For months I've racked my brain, trying to think of a way to write this particular article without sounding "preachy", but I've been unsuccessful. Who am I to think that anyone else should value my opinion, anyway? Still, in my mind, this is something which definitely needs to be said. So, guess what? I'm going to say it......

I sincerely hope that at the upcoming reunion, all of our classes can refrain from presenting the dreaded "Most-Changed Award."

Funny? Of course it's funny. This particular award is always good for a laugh. It's a guaranteed guffaw, a hearty chuckle or a quiet snicker. It's only a joke, right? Right!
But it's a cruel one.

You wouldn't believe the number of alumni I've talked with over the past three years who have expressed serious doubts about attending our reunion simply because they're afraid of what certain "friends" will say to them. Things like..."You've put on a few pounds, haven't you"..."Man, I can see myself in your head"...or..."Ohmigod, what happened to you?" It seems that tactfulness is a thing of the past. Some are hesitant to attend (and probably won't) simply because of the "looks" they'll get or the "things" their friends might think about them.

Statistics have shown that the number one reason people don't attend their high school reunion is a poor self image. So...Andrea Anxious or Louis Lowesteem work for months, perhaps years, to overcome their insecurities and finally muster up the nerve to take a chance on our friendship and come to the reunion. And what do we do? We give them an "award" for Most Changed. It might as well say "Least Hair" or "Fattest in the Land." If this is how your friends treat you, is it any wonder people are hesitant to attend reunions?

I've heard the argument FOR the award (always from the cute little thing who can still get into her old cheerleading uniform, or from the lucky guy who still has his teenage pompadour, however gray it may be) . This argument states that we should be grownup enough by now to laugh at ourselves. In general, this is true--but only if others are laughing WITH you--not when they're laughing AT you. Perhaps the real truth is that we should be grownup enough by now to be more considerate of other's feelings and to forego some of the junior high giggles associated with ridicule in any form.

There's a wonderful old segment of the TV sitcom Designing Women in which Delta Burke's character attends her high school reunion after she's gained a lot of weight. It's episode #77 and the title is "They Shoot Fat Women, Don't They?" Originally, I had planned to summarize it here in detail, for I taped it about a year ago. Unfortunately, that tape is now packed somewhere in one of dozens of boxes containing hundreds of tapes in preparation of my upcoming move to New Mexico.

So.....here's the gist of it....

Suzanne spends the first couple days of the reunion getting "the looks" and overhearing "the laughter" and "the whispers"...things like "Jeeze, what a porker" (from the guys) and "I can't believe that she's let herself go like that." (from the gals).
Totally devastated and in tears, she vows not to attend the big Saturday night dance and awards ceremony, but for some reason she pulls herself together, changes her mind, and attends the ceremony. True to form, her classmates (snickering) award her the title of "Most Changed."

However, it backfires on them. She gets up, goes to the podium, and very graciously accepts the award. She explains that although she knows why she was given the award, she intends to accept it in an entirely different light. She's very proud to be the Most Changed because she HAS changed, inside where it counts. She's not the uncaring person that she once was, she has more respect for the feelings of others, and she's become more tolerant and understanding of people who feel the need to poke fun at others.

Well...half the people in the room shrink to a fraction of their normal height. (If this were Ally McBeal, we'd actually get to see that happen) and she receives a standing ovation for her eye-opening speech.

Melodramatic? Sure. Overly-Romanticized? Probably. But it's a nice thought to think that we CAN change, we can be more considerate, and we can fight our natural childhood tendencies to elevate our own self image by chipping away at the self image of others.

In the words of  The Great Icon of Our Generation (who had tremendous self image problems of his own) .....as he swiveled his hips and muttered the sounds from his sneering, yet smiling lips---"Don't Be Cruel."

Think about it. --JP