January 27, 2019:       Things you would never know if you did
not browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

Kate: 'Meghan's so fake!' (In Touch); Ann Coulter demands right to deliver State of Union message (Borowitz report); Psych ward for Lisa Marie Presley (Star); Angelina Jolie most hated woman in Hollywood (Globe); Retired officer helps Lexington dog bite victims (LEX18)
Kate: 'Meghan's so fake!' (In Touch); Ann Coulter demands right to deliver State of Union message (Borowitz report); Psych ward for Lisa Marie Presley (Star); Angelina Jolie most hated woman in Hollywood (Globe); Retired officer helps Lexington dog bite victims (LEX18)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Publius Leget wrote Sun 1/20/19 @10:17 CST:
OK, so just what are the 37 accepted ways to spell Brittany?

We anticipated your question; so, we've been working on it.
First of all, there is only one correct spelling:
Brittany  [it's a "department"* of France].
Then, 36 generally accepted misspellings (listed
    by most efficient spelling in the left-hand col-
    umn, alphabetically in the right-hand):
  1.  Britny             Britani
  2.  Britni              Britany
  3.  Britney           Britainy
  4.  Brittni             Britnay
  5.  Brittny            Britney
  6.  Britnay           Britni
  7.  Brittney          Britnie
  8.  Brittnay          Britny
  9.  Britani            Brittainy
  10.  Britany           Brittaneigh
  11.  Britainy          Brittanni
  12.  Brittainy         Brittanny
  13.  Brittanni         Brittnay
  14.   Brittanny       Brittney
  15.  Brittaneigh     Brittni
  16.  Britnie            Brittny
Ok, that's only 17, with Brittany.  But it sure seems like 37.
                                                                                                    – Editor
* That's what's called a "province" in the "Britannic" world.

Dumb news from Indiana:
Elkhart County was building Amish buggy lanes along its roads. . . .

A school bus crashed into a tow truck, three parked cars and a church
in Indianapolis, sending four students and two adults to the hospital.

                                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]
keenaben.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Keenan Sconiers, BM, 5'8", 170 lbs, meth; Benjamin Nettrour, WM, 6'0", 160 lbs, meth; Steven Martin, BM, 5'6", 185 lbs, auto theft; Andrew Fairley, WM, 6'0", 150 lbs, legend drug (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
keenaben.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Keenan Sconiers, BM, 5'8", 170 lbs, meth; Benjamin Nettrour, WM, 6'0", 160 lbs, meth; Steven Martin, BM, 5'6", 185 lbs, auto theft; Andrew Fairley, WM, 6'0", 150 lbs, legend drug (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Dumb news from Kentucky (
see also the Sports):
A woman in Cave City was charged with 70 counts of animal cruelty
after officers found 28 dead chickens,  a  dead  cat,  19 malnourished
chickens and 22 malnourished
dogs and cats at her home. . . .

Native American activist  Nathan   Phillips  offered to visit Covington
Catholic High School for a dialogue about cultural understanding (and
the school's Friday basketball game was canceled).
                                                                                     [courtesy LEX18]
                                           
colegrov.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Carl Colegrove, WM, 36, 6'2", 175 lbs, failure to register; Juquisha Beasley, BF, 30, 5'6", 140 lbs, failure to apply; Danny Conrad, WM, 6'0", 150 lbs, failure to inspire; Lindsey Blair, WF, 31, 5'8", 130 lbs, failure to inquire; Evan Lawless, WM,  37, 6'1", 250 lbs, failure to qualify; Shileka Hill, BF, 36, 5'5", 265 lbs, Yorkshire hog of the week (pulled kicking and screamiing from the Herald-Leader)
colegrov.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Carl Colegrove, WM, 36, 6'2", 175 lbs, failure to register; Juquisha Beasley, BF, 30, 5'6", 140 lbs, failure to apply; Danny Conrad, WM, 6'0", 150 lbs, failure to inspire; Lindsey Blair, WF, 31, 5'8", 130 lbs, failure to inquire; Evan Lawless, WM,  37, 6'1", 250 lbs, failure to qualify; Shileka Hill, BF, 36, 5'5", 265 lbs, Yorkshire hog of the week (pulled kicking and screamiing from the Herald-Leader)
                  stephani.jpg Perps in Paducah (McCracken County Sheriff): Stephanie R. Stavrum, 29, probation violation; Ronnie J. Dawson, 30, bail jumping; Felicia A. Griggs, 37, bail jumping
stephani.jpg Perps in Paducah (McCracken County Sheriff): Stephanie R. Stavrum, 29, probation violation; Ronnie J. Dawson, 30, bail jumping; Felicia A. Griggs, 37, bail jumping
Quotation of the week:
                                        "I don't mind eels, except as meals."

                                                                                                       –€ Ogden Nash
Quotations repeated every week:
                                                       "That's exactly right. . . . That's exactly right."
                                                                                                                                    Shankar Vedantam

Classic quotations of the Wheat (Simon said August 28, 2016):

"You can settle for less on everything but three:
  Dope, beer, and toilet paper."

