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Web Edition of the Encounters Newsletter ..... Inaugural Issue, April 1996

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Editorial

Welcome to our inaugural issue of "Encounters," the newsletter for ME couples, by ME couples.

We want "Encounters" to reach out to all ME couples, priests & religious - past and present; to keep you updated on ME activities; to feature articles that support the values of Marriage Encounter; and to share with you how all of us are trying to live our sacrament of Marriage & Holy Orders each day. We welcome submissions and suggestions from you to help us keep this newsletter inspiring, exciting and fresh!

For those of you who have lost touch with the ME community, we hope that this newsletter will encourage you to re-establish contact with your love circles and the ME community in general. We also hope that it will be the catalyst to get you back into the habit of DIALOGUING - our lifeline to keeping our relationship alive and growing for a lifetime.

Once again, WELCOME!

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Dialogue from the National Eclessial Team

Dear Lovers,

Seventeen years ago, Marriage Encounter was introduced to Singapore through the generosity of couples and priests from Canada, Australia and India. Since then, almost 4000 couples and many priests and religious in Singapore have benefitted from the ME Weekends.

For us, and for many couples, our lives were changed after the Weekend as we strove to live our Sacrament, to live God's Plan for us. It is always encouraging to know so many are sharing the same values, the same dreams for our relationship, our families and our communities. Your presence at the ME Thanksgiving Mass will clearly demonstrate your conviction and commitment to live the ME life-style.

We hope to see you there. We need to keep in touch with each other, to support and to encourage each other to choose and to live concretely God's plan each day.

We also hope "Encounters" will be a way for us to be in touch with each other. We thank the couples who took the initiative to start this loveletter again and hope you will support them by contributing letters, news and articles, to make "Encounters" a channel of communication for all ME couples and religious.

Thomas, Cecilia and Fr. Joe

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ME Singapore 17th Anniversary Thanksgiving Mass - 1996

"Family Unity Begins With Couple Love" is this year's theme for the ME Singapore 17th Anniversary Thanksgiving Mass.

Please keep Monday, 29 April 1996 (public holiday) free. Beginning at 10.00 am, Mass will be concelebrated at the Church of Our Lady Star Of The Sea, (courtesy of Fr Louis Amiotte-Suchet) by nine ME priests with Archbishop Gregory Yong as the main celebrant. Fr Amiotte extended the invitation to host this year's Anniversary Mass at his parish immediately after last year's Mass, where he was alsoa concelebrant.

This year's Mass is being organised by the 177th Love Circle together with ME couples from the parish

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ME Enriches Priesthood
By Fr Fran De Ridder, CICM

This is my 15th year in Singapore and my 32nd year as a missionary priest. I am not that young anymore as the attendant in the swimming pool made me feel when she said casually: “Oh sir, 50 cents is enough for you .... you must be a senior citizen!” Though it saves me a few cents each week.... I did not like it..... Feelings tell me a lot about myself ...... volumes!

Reflecting upon my 15 years in Singapore, I discover how Marriage Encounter has enriched my life, and made me discover the deeper and beautiful meaning of my vocation as a priest. I have given my fair share of presenting the ME Weekends. What I want to develop, however, is not what I have done for ME. I want to share what ME has done for me.

My involvement with ME has given “flesh and blood” to all I ever learned about the sacrament of marriage. Couples in love, couples rediscovering their love for each other, are the real presence of God’s love, the reenacting of the paschal mystery, the dying to oneself, and the joy of the resurrection.

This mystery is continuously unfolding itself during the ME Weekends, and is most tangible in the presenting couples with whom as a priest I share most intimately. Couples in dialogue, couples in love live what Jesus asked “A man can have no greater love than to lay down his life for his friend.....” Jn 15:13

It makes me feel so proud of all these couples, and often ashamed of my own failures in sharing my vulnerability. The trust, the oneness of the couple in communication have often lured me away (and is still luring me away.....) from my aloofness and self-doubt. A couple in love is a priceless gift to me as a priest. It makes up for the fatigue and disillusionment when we have to face so many broken families. Sharing with a happily married couple confirms Eph 5:25 “Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church.”

A couple in love makes the reality of Christ come alive and tells me clearly where my priorities lie. It also gives a deeper meaning to my celibacy....
• the sacrament of matrimony calls for the sacrament of Holy Order .... as my sacrament is at the service of theirs.
• couples in love and dialogue challenge me to love the Church as a husband loves his wife.
Marriage Encounter has unleashed in so many couples an almost inexhaustible energy and love for the sake of the Church. I feel proud and grateful that thanks to the ME Weekend, so many couples have discovered the Church. It makes me dream...........” what incredible energy, what enthusiasm we would see all around us if all couples experienced the ME Weekend. It would renew “the face of the earth”.

