Dumb news from Cleveland, Ohio: Guess who's tabloid fodder now? Amanda Berry, first photo since she escaped this monster, June 15, 2013 (Enquirer);  Walle, a beagle-boxer-basset mix from Chico, California, won the annual world's ugliest dog contest at the Sonoma - Marin County Fair in Petaluma, California (AP photo)

Governor Pence proposed, on his Clutterbook Facebook page, an
amendment to the state constitution prohibiting gay marriage; and a
number of his "friends" complained that their posts in disagreement
were deleted.
                                                            [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

The American Civil Liberties Union sued the City of Evansville to halt
a plan to place 30  8-foot-tall  crosses  on public land along the Ohio
River.
                                                            [courtesy Associated Press]

Senator Rand Paul worried out loud, on the Glenn Beck show, that
the Supreme Court's decisions on gay marriage will lead to legaliza-
tion of marriage with  animals  (and remember,  you read about this
first in Tabloid Headlines).
                                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

The poisonous snake fished out of a Danville swimming pool by TV's
Turtleman was planted there by his crew, the city manager reported.

                                                [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Stop the war on coal, fire Obama (Courier-Journal photo)

"The freedom trail is not exactly China-Russia-Cuba-Venezuela."
                                                                                                        – Lindsey Graham
"I am not in charge of tickets."
                                                    – Dmitri Peskov, spokesman for Vladimir Putin

"Good morning; it's 20 minutes before the hour."

                                – Joe Corcoran, on WKYU-FM radio, Bowling Green, Ky. – at 5:49 a.m.

"Nelson Mandela is in critical but stable condition."

                                                                            – Jean Cochran, National Public Radio news

"This is a country where the possible happens every single day."

                                                                                – Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa

"I’m tired of it being conveyed to the public as if I’m some kind of a monster."

    – James Vernon McVay, on trial in South Dakota for slitting an elderly woman's throat
       and stealing her car in a plot to assassinate President Obama on a golf course

"Social media and Twitter was just alive!"

                            – Tina Brown, editor of the Daily Beast and former editor of the New Yorker

"Social media is constantly evolving."

                                                       – Ali Kelly, "Social Media Day" promoter in Lexington, Ky.

"Where is independent media?"
                                                        – Daoud Kuttab, Jordanian internet journalist

"Now that the Supreme Court has had its say on the federal government's role in defining
  marriage, the people of Indiana should have their say about how marriage is understood and
  defined in our state."
                                        – Governor Mike Pence

"We wish to apologize for our apology to Mark Steyn, published Oct. 22.  In correcting the
 incorrect statements about Mr. Steyn published Oct. 15, we incorrectly published the incor-
 rect correction. We accept and regret that our initial regrets were unacceptable, and we ap-
 ologize to Mr. Steyn for any distress caused by our previous apology."
                                                                                                                   – The Ottawa Citizen

Putting one little word after another, and just when did "VD" become "STD'?
Please,  no general answers,  such as "during the AIDS epidemic."  We want
to know the exact date.

The root of "venereal" (what the "V" in "VD" stands for) is "Venus." This raises
another question:  Is the transition from the term "VD"  to  "STD"  just  another
anti-gay plot?

Derek Jeter, 39
Phyllis George Brown, 64
Mick Fleetwood, 66
Carly Simon, 68
H. Ross Perot, 83

     

 People wearing pigeon heads flash-mobbed a Google Street View photo op in Western Tokyo

Edward  Snowden  celebrated his 30th birthday with his
lawyers in a Hong Kong safe house over a dinner of piz-
za, fried chicken, sausage, and Pepsi. . . .  A  woman  in
Alexandria,  Virginia,  called  911  to report that her cab
driver looked "very Muslim";  and the Council on Amer-
ican Islamic Relations asked the local prosecutor to cite
her for hate crime. . . . An  underground  doomsday re-
sort was under construction in Kansas with a swimming
pool, a bowling alley, and an indoor golf course. . . .  A
"bovine bedding specialist"  designed  a  water  bed  for
cows. .  .  . Caloundra Christian College in Queensland,
Australia, issued students a 101-suggestion pamphlet of
"things to do instead of doing it," including "Have a burp-
ing contest." . . . $1,200,000 in $100 bills, bound for the
Federal Reserve Bank of New York,  was  lifted  from a
transatlantic Swiss Air passenger flight (but $92,000,000
made the full journey). . . . A black bear climbed a fence
into the zoo in Knoxville,  Tennessee. . . . An amusement
park in the Mexican state of Hidalgo  included  a  simula-
ted illegal border crossing into the United States.  . . .  A
Chinese  woman's  breast  implants  exploded  after  she
spent four hours lying on her stomach  playing a game on
her cell phone.

