Henry: Radar, if you want me,
I won't be anywhere.
Henry: I'm going to be frank
with you, Pierce.
Hawkeye: You're gonna be Frank with me?
Henry: I mean, I'm going to be blunt.
Hawkeye: Oh good. Otherwise Frank would be Henry with me, and I don't think I
could stand that.
Henry: Frank, whatever it is,
just write it down and put it on my desk where I can't find it.
Henry: Look at me, sick in Korea. Boy, if I was back home in Bloomington,
Illinois, my wife would be taking care of me. She'd be leaning over my bed with
her hair in curlers and cold cream on her face and those chipped fingernails,
kids playing ball up against the side of the house, my dog at the foot of the
bed having an accident... boy, am I glad I'm here!
Frank, you've been pushing your stethoscope too far in your ears. I think it
scratched your brain. -- Henry
Henry: Back home my biggest
decisions are whether or not to have my own bowling ball made and do I get the
Henry: Whatever it is, even if the answer is yes, it's no.
Klinger, it's my considered
opinion that no one is going to believe you are pregnant -- Henry
Henry on the phone to his
wife: I oughta be comin' through the front door in about three days. Honey, aw,
please don't do that, honey, please!
Hawkeye: She crying?
Henry: No, she wants to re-cover the furniture.
This is Frank Burns, one of
our best surgeons. A real killer. -- Henry
This is the best thing that
ever happened to me since I did my first strangulated hernia. -- Henry
I want you to accord Major Houlihan attention and respect according to someone
who achieved her high rank and sex. -- Henry
This is captain Pak, R.O.K,
this is lieutenant Mulcahy, G.O.D. -- Henry
I've got two kids of my own.
I'm a former child myself. -- Henry
Frank, it's after six, you can
stop being snotty! -- Henry
Sex happens to be one of the
most important things in life in as much as each one of us is one or the other
gender of it once we're born, which is the direct result of the act of it. --
Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain
rules about a war and rule number one is
young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one. --
Henry, watching his desk fly through the air: I don't know what it's
doin' up there. It just keeps going up, and up, and up.
Henry: Jeep. Tent. Boom!
Henry: You know, I've been
here all these months, and sometimes I still wake up and wonder what
has my wife done to the bedroom?
Henry: Boy, I wish I knew what was going on.
Radar: I'll tell you later, sir.
Henry: You always say that, Radar, but you never do.
Henry: You woke me for that,
Radar: It's Corporal, sir.
Henry: Nothing is forever, Radar!
Nurse: You're married, aren't
Henry: That's all right, so's my wife.
Nurse: I don't go out with
married men, sir.
Henry: Well, neither do I!
Henry to Radar: You behave yourself, or I'm gonna come back and kick your butt.