                                                         – Leonard Simon


Birthdays:
                    January 21:  Emma Lee "Baby Spice" Bunton, 43
                                         Jack Nicklaus, 79
                    January 22:  Jim Jarmusch, 66
                                         Piper Laurie, 87
                                         Ivan the Great (1444-1505)
                    January 23:  Hakeem Olajuwon, 56
                                         Chita Rivera, 86
                    January 24:  Neil Diamond, 78
                                         Ray Stevens, 80
                                         Doug Kershaw, 83
                                         Sharon Tate (1943-1969)
                    January 25:  Alicia Keys, 38
                                         Lou "The Toe" Groza (1924-2000)
                    January 26:  Wayne Gretzky, 58
                                         Ellen DeGeneres, 61
                                         Angela Davis, 75
                                         Bob Uecker, 84
                                         Huey "Piano" Smith, 85
                    January 27:  Margo Timmins, 58
Deaths:
                Masazo Nonaka, 113
                Kaye Ballard, 93
                Michel Legrand, 86
                Russell Baker, 83
                Maxine Brown, 87
                Reggie Young, 82
                Seven Charles Thomas Bridges, 10
                                                                                [Louisville Courier-Journal]
dancheek.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green
          County (Texas) Sheriff): Daniel Cheek, 32, theft; Georgia
          Molkentin, 41, nonsupport; Raquel Sanchez, 43, public drunk;
          Kerry Cumba, 54, burglary; Tevyn Thomas, 24, defective lights;
          Linda Garcia, 24, mental; Morgan Sparkman, 22, drug
          paraphernalia; Lindsey Lopez, 29, as.; Jamie Jones, 33,
          marijuana

dancheek.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County (Texas) Sheriff): Daniel Cheek, 32, theft; Georgia Molkentin, 41, nonsupport; Raquel Sanchez, 43, public drunk; Kerry Cumba, 54, burglary; Tevyn Thomas, 24, defective lights; Linda Garcia, 24, mental; Morgan Sparkman, 22, drug paraphernalia; Lindsey Lopez, 29, as.; Jamie Jones, 33, marijuana
dancheek.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County (Texas) Sheriff): Daniel Cheek, 32, theft; Georgia Molkentin, 41, nonsupport; Raquel Sanchez, 43, public drunk; Kerry Cumba, 54, burglary; Tevyn Thomas, 24, defective lights; Linda Garcia, 24, mental; Morgan Sparkman, 22, drug paraphernalia; Lindsey Lopez, 29, as.; Jamie Jones, 33, marijuana
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
A 35-year-old Japanese man  married an internet celebrity cyber holo-
gram
, Hatsun Miku – spending $18,000 on the wedding.  .  .  .  A sub-
stitute first grade teacher was banned from Cedar Hill School in Mont-
ville, New Jersey,  after debunking Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny,  the
Tooth Fairy and the Elf on a Shelf. . . . A 65-year-old man in York Ha-
ven, Pennsylvania, was enjoying
snuggles and hugs from his 5-foot e-
motional support alligator
.  . . . The
European Court of Human Rights
ordered Italy to pay Amanda Knox damages  for police' failure to pro-
vide legal assistance and an independent interpreter  during a night of
questioning after the Nov. 1, 2007, slaying of her British roommate....
A 5-year-old boy who fell asleep on his way to school was left on the
school bus for seven hours at the bus depot in Pike Creek, Delaware.
. . . Bryan Singer,  director of the film Bohemian Rhapsody,  was  re-
moved from an award nomination for  making  the  #MeToo list.. . . .
Ann Coulter called the President a wimp.
                                                                         [courtesy LEX18, AP]

habershm.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Tyrone Habersham, 53, 5'9", 225 lbs, failure to register (Abilene Crime Stoppers); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Emily Renea Landwehr, WF, a/k/a Lacey Lilith Love, 22, 5'6", 145 lbs, tattoo pitchfork under right eye, probation violation (contr. substs.); Christopher Ray Beaty, WM, 29, 6'3", 170 lbs, agggrav. assault (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
habershm.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Tyrone Habersham, 53, 5'9", 225 lbs, failure to register (Abilene Crime Stoppers); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Emily Renea Landwehr, WF, a/k/a Lacey Lilith Love, 22, 5'6", 145 lbs, tattoo pitchfork under right eye, probation violation (contr. substs.); Christopher Ray Beaty, WM, 29, 6'3", 170 lbs, agggrav. assault (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

The sports:
A 10-year-old boy won a science fair prize in Lexington,
Kentucky, with a demonstration that Tom Brady cheated
in the "Deflategate" American Football Conference 2015
championship game.

Dear Eleanor:
My wife,  Priscilla,  is objecting to my idea to have a feast of
our pet bison,  Buffalo  Bill,  who  recently  died.  She  thinks
we  should  have  a ceremonial funeral  and  burial.   But  that
would take a lot of digging,  and  a  lot  of  land,  and  a lot of
friends  who didn't really like him to begin with  to  wield  the
shovels.  What do you think?
                                                       Beefuddled in South Dakota
Dear Beefer:
                         Eat the mother-fucker.  With Country Bob's sauce.


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Knighted Edythe"
        titled "Cher Clark"
and another message from Clutterbook Facebook
        titled " See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed."


lifetoms.jpg Life Saver Dude: Look out for peeping toms .
lifetoms.jpg Life Saver Dude: Look out for peeping toms .



DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!  Readers interested
in  intellectual dissection of  important
current events  are invited to attend the
Weekly World News  Round  Table  at
the   offices   of   Borf   Books   outside
Brownsville,Kentucky, just after church
every Sunday.   Guest speakers lined up
for  meetings  in the near future  include
Tracey  Samilton.

samilton.jpg


Note  to  new  subscribers:  You are receiving this  in  two  formats:
    One in which the entire newsletter is e-mailed to you, and anoth-
    er in which only a link to the present issue is sent in an e-mail ti-
    tled  "Your Sunday paper in a plain brown wrapper."   That's  be-
    cause many internet  "service"  "providers"  spamalize  the "Tab-
    loid Headlines" e-mail on account of its title or content.   If  you
    want only one or the other,  let  us  know:  
borf@borfents.com
    If you want  neither, let us know: 
borf@borfents.com   This is
    a first-issue opportunity.  After you get a second issue,  you will
    have to unsubscribe in the painful manner set out below.