[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, MSNBC.com, AP]

Brett Grinder joined the pro basketball Phoenix Mercury

Kyle Petty said Danica Patrick "is not a race car driver."

Evi Puspisa Friends with YEni Chocovanilla TheSweetest Croft Add Friend

Henry Velenosi wrote Sun 6/16/13 @07:48 PDT:

Sorry.  The last time I looked (about a minute ago on Goo-
gle Earth), the Maldives were in the Indian Ocean,  and the
Falklands (a/k/a Las Islas Malvinas) were in the Atlantic.

Publius Leget wrote Sun 6/16/13 @10:54 CDT:

You  idiot!  The Falkland Islands are what the Argentines
call the Malvinas. The Maldives are in the Indian Ocean,
southwest of the southern tip of India,  due west of south-
ern Sri Lanka.

OK, OK!  Our face is red!    (Or, yellow.)    – Editor


J. Ewing wrote Sun 6/16/13 @07:59 EDT:

So much easier to use military time.  Noon is 1200.  Midnight
is 2400.   One minute after noon is 1201  (or 00:00:01 p.m.).
One minute after midnight is 0001  (or 00:00:01 a.m.).  And
you can completely ditch meridians  and a.m.'s  and p.m.'s –
and retire all the chronologists.

P.S.  Anyone who links to a "new country" song should be ta-
ken out and shot.

’Y’Abbott!   Use of military time  is  more  concise  and eliminates the
ambiguity of the phrases "12 a.m." and "12 p.m.," but it does not solve
the "Minit" Mart problem:   Midnight could as well be  0000  as 2400.
Why couldn't the composer of the Minit Mart sign merely have written,
"Must be . . . available to work . . . until midnight"?       – Editor


Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 6/16/13 @02:22 PDT:

I doubt that was misspelling by Ian Stewart.  Looks more like
he was a victim of auto-correct on a mobile device.

"rot" to "Rott"?  Arf!  Arf!
                                             – Editor

A 23-year-old Indianapolis man was accused of posing as a young girl
on Clutterbook Facebook  and using fake profiles to coax other young
girls into sending him pornographic photos of themselves, which he then
posted to his site and theirs as their "friends," to their dismay (one of them
attempted suicide). . . .

A woman blew 0.50% on the Breathalyzer in Muncie, and lived.

Two persons – a 16-year-old girl swimming, then a 69-year-old man
canoeing – drowned in two days in Southern Indiana's Blue River,  in
Crawford County (this is not the same river as the Big Blue River that
flows through Henry, Rush, Shelby, Johnson and Bartholomew coun-
ties in central Indiana, or its cousin the Little Blue River). . . .

A cleaning woman was mauled by a tiger at the Exotic Feline Rescue
Center in rural Clay County.
                                                                [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

A leopard was shot and killed alongside Indiana Highway 3 north of
Charlestown in Clark County. . . .

A Cub Scout pack ditched by the Methodist Church in Dayton, in north
central Indiana, was adopted by the Presbyterian Church.

                                                  [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A baker misheard instructions and put a  cat  on an Indiana University
co-ed's head instead of a cap in a picture on the icing of a commence-
ment cake.
                                                                [courtesy Detroit Free Press]

St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church moved a 15-foot marble sta-
tue of the Virgin Mary from U.S. 41  in the Lake County town of St.
John to church half a mile away and planned to swap it with a 33-foot
metal Virgin Mary statue standing outside the church, and some parish-
ioners were threatening to sue.
                                                    [courtesy Northwest Indiana Times]

A Jefferson County constable convicted of shooting a suspected
shoplifter in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Louisville  and  dismissed
from office was found to be operating a security service.

