:

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 5/24/20 @20:31 PDT:

Jessica Kropp looks way too plump for a meth head.
Must be a dealer.  Pin the bow on the donkey!

Dumb news from Kentucky:        Gov. Beshear was hanged in effigy outside        the Guvvernor's Mansion  by protesters of        the "stay at home" orders. . . .        Tested positive, 9,184; dead, 431. . . .

elizbeth.jpg The Bronx' Wave Hill yogini Susie Caramanica (New Yorker); Congratulations Elizabeth!! We are so proud of you! Love, Mom & Lloyd (Edmonson (County, Kentucky) News (the "Gimlet"))

elizhope.jpg Louisville's Most Wanted (Louisville Metro Police Department): Elizabeth Hope Greene, WF, 25, 5'3", 140 lbs, receiving stolen prop.; Anony Jones, WM, 63, 5'7", 165 lbs, DUI, leaving scene; Erica  Denise Thompson a/k/a Adams, BF, 33, 5'11",  260 lbs, assault, nonsupport; Lloyd Euene Druin, WM, 66, 6'0", 140 lbs, fail. to register; Kelli Marie Fried, WF, 50, 5'7", 110 lbs, controlled substances

Two WAVE-TV newsmen covering a protest were shot by police
with rubber bullets  in  Louisville  (the protest was over the fatal
shooting of a black woman in her bed by police who had entered
her apartment on a "no knock" warrant).
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Excuse me, miss, but, I'm a thief; and I'm here to       steal your heart."                                                             – Leonard Simon

   Corona virus victim of the week

Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves congratulated Harry Azcrac in a vir-
tual high school commencement address. . . . Percentage of Americans
who operate doors and sinks in public restrooms with paper towels:  65
. . . who flush with their feet:  44 . . . who hover over the toilet seat:  29
 . . . A quarantined Mexican sent his dog out for Cheetos (and got them).
. . .  Nude sunbathers in Lazne Bohdanec,  the Czech Republic, were in-
structed to wear face masks. . . .  A bar in Elgin,  Texas,  barred custom-
ers wearing face masks. . . . A black CNN reporter and his crew were ar-
rested on live TV in a Minneapolis riot.
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

mishmash.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Spencer Mishmash, WM, 20, 5' 7", 135 lbs, probation violation (attempted robbery); Lucia Rios-Ledezma, WF, 24, 120 lbs, aggravated battery; Quintana R. Martinez, HF, 22, 5'3", 200 lbs (Yorkshire hog), prob. viol. (aggravated battery) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Major League baseball players were less than pleased with man-
agement's wage slice proposal for a coronavirus-curtailed season.
.  .  .  Keeneland's summer horse racing meet will begin July 8 in
Lexington, Kentucky, without fans. . . .  This year's Boston Mara-
thon will be run "virtually."

josjohns.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County (texas) Sheriff): Jos Johnson, 30, con. subs.; Azalia Nandin, 19,marijuana; Aleena Delrio, 19, con. subs.; Petra Mireles, 20, no driver license; Sally Stewart, 54, pub.drunk; Dee Davenport, 54, mj; Quincin Eagle, 21, burglary; Alicia McCartner, 31, control. subs; Sarah Limon, 25, family assault; Francisca Perez, DUI

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events  are in- vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round Table  at  the  offices  of   Borf   Books  outside Brownsville,  Kentucky, just  after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future will include Molly Swietek.

lifestol.jpg Life Saver Dude: Stool sample

:

Natty Bumppo, Attorney at Law, wrote Mon 5/18/20 @09:13 CDT:

I think Dear Eleanor missed a couple of things in her advice
to the doglorn last week.  If the dog were to be regarded as a
child, there would be no contest:  It was solely the fella's, by
acquisition before his entanglement with the girl friend.

If it were to be regarded as property, same deal:  Property ac-
quired before the marriage is not marital property,  and  thus
not subject to a divorce decree.

