Dumb news from Indiana :
J. Ewing wrote Sun 11/18/12 @03:59 EST re Bambi Glazebrook, arrested for murder and neglect in the starvation of her 2-month-old son: Are you sure the poor tyke didn't die from fright, after getting a look at Mommy Bambi?
The explosion that flattened five homes, damaged 75 more and killed
two persons in Southport was being investigated as a homicide.
[courtesy WTHI-TV]
Erika D. Smith: Putting one little word after another, and why would this writer for the Indianapolis Star allow her photograph to be run with her column?
Two drunk 17-year-old girls were killed and an 18-year-old boy
was severely injured by a train that struck the car one of the girls
was driving in Farmland. . . .
State Excise Police arrested 66 at Purdue University and 36 at No-
tre Dame during weekend football games.
[courtesy the Star]
A 9-year-old "special needs" child was locked in a closet in a subur-
ban Indianapolis grade school after he became unruly (the teacher
said she does that all the time, just like the teachers in Arizona).
[courtesy WISH-TV]
Instead of helping struggling local governments and schools, officials
will distribute $360 million of the state's $2 billion budget surplus to
the taxpayers, in the form of tax credits of $111 each.
[courtesy Associated Press]
Fenghshan Huang, 39, left her 6-year-old daughter in an
aisle at a Sam's Club in Louisville and walked out. The
child followed her, running through traffic in the parking
lot. Store personnel asked Huang to take the child with
her; and she said, "I don't want her any more." She was
arrested. . . .
Maritzen R. Rangel, 20, and Evella Macias-Farias, 39, were among four persons arrested in Louisville in a police sting against the Los Zetas cartel of Mexico. Cash in the amount of a million dollars and 2,500 pounds of marijuana were seized. [courtesy Courier-Journal]
Lexington's most wanted: Michelle Hengstler, 37, WF, 5'7", 130 lbs.
[courtesy Herald-Leader]
"Petraeus should be shot by relatives from his mistress's family."
– an unnamed Taliban official
"If more people understood the laws of thermodynamics, they would be
harder to lie to. Listen. The universe is wound up like a big watch
spring. We are basking in the waste emissions of a star as it burns itself
out. A mill turns because water falls downhill. A bulb glows because a
battery is discharging. Rich guys think they create wealth like a toddler
thinks his nose creates crunchy snacks. All gain, all profit, is essentially
extractive. 'Sustainable growth' is an oxymoron: Life is parasitic. But
still, we can try not to be ugly about it."
– Dave Maleckar
"There are limits to what a person can take."
– Anders Behring Breivik, complaining about life in prison
"He was always going on and on about this new band that was so cool
because they were so underground. 'I have so many indie bands on my
i-Pod.' What I don’t really understand is the attitude that if a band is un-
known, they’re good; and if they get fans, then you move on to the next
band."
– Taylor Swift
"Did you know that before the internet people had thoughts they didn't
need to share with everyone?"
– Aaron Karo
"China is always the Asian elephant in the room."
– Scott Horsley, National Public Radio
"Clouds are expected to move in tonight to create partly cloudy skies."
– weather girl on WKYU-FM, Bowling Green, Ky.
NPR's Weekend Edition Sunday hostess, Rachel Martin, has been taking stuttering
lessons from Renée Montagne. Listen.
Miley Cyrus, 20"Rockers":
Jodie Foster, 50
Meg Ryan, 51
Judy Woodruff, 66 (Famous Birthdays indicates she was born in 1925, which
Joe Biden, 70 would make her 87, but apparently reborn in 1946)
Luis Tiant, 72
Marlo Thomas, 75
Stan Musial, 92
Ted Bundy (1946-1989)
Charles Starkweather (1938-1959)
Bruce Hornsby, 58
Haley Barbour said the Republican Party needs a "very
serious proctology exam." . . . Mitt Romney said Presi-
dent Obama was re-elected by "giving away free stuff."
. . . Grover Norquist called Romney a "poopy-head."