                                                            [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Another Kentuckian failed to stay out of the trees,  a hired branch
trimmer in Lawrenceburg, and fell to his death when a limb he was
standing on snapped.
                                            [courtesy Danville Advocate-Messenger]

Two of eight persons packed into one Mustang – the male driver,
18,  and an 18-year-old girl – died when they missed a turn  and
hit an embankment on a rural road in Pike County. . . .

Animal activists  convinced the Lexington Legends minor league base-
ball team to cancel a circus act in which capuchin monkeys dressed as
cowboys rode the backs of border collies.

                                                 [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

In an article headlined "How to avoid massive student loan debts,"
one of the listed suggestions was "Pursue a higher-paying major."

                                     [courtesy Edmonson News ("The Gimlet")]

    

Lexington's most wanted: Tiffany Carroll, WF, 28, 5'4", 105 lbs; the Fayette County Sheriff's weekly 'most wanted' gallery in the Herald-Leader has reverted to mug shots with vital stats only - we may never know what Wendy Palmer is alleged to have done]

So, is the name of this Brown County town Gnawbone, or Gnaw Bone? Here's the deal. It used to be Gnawbone, no quibble, no variation. Then a tourist came through (high society fat woman from Chicago) and exclaimed, "Oh! What a quaint name for a town! guh-NOB-oh-NEE!" The townspeople got tired of the joke, and the elders split the one word into two so there would be no questions asked. (Some say the town was originally a French settlement called Narbonne . . . .) (Tabloid Headlines photos)

"We will accept all support, even from Satan."
                                                                            – Syrian rebel Abu Zaki

"It's well established that humans can't do photosynthesis."

                                – University of Washington medical professor D. Scott Weigle, com-
                                   menting on a Seattle woman's twitching, nausea, and exhaustion
                                   after six weeks of trying to live on only water, air and light

"The fish came in and began eating the bodies.  I could hear the sound."

                                        – Harrison Okene, cook, who survived in an air bubble for 2½
                                           days on a capsized Nigerian tugboat carrying a crew of 13

"We'll probably have to take three extra ethics training courses because of this douche."

             – a Booz Allen Hamilton colleague of Edward Snowden, on Clutterbook Facebook

Cyndi Lauper, 60
Ann Wilson, 63
Kathy Mattea, 64
Barry Manilow, 70
Elaine ("Spanky") McFarlane, 71
Dianne Feinstein, 80

Warner-Chappell Music has been sued over its copyright
claim to  "Happy Birthday,"  the music to which was pub-
lished in 1893. . . . A brown bear in Pennsylvania had its
head stuck in a plastic jar of cooking oil for 11 days, and
no one took a photograph of it. . . . A Philadelphia, Penn-
sylvania, man with an 8-month erection lost  his  malprac-
tice suit against the doctor who gave him a penile implant.
. . . A man on his first date with a woman in Bunnell, Flo-
rida, was beaten, robbed, stripped, and abandoned on a
roadside.  .  .  .  A 9-year-old Welsh girl passed through
Turkish customs on her stuffed  unicorn's  play  passport.
.  .  . Sales of George Orwell's  1984  jumped 6,021 per
cent  the  day after the National Security Administration's
telephone and internet data mining was revealed. . . . For-
ty-seven persons were shot – nine fatally – over the week-
end in Chicago. .  .  . India was shutting down the world's
last telegraph system. . . .Russia's Duma voted 436–0 for
a bill prohibiting "propaganda of nontraditional sexual rela-
tions." . . . An outbreak of conjunctivitis plagued Japanese
6th-graders engaged in sexual eyeball licking. . . .  Perfect
pitch was found to be imperfect. . . .  An Australian oppo-
sition party held a fund-raising dinner with a menu describ-
ing  a quail dish named for Prime Minister Julia Gillard  as
"small breasts,  huge thighs,  and a big red box.". . .Trans-
planted legs were amputated from a Spaniard. .  .  .  In  a
plebiscite, 1,513 residents of the Falkland Islands (Las Is-
las Malvinas)  voted  in favor of remaining with the United
Kingdom,  3 voted no,  and 1(?). . . .  Miley Cyrus nosed
out Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian as  worst  female
role  model  in a poll by  CouponCodes4U.com  (Britney
Spears did not even crash the worst ten)  –  Chris Brown
was worst male, followed by Kanye West and Justin Bie-
ber (Charlie Sheen was a weak 5th). . . . Buzz Aldrin dis-
sed Tang.
                [courtesy Harper's Weekly, MSNBC.com, AP]


