Bumper Sticker Philosophy

These have been spotted on various cars around the country. Enjoy

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.

She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Eschew Obfuscation. (go ahead, look them both up!)

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

All generalizations are false.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

I brake for no apparent reason.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.

Born free...Taxed to death.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Rehab is for quitters.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS..

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

No radio - Already stolen.

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

i souport publik edekashun.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.

The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.