CONTENTS
Hawkeye Quotes
Henry: Pierce, are you scared?
Hawkeye: Don't be silly. I'm too frightened to be scared.
Hawkeye: The Major happens to be the Korean distributor
for crapola.
Hawkeye, receiving a needle: I
want mine in my tushie.
Margaret: What?
Hawkeye: Derriere! The back of my front! The fleshy part! I can't take pain, I
can only give it!
Margaret: All right, lower your trousers.
Hawkeye: I thought you'd never ask.
You ever had one of those wars
where everything goes wrong? -- Hawkeye
Hawkeye, standing in boxers, a
T-shirt and bathrobe: Would I do anything to disgrace this uniform?
Hawkeye: Without love, what are we worth? 89 cents. 89
cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.
Henry: That means my marriage is only worth $1.78?
Hawkeye writing home: Korea's pretty much the same story: the fighting goes on,
the hatred, the violence, the senseless brutality, men behaving like animals -
and then there's the war.
Hawkeye: How 'bout a little kiss for the road?
Margaret: Oh, don't be ridiculous!
Hawkeye: Then how 'bout one for me?
Insanity is just a state of
mind. -- Hawkeye
Hawkeye: How do they expect us to win a war without shuttlecocks!?
I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions -- Hawkeye
He's got eyes in the back of his stethoscope. -- Hawkeye
Hi, good-looking, get sick here often? -- Hawkeye to Margaret
For your condition you are in great condition -- Hawkeye
Always trust your car to a man who has a star -- Hawkeye
I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun! -- Hawkeye
I told you the food here should not be taken internally. -- Hawkeye
Okay, Radar, state your business, in one word or less. -- Hawkeye
Well, what's the slop du jour? -- Hawkeye
If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy. -- Hawkeye
The way I see it, the army
owes us so many coffee breaks, we should get 1954 off. -- Hawkeye
I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the A-train, I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take five. -- Hawkeye
This is the first case of teenage male menopause. -- Hawkeye
Halloween in Korea -- bobbing for shrapnel. -- Hawkeye
Come on stupid, don't play dumb with me! -- Hawkeye
Don't worry, I've never lost a
patient. I never lose anything. Have you seen my stethoscope? -- Hawkeye
Henry, you are bursting with something, your face could open a branch smile! --
Hawkeye
She's offered her body to science. Time and time again. -- Hawkeye
How can you kick out this
little puppy of a person? -- Hawkeye to Frank about Radar
Sit down, Trap, it lets you use your best part. -- Hawkeye
After the war I am having a
bust made out of your head, or, possibly, the other way around. -- Hawkeye to
Margaret
It's Frank's birthday, I wonder how old he is. Let's saw him in half tonight and
count his rings. -- Hawkeye
Frank, can I borrow your doctor's diploma? They are a little short in the
latrine. -- Hawkeye
Ugly color, 40 years out of
style, fits like a tent? It's a class A uniform alright. -- Hawkeye
You know what time it is? It's quarter to dead! -- Hawkeye
It's the first time I've seen orange juice labelled "freshly killed". -- Hawkeye
I am going to name my first wife after him. -- Hawkeye about Radar
Us? Put in cement? We are doctors, not dentists. -- Hawkeye
I can't do it, I'm not a psychiatrist. I am not screwed up enough. -- Hawkeye
A device is yet to be invented
that will measure my indifference to this remark. -- Hawkeye
The only thing Charles remembers fondly from his childhood is his hair. --
Hawkeye
Any father of Margaret is a father of mine. -- Hawkeye
Meanwhile, Aunt Martha, having taken a tramp through the woods, lies in a ditch on the edge of town... -- Hawkeye
You know you're beautiful when he's angry -- Hawkeye
Besides one of us is in love with Henry, and I think its me! -- Hawkeye
Forward...Drink! -- Hawkeye
You have a fever of 109 stroke 10, you can't have an incubator but you can have a pizza to go, unless of course you go first. -- Hawkeye
Praise the Lord and pass the sauce! -- Hawkeye
What a unique device, the human tush. An architectural wonder, one of a kind...actually two of a kind. Designed to support our weight for a lifetime of sitting it also has the subtlety to do the samba. And when attached to certain members of the female species at a time when light summer dresses are worn can cause some of us to drive our cars straight up a lamppost. - Hawkeye
I'm a life long Anglophile. England is still the only place I know where any young man can grow up to be the Queen -- Hawkeye
Let's shoot him and put him out of our misery -- Hawkeye
I don't mind eating if it's possible to make a martini sandwich. -- Hawkeye
I'd like a dry martini, Mr. Quoc, a very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dustbowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini. -- Hawkeye
I'm reminded of a story, you've probably heard it. The king and queen of this country were playing golf with five clubs. Their son Jack remarked how strange it was that they only had two hearts between them. And just then his sister Little Deucy and her dog Tre started singing "Four Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend," whereupon the whole family beat her to death and buried her with two spades. -- Hawkeye
I am the essence of
overconfidence! I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag
howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the
perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz
of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life. I am appetite! -- Hawkeye
We'll get around him or my name isn't whatever my name is. -- Hawkeye
Never let it be said I didn't do the least I could do -- Hawkeye
Hawkeye: The army, in its
infinite wisdom, has not only cleared Frank of the charges, they have assigned
him to a veterans hospital in Indiana and promoted him to Lieutenant-Colonel.