. . . Channel 7, the ABC affiliate in Denver, Colorado,
presented a cover of PaulaBedwell'sBroadwell's All
In, her book about David Petraeus, as "All Up In My
Snatch." . . . The Galapagos Islands worked to eradi-
cate 180 million invasive rats on the 7-square-mile islet
of Pinzon. . . . Biologists rediscovered a millipede with
750 legs. . . . A documentary aired by the ID channel
suggests that an inmate on Florida's death row killed
O.J. Simpson's wife and her friend. . . . "Omnisham-
bles" was named word of the year by the Oxford Eng-
lish Dictionary. . . . A hundred fifty-four vehicles join-
ed in two chain reaction collisions (one on each side
of I-10) in Thanksgiving Day fog near Beaumont, Tex-
as (two persons were killed). . . .Twenty-eight women
packed themselves into a Mini Cooper in London.
[courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]
As the University of Maryland and Rutgers University
left the Atlantic Coast Conference and "Big East" ath-
letic conference, respectively, for the "Big Ten" (bring-
ing the number of schools in that league to 14), the U-
niversity of Louisville – more than 500 miles from the
nearest ocean (as the crow flies – more than 600 by
road, and only 30 miles closer to the Atlantic than the
Gulf of Mexico, if you count the Potomac River estu-
ary as part of the ocean) – was considering leaving
the Big East for the ACC.
Future visitors to the secession petitions on the White-
House.gov site should encounter the following notice:
Voting registration records of all petitioners will
be examined. If it is found that you have not vo-
ted in the last four years or have voted in a Re-
publican or Libertarian primary election in the
same period, your petition will be granted im-
mediately and you will be deported to the Latin
American nation of your choice (or to Siberia)
without further process.
Recently my husband mentioned that he wanted toHey, Sobsister:
invite some friends over for a project. I encourag-
ed him. I thought it would take a few hours, but it
ended up taking more than 12. They arrived early
in the morning and stayed until late at night, taking
over our living room.
I suggested to my husband in private that he should
have wrapped things up by late afternoon. It's not
as if they had a deadline. It's designed to continue
weekly for the next six months.
My husband, however, is a people pleaser and did-
n't feel he could ask his friends to leave. Am I un-
fair to ask that the party should move elsewhere af-
ter 10 hours?
East Coast
(FedEx delivers)
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FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 11/11/12 @09:28 PST:Dumb news from Indiana :
Er – sorry, sir, but we do not see any "little red X." We do
not doubt that you do, however. What you have attached
appears to be an "alternative text" presentation of last week's
"Dumb news from Indiana and Kentucky . . . perp of the
week" graphic. You need to ask your neighborhood geek
how to adjust your e-mail settings.
Or – and this is the main thing we would like to say – when-
ever there is something in your e-mail edition of Tabloid
Headlines that you cannot see, click on the This issue on
line link that appears at the bottom of Tabloid Headlines
every week. Perhaps you will be able to see it on line. The
links at the bottom should work also when you don't get the
Tabloid Headlines by e-mail. Just click on a link you have in
a prior edition, and you will be taken to an index that will in-
clude the current issue if it is out.
We point this out to our readers time and time again, and they
don't do it. Why?
There was nothing in last week's "perp of the week" graphic,
by the way, that could be construed as remotely pornographic
(it was pure crime – murder, no less, by hand – but by what
some would regard as a "desirable" perp – a perp "hottie," if
you will).
– Editor
Monserrate Shirley, owner of a suburban Indianapolis home that
exploded near Greenwood, demolishing four other houses,
damaging 80 more and killing two next-door neighbors, was safe
in a casino at the time, on the Ohio River, a hundred miles to the
south. . . .
Bambi Glazebrook, 29, of Indianapolis, was arrested for murder
and neglect in the starvation of her 2-month-old son, who weigh-
ed 5½ pounds. . . .
State Excise Police arrested 39 tailgaters at Indiana University's
home football game against Wisconsin. . . .
See also "quotation of the weak," below, from Dave Boudia, of
Noblesville.
[courtesy Indianapolis Star]
Lexington's most wanted:
Kentucky and Indiana joined Texas, Alabama, California, and 30 other
states with illiterate petitions on the WhiteHouse.gov web site for seces-
sion from the United States.
[courtesy WFPL radio]
"Those who are stockpiling nuclear weapons, they are mentally retarded."
– Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
"I don't want to be unkind to the gentleman, but I believe he is extremely paranoid,
even bonkers."
– Dean Barrow, prime minister of Belize, referring to Jon McAfee, the antivirus
software inventor suspected of murdering a Caribbean island neighbor
"He was a heavy drinker and an annoyance. But the world is full of annoyances. If we killed
all our annoyances, there would be nobody left."
– Jon McAfee, referring to the neighbor he was suspected of (but denied) killing
"Fottiti!"
– "bonnie.anderson," a card player on line, to the publisher of
Tabloid Headlines (we looked it up: It's Italian for "Fuck you!")
"There's just a great big hole missing."
– Pat Ward,of Tennessee, on PBS' News Hour, re-
membering a friend who died of meningitis
"Man, sometimes God really sucks."
– Glenn Beck
"We and our family have been friends with General Petraeus and his
family for over five years. We respect his and his family's privacy and
want the same for us and our three children"
– Jill Kelley, the "third woman" in the Pe-
traeus affair, and her husband, Scott
"Targeting the wealthy for tax raises is like telling Rosa Parks to
move to the back of the bus."
– Olympics diving gold medalist David Boudia
(give a numbnock a computer, and he'll "tweet")
Major employers, including Domino's Pizza and General Electric,
have outfitted their employees with digital pedometers – to mea-
sure fitness effort.
Tonya Harding, 42Birthdays of other "rockers" (according to the Famous Birthdays on This Day in History web site):
Chi Coltrane, 64
Janet Lennon, 66
Anni-Frid Lyngsdtad, 67
Tom Seaver, 70
Margaret Atwood, 73
Gordon Lightfoot, 74
Petula Clark, 80
Bob Gibson (1931-1996)
Bukka White (1909-1977)
A pizza man urinated on the doorstep of a customer who
failed to tip him in Des Moines, Iowa. . . . Hank the Cat
placed third in the election of Senator from Virginia with
6,832 votes. . . . Elmo was accused of having sex with a
teen-age boy. . . . North Carolina State University scien-
tists rigged Madagascar hissing cockroaches with elec-
tronic backpacks including antennas, batteries, cameras
and microphones that enabled engineers to steer them in-
to earthquake and bomb damage to locate survivors. . . .
Australian veterinary orthodontists were treating dogs to
improve their gap-toothed smiles and give them "kissable
breath." . . . You remember the "sleeping beauties" art in
Kiev? None of them had to marry: The only kiss that a-
wakened any of them was by a woman, and same-sex
marriage is not legal in the Ukraine. . . . A 16-year-old
girl looking for a signal on her cell phone stepped into a
pit of rattlesnakes in Southern California and was bitten
six times. . . . A parade float was hit by a train in Mid-
land, Texas, killing four persons and injuring 17 others.
[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Funny Times, AP]
In the 20 years I've been with my partner, I've hadDear Hadley:
suspicions that he's cheated. Whenever I confront
him, he becomes angry, and tries to turn it around
on me. I finally decided I had to know; so I pur-
chased a bunch of mini digital recorders and left
them on in the house when I'd go to work. Lo and
behold, my suspicions were correct.
My problem now is, how to confront him with the
proof. I know he'll be angry. He keeps telling me
we need to work on our relationship. But how is
that possible when he makes a phone call to his
girl friend every morning after I leave for work.?
Had to Know
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for a Better America Box 413 The Columbus Book of Euchre Brownsville KY 42210 War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer (270) 597-2187 Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher Natty Bumppo, writer/editor |
The Frisky Election Night drinking game: Take a drink every time you have impure thoughts about Rachel Maddow, Chris Matthews looks like he might have a heart attack, someone threatens to move ouf of the country if ____ wins, CNN tries & fails to use its weir election holograms, someone moans about how hot MSN's Chris Hayes is, an anchor says a state is "too close to call," Ohio is referred to as a battleground state, somebody says "undecided voters will determine the election,: you revel in the glory of David Axelrod's mustache, somebody at your election night party starts crying, Romney thanks Rafalca in his acceptance/concession speech, you stree eat all of your host's Cheetos, you start yelling at your TV screen in disgust
J. Ewing wrote Sun 11/4/12 @ 19:48 EDT:
The use of "existing" in a survey call means that the land
has either been surveyed before or that you are survey-
ing a new parcel of land to an older and existing survey
line or marker. Existing Iron Pipe (or Pin) is an official
surveyor term.