Dear Eleanor replies.

Thank you for your  legal  opinion,  and I will defer to your
expertise.  But I don't think this guy was asking for legal ad-
vice; he merely wanted to do right by the dog.

methbowe.jpg Bow in hair was meth bag, Jessica Kropp arrested in Flippin, Arkansas

Tested positive, 30,901; dead, 1,812. . . .

The Holiday World amusement park at Santa Claus in Southern
Indiana was planning a June 17 opening.. . .

A man attacked a neighbor with a weed-eater in Evansville in a
fight about grass clippings left in a roadway. . . .

The University of Notre Dame self-reported violations of animal
welfare laws with laboratory mice, including exposed tumors and
bowels and missing limbs.
                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]

austmich.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Austin Sanchez, WM, 5'11", 175 lbs, upsidedown ears, possession of syinge; Michael Johnson, WM, 5'10", 175 lbs, possession of meth; Tina Cooper, WF, 5'3", 115 lbs, meth, failure to appear; Shane Mester, !M, 5'8", theft, resistring, fail. to appr. (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Excuse me, miss, but I'm new in town. Could you give me       directions to your apartment?                                                                 – Leonard Simon

dariusan.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Darius Antonine Henderson, BM, 27, 6', 215 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates); Jonathan Linden Michael Strader, WM, 20, 6', 175 lbs, burglary; Johnie Rejean Baxley, WF, 38, 5' 6", 160 lbs, criminal threat and damage; Jodan Dane Ross, WM, 28, 5'8", 140 lbs, probation violation (op.); Matthew Lawrence Leiker, WM, 38, 5'6", 180 lbs, probation violation (miscellaneous felonies) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Tested positive, 8,691; dead, 398; no new deaths reported Saturday.

                                                                            [courtesy LEX18]

  

randberd.jpg the new,hipper junior senator from Kentucky Rand Paul

tomcrain.jpg Lexington's most wanted (pulled kicking and screaming frm the Herald-Leader): Tommy Crain, WM, 32, 5'9", 150 lbs, lying about his age to a 12-year-old girl; Khalid Abu-Hanieh, IM, 29, 5'11", 180 lbs, tea-bagging T. Crain; Dezeera Fryman,, WF, 31, 5'3", 140 lbs, asleep at the wheel; Justin Fletcher, WM, 32, 5'10", 225 lbs, ID theft (T. Crain); Victorian Hardaway, BM, 30, 5'6", 180 lbs, spitting on the pigs; Tyler stanton

The McCracken County Sheriff, whose                             web  site  we have returned to faithfully                             for Perps in Paducah, seems to have giv-                             en his most wanted presentation to Clut-                             terbook Facebook, with predictable mis-                             direction and confusion.

Corona virus victim of the week

Southern California beaches reopened,  but  beachgoers had  to  wear
masks. . . . More than 70 per cent of federal prisoners tested have tes-
ted positive. . . . Two teen-aged girls who complained of being raped
on the streets in Siberia were charged with violating stay-at-home or-
ders. . . . Twenty-thousand teens hit the streets in Georgia with driver
licenses obtained without road tests. . . .  A Catholic priest in Grosse
Pointe Park,  Michigan,  a suburb of Detroit,  used a squirt gun to an-
oint parishioners with holy water at mass. . . . A man refused service
at a Waffle House in Aurora,  Colorado,  for not wearing a mask shot
the cook. . . . A church that fought stay-at-home orders was burned to
the ground in Holly Springs,  Mississippi. .  .  .  The Illinois House of
Representatives voted  81-27  to temporarily remove a member for re-
fusing to wear a mask. . . . Patrick Ewing tested positive. . . .  Parents
in Tucscon, Arizona, unable  to choose a name for their child for two
years, received the name "Baby Boy" from authorities. . . . North Ca-
rolina's Supreme Court ruled that flipping the bird to the cops was not
sufficient cause to stop a motorist.
                                                            [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

jrsheslr.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Junior Shesler, 48, public drunk; Angel Ojeda, 25, marijuana; Natalie Cervantez, 35, driv. w/o lic.,; Richard Cavallo, 59, fam. assault; Mary McGary,40, cont. subs.; Janet Spradley, 55, possession; Kelly Fryar, 36, fam. ass.,mj

