Anyone who needs psychiatry is
sick in the head -- Frank
Frank: I didn't come here to
Hawkeye: You certainly came to the right place.
Margaret: You lied to me,
Frank! That's worse than stealing!
Margaret: And you did both!
Frank: So I oughta know!
Margaret: Well, at least you regretted it.
Frank: Never again. When you steal something, never try to return it.
Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. -- Frank
We all know it's brutal up
there at the front, especially those of us at the rear -- Frank
Frank: I wouldn't mind being a
doctor if I didn't have to be around sick people.
Frank: It's my metabolism. I'm hypo-thyroid. Very low blood-pressure, very low
Hawkeye: That comes from being dead for two years.
Frank: Klinger! I want to see
you out of that dress!
Klinger: Never on a first date, sir!
Frank: How dare you wear that
hat while in uniform?
Klinger: It's spring, sir!
Frank: What are those earrings doing in your ears?
Klinger: Just hanging there, sir.
Hawkeye: Hello, Frank.
Trapper: Hi Frank.
Frank: A lot you care.
Trapper: Hi, Frank.
Frank: That doesn't scare me a bit
Trapper: Bye, Frank.
Frank: That was totally uncalled for!
Hawkeye: Hello, Frank.
Frank: I've heard that before.
Trapper: Hello, Frank. How are you?
Frank: That's pretty big talk.
Hawkeye: Hi, Frank.
Frank: That's what you think.
Frank on his wife: She
worships the ground I walk on!
Potter: Who told you that?
Frank: My mother.
Frank: I won't let you down, Sir.
Potter: There's no way that you could.
Frank: Why don't you guys like me, huh?
Hawkeye: 'Cause you're a lousy doctor and a rotten person.
Frank: Aside from that.
Frank: I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage, no matter how ugly or
disgusting it gets!
Frank: What are you doing here, pipsqueak?
Radar: I'm leaving, sir.
Frank: Don't make excuses, just get out.
Hawkeye: Frank, why don't you swallow your face?
B. J.: He did, that's why he looks that way.
Frank, as Radar leaves: What was he doing in here?
Hawkeye: Something you wouldn't understand, Frank.
B. J.: He was talking intelligently.
Frank, finding Radar's teddy bear: Don't tell me he sleeps with you!
Radar: I'm hoping to do better, sir.
Frank: I'm sick of hearing about the wounded! What about the thousands of
wonderful men who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory
that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot?
Frank: It was one of those days that, more than most, reminds us that war,
no matter how much we may enjoy it, is no strawberry festival.
Frank: I have never cared, and at this point I don't care twice as much as I
never cared before!
Frank: I'm taking this to a
Trapper: Aw Frank, you're not gonna call your mother again!
Frank: I'm a pretty fair doctor myself. Ask any of my patients!
Hawkeye: We can't dig people up just for that.
Frank: What I don't understand is why do people take an instant dislike to me?
Trapper: It saves time, Frank.
Frank: I insist on quiet in here!
Trapper: Will someone please turn the war down for Frank?
Frank: Don't make me get
Hawkeye: I can't improve on nature, Frank
Frank: I'm here to relieve
Hawkeye: You do resemble an enema.
Frank, sick with the flu: My
nose feels like it weights five pounds.
Mind your own beeswax -- Frank
Oh go practice your putts! -- Frank
Go peddle your fish -- Frank
I don't chew my cabbage twice. -- Frank
It's nice to be nice to the
Oh, pedal your petunias! --
This was a great war, 'till you guys showed up -- Frank
I am only paranoid because
everyone is against me -- Frank
Frank, in a high voice: What? You can't! I won't stand for it!
Henry: Frank, one thing that'll get you nowhere with me is impersonating my
Frank: I happen to believe there's more than just sex between a man and a woman.
Hawkeye: Right, there's smoking in the dark afterwards.
Frank: Pierce, you disgust me.
Hawkeye: That's right, Frank. I discussed you with everyone I know, they all
think you're disgusting.
Talking to Major Houlihan is
the same as talking to me as we are intimate with each other at all times --
I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful
guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that
always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot -- Frank
I want foxholes there, there,
there and there -- each one smartly dug. The kind of hole a man can throw
himself into with pride. -- Frank
You can't park a jeep over a
superior officer!!! -- Frank
Corporal, deform the men. --
I've gotten "Thank you" notes from people I said I'd never see again.
Frank: My mother and father
never got divorced. I'd have done much better coming from a broken home.
That's what I understand from a very reliable gossip! -- Frank
Any mindless baboon can see
she isn't here, including me. -- Frank
Oh Margaret, you're my
snug-harbour. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to sail into. --
The enemy cuts off your supply line, lets you get cold and hungry and then they
go right for your soft underbelly. That's where the rifle fella. -- Frank
Frank: I think you will all
agree that by trying to introduce more discipline, more order, I have hopefully
made this a more enjoyable war for all of us. Leadership is a lonely business.
Your Napoleons, your Kaisers, your Attilas the Hun, were alone there in the
front office as I have been this week. I have thought of you. I know you have
thought of me - but some of the notes in the suggestion box were really
below the belt! I mean, why drag my mother into this?
Frank on Hawkeye: There's your lounge lizard at war.
Trapper: That one I gotta write down.
Frank on the phone to his wife: Houlahan? Well, we have
a Major Houlahan, but that's laughable! Ha! I mean, Major Houlahan's an old war
horse! ... She looks like an army mule with bosoms!
Frank: Your picture's in my wallet and I'm sitting on it, and if that's
not love then I don't know what is!
Frank: I think it was Napoleon who said, "Without discipline, an army is no
more than a bunch of guys all wearing the same colour clothes."
Frank: Could have been Mussolini.
Frank: The way I see it, unless we each conform, unless we obey orders, unless
we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free.
Frank: Have a nice time, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Potter: I don't know that I'd want to do anything you would