:

The Columbus Animal Services Center was inviting the pub-
lic to Bring Christmas to the Animals with adoptions  and o-
ther services.
                                                 [courtesy Columbus Republic]

whisenan.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Michael Whisenant, BM, 5'10", 170 lbs, parole violation (syringe, meth, firearm); Randell Orrell, WM, 5'10", 265 lbs, parole violation (theft, meth, inducing crime); Jason Bryant, WM, 5'5", 165 lbs, parole violation (syringe, meth, escape)

Parking meter rates in Lexington are rising to 75 cents an hour
in 50-cent regions, to $1.50 in dollar regions,  and to $2 in $1.-
50 regions.
                                                                         [courtesy LEX18]

d'edward.jpg Michael d'Edwards Clay, BM, 29, 5'6", 150 lbs, robbery kidnapping (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Crossword  puzzle clue of the week:
                                                               19A "Go along with harsh criti-
                                                                          cism of an Athenian"
     Answer:  AGREETODISAGREEK                                                   [L.A. Times, 12/18/22]


Quotation of the week:
                                          "I wasn't just being thrown to the wolves; I was being fed
                                            to the wolves."
                                                                          – Meghan Markle

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Women who talk with their hands are lousy in bed.  But I guess you   knew that."                           – Leonard Simon

Birthdays:

eternity.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma): Eternity Hull, BM, 20, 5'7", 140 lbs, theft; Daniella Deidra Canava, HF, 38, 5'10",  120 lbs, substance in jail;
Mykel Laurence Foster, WM, 27, 5' 10", 220 lbs, burglary; Leigh Beth Dilday, WF, 58, 5'5", 170 lbs, gun theft; Xavion Trendale Smith, BM, 25, 5'9", 150 lbs.,gun theft

No Britons were arrested at this year's soccer World Cup for the first
time in history. .  .  .  The mayor of Istanbul was sentenced to 2 years
and 7 months for calling Turkish election officials  "fools"  after they
demanded a repeat of of the election he proceeded to win by a larger
majority than his original. . . . Police broke into an art gallery in Lon-
don,  England,  to rescue an unconcious woman who turned out to be
a mannequin. . . . A public library in Boulder,  Colorado,  was closed
for having a "higher than acceptable" level  of  methamphetamine  in
its air ducts. . . . The temperature in Dillon. Montana, dropped 26 de-
grees in 3 minutes Wednesday.
                                                            [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

decimast.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Tesas) (by Sedgwick County Sher.): Eric Currie, BM, 36, 5'9", 160 lbs, probation violation (criminal use of weapons); Decima Straub, WF, 40, 5'6", 170 lbs (Yorkshire hog), prob. viol. (narcs.); Juan Batista, WM, 25, 5'11", 180 lbs, prob. viol. (aggr. assault)

 

lifejuan.jpg Taco emergencycall 9 Juan Juan; Life Saver Dude: Juan and done, no?

(and again, for the fourth week in a row, no new
    tabloid newspapers at our supermarket):

The Kentucky School for the Deaf basketball team  at  Danville
snapped a 43-game losing streak dating back to February, 2018,
with a 43-20 victory over the Pennsylvania School for the Deaf.

                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

wiggiwa.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Keves A. Brown, BM, 38, 5'8", 145 lbs, tattoo on left arm, probation violation; Joe Lee Hardyway Jr., BF [sic}, 5'6", 150 lbs, prob. viol.(bodily harm); Javin Devon Dean, BM, 26, 6'3", 350 lbs, great bodily harm & other viols.; Johnny D. Sauls Jr., BM, 19, 6'3", 165 lbs, chest tattoo, probation violation; Alberto J. Gonalzez-Salas [sic], a/k/a Jaime, 44, 5'8", 139 lbs, ag. batt.

marcusro.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Marcuse Romero Ybarra, HM, 5'5", 165 lbs, probation viol. (cntrld. substs.); Heather Nicole Hall, WF, 5'2", 285 lbs, (Yk. hog),
bond forf., endangering child; Aaron Mark Johnston, WM, 32, 5'4", 140 lbs, prob. viol. (credit inss.); Precious Nicole Tillery, BF, 24, 5'6", 100 lbs, p.v. (assault); Avery Saul Bowman,BM, 38, 6'1", 180 lbs, ag. assault