Racing returned to Churchill Downs,  but only with horses,
not with people  (except for trainers and jockeys). .  .  . The
Kentucky Derby was rescheduled for September 5,  and the
Preakness for October 3. . . . The Belmont Stakes, tradition-
ally the third of horse racing's "Triple Crown,"  remains  on
for June 20 (without fans).

life21th.jpg "21th Street" Life Saver Dude: "Never mind who did this; I'm just proud I figurred out how to pronounce it"

:

Tested positive, 26,655; dead, 1,550. . . .

Steak & Shake closed 557 restarants permanently nationwide. . . .

Attorney General Curtis Hill's law license was suspended 30 days
for his groping women at a bar.
                                                          [courtesy Columbus Republic]
Indianapolis' most wanted:

                                                                                      [courtesy Crime Stoppers of Central Indiana]

methmugs.jpg Three arrested, multiple felonies, Roger Conger, Brandon Hagan, Faith Linsey (Lindsey)

Tested positive, 7,444 dead, 332. . . .
                                                                      [courtesy LEX18]

Louisville restaurants  were  delivering  cocktails  to homes to
cope with the pandemic.
                                                         [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):             "Are you the square root of minus-1?  Because you             can’t be real."                                                                      – Leonard Simon Quotations of the weak:                                      "The chips are starting to crumble."                                                                          – Eric Trump

   Corona virus victim of the week

Guns 'n' Roses' cover of Wings' "Live and Let Die" was blasted over the
speakers as President Trump toured an N95 face mask factory  in  Phoe-
nix, Arizona. . . . A wannabe bus rider in Detroit,  told he had to wear a
mask,  smashed out the bus's windshield with a rock. .  .  .  A restaurant
in northern Virginia filled up with mannequins in 1940's  dress  to  ease
"social distancing."
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

vickersn.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Nathaniel Vickers, 21, burglary;Andrea Mendoza, 36, walking with traffic; Ranci Boone, 43, family assault; Candice McGuire, 30, tampering w/ev., DUI; William Hall, 33, public intoxication

Team owners agreed to open the major league baseball
season in July.

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellec- tual dissection of important current events are invited  to  attend  the  Weekly  World  News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books out- side Brownsville, Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday.  Guest  speakers  lined up for meetings in the near future  include  the  par- ents of Bennett Cypher  (who do not include Melissa Etheridge).

lifelibr.jpg "UNDER CONSTRUCTION" "Rumor has it it's going to be a library; of course, it's all very hush hush Life Saver Dude: Shh

:

Anthony Dean wrote Sun 5/3/20 @18:28 CDT:

Loved the "call before you dig" story  and  your

loquatious response to the "Dear Eleanor" letter.

Not sure I believe the attribution to Molly Luz. . . .

You might wanna see her live.    – Editor

People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook
in the last week included Denisa Putria 

Tested positive, 23,732; dead, 1,490. . . .

A Michigan City restaurant called Fiddleheads employed drag
queens to deliver to customers' cars (called Dragside Pickup). . . .

A dog and pony show has been visiting nursing homes, bringing
joy amidst the pandemic. . . .

The Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra canceled its summer con-
certs on account of coronavirus.
                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]

troyaeka.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Troyae Scott, BM, 5'10", 130 lbs, battery with a firrearm; Karshay Stewart, BM, 5'8", 150 lbs, criminal recklessness; Wilkins Jackson, BM, 6'2", 270 lbs, family strangulation

Tested positive,  6,440; dead, 304 – and an increase by 625 ca-
ses Tuesday, the largest yet in a single day. . . .