Let's see. Jacket, sweater, robe, sweater, sweater, shirt. I'm practicly naked.
-- Hawkeye
Hello, excuse me. Attention out there, would corporal Radar O'Reilly please
report to his going-away-party? All of your friends would love to see you, while
they can still see you. -- Hawkeye over PA
You just have to kill germs, you don't have to hang around for the funeral. --
Hawkeye
I get the feeling I'm speaking in ever-diminishing circles as I disappear up my
own mouth hole. -- Hawkeye
Round and round they go, here
comes your cards, there goes your dough. -- Hawkeye
You look like an ad for death -- Hawkeye
Ours not to question why, ours not to let them die. -- Hawkeye
They'll keep coming whether
I'm here or not. Trapper went home and they're still coming..... Henry got
killed and they're still coming. Wherever they come from, they'll never run
out.. -- Hawkeye
A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya
know? And they all get chummy together. Perfect strangers. The only difference,
of course, is in a war it's also raining on the other side of the street and the
people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here
who are chums. -- Hawkeye
Frank, do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn. -- Hawkeye
The younger they get, the older I get. -- Hawkeye
Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? In the blood of children? I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then --- then the hell with it. How dare you? The hell with your Iowa naiveté, and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear, and while you're at it, the hell with you. Why don't you grow up for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder -- if possible, without going crazy. Period. -- Hawkeye
Listen, Colonel, um... Sherman. You can give me 100 good reasons to leave, and I can't give you one good reason to stay. Stay anyway. -- Hawkeye
Beej, you oughta sit back sometime and listen to the war. It sounds as bad as it looks. -- Hawkeye
Hawkeye: In this particular
Mobile Army Hospital, we're not concerned with the ultimate reconstruction of a
patient. We only care about getting the kid out of here alive enough for someone
else to put on the fine touches. We work fast and we're not dainty, because a
lot of these kids who can stand two hours on the table just can't stand one
second more. We try to play par surgery on this course. Par is a live patient.
Hawkeye, overwhelmed with
work: My kingdom for an intelligent octopus!
Hawkeye to Margaret: I hope you realize this means we're engaged.
Hawkeye: I loved a girl in San Francisco once. No, twice.
Hawkeye: Grandfather left me his lips. He died in mid-pucker.
Hawkeye: It's a semi-free country.
Hawkeye to newly arrived B.J.: Don't forget this is your first day at school.
The worst part is you'll get used to all of this.
Hawkeye: Bite your tongue, Margaret. Or better yet let me do it.
Hawkeye to a Korean family, as
he tastes their stew: Meat, where did you get meat?? Wait a minute. Where's the
dog? (he hesitates until the dog barks offscreen, then relaxes)
Hawkeye: As a doctor, I can assure you we'll all be a lot warmer if we press our
bodies together. So let's all line up here: girl, boy, girl... and the rest of
you are on your own.
Hawkeye on the war: In case you haven't noticed, this is ugly. This is not
exciting.
Hawkeye: You know, the trouble with machinery is that charm doesn't work on it.
Hawkeye: I can't say that I've loved you all. But I've loved as many of you as I
could!!
Hawkeye: Frank was once the innocent victim of possession. Through some tragic
error they exorcized the nice guy and left that.
Hawkeye on Radar: He's both the child and pet I never had.
Interviewer: Do you see anything good at all coming out of this war?
Hawkeye: Yeah. Me. Alive. That would be nice, if I could get out of this alive.
Interviewer: You've been here some time.
Hawkeye: Sometime between sometime and eternity.
Interviewer: Is there anything from home that you brought over with you to set
up for yourself? Creature comforts?
Hawkeye: I brought a book over.
Interviewer: What book?
Hawkeye: The dictionary. I figure it's got all the other books in it. I like to
read the dictionary.
Interviewer: What do you feel was the most difficult thing you had to adjust to
over here?
Hawkeye: I think it's that everything is painted green. The clothes are green,
the food is green - except the vegetables, of course. The only thing that's not
green is the blood - the blood is red... that's what you get the most of here.
Hawkeye: I believe my life is about to pass before my eyes.
Potter: Let me know when it does. I love a parade.
Hawkeye: Even short ones?