A bomb threat evacuated a Patti LaBelle Christmas concert  in  Milwau-
kee, Wisconsin. . . . The new prophet of the Fundamentalist Church of
Later-Day Saints was arrested for bribing his 13-year-old daughter with
Doritos and $50 to marry him. . . . A man was denied bail after mooning
a judge in Dearborn, Michigan. .  .  . The  Supreme  Court  was deciding
whether a black mall Santa Claus had to have his photo taken with a kid
drressed in a Ku Klux Klan robe. .  . .  A man who posted  "How   about
me?"  on the Rockdale County, Georgia, Sheriff's Clutterbook Facebook
list of most wanted criminals was arrested on two outstanding warrants.
.  .  . Workers at a British homeless agency went on strike claiming their
low wages left them on the verge of homelessness. .  .  . At least 14 pers-
ons drowned in a flooding river at a baptism in South Africa. . . . A man
was stung to death in South Africa talking to a swarm of bees he thought
were  his ancestors.
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

wiggiwa.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Keves A. Brown, BM, 38, 5'8", 145 lbs, tattoo on left arm, probation violation; Joe Lee Hardyway Jr. BF [sic}, 5'6", 150 lbs, prob. viol.(bodily harm);
Javin Devon Dean, BM, 26, 6'3", 350 lbs, great bodily harm & other viols.; Johnny D. Sauls Jr., BM, 19, 6'3", 165 lbs, chest tattoo, probation violation; Alberto J. Gonalzez-Salas [sic], a/k/a Jaime, 44, 5'8", 139 lbs, ag. batt.

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection  of  impor- tant current events are invited to attend the WeeklyWorld News Round Table at the offices  of  Borf  Books outside Brownsville, Kentucky,  af- ter  church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers  lined up for meetings in the near future include Leonard Simon.

Approximately 100 Purdue University students assembled in
West Lafayette to protest the appearance of former U.S. Pres-
dent  George  W.  Bush  at  Purdue  President  Mitch Daniels'
final lecture.
                                   [courtesy Lafayette Journal & Courier]

winstinr.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Winstin [sic] Cartwright, WM, 5'10", 140 lbs, battery; Martel Williams,

BM, 6', 175 lbs, strangulation; Timothy Anderson, BM, 5'11", 145 lbs, arson; Sharon Jamison, BF, 6'4", 160 lbs (Yorkshire giant), armed robbery)

A Western Kentucky tornado victim became a chainsaw artist and
is making art out of the debris.
                                                                             [courtesy LEX18]

icockjac.jpg Lexington's most wanted (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers): Kristopher Garr, BM, 27, 5'8", 150 lbs, wanton endangerment;
Tyler (a/k/a Jacob) Icock, WM, 24, 5'7", 150 lbs, coke, fentanyl; Raymon Carter, BM, 33, 5'11", 170 lbs, upside down eaars, domestic assault

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Excuse me, Ms. Sanders, but those boots make it appear to me that   you want to ride me cowgirl style."                                                                                            – Leonard Simon

kyokokok.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita,Kansas: Billy Moten Payne,, 74, 5'8", 128 lbs, aggrav robbery; Charles Aaron Brown, BM, 31, 6'3", 290 lbs, indecent w/whild;
Stephanie Michelle Hubert, WF, 48, 5', 155 lbs (Yorkshire hog), theft; Auturo Martinez, HM, 24, 5' 11", 254 lbs, probation violation (c.s.); Marion Brown, BM, 32, 6', 160 lbs, forgery