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



January 20, 2019:       Things you would never know if you did
not browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

Willaim 's had eough! Sister-in-law from Hell! 'Megan's tearing our family apart' (Life & Style); Her side o the story: Greedy? Shallow? Social climber? After vicious new  attack, Meghan Markle's tell-all about what life is really like in the palace - and the truth about princess' past (US Weekly); 25 stars as they really are! A-list of body disasters: Barry Manilow - freaky face-lifts; Tori Spelling - too many nip-tucks! Guess who? Botched boobs? " " - Cellulite horror! photos w/captions on page 1 of the Globe, with more inside including "Caitlyn Jenner" - maybe the "guess who's" are revealed inside, but it takes your eyes and recognition); Great tits are killing birds and eating their brains (Popular science)
Willaim 's had eough! Sister-in-law from Hell! 'Megan's tearing our family apart' (Life & Style); Her side o the story: Greedy? Shallow? Social climber? After vicious new  attack, Meghan Markle's tell-all about what life is really like in the palace - and the truth about princess' past (US Weekly); 25 stars as they really are! A-list of body disasters: Barry Manilow - freaky face-lifts; Tori Spelling - too many nip-tucks! Guess who? Botched boobs? " " - Cellulite horror! photos w/captions on page 1 of the Globe, with more inside including "Caitlyn Jenner" - maybe the "guess who's" are revealed inside, but it takes your eyes and recognition); Great tits are killing birds and eating their brains (Popular science)

Dumb news from Indiana:
Army engineers rescued a cat from the Roush Lake dam spillway
in Huntington County.
                                                                            [courtesy KRDV]

A photo of students giving the Nazi salute rattled Zionsville.

                                                             [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

The founder of a women's drug recovery center in  New  Albany,
sentenced to 30 years in prison for drug dealing, was released af-
ter serving only nine months of her term. . . .

Terre Haute proceeded with plans to purchase a
Lenco BearCat ar-
mored vehicle for its police over a  pastor's  protest  that  it  would
stoke fear and be counterproductive.
                                                                         [Columbus Republic]
brittnie.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Shawn Fox, BM, 34, 5'10", 210 lbs., bank robbery; Brittnie Nettrour, WM, 5'4", 140 lbs, narc, meth, not one of the 37 accepted ways to spell Brittany; Carly Tobor, BF, 5'4", 90 lbs, meth, conversion; David Winship, WM, 5'7", 180 lbs, theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
brittnie.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Shawn Fox, BM, 34, 5'10", 210 lbs., bank robbery; Brittnie Nettrour, WM, 5'4", 140 lbs, narc, meth, not one of the 37 accepted ways to spell Brittany; Carly Tobor, BF, 5'4", 90 lbs, meth, conversion; David Winship, WM, 5'7", 180 lbs, theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
               ronangel.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Ron Martin, WM, 39, exscessive police photo ID camera glare; Angela Eads, WM, 41, 5'3", 160 lbs, refused to swallow; Aaron Booker, WM, 24, 6'2", 160 lbs, swallowing; Christopher Armstrong, WM, 42, 6'0", 150 lbs, EPO/DVO violations and stalking (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leadeer)
ronangel.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Ron Martin, WM, 39, exscessive police photo ID camera glare; Angela Eads, WM, 41, 5'3", 160 lbs, refused to swallow; Aaron Booker, WM, 24, 6'2", 160 lbs, swallowing; Christopher Armstrong, WM, 42, 6'0", 150 lbs, EPO/DVO violations and stalking (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leadeer)

The Louisville Courier-Journal withheld the obituary of an 87-
year-old woman because of a line in it that read,  "
Her passing
was hastened by her continued frustration with the Trump  ad-
ministration."

A pit bull dog was napped from a Bowling Green home and held
for ransom.

                                                                      [courtesy LEX18]
Dumb news from Kentucky and Indiana:
Indianapolis  ranked  just outside the top ten of Orkin's annual list
of 50 cities most infested with bedbugs; Louisville and Lexington,
Ky., ranked 42nd  and 44th,  respectively.  Here' s  the  whole  list,
headed by Baltimore, Washington and Chicago (repeats, 1-3), Los
Angeles, and Columbus, Ohio.

Quotation of the week:
                                            "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all his impersonators
                                             would be dead."
                                                                           – Johnny Carson

Quotations of the weak
(give a dumb fuck a microphone, and he'll speak into it . . . ):

                           "We have risen the graduation rate."
                                                                                       Joseph Zeccola, high school English teach-
                                                                                          er, "Los Angeles County Teacher of the Year"


        "T
here’s no explicit ban on legislators sexually harassing employees.”
                                                                                                                            Kentucky Center for
                                                                                                                                Investigative Reporting

        "What's something on which your views have really changed, in your eight years in office?"

                                                          – Chas Sisk, WPLN, National Public Radio, Nashville, Tennessee

        "Gosh!  Nobody's asked me!  That's a really good question!  Uh – I think maybe my views have
          changed the most in just the understanding of the process that's involved in a lot of things.  And
          by that, I mean this: 
If you're coming out of business, it's always about the result.  It is.  It's how
          many of this did you make?  How many of this did you . . . .  What was your margin?  What was
          your expenses?  It's about the result.  In government, the process matters because it's not yours.
          I'm the governor, but this isn't my state.  You have a legislature that's made of up 132 people, all
          of them elected for their own reasons.  Some of them – the reason they ran, the reason they're e-
          lected, I can't identify with at all. . . . "
                                                                          – Bill Haslam, in his last week as Governor of Tennessee

Quotations of the Wheat:
"You know, these days it's 'Eat,' or 'Be eaten'."
Leonard Simon