Len wrote Sun 11/4/12 @14:05 EDT:
I'm not taking the bait on the "existing" challenge. I have-
n't gotten over people's misuse of "literally."
But, Len, that's easy. When people say "literally," they mean
"figuratively" – i.e., just the opposite. Just as when they say "ab-
solutely," they mean "relatively."
"Older" has meaning in reference to surveys. What "existing iron
pin" means to the surveyor is that he did not put it there. It means
nothing to a tree in the line, and all the iron pins in the line – those
placed by that surveyor and the older ones as well – are existing
to those who come upon them later, including landowners, purch-
asers, visitors, trespassers, and even later surveyors.
Let's look at "existing" in another context: Did Des Cartes say, "I
think; therefore I am existing"? ("Cogito; ergo sum in esse"? We
like Bill Braden's wife's reformulation better: "Cogito; ergo sum,
cogito": "I think; therefore I am – I think.")
– Ed.
Len wrote also on Sun 11/4/12, @14:00 EDT:
I realize the article didn't say, but perhaps someone
can explain to me how anyone can get locked in a
walk-in freezer. While it is possible to get locked
out of a freezer (or walk-in cooler), all commercial
freezers and refrigerators are equipped with an inte-
rior latch release – which will allow the door to be
opened from the inside even if the outside latch is
padlocked.
Well, yes, Len, and thank you for the invitation to explain.
This was "dumb news from Kentucky." You understand.
(You do, don't you?) Either "not all" freezers are equipped
with interior releases (e.g., not those used in Kentucky), or
Kentuckians do not know how to operate them. – Ed.
An Earlham College co-ed was killed by a train and another
co-ed and a male student also were struck – all as pedestri-
ans – near the E Street Pub in Richmond, site of the Quaker
school, on the "Depot District's" annual "College Night." . . .
A 19-year-old college freshman was elected to the school
board in Danville, unseating a two-term incumbent. . . .
The state agreed to restore 4,000 drivers' licenses in a set-
tlement with the American Civil Liberties Union.
[courtesy Indianapolis Star]
Mississippi State Bulldog, in Lexington, watches the University of Kentucky absorb the fourth of eight straight losses in football
"Pregnancy is God's will" anti-abortion candidates lost Senate races in
Indiana and Missouri but got elected to Congress in Kentucky. . . .
Ashley Judd was being considered to run against U.S. Senate Minority
Leader Mitch McConnell in 2014.
[courtesy Indianapolis Star, Lexington Herald-Leader]
Perp of the Week: Jennifer Hack, 28, of Floyds Knobs, Indiana, was arrested for beating a man to death in Louisville, Ky. (held also on fugitive warrant from Indiana for trafficking in marijuana)
"There's no there there."Quotation of the weak (give a numbnock a computer, and he'll "tweet"):
– Frank Rich, speaking of Mitt Romney
"It is revenge from God."Birthdays:
– Egyptian cleric Wagdi Ghoneim, on Hurricane Sandy
Susan Tedeschi, 42Birthdays of "rockers" (according to the Famous Birthdays on This Day in History web site):
Demi Moore, 50
Rickie Lee Jones, 58
Glenn Frey, 64
Donna Fargo, 67
Joni Mitchell, 69
Guy Clark, 71
Patti Page, 85
Jonathan Winters, 87
Isaiah Edwin Leopold ("Ed Wynn," 1886-1966)
Pepa, 43"Country singers":
Stonewall Jackson, 80
Bonnie Raitt, 63
Doug Sahm, 71
Joe Biden admitted watching Honey Boo Boo on Air Force[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, MSNBC.com, AP]
Two. . . . A 900-pound bull named Obama beat a 1,000-
pound bull named Mitt Romney in an arena in Kenya. . . . A
Russian youth group proposed banning Mormons for their
"questionable activities." . . . The "American Family Associa-
tion" called "Mix It Up at Lunch Day," when children sit with
someone new in the school cafeteria, "a nationwide push to
promote the homosexual life style." . . . Trick-or-treaters got
bags of cocaine in Royton, England. . . . French government
ministers were ordered into "sex sensitization sessions" after
Housing Minister Cécile Duflot was catcalled by males in the
National Assembly. . . . PETA asked that a memorial be e-
rected on a street in Irvine, California, where hundreds of
saltwater bass were killed in a traffic accident. . . . A woman
who drove on the sidewalk to get around a school bus in
Cleveland, Ohio, was ordered by a judge to stand at an in-
tersection for two days wearing a sign saying, "Only an idiot
drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus." . . . "Animal
hoarding" was the charge filed against a man who kept 478
birds in his home in Aurora, Illinois. . . . A 9-year-old boy
Konotop, the Ukraine, found his parents' savings in a couch
– $3,300 in U.S. currency and €600 in Euros – and spent it
all on candy, which he shared with his friends.