Urban Outfitters, a chain clothing and novelty shop, agreed to quit selling coffee mugs, flasks and shot glasses designed to look like prescrioption drug vials after complaints were filed by several states' attorneys general (the mug at the right is "hip,:" right?)

Three morning shock jocks were fired from an Atlanta radio sta-
tion  for mocking a former National Football League player who
has Lou Gehrig's disease. . . .

          

Basketball hotties in the summertime: The Indiana-Kentucky girls high school all-star game           

STEPHEN YATES wrote Sun 6/9/13 @10:40 CDT
re last week's "Lexington's most wanted":

I know Wendy Palmer.  She was my girl friend Melanie's best friend.
She was a liar and a troublemaker,  and  the  reason  I broke up with
Melanie.  I would love to know what she is wanted for.

They never say.  You understand.  You do understand, don't you?

However:  The Herald-Leader published two "most wanted" lists last week –
one on June 12, and another on June 13 – and the June 13 list contains infor-
mation on the charges,  sometimes the date of the crime,  sometimes the last
known sighting of the perp, and police contact information – but less vital in-
formation over all  (see below).  So "stay with us,"  as they say on the radio:
If Wendy pops up again on a future list, maybe we'll know  (but the new list
is not as much fun).
                                                                                                    – Editor

Keith Durbin wrote Sun 6/9/13 @10:51 CDT:

When will people learn to stay out of the trees?

A 63-year-old Scottsburg man was arrested for following a 12-year-
old Charlestown girl into her home and sucking her toes. . . .

Two young men suspected of kidnapping  and  killing  a 19-year-old
woman in Linton posted the last two items on her Clutterbook Face-
book page from her cell phone, police said, trying to throw police off
the trail by making it appear she was still alive (one message said she
was being followed by "creeps").

                                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

The Grace Assembly of God in Whiteland discontinued its sponsor-
ship of Cub Scout Pack 617 (and you know why).  The news was
announced on the Cub Scout pack's own web site. . . .

Three  Purdue  University  engineering  students  were  accused of
hacking their professors' computer files to change their grades (one
from an F to an A, another from an A to an A+). . . .

Animal Control officers took 375 rabbits (and 3 dogs) from a home
on Indianapolis' Far South Side.
                                                            [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

So, is it a mall, or is it a hall? You reckon they know the difference? About 5 miles east of Nashville . . . . (Tabloid Headlines photo)

NOW HIRING:
Must be 18+
and available
to work @3:30 a.m.
or  until  12:00  a.m.

We asked the clerk inside what "12:00 a.m." meant.   He
didn't know,  of  course;  but then he guessed,  "12 in the
morning?" – thereby only begging the question.

OK,  children,  let's go through this again, one more time,
step by step:  There is no such hour as 12 a.m.  Noon  is
12 m. (that stands for meridian, indicating the middle of a
calendar day.  Midnight  is 12 p.m. – i.e.,  post meridian,
or  12 hours after noon.     It is the end of the last second
of  the same day as noon.  Only if it were the  beginning
of the first second of the next day  would  it  be 12 a.m.
(ante meridian).  Numbnocks  (like the clerk at the Minit
Mart)  and philosophers alike might ask, "What's the dif-
ference?"  But chronologists know,  and it's a convention
(you can look it up).

An Animal Planet TV show of the "Turtleman" fishing a cottonmouth
out of a public swimming pool triggered an investigation  in  Danville
into who authorized the filming.
                                                    [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

A school bus returning high school students from a visit to Eastern
Kentucky University in Richmond crashed in Louisville, injuring 30
of them. . . .