A woman explained to a storekeeper in Lexington that hole she
had cut in her face mask made it "easier to breathe." . . .

State police seized 90 dogs from an Elliott County animal shelter
in in a cruelty investigation.

                         [courtesy LEX18]       

horsewom.jpg Jacqueline Helton, 53, six horses dead among 4r4 imported without legal process, woman faces multiple charges of animal cruelty, Wayne County, Lex18

Covington's most wanted:

belcherm.jpg Melvin Cordero Belcher, Charles Dempsey Henderson, Adonis Jordan King, Kenneth Lanier Strong, Christopher Paul Summers (Newton County Sheriff)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Excuse me, miss, but I'm new in town.  Could you give       me directions to your apartment?                                                                 – Leonard Simon

 Corona virus victims of the week

A woman in Flint,  Michigan,  spat in  the face  of a Family Dollar
Store security guard who challenged her for not not wearing a face
mask, and her son shot him to death. . . . An 11-year-old girl wear-
ing a medical mask was arrested for stealing a car in Boston, Mas-
sachusetts. . . .  A 5-year-old boy was arrested for reckless driving
on I-15 in Utah.. . . .  Hip-hop was reported to be bigger than rock
'n' roll.
                                                       [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

scanlink.jpg Wichita Falls' Criminal Cathedral Choir (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week): Kelly Scanlin, WM, 36, 5'11", 225 lbs, tenor, probation violation (DUIx3); Brittney Robinson, BF, 20, 5'4", 160 lbs, also, provation violation (weapons); Stanley Bustos, WM, 27, 5'10", 160 lbs, contralto, cntrolled substances; Lois Childers, WF, 50, 5'4", 188 lbs, soprano, probation viol. (theft); Robert Roberts, BM, 69, 5'11", 174 lbs, bass, leader of the choir, burglary

diezlamo.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas: Diez Lamonte Winesberry, BM, 26, 6'1", 170 lbs, tattoos chest "Fear none but God," left forearm "Kin folk"and praying hands, right forearm "I souught my soul, my soul I did not see," left hand "Winesberry": Aggravated battery, choke in rude manner, opiates; Ashley Reanea Thomas, BF, 29, 5'9", 120 lbs, probation violation (burglary and theft); Corina Dominique Appello, WF, 20, 5'5", 120 lbs, probation violation (narcotics); Jeffery Desocio Shogren, WM, 33, 6'3", 195 lbs, probation violation (domestic battery) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Five National Football League        games have been rescheduled        from  London and Mexico City        back to the "home" teams' stadi-        ums in the United States (yes        because of coronavirus). . . .

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events  are invited to attend the Weekly World News Round Table at the offices of  Borf   Books  outside  Brownsville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near  future include  Molly Luz Dean-Polacheck.    Here's Ka- ren and her Reddit ancestress Gladys Kravitz.

kalebber.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County (Texas) Sheriff): Kaleb Castleberry, Mj; Veronica Gonzalez, 41, marijuana; Adrian Mohler, 33, family assault; BAILED OUT or ESCAPED; Carin Watkins, 36, fam. asslt.; Sandy Hernandez, 37, speeding; Paul Ruiz, 36, theft

lifebook.jpg "You look so much thinner." "Thanks. I had my appendix removed." Life Saver Dude: An appedectomy?

Oops, that last headline last week shoulda been  "Meghan  is pregnant," not
"Megan . . ." The other duchess.  Sorry.  Tabloid Headlines regrets the error.

David Surtees wrote Sun 4/26/20 @20:14 PDT from Hollywood: Dear Editor: Brian Dennehy has over 180 credits as an actor on imbd.com.  If you see his pic, you'll know him. You mean "had"?    – Editor

Tested positive, 18,630; dead, 1,115.  . . .

A man shot a postwoman dead after she pepper-sprayed him
in Indianapolis (and a dog was involved). . . .