New buzz words you need to heed:  "surveillance capitalism."
crystalk.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Crystall Kichelle Scott, WF, 33, 5' 5", 205 lbs!, tattoos neck "Librra", upper right arm roses, "Nancy,", right ankle "Crystal" in cursive and playette, probation violation (burglary, robbery); dis be da Yorkshire hog of da week if dere be one; Gerald Deanthony Finney, BM, a/k/a Kash, 28, 5'7", 125 lbs, CAUTION GANG MEMBER MAY BE ARMED, tattoos money bags on hands, left forearm "Cash," left hand "Gerald," right forearm "Deanthony," right wrist "Jesus," neck "Tamara," probation violation (poss. of opiates and firearm by a felon); Lakendra Rochelle Tellis, BF, 20, 5'7", 180 lbs, 3' scar on upper left arm; probation violation (battery, causing rude physical contact, theft); Peter James Ruane, WM, 30, 5'5", 110 lbs, opiates, depressants, MJ (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
crystalk.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Crystall Kichelle Scott, WF, 33, 5' 5", 205 lbs!, tattoos neck "Librra", upper right arm roses, "Nancy,", right ankle "Crystal" in cursive and playette, probation violation (burglary, robbery); dis be da Yorkshire hog of da week if dere be one; Gerald Deanthony Finney, BM, a/k/a Kash, 28, 5'7", 125 lbs, CAUTION GANG MEMBER MAY BE ARMED, tattoos money bags on hands, left forearm "Cash," left hand "Gerald," right forearm "Deanthony," right wrist "Jesus," neck "Tamara," probation violation (poss. of opiates and firearm by a felon); Lakendra Rochelle Tellis, BF, 20, 5'7", 180 lbs, 3' scar on upper left arm; probation violation (battery, causing rude physical contact, theft); Peter James Ruane, WM, 30, 5'5", 110 lbs, opiates, depressants, MJ (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
Birthdays:
                    January 14:  Dave Grohl, 50
                                         Mike Trump, 58
                                         Marjoe Gortner, 75
                                         Nina Totenberg, 75
                                         Jack Jones, 81
                    January 15:  Iris DeMent, 58
                                         Margaret O'Brien, 82
                                         Maria Baeza ("Charo"), 70 (she says; actually 78)
                                         Martin Luther King (really; 1929-1968)
                    January 16:  Jim Stafford, 75
                                         A. J. Foyt, 84
                                             Norman Podhoretz, 89
                    January 17:  Michelle Obama, 55
                                         Steve Earle, 64
                                         Ezekiel Montanez ("Chris Montez"), 76
                                         Betty White, 97
                                         Muhammad Ali (1942-2016)
                    January 18:  Bobby Goldsboro, 78
                    January 19:  Dolly Parton, 73
                                         Janis Joplin (1943-1970)
                    January 20:  Bill Maher, 63
                                         Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin Jr., 89
Deaths:
                Carol Channing, 97
                Shirley Boone, 84
                Ray Sawyer, 81
                Mel Stottlemyre, 77
               
David Baker a/k/a
                    District Of Self, 48  [listed under "S" in alphabetical order in Louisville Courier-Journal]
               Frances Irene Finley Williams, 87 [obituary restored by the Courier-Journal[


Dialogue in a recent card game on Pogo.com:
crazymac (male avatar):  i've got a cam
yukergod (female):  what does not mean?
crazymac:  camera
yukergod:  what does than mean?
crazymac:  want to see me naked?
yukergod:  no
[crazymac split]

shancyb.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Shanna Kauffman, WF, 33, theft of services; Christopher Capuchino, WM, 22, assault w/deadly weapon; Catherine Arreola, WF, 25, controlled substs.; Tara Bruton, WF, 24, burglary of habitation; Erica Hernandez, WF, 38, poss. contr. substs.
shancyb.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Shanna Kauffman, WF, 33, theft of services; Christopher Capuchino, WM, 22, assault w/deadly weapon; Catherine Arreola, WF, 25, controlled substs.; Tara Bruton, WF, 24, burglary of habitation; Erica Hernandez, WF, 38, poss. contr. substs.

Dear Eleanor:

            I'm a 15-year-old girl with a temper.  I'm fun to be with, and I
            love spending time with friends and family; but my anger and
            short fuse make me difficult as well.  Got any guidance?

                                                                          Testy Teen in Wisconsin
 Dear Tessie:
                        Just tone it down, Toonteen.  Suck it up sometimes.
Let
                        your little brother have the first and last words  once  in
                        a while just to see what it  feels  like.   It  might  even  a-
                        muse him.

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Shoshana Zuboff.


Borf 's weekly BONUS:

         A "McJesus" sculpture
         of  Ronald  McDonald
         outraged  Israeli Chris-
         tians  at an art museum
         in Haifa. . . .An 8-foot
         mug with eyes a-glow
         in the woods  in Davis
         County,  North Caroli-
         na,  was prompting re-
         ports of "Bigfoot." . . .
         T
he  Royal  Canadian
         Mounted  Police  and
         hereditary leaders  of
         the Wet'suwet'en First
         Nation agreed to give
         TransCanada’s Coastal
         GasLink  crews  access
         to   the  site  of the plan-
         ned natural gas pipe line
mcjesus.jpg

carofoot.jpg
          in  northern  British  Col-
          bia that would run through Wet's-uwet’en  lands,   in  exchange
          for  trapping  rights  and  the  protection  of  a Unist’ot’en Clan
          healing lodge. . . . Donald  Trump  had  national security officer
          John Bolton mixed up with  a  soft-rock star  of  the  same  sur-
          name. . . . Mike DeWine was sworn in as Ohio's 70th governor
          on nine Bibles. . . . In a 416-to-1 vote in the U.S. House of Rep-
          resentatives  condemning Iowa Congressman Steve King's won-
          dering how "white nationalist"  and "white supremacist"  became
          offensive terms, King was not the sole dissenter:  It was black Il-
          linois Congressman Bobby Rush,  who argued that King should
          have  been  "censured,"  not merely criticized  (King was among
          the 416 voting yes). . . . An  Arizona  man  attended a bachelor
          party at a ski resort in Vermont  in response to an e-mail invita-
          tion not meant for him. . . . A  man  was  accused  of  punishing
          child by placing her in a running washing machine in Wilsonville,
          Alabama.
                                                        [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