The chief of police of Bardstown, still mourning the death of an offi-
cer ambushed and shotgunned on a freeway ramp, received a letter
stating  that there would be more officers going down  "like the first
one." . . .

Enviornmentalists formed a "trash mob" to clean up Beargrass Creek
in Louisville.
                                                               [courtesy Courier-Journal]

   

Lexington's most wanted, June 12: Marcella Hill, WF, 30, 5'2", 180 lbs, Amber Denton, WF, 26, 5'4", 140 lbs (courtesy Herald-Leader)

Lexington's most wanted, June 13: Melissa Mendez, Age: 36, Sex: Female; Race: White; CASE INFORMATION. Melissa Mendez is wanted for Theft and ID fraud. If you know her whereabouts please contact Trooper Nick Davis at Kentucky State Police Post 15, 270-384-4796; Deanna Michelle Montgomery. Age: 27; Sex: Female; Last Known Addresses: Campbellsville, Ky., Nicholasville, Ky. CASE INFORMATION: Deanna Michelle Montgomery is wanted for Theft by Unlawful Taking. If you know her whereabouts, please contact Trooper Nick . . . (Herald-Leader); What? No height? No weight? No bust size? No race for Deanna? That's no fun. As for "CASE INFORMATION" and police contact information, that's TMI. Bring back the old "most wanted," please. Editor, Tabloid Headlines

Dumb deer news from Minnesota: Deer in a jar

Deer in the headlights? Well, yeah - but it's also a deer in the Doritos

"Survival shows are so common now that it's gotten more and more difficult to convince the
  audience that what they're watching is something extreme."

                                                                            – unidentified Discovery Channel executive

"You can't have 100 per cent security, and then have 100 per cent
  privacy."
                                                                                                – President Obama

"I do intend to run for president – of the Tim Tebow Fan Club."
                                                                                                        – Michele Bachmann

"It's Wednesday, May 13th."
                                                   – Renée Montagne, commencing Morning Edition on
                                                      National Public Radio  –  on Thursday, June 13

Ashley Olsen, 27
Mary-Kate Olsen, 27
Steffi Graf, 44
F. Lee Bailey, 80
Don Newcombe, 87

Twenty-five persons were arrested in Turkey for "mislead-
ing tweeting.". . . A fourth-grade teacher passed out drunk
on a field trip in Janesville, Wisconsin. . . . The new reality
TV show Naked and Afraid will drop off a man and a wo-
man, strangers to each other,  with only one item of choice
apiece, to fend for themselves on an isolated island  in  the
Maldives  (which we used to call  the  Falklands,  remem-
ber?). . . . Residents of Bokaro,  Jharkhand,  India,  were
worshiping an 87-kilogram pumpkin,  believing  it  to be a
reincarnation of Shiva. . . .A single-car parking space in a
condominium garage in San Francisco sold  for  $82,000,
but a woman bought  two  parking  spaces  in Boston for
$560,000 at an Internal Revenue Service auction. . . . Je-
sus was spotted in an airport floor tile in Phoenix, Arizona.

Briana Leonard, an 18-year-old New Hampshire high
school student,  was  heckled off the court  in the girls'
state tennis tournament for living in Massachusetts, and
forfeited  the final match to Sunday Swett. . . .

Iowa Cubs infielder Ian Stewart was suspended indef-
initely by the Chicago Cubs parent team,  without pay,
for  "tweeting"  "there going to let me Rott in AAA all
season then not tender me after."  It was not reported
whether the suspension was for disrespect  or for  mis-
spelling. . . .

Chloe McCardel, a distance swimmer from Australia,
gave up her Cuba-to-Florida attempt  after  only  14
miles because of an attack by jellyfish,  including one
that got stuck in her mouth; and she said she's not go-
ing to try again. . . .

The Seneca Golf Course  remained  open  in Louisville,
Kentucky, after a late-night plane crash on the 18th tee
(which was relocated, reducing the par 4 18th hole to a
par 3).