I am the youngest of five and am a lonely 39-year-Dear Slutty Sally:
old single woman. I admit that I have made some
poor choices. We live in a small town, and every-
one knows about my mistakes. But instead of
standing up for me my family, including my moth-
er, delights in slandering my name.
To me, when someone attacks a family member,
the proper response is to say you won't speak e-
vil. I have never hurt anyone or done anything un-
forgivable. I'm raising three kids alone and study-
ing to be a nurse, and I'm a talented photograph-
er. I never get credit for any success in my life. I
have been tormented and disrespected for years.
I am horrified at what a lie my family life has been.
So I am planning to move to another state and cut
all ties. I am in therapy and learning that I don't de-
serve this terrible treatment.
Moving On Now
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Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 11/4/12 @00:51 PDT:about turning your computer off and how to deal with Windows 8:
Hands filthy from Times L.A., eyes weary of Guardian, Ob-
server, bored of Times NY... oh for an early edition TH.
Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 10/28/12 @14:38 PM re last week's essays
Get a Mac. Press a button to turn on, click a button to turn off.
Publius Leget wrote Sun 10/27/12 @11:02:49 CDT:
Why was there nothing in last week's Borf's weekly bonus about the shark
that fell from the sky onto a golf green at San Juan Capistrano, California,
4 miles inland, and the afterthought to add sea salt to the bucket of water
in which it was placed for rescue?
Let us count the reasons:
In the first place, it wasn't much of a shark: It was a 2-foot "leopard shark."
It was found on a box at the 12th tee (not on a green) by a "course marshal."
Thus there was no proof it "fell from the sky" (or that it startled any golfers
by a sudden appearance). The "fell from the sky" report was conjecture,
based on instances of fish being carried into the air by avian predators and
dropped on land, and on wounds on the shark.
And, finally, the more credible news sources reported that the bucket of wa-
ter in which the fish was carried back to the sea was salted to begin with. A
last-second thought to add sea salt to the bucket seems to be a detail added
by a reporter thinking he was clever (or, not thinking).
But, thanks for writing.
– Editor
Turns out our report in "Dumb news from Kentucky" on July29
about a horse that paints abstracts in oil maybe shoulda been in
"Dumb news from Indiana": The horse, Justin, is owned by a
commercial artist in Columbus, Indiana.
[courtesy UPI]
A Michigan City man accepted $15,000 to have Mitt Romney's
campaign logo tattooed on the side of his face (now his forehead
is up for auction).
[courtesy New York Daily News]
A lawyer running for judge in Evansville was giving away I-Pads
and tickets to people who "liked" him on his Facebook page.
[courtesy Associated Press]
President Obama was hung in effigy for Halloween at a home in
Boone County.
[courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]
The Indianapolis Star, following a failed experiment by the Louis-
ville Courier Journal, has turned off access to its web site by non-
subscribers ("We hope you have enjoyed your complimentary ac-
cess"). It took the Courier-Journal only a few weeks to learn
that the New York Times it isn't – how long will it take the Star?).