The sports:
The first woman to referee in the history of the National Foot-
ball League playoffs failed to show her ass in the first Nation-
al football Legaue playoff game to be refereed by a woman
.
sarasass.jpg sarahass.jpg

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Thibaud LOBET"
        titled "Hey there!" and another message from Clutterbook Facebook
        titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed."

lifebatt.jpg Life Saver Dude: A Christmas leftover . . .  Batteries: 'We always get each other ironic gifts, but my brother killed it this year' gifts not included
lifebatt.jpg Life Saver Dude: A Christmas leftover . . .  Batteries: 'We always get each other ironic gifts, but my brother killed it this year' gifts not included

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)

cletorius.jpg Wanted in Virginia: Cletorious Aretha Fry, probation violation
cletorius.jpg Wanted in Virginia: Cletorious Aretha Fry, probation violation

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



January 13, 2019:       Things you would never know if you did
not browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

Miley & Liam's suprise wedding (In Touch); Palace confirms, twin girls for Megan & Harry (Enquirer); Diaries found after 37 years, Natalie Wood prediicted own murder (Examinr); Caroline Kennedy marriage collapses (Examiner)
Miley & Liam's suprise wedding (In Touch); Palace confirms, twin girls for Megan & Harry (Enquirer); Diaries found after 37 years, Natalie Wood prediicted own murder (Examinr); Caroline Kennedy marriage collapses (Examiner)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Bruce Mitchell wrote Mon 1/6/19 @23:10 PST re the Burke Ramsey settlement:
Fake news headline.  Nowhere in the article at the link is a settlement of
$750 million reported.  The amount of settlement is not stated at all.

True.  The claim was $750 million, but the amount of the settlement was
not reported.  We were misled by someone's headline.    – Editor


Dumb news from Indiana:
The state was looking for ways to encourage more women and
youth
to become game hunters as it continued to issue a declin-
ing number of hunting licenses.  The wildlife preservation pro-
grams rely on the sale of hunting licenses for funding. . . .

Fifty-seven pigeons found in cardboard boxes in a dumpster at
an I-65 rest stop in White  County  were believed to have been
used in a racing game  in which they were released miles from
home to see which would return to their roosts sooner.  Five of
them were dead; two died later, and the rest are up for adoption. . . .

Five dogs rescued by the International Humane Society from Kor-
ean  dog food farms  were doing well at an animal shelter in Mun-
ster.

                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]
anthonyc.jpg Indianapolis' most wanted: Anthony Carter. WM. meth; Laura Cessna, WF, battery of a public safety ofcr.; Christine Townsend, BF, welfare fraud; Jameica Atkinson, BF, welfare fraud; Michael Carlton, BM, battery w/a deadly weapon (Crime Stoppers of Central Indiana)
anthonyc.jpg Indianapolis' most wanted: Anthony Carter. WM. meth; Laura Cessna, WF, battery of a public safety ofcr.; Christine Townsend, BF, welfare fraud; Jameica Atkinson, BF, welfare fraud; Michael Carlton, BM, battery w/a deadly weapon (Crime Stoppers of Central Indiana)

Dumb news from Kentucky
:

heathgab.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Heather Campbell, WF, 36, 5'4", 140 lbs assault; Kelyl Crouch, WM, 42, 5'4" 120 lbs, impiety in the first degree; Stephanie Gayheart, WF, 48, 5'2", 112 lbs, danger to sell and others; Sybil Hatton, WF, 32, 5'5", 115 lbs, unproductive; Gabrielle Taylor WM, 39, 5'3", 225 lbs, bully; Regina Rainwater, WF, 57, 5'3", 130 lbs, patsy; Harold Whisman, WM, 57, 5'9", 155 lbs, wimp (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
heathgab.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Heather Campbell, WF, 36, 5'4", 140 lbs assault; Kelyl Crouch, WM, 42, 5'4" 120 lbs, impiety in the first degree; Stephanie Gayheart, WF, 48, 5'2", 112 lbs, danger to sell and others; Sybil Hatton, WF, 32, 5'5", 115 lbs, unproductive; Gabrielle Taylor WM, 39, 5'3", 225 lbs, bully; Regina Rainwater, WF, 57, 5'3", 130 lbs, patsy; Harold Whisman, WM, 57, 5'9", 155 lbs, wimp (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Inscription on a T-shirt worn by a defendant to arraignment
court in Brownsville, Edmonson County, Kentucky:
                                                                                       "Thou shall not try me."
                                                                                                                                 – Moor 247
State Senator Julie Raque Adams, of Lou-
isville,  introduced  a bill  to make human
sex with animals  illegal  (it's  not  against
the law  in  West Virginia,  Hawaii,  Wyo-
ming, New Mexico, or Washington, D.C.,
either).
                      [courtesy Courier-Journal]

                 "That horse's dick was this long!"
julierraq.jpg

Quotation of the week:
                                        "
She doesn't deserve to be raped because she's very ugly.  She's not my type;
     
                                    I'd never rape her."
                                                                                 €“ – J
air Messias Bolsonaro, President of Brazil
        "We're gonna impeach the mother-fucker."