This is milepost 580 just south of Columbus on Interstate Highway 65, right? No. It's the marker for mile No. 58-POINT-0. See the little decimal point before the third digit, on the bottom? Likewise, a little farther south, that's milepost 53.5 below, not milepost 535. I-65 in Indiana has half-mileposts, not mileposts

There are neither mileposts nor half-mileposts on I-465, looping Indianapolis, but tenth-mileposts - 5.1, 5.2, 5.3, etc. - and still presented vertically (except for the three-digit highway number presented linearly at the top)

                                                [Tabloid Headlines photos]

Two more Baptist churches – in Elizabethtown and Rineyville – dropped
their affiliation with the Boy Scouts. . . .

A Bluegrass Mass was celebrated in a Baptist church in Lexington. . . .

Lexington's most wanted: Erin Hacker, WF, 29, 5'6", 210 lbs, Clarence Green, BM, 68, 5'6", 210 lbs, Wendy Palmer, WF, 42, 5'2", 125 lbs

                                                                                                                               [courtesy Herald-Leader]

                 

"You know what I hate the most?  Hatred!"
                                                                         – Stephen Butler Yeats

"Sir, is this a bad time to call?"
                                                    – telemarketer who telephoned from a toll-free number
                                                       at 6:44 p.m. and said nothing when answered "Hello,"
                                                       after being instructed, in abusive but not at all uncer-
                                                       tain terms, that it is rude to call people on an instrument
                                                       designed for vocal communication and not say anything

Derek Trucks, 34
Holly Near, 64
Tony Levin, 67
Sir Thomas John Woodward ("Tom Jones"), 73
Nancy Sinatra, 73
Joan Rivers, 80
Dr. Ruth, 85
Barbara Bush, 88

The government of Syria warned its people not to travel to
Turkey. . . .Yiddish scholars objected to the acceptance of
the spelling of "kneydl"(a dumpling) in the final round of the
National Spelling Bee as  "knaidel"  according to Merriam-
Webster's Third New International Dictionary. . . . Ger-
many's first census since its reunification in 1990  came  up
1-1/2 million people short. . . . The longest German word,
 Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenüber-
tragungsgesetz, was officially eliminated. . . . A dictionary
in France came up with a verb for French  kissing. . . .Wo-
men wearing badger hats  chased right-wingers around the
Parliament Building in London. . . . Moktar Belmoktar was
kicked out of Al Qaeda  for  "backbiting, name-calling and
sneering."  .  .  . A 16-year-old girl was shot in the back at
her cousin's kindergarten graduation picnic  in  Providence,
Rhode Island,  by one of a number of uninvited guests who
showed up for free food. . . . The Chicago Sun-Times fired
all 28 of its staff photographers  and  ordered  reporters  to
get photos with their I-phones. . . . A Jacksonville, Florida,
man  was sentenced to 2-1/2 years in prison  for  repacka-
ging used enema kits  and returning them to the drug store,
which sold them to new customers. . . . Saggy pants on the
boardwalk prohibitions  were  working  their  way  through
two  towns  on  the  Jersey  Shore. . . . Justin  Bieber  paid
$250,000  for  a  Virgin  Galactic  flight  to  record music in
space. . . . Washington state police were desensitizing drug-
sniffing dogs.

      [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Snopes, MSNBC.com, AP]

Roy  Hibbert,  of the National Basketball Association's Indiana
Pacers, was fined $75,000 for mouthing the gay slur "no homo"
in a broadcast interview. . . .

Alex Rodriguez, Ryan Braun, Nelson Cruz and Melky Cabrera
and their lawyers were interviewed in  major  league  baseball's
new and latest performance-enhancing drugs investigation. . . .

Skier Lindsey Vonn,  golfer Tiger Woods' latest squeeze,  was
called from the stage at an awards ceremony to  the  restroom
for a urine test.

Connie Harbeson wrote Mon 5/27/13 @11:29 EDT re the wealthy
Russians hiring ambulances for taxis to cut through Moscow traffic:

Have you heard about the latest Disney World atrocity?
Wealthy guests are hiring the Orlando wheelchair-bound
for $1,000 a day  so that they can move to the fronts of
the lines, some of which last two hours. How do they ex-
plain it to the kids?