Oxford Dictionaries selected "goblin mode" as their "word of the year." . . .
Volodymyr Zelenksy was named Time Magazine's "person of the year." . . .
Leonard Simon was named Tabloid Headlines' "philosopher of the year." . . .
Sarah Huckabee Sanders was named "dumb cunt of the year." . . .   Herschel
Walker was named dumber cunt of the year.  . . . The e-game Wordle was ra-
ted most-searched word of the year by Google. . . .  An iguana climbed atop
a transformer in Lake Worth Beach, Florida, and caused  a 35-minute power
outage to 1,431 electricity customers.
                                                                       [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

sellestu.jpg Wanted in Wicita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas): (Sedgwick County Sheriff), Clinton Taylor Selle, WM, 32, 6'2", 200 lbs, felon w/gun; Marion Stuard Moralles-Pellecer, HM, 5'6", 175 lbs, tattoos,
probation violation (opiates); Joseph Jamil Godbee, BM, 27, 6', 145 lbs, aggravated assault; Austin Greenhoff, WM, 5'10", 190 lbs, probation viol. (burglary); Isaiah Marquee Jones, BM, 5'9", 160 lbs, probation vi. (dom. battery)

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection  of  impor- tant current events are invited to at- tend the WeeklyWorld News Round Table at the offices  of  Borf  Books outside Brownsville, Kentucky,  af- ter  church  every  Sunday.    Guest speakers  lined  up  for meetings in the near future include Sarah Huck- abee Sanders.

 

lifemcmc.jpg Mickey Mouse Club Life Saver Dude: Uh er I think I'll have the Hardee's small burger after all

:

Bill Skaggs wrote Sat 11/26/22 @16:06 EST re scheduled
appearances at the Weekly World News Round Table:

How can you have an intelligent conversation with
Mike Pence and Rand Paul?

Our primary source of tabloid headlines is  the  Kroger  super-
market on the U.S. 31-W Bypass in Bowling Green, Ky.;  but
for the last two weeks there have been no  new  issues  of tab-
loid newspapers there.   This  explains  our recent reliance on
the Borowitz Report and the Onion, both on line – and on on-
line presentations of  the  National  Enquirer  and  the  Globe.
Please energize your local grocery stores.

Purdue University (5, at 5-0)  and Indiana (10, at 6-0) vaulted
into  the Associated Press'  top-ten-ranked  college  basketball
teams.
                                                       [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

The state's attorney general asked the state's Medical Licensing
Board to discipline the doctor who performed an abortion on a
10-year-old Ohio rape victim.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

   
        The Swingles will perform at Hatfield Hall, Rose-Hul-
        man Institute,  Terre  Haute,  at  7:30 p.m.  Wednesday.
        Jazz, classical, folk, pop and more.  Adults, $35; under
        18 and faculty, $30.
                                        [courtesy Terre Haute Tribune-Star]

Bowling Green canceled its annual Christmas parade  amid
threats of violence in a protest of the murder of Emmet Till,
whose accuser recently moved there from Missisippi . . . .

Farmers are growing "bourbon shrooms" from  distillery by-
products.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

penisenv.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Edward Geronimo Gonzalez-Perez, 18, Bardstown, penis envy; Anthony John Linton, 49 Bardstown, forgery, assault;
shely Danielle Morley, 35, Bardstown, public drunk; Shawn David Thomas, 44, New Haven, flagrant nonsupport; Jason Tyler Adcock, 30, Bardstown, criminal trespass 2°

 Kelly Ozbourne (Ozzy's daughter, left) and a friend.

The World Health Organization recommended renaming monkeypox
mpox. . . . A bank robber in Southfield, Michigan, hired Uber for his
getaway. . . . A female judge in Columbia was suspended for conduc-
ting a virtual hearing clad only in underwear and smoking. .  .  . Kim
Kardasian and Ye  reached a divorce settlement  including  a  curious
$200,000-a-year child support clause. .  .  . Benjamin Netanyahu call-
ed Donal Trump's meeting with Kanye West "a mistake."

                                                           [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

   

lonzlalo.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Anthony Deonte Thurman, BM, 30, 5'8", 230 lbs, aggravated battery; Amanda Louise Mills, WF, 31, 5'11",200 lbs, endangering achild; Alonzo Lalo Vader, HM, 23, 5'6", 110 lbs, burglary

angelort.jpg Locked up in San Angelow (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Louis Castro, 33, riding bicycle on wrong side of road, defective headlights; Emery Martin, 27, burglary;
Angelika Gonzales, 27, paraphernalia; Dominique Kennon, 22, assault; Richard Little, 27, ctrl. sub.; rrest of 'em bailed out or escaped before wecould ID them]

lifewing.jpg Got any ideas for a band name? Life Saver Dude: The Swingles?