A hundred thirty homes southwest of Louisville were evacuated
after a derailment exposed them to hazardous gas and a buta-
diene fire inside one of the cars, and three workers were burned
over 90 per cent of their bodies using (duh!) a blowtorch to
clear the wreckage.
[courtesy Courier-Journal]
Reporters have been prohibited by a local federal court rule from
interviewing the jurors in the recent "hate crime" trial over an as-
sault of a gay man in Kingdom Come State Park. . . .
Four Taco Bell employees were locked in the freezer by a robber in
Laurel County (they were freed by police who were called by a cus-
tomer who walked in later and noticed cash drawers open and no
one behind the counter).
[courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]
"My party is full of racists."
– Lawrence Wilkerson, after John Sununu said Colin Pow-
ell endorsed President Obama because both are black
"I'm tired of Bronco Bama and Mitt Romney."
– Abigael Evans, 4, of
Fort Collins, Colorado
"That's where a lot of research has been focused on."
– Dr. Michael Milam, of the Norton
Cancer Center in Louisville, Ky.
"Your vote will affect the future and be recorded in eternity. Will you vote for the
values that will stand the test of fire?"
– Mike Huckabee (or, as the examiner.com para-
phrased him, "Vote for Obama and go to Hell")
"When consumed in large quantities, caffeine can pose risks, especially for people
with existing heart problems." – from a news report on "energy drinks"
" . . . thence N 37° 26' 15" W to an existing iron pin . . . " – a survey call
Tabloid Headlines CONTEST:
you will get a free subscription to Tabloid Headlines. If you can find both,
- If you can find a meaning in either of the usages above that would not be there without the word, or
- If you can find a meaningful use of the word in another phrase,*
you will get a cash award.
* Negatives not eligible (e.g., "no longer existing").
Elizabeth Smart, 25
k. d. lang, 51
Lyle Lovett, 55
Bill Anderson, 75
Roy Emerson, 76
Ken Rosewall, 78
CNN issued a directive to its newscasters not to use the term[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP]
"Frankenstorm" in reference to Hurricane Sandy. . . . Nation-
al Basketball Association commissioner David Stern called it
"Hurricane Katrina." . . . Lindsay Lohan called it "Hurricane
Sally" (lay down!). . . . A 265-pound wild boar rampaging
through a neighborhood in Berlin was shot and killed by po-
lice after it knocked down two 74-year-olds (a man and a
woman) and bit a 24-year-old woman. . . . A 20-year-old
woman returning from winning a karate competition found a
drunk in the bathroom of her apartment in Fresno, California,
and decked him. . . . The owners of William Faulkner's rights
sued Sony, the Washington Post, and Northrop Grumman o-
ver Faulknerisms that showed up in Midnight in Paris and
an advertisement. . . . Six seismologists and an official in Italy
were sentenced to six years in prison for manslaughter for in-
adequate prediction of a 2009 earthquake that killed 309. ...
A Halloween costume maker whose line includes a Cheeky
Cherokee, an Indian Brave, a Maiden and a Spirit Warrior
pulled a new item called Sassy Squaw. . . . A Japanese man
won the right to deflower Brazilian student Catarina Migliori-
ni with a high bid of $780,000 on line.
National Basketball Association commissioner David Stern said
President Obama is "not as good as he thinks he is" at basket-
ball." . . .
Mitt Romney sang "America the Beautiful" – again! – but this
time with Meat Loaf, Big & Rich, and Randy Owen of Alabama
in what may have been a greater travesty than the 4 Troops' ren-
dition of "God Bless America" in the 7th inning stretch at the 4th
game of the World Series. . . .
Asia Taylor, Shelby Harper and Monique Reid of the University of Louisville women's basketball team mug for the cameras on "Media Day" (David Lee Hartlage photo for Courier-Journal)
I've been with "Hank" for what seems like a hundredDear Loser:
years. He is an alcoholic and a drug user. He was in
and out of rehab several times last year.
Here's the real problem: While in rehab he relapsed,
along with others, and was kicked out. I refused to
pick him up, and they all stayed in a hotel together.
And Hank relied on another addict (a woman) for
drugs and alcohol.
Hank's a good father, but I can't let this go. He says
there was no affair, but I don't believe it. How can I
forgive him?
Lost
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