FGDean@aol.com wrote Mon 5/27/13 @09:12 PDT re the "a-
postrophe catastrophe":

How 'bout "Down syndrome"? ("These people be feelin' really down, man!")

Some people don't seem to understand that the names of many medical con-
ditions,  including Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases,  are named after the
physicians or medical researchers who identified or discovered them – ergo
the apostrophe.

By the practice of the Geographic Names board, you cannot leave out the "s":  It has
to be "Down's syndrome" or "Downs syndrome." But, by your suggestion, how 'bout:
"Aperger syndrome"?  "Autim"?  "Chizophrenia"?  "Manic-Deprive"?
                                                                                                                            – Editor

Chipmunk defies the Dalai Falcon's admonition to "stay out of the trees" in Mohawk, Edmnson County [photo (and chipmunk assistance into the tree) by Jadwiga]

  Senior class president Jonathan Hardwick received a  standing  ovation
  after he prayed for about a minute at commencement at Lincoln County
  High School in Stanford (six students had attempted to prohibit the pray-
  er).
                                                  [courtesy Danville Advocate-Messenger]

  The Southeast Christian Church of Louisville dropped its sponsorship of
  Boy Scout Troop  2012  after the national Boy Scout organization voted
  to allow gay scouts. . . .

  Republicans said Democrats were reaching for the bottom of the barrel in
  looking at former Miss America Heather French Henry as a possible chal-
  lenger to Senator Mitch McConnell.
                                                              [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

  A new company has received tax incentives to buy Asian carp from Ken-
  tucky fishermen to process for Indochina. . . .

  A 13-month-old boy died when he fell from the counter top at a Captain
  D's restaurant in Henderson.
                                                                        [courtesy Associated Press]

State Representative Regina Bunch, from southeastern Kentucky, was caught driving 109 miles per hour through Lexington. Bunch, who was cited for going 91 in the same mile of I-75 last August, told reporters she was just “traveling with the traffic” (Herald-Leader)

"Stop me before I kill again."
                                                     – Brit Hume, on Fox News, mocking President Obama

"We don't even need to commentate sometimes."

                                       – Rennae Stubbs, Tennis Channel commentator at the French Open

"Ever a polarizing figure, constituents in Bachman's district had equally sharp responses
 to Wednesday's announcement."
                                                                        – Conrad Wilson, Minnesota Public Radio news

The Food and Drug Administration was cracking
down on a urinalysis app for the I-Phone.

Alanis Morisette, 39
Brooke Shields, 48
Ramsey Lewis, 78
Annette and Cecile Dionne, 79
Carroll Baker, 82
Henry Kissinger, 90

Papa John Creach (1917-1994)

Three sisters whose mother had died of breast cancer were
ejected from a mall in Philadelphia,  Pennsylvania,  for refu-
sing to remove hats reading "Fuck Cancer" as they shopped
for funeral dresses. . . . Half the city council of Ypsilanti, Mi-
chigan,  abstained from voting on a resolution to ban absten-
tions. .  .  . Scientists identified the pathogen that caused the
Irish potato famine in 1845. . . .  An Englishman whose bro-
ken arm took six years to heal  broke it  again  the day after
his final treatment when he tripped over his dog.  . . . Police
seized 2,500 rolls of toilet paper at a warehouse inVenezue-
la. .  .  .  Eight persons were arrested in a brawl at a kinder-
garten graduation ceremony in Cleveland, Ohio,  that began
in a fight between two teen-age girls over  spilled  punch  (a
pipe and a hammer were among weapsons drawn). . . . The
Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chi-
cago  found that the three smells that most turn a woman off
are cherries, barbecued meat and cologne.

                    [courtesy Harper's Weekly, MSNBC.com, AP]

Heather Martinez, of Arlington, Texas, weighing 326 pounds at age 32, began watching her diet, joined a gym, lost 175 pounds, and became a 'personal trainer' at the age of 39, weighing only 151 (Dallas Morning News)

National Basketball Association players LeBron James, David West and Lance
Stephenson were fined $5,000 apiece  for  "flopping"  (falling to the floor after
slight contact with opposing players, trying to draw fouls).

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