                                                                                – Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib

"Times Square tradition rings in the New Year by dropping the big ball. . . .  If ever needed,
  we are #ready to drop something much, much bigger."
                                                                                            – U.S. Strategic Command "tweet"

Classic quotations of the Wheat (Simon said February 9, 2014):
"My home, the community of Sunfish, Ky., is where women are strong,
  men are good-looking, and sheep are excited!"

Leonard Simon


Redundancies that need a nap:  "wry humor."

polastew.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Jonathan Polacheck, Jon Stewart
polastew.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Jonathan Polacheck, Jon Stewart
Birthdays:
                    January 7:  Rand Paul, 56
                                       Katie Couric, 62
                                       Geronimo Baqueiro Foster (1898-1967)
                   
January 8:  Kim Young'n', 36
                                       R. Kelly, 50
                                       Freb Cood, 80
                                       Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
                    January 9:  Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, 36
                                       Jimmy Page, 75
                    January 10: 
Shawn Colvin, 62
                                        Scott McKenzie (1939-2012)
                                        Willie McCovey (1938-2018)
                    January 11:  Mary J. Bilge, 48
                                        Diana Ellen "Naomi" Judd, 73
                    January 12:  Howard Stern, 65
                                        Kirstie Alley, 68
                                        Rush Limbaugh, 68
                    January 13:  Julia Louis-Dreyfus, 58
Deaths:
                Eleanor Roosevelt, 134
                Sarah Elizabeth Ede-Kennedy, 35  
                Delois Ann True Goosey, 71
                Destiney Ridge, 24
                Terramce "Fat Boy" Vance, 54
                                                                            [Louisville Courier-Journal]
ashlecox.jpg Locked up in San Angelot (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Ashley Cox, 29, forgery; Morning Ogden, 28, Wp knuckles; Miranda Sarzosa, 28, nonsupport; Diamond Lombrana, 32, acc.; Wendy Peterson, 41, fam. assault; Misty Hernandez, 21, forgery; Stephanie O'Keffe, 35, terror threat; rebecca Shepherd, 33, DUI; Ashley Robertson, 30, drug para.; Misty Andrade, 28, fam. ass.
ashlecox.jpg Locked up in San Angelot (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Ashley Cox, 29, forgery; Morning Ogden, 28, Wp knuckles; Miranda Sarzosa, 28, nonsupport; Diamond Lombrana, 32, acc.; Wendy Peterson, 41, fam. assault; Misty Hernandez, 21, forgery; Stephanie O'Keffe, 35, terror threat; rebecca Shepherd, 33, DUI; Ashley Robertson, 30, drug para.; Misty Andrade, 28, fam. ass.
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
The Saudi Arabian chief prosecutor said the  trial  of  11  persons
for the murder of
Jamal Khashoggi had begun, but he  refused  to
identify the defendants (except to say that Crown Prince
Moham-
med bin Salman
is not one of them).  . . . The Bubonic plague has
struck three cats in Wyoming. . . . 
WHEC-TV weather man Jere-
my Kappell lost his job in Rochester, New York, with a reference
to Martin Luther Coon King Jr. Park. . . .  A spill of chicken fing-
ers
caused a traffic jam on an Alabama highway . . . A California
man was caught on surveillance video licking  a  doorbell  button
for more than three hours. . . . #MeTwo'ers caught up with Bernie
Sanders
.
 
                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

Dear Eleanor:
I've been married to my second wife for 20  years. We dated
for two years,  and she became impatient with my reluctance
to get married. We both wanted kids, but our timetables were
different.  At 46 I married her because she got pregnant. I am
positive that she did it intentionally.

We are different. I am very clean and organized,  and I work
hard.  She is messy to the point of dirty,  stubborn,  disorgan-
ized,  lazy  and vindictive. She has tried to sabotage my rela-
tionships with our two children, now in their late teens.

In spite of her efforts  I have created a good relationship with
my son; but our daughter,  younger,  is another story.    She's
like her mother:  A spoiled brat.    I know I'm partly responsi-
ble, but I'd like to create a loving relationship before she goes
to college. I know it's late to fix this, but do you have any sug-
gestions?
                                                        Getting This Off My Chest

Dear Gettie:
                         Maybe you could impregnate her.

         
lifetrog.jpg Life Saver Dude: Trojans
lifetrog.jpg Trojans, Huggies, Luvs, compare and save; Life Saver Dude "even cheaper than an abortion"


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Dnefaf Tsile"
        titled "grow savory universal menfolk." "drezden" titled
        "RIVERS HEAL THAT SHIT ON LINE," and two more messages
        from Clutterbook Facebook saying "See Stephen Yates's message
        and other notifications you've missed."


DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include
Jair Messias Bol-
sonaro
.


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



January 6, 2019:    Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids while waiting  for your wife at the counter  in  the  supermarket –
    the week's headlines:

10 Hollywood autopsy secrets: Lucile Ball, didn't have to die; Verne Troyen: poisoned; Amy Winehouse: cover-up; Heath Ledger: suicide; Carrie Fisher: AIDS; John Ritter: unsolved; Prince: murdered; Diana Plato: suicide; Elvis: consstipation; Florence Henderson Kept haart disease ssecret for more than a decade ( (Globe); Meghan's demand to Harry, 'I want my old life back' (Stara); Remembering Michael Caine, not dead yet but it is still ntice to be thought about from time to time (Onion)
10 Hollywood autopsy secrets: Lucile Ball, didn't have to die; Verne Troyen: poisoned; Amy Winehouse: cover-up; Heath Ledger: suicide; Carrie Fisher: AIDS; John Ritter: unsolved; Prince: murdered; Diana Plato: suicide; Elvis: consstipation; Florence Henderson Kept haart disease ssecret for more than a decade ( (Globe); Meghan's demand to Harry, 'I want my old life back' (Stara); Remembering Michael Caine, not dead yet but it is still ntice to be thought about from time to time (Onion)

LETTERS to the EDITOR
Jonell Kerr wrote Sun 12/30/18 @11:47 EST:
Edgar Winter is 72?  What....????  How does this happen?
Who's Edgar Winter?    – Editor

Dumb news from Indiana:
Indianapolis' northern suburb Carmel, in Hamilton County, is said
to be the "roundabout capital" of America, with 122.

