Think before you speak. I'm guilt, as is just about every person on the planet, of speaking without thinking. I try to think before I speak, but sometimes things slip. Some slips are good, and others bad. For the bad slips, I'm sorry. For some of the good slips, I'm sorry.
Three Little Words
A Gay Opinion 6/05/01
by R.A. Melos
Like many people, gay or straight, I long to hear those three little words which
will make me feel I am soaring with the eagles, those words which inspire life,
and joy and happiness. However, because of the open cruelties of life, the hostility
of the insensitive acts of others, instead of hearing those three words which
open up the world of beauty, I live by those three words which protect my heart
from further pain.
It's amazing how much importance words have, yet how little thought many people
give before using them. Crass, calculating, manipulative, selfish, overbearing,
thoughtless people use words every day, just as do most of the rest of the population,
yet it is the thoughtlessness with which many words are used which has the most
long lasting effects.
Lies are spoken with the ease of flowing water. Yet, for many, the truth does
not come forth but lingers, caught in the throat, causing suffocation, stagnation,
misery, and hopelessness. When it is so obvious the truth will set you free
man chooses to weave webs of deceit, until he is so tangled in his own lies
he is forever trapped. Three words of truth could loosen the bonds which hold
him there, but very few men can utter those words.
Our society has taught us, from an early age, to live with lies, to accept lies,
to perpetuate lies, so people can go on with the illusions which give them comfort.
It is unfortunate people choose the ugliness of lies, when there is such beauty
in truth, but it seems to be the way of the world.
Three words can make hearts skip a beat with fear, or with joy. The words, "I
love you" can make all the difference in the world to some people, and
mean absolutely nothing to others. They can set your mind and heart reeling
with untold happiness, or untold sadness, depending on how they are received,
but once spoken they cannot be taken back.
No matter how much you may wish you never uttered those words, or any words,
sound travels, and will continue to travel for eternity, echoing through fields,
over lakes, mountains, and rivers, and floating in the memories of those who
hear them. If they are spoken in harsh tones, or soft whispers, they still linger.
Sometimes "I love you" can hurt so much, or become something so tainted,
they are replaced with those words which protect your heart, "Trust no
one." When you hear "I love you," you mind will register "trust
no one," because pain once inflicted by the misuse of words will also echo
over those same rivers, mountains, fields and lakes.
Sometimes all the words in the world aren't enough to correct all the hurts
caused by lies, or set right the wrongs inflicted upon innocent bystanders who
suffer the fallout of misspoken words. And sometimes all that is needed is the
courage to speak those words which will set your soul, your heart, your mind,
free. Sometimes, all a person needs to do is face their fears, and open up to
trust, and accept their own unconditional love, and speak the three words which
can lift them up where they belong, which can set them free from their webs
of lies and deceits.
"I am gay."
The freedom of these three little words, and the impact on others because of
these three words, can rock the world as much as "I love you," or
"trust no one." They are three sets of words which make all the difference
in the world, depending on how they are used.
One misspoken word, one calculated lie, one buried and denied truth, can cause
you to shutdown to the beauty which surrounds you, and leaves you to exist in
the bitterness of a harsh world where you can "trust no one." It's
bad enough if you "trust no one" because of the actions of one who
hurt you, but even worse if you "trust no one" because of your own
fear your lies will be discovered.
This is how many closeted gay men live their lives, and how I lived my life
for the longest time. Once I was outed, my "trust no one" was no longer
a self-inflicted lifestyle, but it became a reaction to the thoughtless actions
of others.
Yet, even in the pain of "trusting no one," the relief and freedom
of saying "I am gay" was overwhelming. The conflict of emotions caused
by lack of trust and unlimited freedom left me in a confused state, which lasted
far too long. Now I can put those words, "trust no one" into perspective,
along with "I am gay," and know one day soon I will not only be able
to hear "I love you," but will be able to say it as well.
It's amazing what power words can have, when used with thoughtfulness.