  an  8-
hour speech Wednesday on the floor of the House of Representatives. . . .
A #MeToo California Assemblywoman was accused  of  sexual  harass-
ment by a male staffer of an Assemblyman. . . .  Gonzalo Curiel,  the In-
diana-born judge of Mexican ancestry  President  Trump  accused of ra-
cist bias in a case against him,  is now presiding over a case brought by
the state of California challenging the border wall  over  environmental
concerns.
                                                                                [courtesy LEX18, AP]

breeandr.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas - Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week): Bree Leann Hansard, 36, blonde hair green eyes, 130 lbs, 5'8" surety off bond, controlled substances; Andrew David Janssen, 37, brown hair hazel eyes, 180 lbs, 5'10", money laundering

               

bayljeff.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Tesas): Bayley R. Nading, WM (sic), 23, 5'1", 116 lbs, aggravated battery; Jeffery P. Lauless, WM, a/k/a Scrappy, 46, 5'5", 150 lbs, tattoos shoulder, back, left arm, scar left eye, opiates (Sedgwick County Sheriff); Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Erika Lynn Chaney, WF, 29, 5'5", 120 lbs, injury to a child (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

When Jacob Copeland,  a wide receiver for Pensacola's Es-
cambia High School, announced that he would enroll at the
University  of  Florida,  his  mother,  wearing  an  Alabama
sweater and a Tennessee beanie, walked out of the room. . . .

It's called the "Super Bowl"; but, historically, in most years
since 1978, it's been the Supper Bowl.

Yorkshire hog of the week:
                                             a repeat

I am a grandmother in my 60's.  I was excited to learn about
Facebook  and to start conversing with friends and relatives.
I love seeing all their pictures and videos  and  reading their
statuses and comments.  I always make comments  and give
compliments on their pictures, etc.

But is it wrong for me to be hurt  and  resentful  when some
of them completely ignore me in return? It is mainly the rel-
atives who do this.   These are the people I have sent checks
to in hard times and for celebratory occasions,  and  it  both-
ers me when I see that they comment to other friends but act
as if I don't exist.

I hate to say anything to them because they would resent me
for it, but it hurts my feelings; and I don't understand the be-
havior.  They act as if it would cost them long-distance mon-
ey to respond to me.

I believe you can find out a lot  about  people  by "friending"
them on Facebook. You discover which ones are really inter-
ested in you,  and which ones simply like to post pictures of
themselves.  It is so self-centered.  What should I do?

                                                                        Hurt in Virginia

lifepeck.jpg Precious: "Will work for food" Life Saver Dude: "Ha, ha! Yeah! I know you! You'll goldbrick for food . . . "

:

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 1/28/18 @18:58 PST:

An "investigation" of about 5 seconds shows that the city
is spelled "Perris" because it is named  after  Fred  Perris,
former chief engineer of the California Southern Railroad,
not the city of Paris.

Was he any kin to George Washington Gale Ferris Jr., the inven-
tor of the Wheel?  Or, perhaps, to Pharis?   Or to Ferris Bueller,
perhaps?

And is the town drunk still known as Plastered of Perris?
                                                                                              – Editor

Michael Begn. Jr., 18,  of Jeffersonville, was ar- rested for molesting 17 children, aged 3 to 7,  at a YMCA where he worked as a teaching aide. . . .

A Terre Haute motorist who got a ticket for  flipping the bird
to a state trooper who cut him off to stop another driver sued
the cop in federal court for civil rights violation. . . .

Cass County deputy sheriffs shot and killed a man who was
stabbing himself. . . .

Indiana joined Kentucky as the only two states to have ad-
opted a work requirement  for  some  Medicaid  recipients
for drug treatment. . . .

Say's firefly came a step closer to becoming the official In-
diana insect in a state senate committee. . . .

Another senate committee advanced a bill to allow gun ow-
ners with permits to carry guns in churches even if the chur-
ches are on school grounds.
                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

tomasgon.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Tomas Gonzalez, HM, 5'7", 200 lbs, violation of court order; Clarice Britt, BF, 5'2", 145 lbs, cocaine; Kristina Kendall, 5'6", 170 lbs, meth; Omar Matyas, 5'6", 145 lbs, robbery, thinks he's Pretty Boy Floyd; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Pamela Ann Freeman, WF, larceny in a building by a Yorkshirre hog; Emily Lynn Brewer, WF, felony malicious destruction of property (and men's hearts) (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

This dancing burglar performed for the surveillance camera at
a theater in Lexington. . . .
                                                                        [courtesy LEX18]
LMPD officer shot in shooting
                                                   [Louisville Courier-Journal]

                                 (see what 8 months does to September)

brandand.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Brandon Thompson, WM, 40, 6'3", 160 lbs, thug; Andrea Slaughter, BF, 36, 5'3", l70 lbs, mug; Laura Morgan, WF, 45, 5'3", 130 lbs, bug; James Mitchell, WM, 29, 5'9", 160 lbs, sap; Dayonte Stewart, BM, 23, 5'5", 125 lbs, thug (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader); aaronsep.jpg Aaron Pennington, WM, 31, 6'0", full faced fool; September Bonds, WF, 24, 5'3", 120 lbs, tattooed tart

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "As co-founder of the Sunfish Mafia, the Wheat wears many hats.  In our new   state-of-the-art laboratories, we have developed a blue ribbon award-winning   strain of marijuana we are high to tell you we call Camel Toe!"    – Leonard Simon

alancasy.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Alan Christopher Lawrence, WM, 46, 5'6", 180 lbs injury to a child; retaliation; Casey Leigh Ivey, WF, 24, 5'9", 165 lbs, sexual assault (come to me, Mama!); Hannah Cristine Seekins, 32, 5'2", 140 lbs, injury to a child (be my mama!); Esteban Alexander Acosta, HM, 29, 5'8:", 180 lbs, child endangerment (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Yorkshire hog of the week:                                            
                                              
                                               [actual weights not disclosed]                Jamie Houchen, Glasgow, Ky.

Rap 'n' rhythm 'n' blues ran rock 'n' roll out of the  "Grammys." . . .  Of
twin sons born in Canada to the same woman but with different fathers,
a same-sex married couple in Southern California, one is a U.S. citizen
because his father is American but the other is not because his father is
an Israeli with a "green card." . . . A 17-year-old boy(?) diagnosed with
anxiety, depression and "gender dysphoria" was awaiting court disposi-
tion in Cincinnati, Ohio, between his grandparents and his parents, who
prefer Christian therapy over hormone therapy. . . . The   "Tim  Tebow"
bill,  which would have allowed  home  schoolers  to  compete in inter-
scholastic  athletics,  was defeated in committee  in the Virginia House
of Delegates. . . . Stormy Daniels denied that she had had an affair with
Donald Strump. . . . United Airlines refused to board a comfort peacock
at the Newark, New Jersey, airport. .  .  . Canada made its national anth-
em "gender neutral."
                                                                                [courtesy LEX18, AP]

virglaus.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Virgle Wayne Barry, 55, brown hair green eyes, 165 lbs, 5' 06", failure to comply with registration requirements; Austen Graham, 21, brown hair & eyes, 250 lbs, 5'9", aggravated robbery; Texima's most wanted fugitives of the week

                     

A Boston radio announcer called Tom Brady's 5-year-old daugh-
ter "an annoying little pissant." . . .

Ronda Rousey became a wrestler.

And just why did your Editor put what I said on NPR's Here
& Now show last week in a "quotation of the weak"?

                                                                 Maggie Lake, CNN