                                                             [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Gasoline stations and convenience stores were avoiding the prohi-
bition on selling cold beer by selling "chill bags" to go with warm
beer.
                                              [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A U.S. soldier who flew from Colorado to Indianapolis to  kill  his
wife (whose body was found in a trash bin) and then to Thailand is
wanted for desertion as well as for murder.
                                                                         [Columbus Republic]
mstreacy.jpg Terre Haute's most wanted: Timothy Wayne Ebbing, WM, 32, 6'1", 176 lbs, meth; Melissa C. Treacy WF, 46, 5'2", 120 lbs, DUI, drugs; Luis Daniel Aguilar, WM, 35, 5'1", 160 lbs, felony; Ftont Entrance UNKNOWN; Austin L. Melville, WM, 21, 6'0", 195 lbs, burglary, auto theft (Wabash Valley Crime Stoppers)
mstreacy.jpg Terre Haute's most wanted: Timothy Wayne Ebbing, WM, 32, 6'1", 176 lbs, meth; Melissa C. Treacy WF, 46, 5'2", 120 lbs, DUI, drugs; Luis Daniel Aguilar, WM, 35, 5'1", 160 lbs, felony; Ftont Entrance UNKNOWN; Austin L. Melville, WM, 21, 6'0", 195 lbs, burglary, auto theft (Wabash Valley Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
A Louisville high school teacher threw
a New Year's Eve party  at her home in
Mount Washington attended by at least
14 juveniles,   with marijuana and alco-
hol.
                                  
[courtesy WDRB]
 
linlewis.j;pg
Officials found a retirement home for the I-65 highway
goat  Houdini,  who was injured last October. . . .

A 188-lb. woman caught an 88-lb. catfish on Kentucky
Lake.
                                                           [courtesy LEX18]
claudato.jpg Louisville'a most wanted: Autumn Renée Sanders (Williamson), WF, 36, 5'4", 127 lbs, theft, heroin; Britney Lynn Crone, WF, 30, 5'7", 120 lbs, probation violation (heroin); Connie M. Keenan, WF, 49, 5'5", 125 lbs, heroin; April Dawn Miller, WF, 36, 5'11", 130 lbs, marijuana; Cody Christin Laudato, 32, 5'5", 120 lbs, criminal mischief (Louisille Metropolitan Police Department)
claudato.jpg Louisville'a most wanted: Autumn Renée Sanders (Williamson), WF, 36, 5'4", 127 lbs, theft, heroin; Britney Lynn Crone, WF, 30, 5'7", 120 lbs, probation violation (heroin); Connie M. Keenan, WF, 49, 5'5", 125 lbs, heroin; April Dawn Miller, WF, 36, 5'11", 130 lbs, marijuana; Cody Christin Laudato, 32, 5'5", 120 lbs, criminal mischief (Louisille Metropolitan Police Department)

jbtravis.jpg Celebrity lookalkies: Judge J. B. Hines, Edmonson County, Ky.; Randy Travis
jbtravis.jpg Celebrity lookalkies: Judge J. B. Hines, Edmonson County, Ky.; Randy Travis
Quotation of the week:

    "The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.  I mean, life is tough.  It takes up a lot of your
      time.  What do you get at the end of it?   A  death!  What's that, a bonus?  I think the life cycle is
      all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home.  You
      get kicked out when  you're too young;  you get a gold watch;  you go to work.  You work for 40
      years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.  You do drugs and alcohol;  you party;
      you get ready for high school.  You go to grade school;  you become a kid;  you play;  you have
      no responsibilities;  you become a little baby;  you go back into the womb;  you spend your last
      nine months floating – and you finish off as an orgasm."
                                                                                                                        – the late George Carlin

Classic Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said July 10, 2016):
"Just as important as having friends in high places is having high
  friends in places."
                                                                       – Leonard Simon


monicabe.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Monica Renée Bazile, BF, 26, 5'10", 230 lbs, fraud w/intent to obtain controlled substance, Yorkshire hog of the week; Dustin Wachs, WM, 28, 6'0", 140 lbs, poss. of cont. subst.; Amber Dawn Bowlles, WF, 30, 5'3", 120 lbs, controlled substance; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wich. Falls, Tex.): Michael Garcia, WM, 41, 6'0", 175 lbs, probation viol. (aggr. assault); Karissa Horn, WF, 37, 5'6", 160 lbs, possession of narcotics and firearm by a felon (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
monicabe.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Monica Renée Bazile, BF, 26, 5'10", 230 lbs, fraud w/intent to obtain controlled substance, Yorkshire hog of the week; Dustin Wachs, WM, 28, 6'0", 140 lbs, poss. of cont. subst.; Amber Dawn Bowlles, WF, 30, 5'3", 120 lbs, controlled substance; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wich. Falls, Tex.): Michael Garcia, WM, 41, 6'0", 175 lbs, probation viol. (aggr. assault); Karissa Horn, WF, 37, 5'6", 160 lbs, possession of narcotics and firearm by a felon (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
Birthdays:
                    December 31:  Donald Trump Jr., 41
                                             Ben Kingsley, 75
                                             Anthony Hopkins, 81
                                             Donna Summer (1948-2012)
                                             John Denver (1943-1997)
                    January 1:  Country Joe McDonald, 77
                                       Sigismund the Old (1467-1548)l
                    January 2:  Norodom Ranariddh, 75
                                       Jim Bakker, 79
                                       Roger Miller (1936-1992)
                    January 3:  Eli Manning, 38
                                       Stephen Sills, 72
                                       Sylvia Likens (1949-1965)
                    January 4:  Patty Loveless, 62
                                       Andy Borowitz, 61
                                       Doris Kearns Goodwin, 76
                                     