Forty-four plants, including five species of honeysuckle, have
been banned in Indiana.
                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

tabitame.jpg South Bend's most wanted Tabitha Purvis, WF, 5'5", 160 lbs, poss. of syringe; Tamela Taylor, BF, 5'7", 260 lbs, Yorkshire hog of the year, theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Tested positive, 4,879; dead, 248, and the Guv made bobblehead. . . .

The manufacturer of Louisville Slugger baseball bats was ma-
king face masks for food banks. . . .

Five Amish children were swept away as their buggy crossed
a bridge over high water in Bath County.
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?"                                                                                          – Leonard Simon

 

jaketodd.jpg Wichita Falls' Criminal Cathedral Choir (Wichita Falls, Texas (not Wichita, Kansas) Crime Stoppers): Jake Todd Kyle, WM, 33, 6'1", 175 lbs, tenor, choir leader, burglary; Jennifer Renée Jackson, WF, 34, 5'3", 162 lbs, soprano, pro. viol. (ctl. subs.); Katina Latrice Robinson, BF, 39, 5'1", 140 lbs, alto, bond forf. (org. crime); Maria Azucena Sarmiento, HF, 40, 5'1", 148 lbs, baritone, p.v. ($$ laundering); Willie Lee Fannon, BM, 34, 6'1", 180 lbs, bass, probation viol. (injury)

    Corona virus victim of the week

The number of Americans who have contracted the coronavirus rose to
more than a million, and the number of Americans who have died from
it exceeds the number of Americans who died in the Vietnam War.  . . .
A 101-year-old woman in Mohegan Lake, New York, who was born on
a voyage from Italy to America during the Spanish flu epidemic,  tested
positive for covid-19 but got well. . . . Siegfried's partner Roy Horn test-
ed positive. .  .  . Children 3 years old and 6 months old were charged in
the Uttarkashi district of the state of Uttarakhand, India,  for not follow-
ing home quarantine directions and endangering the lives of others.  .  .  .
A man was fined in northern Spain for taking his goldfish for a walk. . . .
Farms in Delaware and Maryland were preparing to slaughter 2 million
chickens because of slaughterhouse worker shortages. . . . Georgia was
allowing new drivers to get licenses without road tests. . . . A 9-foot, 2-
inch  alligator  was removed from a road in  Manatee  County,  Florida,
for being aggressive. . . . The "Call  before you dig" telephone line was
cut off by a construction crew in Colorado. . . . The Matanuska-Susitna
School Board in Palmer, Alaska, voted 5-2 to ban five books:   F. Scott
Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged
Bird Sings, Joseph Heller's Catch-22, Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man and
Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried.
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

crystalb.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Crystal Bettyann Kay, WF, 33, 5'6", 130 lbs, family assault; Wanted in Waco: Veronica Raquel Garcia, HF, 46, 5'2", 240 lbs, Yorkshire hog, parole violation; Olivia Tuerina Saucedo, a/k/a Jennifer Coffee, HF, 56, 5'6", 159 lbs, parole violation; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jimmylla Rayshon Hawkins, BF, 26, 5'8", 130 lbs, parole violation (aggravated battery) (Abilene Crime Stoppers, City of Waco, Sedgwick County Sheriff)

The Little League World Series was canceled.

melanier.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County (Texas) Sheriff: Malanie Rodriguez, 45, marijuana; Mary Gerdes, 52, marijuana; Cheyenne Ponce, 23, c.s., tresp.; alejandra San Augustin, 23, NOL; Yolanda Sanchez, 54, deadly assault; Mary Velez, 54, marijuana; Michael Pantuso, 62, c.s.

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events  are in- vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round Table  at  the  offices  of   Borf   Books  outside Brownsville,  Kentucky, just  after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future will include Weijia Jiang.

lifeconj.jpg Life Saver Dude: A conjugal visit? Latin verbs, amo, amas, amat . . .