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<p>&nbsp; <br>
&nbsp; Merry-Go-Round of DENIAL<br>
The following is condensed from:&nbsp; <br>
Alcoholism - A Merry-Go-Round named DENIAL<br>
by Reverend Joseph L. Kellermann<br>
&nbsp; <br>
Alcoholism is a tragic three act play in which there are at least <br>
two characters, the drinker and his family; friends; co-workers and <br>
even counselors may have a part in keeping the Merry-Go-Round <br>
turning.&nbsp; <br>
ACT ONE<br>
The play opens with the alcoholic stating that no one can tell <br>
him/her what to do. This makes it very difficult for the family to <br>
talk about drinking and its results. Even when the drinking is <br>
obviously causing serious problems, he/she simply will not discuss <br>
it. Talking is like a one-way street.&nbsp; <br>
The key word in alcoholism is &quot;Denial,&quot; for again and again people <br>
do what they say they will not or deny what they have done.&nbsp; <br>
As the alcoholic drinks more and more, the &quot;helpers&quot; deny the <br>
problem and increase the alcoholic's dependency.&nbsp; <br>
In act one, the alcoholic kills all his/her pain and woe by getting <br>
drunk.&nbsp; <br>
ACT TWO<br>
In act two, the alcoholic does nothing but wait for and expect <br>
others to do for them. Distinct characters begin to evolve from <br>
his/her &quot;helpers.&quot; A person can play more than one character and <br>
usually does.&nbsp; <br>
The Enabler<br>
The Enabler is a helpful type, trying to rescue his friend from <br>
their predicament. The Enabler wants to save the alcoholic from the <br>
immediate crisis and relieve them of the unbearable tension created <br>
by the situation.&nbsp; <br>
In reality, this person is meeting a need of their own, rather than <br>
that of the alcoholic, although the Enabler does not realize this <br>
themselves.&nbsp; <br>
The Enabler denies the alcoholic the process of learning by <br>
correcting and taking responsibility for his/her own mistakes.&nbsp; <br>
The Enabler may eventually insist they will never again rescue the <br>
alcoholic. They always have and the alcoholic believes they always <br>
will.&nbsp; <br>
The Victim<br>
This may be the boss, the employer, the foreman or supervisor. The <br>
Victim is the person who is responsible for getting the work done, <br>
if the alcoholic is absent due to drinking or is half on and half <br>
off the job due to a hangover.&nbsp; <br>
The alcoholic becomes completely dependent on this repeated <br>
protection and cover-up by the Victim; otherwise he/his could not <br>
continue drinking in this fashion. If the Victim stops helping, the <br>
alcoholic will be compelled to give up drinking or give up the job.&nbsp; <br>
</p>

<p>It is the Victim who enables the alcoholic to continue his <br>
irresponsible drinking without losing his/her job.&nbsp; <br>
The Provoker<br>
This is usually the wife or mother and is a key person in the play. <br>
She is a veteran at this role and has played it much longer than <br>
others. She is the Provoker. She is hurt and upset by repeated <br>
drinking episodes; but she holds the family together despite all the <br>
trouble caused by drinking.&nbsp; <br>
In turn, she feeds back in the relationship her bitterness, <br>
resentment, fear and hurt, and so becomes the source of <br>
provocation.&nbsp; <br>
She controls, she tries to force the changes she wants; she <br>
sacrifices, adjusts, never gives up, never gives in, but never <br>
forgets.&nbsp; <br>
The attitude of the alcoholic is that his/her failure should be <br>
acceptable, but she must never fail the alcoholic! He/she acts with <br>
complete independence and insists he/she will do as they please.&nbsp; <br>
This character might also be called the Adjuster. She is constantly <br>
adjusting to the crises and trouble caused by drinking.&nbsp; <br>
Act two is now played out in full. Everything is done for the <br>
alcoholic and not by them. The results, effects and problems caused <br>
by drinking, have been removed by others. The painful results of the <br>
drinking were suffered by persons other than the drinker. This <br>
permits him/her to continue drinking as a way to solve his/her <br>
problems.&nbsp; <br>
ACT THREE<br>
Act three begins much like act one. The need to deny dependence is <br>
now greater for the alcoholic and must be expressed almost at once, <br>
and even more emphatically. The alcoholic denies he/she has a <br>
drinking problem, denies he/she is an alcoholic, denies that alcohol <br>
is causing him/her trouble. The alcoholic refuses to acknowledge <br>
that anyone helped them - more denial. He/she denies that they may <br>
lose their job and insists that he/she is the best or most skilled <br>
person at his/her job. Above all, the alcoholic denies he/she has <br>
caused his/her family any trouble. In fact, the alcoholic blames the <br>
family, especially the spouse/parent, for all the fuss, nagging and <br>
problems.&nbsp; <br>
Some alcoholics achieve the same denial by a stony silence, refusing <br>
to discuss anything related to their drinking. The memory is too <br>
painful.&nbsp; <br>
The real problem is that the alcoholic is well aware of the truth <br>
which he/she so strongly denies. He/she is aware of the drunkenness <br>
and the failure. His/her guilt and remorse have become unbearable <br>
and the alcoholic cannot tolerate criticism or advice from others.&nbsp; <br>
Above all, the memory of his/her utter helplessness and failure is <br>
more than embarrassing; it is far too painful for a person who <br>
thinks and acts as if he/she were a little god in their own world.&nbsp; <br>
The wheel goes round and round<br>
The curtain never closes after act three, but instead the acts run <br>
over and over again. As years go by the actors get older, but there <br>
is little change in the words or the action of the play.&nbsp; <br>
It is not true that an alcoholic cannot be helped until he wants <br>
help. It is true that there is almost no chance that the alcoholic <br>
will stop drinking as along as other people remove all the painful <br>
consequences for him/her. The other actors find it difficult to <br>
change. It is much easier and far less painful for them to say that <br>
the alcoholic cannot be helped, than to go through the agony of <br>
learning to play a new role.&nbsp; <br>
Self-creating crisis<br>
If drinking continues long enough, the alcoholic creates a crisis, <br>
gets into trouble, ends up in a mess. This can happen in many ways, <br>
but the pattern is always the same: he/she is a dependent who <br>
behaves as if he/she were independent, and drinking makes it easy to <br>
convince himself/herself this is true. Yet the results of his <br>
drinking make him ever more dependent upon others.&nbsp; <br>
When his/her self-created crisis strikes, he waits for something to <br>
happen, ignores it, walks away from it, or cries for someone to get <br>
him/her out of it. Alcohol, which at first gave him/her a sense of <br>
success and independence, has now stripped him/her of their mask and <br>
reveals a helpless, dependent child.&nbsp; <br>
The crisis is a way of reassuring the alcoholic that they have <br>
control over the other players in the play.&nbsp; <br>
The little god<br>
No one has a right to play God and demand that the alcoholic stop <br>
drinking. The reverse is also true. The alcoholic can only continue <br>
to act like a little god, telling everyone what to do, while doing <br>
as he/she pleases, if a supporting cast continues to play their <br>
roles. Every player has every right and responsibility to refuse to <br>
act as if the alcoholic in their lives were God whose every wish and <br>
commandment be obeyed.&nbsp; <br>
Ending the play<br>
There is no easy way to stop the merry-go-round, for it can be more <br>
painful to stop it than to keep it going. It is impossible to spell <br>
out definite rules which apply to all members of the play. Each case <br>
is different, but the framework of the play remains the same.&nbsp; <br>
&nbsp; <br>
About The Disease | Alcoholics Resource Center<br>
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