 Mahavishnu John McLaughlin, "rock guitarist," 77
                                     
 Dyan Cannon, 82
                                       Grace Bumbry, 82
                                       Don Shula, 89
                                       Susannah McCorkle (1946-2001)
                    January 5:  Diane Keaton, 72
                                       Charlie Rose, 77
                    January 6:  Nancy Lopez, 62

                                       Syd Barrett (1946-2006)
                                       Sandy Denny (1947-1978)
                                       Joan of Arc (1412-1431)
Deaths:

                Daryl Dragon ("the Captain"), 76
                Candies Hughley Coatley, 90
                Drenda Dean Elza, 52
                                                                    [Louisville Courier-Journal]
rhyhemet.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Rhyheme Talton, BM, 25, 11 charges (i.e., the book); Jesica (sic) Robison, BF (sic), 28 theft; Ashley Castillo, WF, 30, family assault; Evagene Shields, WF, 32, forgery; Seleste Robles, WF, 18, poss.; Lisa Lopez, WF, 34, the book; Tiffany Wilson, BF, 37, the book; Sabrina Garcia, WF, 34, posssession of controlled substance
rhyhemet.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Rhyheme Talton, BM, 25, 11 charges (i.e., the book); Jesica (sic) Robison, BF (sic), 28 theft; Ashley Castillo, WF, 30, family assault; Evagene Shields, WF, 32, forgery; Seleste Robles, WF, 18, poss.; Lisa Lopez, WF, 34, the book; Tiffany Wilson, BF, 37, the book; Sabrina Garcia, WF, 34, posssession of controlled substance
Borf 's weekly bonus:
A lion escaped a wildlife conservatory in Burlington, North
Carolina,  and  killed  a 22-year-old woman  working  there
who had just graduated with a degree in  animal  husbandry.
. . . A father booked six consecutive flights to spend Christ-
mas with his daughter,  who is a stewardess  for  Delta  Air
Lines. . . . Thailand legalized medical marijuana. . . . A "cy-
ber attack
" delayed distribution of the Chicago Tribune, the
Los Angeles Times  and  the  Baltimore Sun.  .  .  .  Charles
Manson minion  Robert  Beausoleil  was recommended for
parole. . . . An 8th-grade teacher in Mexia,  Texas,  was  ar-
rested for trying to sell her under-age daughter  to  men  in
Morocco for sex. . . . The new Vietnamese PHO restaurant
in Keene,  New Hampshire,  removed its sign after the city
manager found it offensive. . . . CBS agreed to a $750 mil-
lion settlement of the defamation suit filed by Burke Ram-
sey
,  JonBenet's  brother  (who was 9 years old  when  she
was murdered at the age of 6). .  .  .  A  6-year-old  girl  in
suburban Flint,  Michigan, posted photos of her dead fath-
er  and unconscious stepmother,  both OD'd on drugs,  on
line
, where they were seen by relatives in Tennessee, who
called police to the rescue.

                                            [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
The sports – tennis hottie:
                                                    kuzmovav.jpg
                                                                    Viktória Kužmová. Slovakia
Dear Eleanor:
                            I’m a morning person, and my newly retired husband
                            is the opposite.  At night in our bedroom he reads his
                            I-pad for hours while I try to sleep.   I'm in bed by 11,
                            but he stays up till 2.  If I wake, he’ll be on the couch
                            in the bedroom with a glow of light from the iPad.  It
                            bothers me that he's in the  same  room  staying up to
                            read.

                            We've been married 45 years and usually went to bed
                            at the same time because  of  work;  but now that he’s
                            retired,  he says he likes reading,  watching movies or
                            watching videos on YouTube. I think he ought to read
                            in another room (better for his eyes) and not the room
                            I'm sleeping in. But he doesn’t want to sit in the living
                            room.  What's your advice?
                                                                                    Disordered Sleep
Dear Dimwit:
                            Separate bedrooms.

DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!    Readers  interested  in
intellectual  dissection  of  important  cur-
rent events are invited to attend the Week-
ly World News Round Table at the offices
of Borf Books  outside Brownsville, Ken-
tucky,    just  after  church  every  Sunday.
Guest  speakers  lined up for meetings  in
the  near 
future  include 
Suspenderman.

suprman2.jpg

suprlogo.jpg


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from
"zuther.dominik@akut-hosting.de"
        titled "Become hard,be powerful,be a true man!" and another message from
        Clutterbook Facebook titled "See Stephen Yates's message and
other notifications
        you've missed."


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:


  Remember,  if you don't want to receive any more of this  inane  crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

  But  remember  also,  you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above, 
without quotation marks,  and  without
that  redundant 
"Re:"  that appears in so many subject lines  or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)
lifelest.jpg Moe Lester, Life Saver Dude:: Women & children, just stay away from him!
lifelest.jpg Moe Lester, Life Saver Dude:: Women & children, just stay away from him!

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books borf@borfents.com               Ideas for a Better America
Box 413
                                                  The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210
            War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  
270-597-2187         Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor