<html> <head> <title></title> </head> <body> <p><br> </p> <p> <br> Merry-Go-Round of DENIAL<br> The following is condensed from: <br> Alcoholism - A Merry-Go-Round named DENIAL<br> by Reverend Joseph L. Kellermann<br> <br> Alcoholism is a tragic three act play in which there are at least <br> two characters, the drinker and his family; friends; co-workers and <br> even counselors may have a part in keeping the Merry-Go-Round <br> turning. <br> ACT ONE<br> The play opens with the alcoholic stating that no one can tell <br> him/her what to do. This makes it very difficult for the family to <br> talk about drinking and its results. Even when the drinking is <br> obviously causing serious problems, he/she simply will not discuss <br> it. Talking is like a one-way street. <br> The key word in alcoholism is "Denial," for again and again people <br> do what they say they will not or deny what they have done. <br> As the alcoholic drinks more and more, the "helpers" deny the <br> problem and increase the alcoholic's dependency. <br> In act one, the alcoholic kills all his/her pain and woe by getting <br> drunk. <br> ACT TWO<br> In act two, the alcoholic does nothing but wait for and expect <br> others to do for them. Distinct characters begin to evolve from <br> his/her "helpers." A person can play more than one character and <br> usually does. <br> The Enabler<br> The Enabler is a helpful type, trying to rescue his friend from <br> their predicament. The Enabler wants to save the alcoholic from the <br> immediate crisis and relieve them of the unbearable tension created <br> by the situation. <br> In reality, this person is meeting a need of their own, rather than <br> that of the alcoholic, although the Enabler does not realize this <br> themselves. <br> The Enabler denies the alcoholic the process of learning by <br> correcting and taking responsibility for his/her own mistakes. <br> The Enabler may eventually insist they will never again rescue the <br> alcoholic. They always have and the alcoholic believes they always <br> will. <br> The Victim<br> This may be the boss, the employer, the foreman or supervisor. The <br> Victim is the person who is responsible for getting the work done, <br> if the alcoholic is absent due to drinking or is half on and half <br> off the job due to a hangover. <br> The alcoholic becomes completely dependent on this repeated <br> protection and cover-up by the Victim; otherwise he/his could not <br> continue drinking in this fashion. If the Victim stops helping, the <br> alcoholic will be compelled to give up drinking or give up the job. <br> </p> <p>It is the Victim who enables the alcoholic to continue his <br> irresponsible drinking without losing his/her job. <br> The Provoker<br> This is usually the wife or mother and is a key person in the play. <br> She is a veteran at this role and has played it much longer than <br> others. She is the Provoker. She is hurt and upset by repeated <br> drinking episodes; but she holds the family together despite all the <br> trouble caused by drinking. <br> In turn, she feeds back in the relationship her bitterness, <br> resentment, fear and hurt, and so becomes the source of <br> provocation. <br> She controls, she tries to force the changes she wants; she <br> sacrifices, adjusts, never gives up, never gives in, but never <br> forgets. <br> The attitude of the alcoholic is that his/her failure should be <br> acceptable, but she must never fail the alcoholic! He/she acts with <br> complete independence and insists he/she will do as they please. <br> This character might also be called the Adjuster. She is constantly <br> adjusting to the crises and trouble caused by drinking. <br> Act two is now played out in full. Everything is done for the <br> alcoholic and not by them. The results, effects and problems caused <br> by drinking, have been removed by others. The painful results of the <br> drinking were suffered by persons other than the drinker. This <br> permits him/her to continue drinking as a way to solve his/her <br> problems. <br> ACT THREE<br> Act three begins much like act one. The need to deny dependence is <br> now greater for the alcoholic and must be expressed almost at once, <br> and even more emphatically. The alcoholic denies he/she has a <br> drinking problem, denies he/she is an alcoholic, denies that alcohol <br> is causing him/her trouble. The alcoholic refuses to acknowledge <br> that anyone helped them - more denial. He/she denies that they may <br> lose their job and insists that he/she is the best or most skilled <br> person at his/her job. Above all, the alcoholic denies he/she has <br> caused his/her family any trouble. In fact, the alcoholic blames the <br> family, especially the spouse/parent, for all the fuss, nagging and <br> problems. <br> Some alcoholics achieve the same denial by a stony silence, refusing <br> to discuss anything related to their drinking. The memory is too <br> painful. <br> The real problem is that the alcoholic is well aware of the truth <br> which he/she so strongly denies. He/she is aware of the drunkenness <br> and the failure. His/her guilt and remorse have become unbearable <br> and the alcoholic cannot tolerate criticism or advice from others. <br> Above all, the memory of his/her utter helplessness and failure is <br> more than embarrassing; it is far too painful for a person who <br> thinks and acts as if he/she were a little god in their own world. <br> The wheel goes round and round<br> The curtain never closes after act three, but instead the acts run <br> over and over again. As years go by the actors get older, but there <br> is little change in the words or the action of the play. <br> It is not true that an alcoholic cannot be helped until he wants <br> help. It is true that there is almost no chance that the alcoholic <br> will stop drinking as along as other people remove all the painful <br> consequences for him/her. The other actors find it difficult to <br> change. It is much easier and far less painful for them to say that <br> the alcoholic cannot be helped, than to go through the agony of <br> learning to play a new role. <br> Self-creating crisis<br> If drinking continues long enough, the alcoholic creates a crisis, <br> gets into trouble, ends up in a mess. This can happen in many ways, <br> but the pattern is always the same: he/she is a dependent who <br> behaves as if he/she were independent, and drinking makes it easy to <br> convince himself/herself this is true. Yet the results of his <br> drinking make him ever more dependent upon others. <br> When his/her self-created crisis strikes, he waits for something to <br> happen, ignores it, walks away from it, or cries for someone to get <br> him/her out of it. Alcohol, which at first gave him/her a sense of <br> success and independence, has now stripped him/her of their mask and <br> reveals a helpless, dependent child. <br> The crisis is a way of reassuring the alcoholic that they have <br> control over the other players in the play. <br> The little god<br> No one has a right to play God and demand that the alcoholic stop <br> drinking. The reverse is also true. The alcoholic can only continue <br> to act like a little god, telling everyone what to do, while doing <br> as he/she pleases, if a supporting cast continues to play their <br> roles. Every player has every right and responsibility to refuse to <br> act as if the alcoholic in their lives were God whose every wish and <br> commandment be obeyed. <br> Ending the play<br> There is no easy way to stop the merry-go-round, for it can be more <br> painful to stop it than to keep it going. It is impossible to spell <br> out definite rules which apply to all members of the play. Each case <br> is different, but the framework of the play remains the same. <br> <br> About The Disease | Alcoholics Resource Center<br> </p> <p> <br> Informationalcoholismhelp.comInteraction <br> Got Questions? <br> Help Groups and Hotlines <br> About The Disease <br> Just For Kids <br> Related Links <br> Recovery Page BuildingHome <br> What's New? <br> About Us <br> Calendar <br> Awards (text only) <br> Help Us Help OthersFrom The Editor's Desk <br> In Our Words <br> Discussion Area <br> Chat Rooms <br> Site Search <br> E-Mail Us<br> </p> <p><br> </p> <p><br> </p> </body> </html>