I feel deep sadness that not more priests in Singapore are ready to join the presenting team, not in the first place in order to lighten the burden of the few priests who present ME. I regret that many are not involved for the sake of their own vocation: the joy and fulfillment in one’s vocation as a priest and one’s calling to fruitful celibacy.

If Frs Wood (81), Dunne (78), Brys (71), Loiseau (70), Arro (65), etc can still present ME Weekends even at such high age, then potentially all priests in Singapore could be presenters and renew their priesthood regularly .... and if only 50% of our priests would be presenters, that would still give us some 60 members of the clergy .... What a source of joy and closeness between priests and couples! What a flood of enthusiasm could be released in our local Church!

What is more .... if we had 60 priest presenters, then each priest would have to present one Weekend once every four or five years. That is not a burden. That is potentially the greatest grace of one’s priestly life! It would spark off so many new friendships between couples and priests, generating new ministries in our local Church. The closer we as priests are to the sacrament of matrimony, the deeper we treasure and love the Church. It is at the same time a source of joy and happy fulfillment in one’s priestly life that never runs dry.

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We Didn't Give Up On Team - 176th Love Circle

We started off nearly 2 years ago as total strangers, meeting for the first time that Friday night of our ME Weekend. From there all of the couples moved on to form the 176th Love Circle, but for one couple, who were always conspicuously absent. They promised us their presence, but disappointed us, despite the lure of fish head curry.

Nevertheless, we refused to give up and made many attempts, mostly fruitless, to reach the couple. We called and got recorded greetings; we paged, and got promises. Despite all that, they remained absent at our meetings. But we persisted, sending a continuous flow of love letters and, for Chinese New Year, the whole group sent their greeting cards with messages of love and requests for response.

At one point, Soo Teck and Molly and another couple even paid an impromptu visit one Saturday midnight, hoping to catch hold of them. When this failed, they slipped the letters under the door and mailbox, and actually went back the next morning. But again, they were foiled, for the couple left before they arrived.

After nine long months, our efforts however finally bore fruit, and the couple has now joined us in the Love Circle. Joseph & Valerie told us how grateful they were and that if not for the persistence of the group they would not have found good and supportive friends. They are now deeply involved with the group.

We meet monthly for prayers and sharings, and because we are very close, we are also very open in our sharings. We also meet for physical enrichment, playing badminton together weekly. The group is now ever ready to help support weekends in hosting. Joseph & Valerie have this to say :

“Because others have loved us and were so persistent in not giving up on us we felt we really belonged to the group. We felt they cared and loved us and now we too have the spirit of not giving up on others. Like these couples who showed how much they cared for and loved us in their persistence so too we will not give up on any couple . . ."

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Things We Do For Love - 177th Love Circle

Since our Weekend in July 1994, our Love Circle has grown both in size (with the joyous addition of 4 infants) as well as family bond. Coming together almost every month, we share our happiness and anxieties; and lend support to each other. Our lives are much richer for the ME experience, and we try to share the blessings we have with others.

Our first opportunity was in August last year when we set up a Prawn Noodle stall at a fun-fair at the Church of St Mary of the Angels. It was a great success not only because we were completely sold out and recruited 5 couples but also for the camaraderie and love which we experienced.

We were then approached to coordinate this year's ME anniversary mass. We were a little apprehensive at first, but from our hearts we wanted to give to others because we had received so much from ME.

So we got to work, with preparations beginning as early as January this year. We also had generous help from ME couples and parishioners in the host parish - to whom and to Fr. Amiotte, we are deeply grateful.

We were also asked to select a theme for the Mass. Since this is the Year of the Family, we decided to find a link between the themes of "Family" and "Couple Love." Our Love Circle got together, and a few curry puffs and drinks later, came up with "Family Unity Begins With Couple Love" - as we all agreed that for true family unity, there has to be love between the spouses first.

So we hope that all of you will be there with your family and friends to enjoy the love, fellowship and warm memories.

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Strength To Strength - 75th Love Circle

We were the organisers of last year’s ME Anniversary Mass at the Church of St Michael’s. We attended the June '85 Weekend which became the 75th Love Circle. Some of our "young" couples are grandparents today.

Since that memorable weekend, we have continued to meet regularly every month for the past 11 years. We have gone from strength to strength dialoguing about our relationships.

When we were first approached to organise last year's ME Anniversary Mass, we had no idea of the magnitude of the job as it was the first time we had come together to organise a major event like that. Only after we had accepted the task did we realise that it was no small matter - there were so many things to look into, so many last minute changes, alterations & adjustments.

With God’s grace, it turned out really well and we felt proud being used for the occasion. We have benefitted much from organising the event which has helped us build our team spirit. We are now so much richer in our relationships for it.

We now feel ready to take on more challenges in organising other ME events.

Editor's Note: How about organising an ME Fun & Family Fair!!!

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A New Way of Being Church - Christ The King Parish

Some seasoned ME team and ex-team members of Christ the King parish came together one night to brainstorm with their new parish priest regarding family life apostolate.

Our discussion centered on the new vision of being church as proclaimed by the Federation of Asian Bishops Conference in Bandung 1990. The Catholic News had reported sometime ago that our Archbishop and his priests in their annual presbyterium meeting also wanted this new vision implemented in their parishes.

The idea of building effective communities was raised that night and a challenge was thrown to the group : how about an ME Weekend just for the parish - i.e. all couples living in Ang Mo Kio or who are attending weekend services there?

The idea soon grew into a reality. The National Team was informed and the Weekend team couples were quickly selected. What further developed was the exciting possibility of effective follow-ups, more focus and involvement in family life apostolates, and of course the heart of what it means to be a new way of being church - building small christian communities in the parish.

The "Christ the King" ME Weekend will take place on 7 - 9th June 1996. Response so far has been very encouraging. Please pray for the Weekend.

Fr Johnson Fernandez just celebrated his 25th Silver Jubilee as a priest. His vision and creativity certainly excites people.

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Presence Weekend - Anthony & Mary Liu

The Presence weekend was a very rewarding experience for us. We had some obstacles to overcome in attending it - our son was making his first confession that weekend, our new maid had just arrived the day before, among other things; but as always, the Lord outdoes us in generosity. We felt renewed as a couple and it strengthened our ties with the ME Community (and with ME House) especially since we had made our Weekend abroad.

It was the third "Royal Road" - prayer, that struck us deeply. As we belong to a prayer group, we were used to praying with others, for others, over others, but somehow, we had neglected praying together as a couple in voicing our concerns, thoughts and feelings to the Lord. At the Presence Weekend, we were reminded of the importance and power of praying together as a couple, and immediately put it into practice when we got home.

The atmosphere at the Presence Weekend was reminiscent of our 1st ME Weekend, and yet it was different. We had the sense that the couples present had overcome the initial hurdle of deep dialoguing, though some might have been out of practice, as a few admitted. In fact, one couple joked that there was rain and thunderstorm in their room that Saturday night, despite the clear weather outside.

It was such an enriching experience that we wondered why we had reservations about attending it in the first place, and why other couples might face similar reservations when such a Weekend comes around again.

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Spotlight on Brian and Sue Richmond

Who has not heard of Brian Richmond? A rhetorical statement, really. Though, very much in the limelight, he admits he and his family are very private subjects. But when we approached Brian and Sue to tell us more about their ME experience in 1984, they were more than happy to do so.

Editors: How were you introduced to ME?
Brian & Sue: Through Fr Joe Tan

Ed: Your marriage seemed to be going on strong even before ME so what motivated you to attend?
B&S: Fr Joe gave us his guarantee - Enhancement in our marriage...
Ed: .... Or your money back! ME recruiters, that's a good sales pitch because as far as we know, no one has asked for a refund.

Ed: Could you elaborate on some of the issues you swept under the carpet but decided to risk to share after ME?,
B&S: One was Brian constantly working long and odd hours. The other was Sue's incessant jealousy and possessiveness over Brian because of the very nature of his work.

Ed: 12 years after ME, you are still very enthusiastic about promoting ME. Why?
B&S: We're convinced that the programme is good so we've no reservations in persuading others to go for it. Ours is not a contrived effort to preach to others. We reach out by our examples and affection towards each other. Very often, these couples become curious and enquire about our secret. That's when we open up and relate to them the wonderful things that ME has done for us.

Ed: How do you see couple love fostering family unity?
B&S: Our openness in declaring our affection to each other is infectious. Our two boys truly see the couple love we share and they mention this time and again. This in turn brings tremendous warmth and good feelings in our family.

The boys are comforted to know that love abounds in our home. Should petty arguments arise, the love element always sees the family through. Our love has certainly shaped their outlook on life.

Ed: What is your dream for the world?
B&S: That each of us always remember ONLY the good deeds others have done for us. We'll be a more forgiving society and our love will spread all around. What a better world it would be!

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