November 26, 2023:   Things you would never know if you did not browse the
   
tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket – this
    week's headlines
:



 
hed2314.jpg Secret Service bodyguard breaks silence, My secret life with Jackie Kennedy, her public courage and private heartbreak (Examiner); Celebs find skeletons in family closets, Rihanna, Woody
Harrelson, Jack Nicholson, Kerry Washington, Hidden siblings, lying parents (Examiner); Meghan's new $20 million reality TV deal, Royals' nightmare, Harry helpless, inside big payday (Globe); Wynonna &
Reba TV catfight, Hollywood's bravest stars revealed, Harrison Ford death-defying rescue, Dolly Parton put life on line, Shannen Doherty against all odds, untold stories of grit & guts, more stories inside (Enquirer)

Dumb news from Indiana:

South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Antonio Ware, BM, 5'7", 175 lbs, domestic battery; Katelyn Trombay, WF, 5'5", 145 lbs,
coke; Tyrezz Washington, BM, 5'6", 176 lbs, felon with handgun; Quyen Hunyh, AF, 5'2", 120 lbs, burglary; Dequan Jackson, BM, 6', 170 lbs, Meth
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Two  Kentucky  colleges  were listed among the worst in the
nation.
                                                   [courtesy BrainSharper.com]

Thanksgiving   recipes  offered by Head Start and kindergart-
en pupils in Edmon
son County:
"First, go hunt for the turkey and kill it.   Then you bring it in
  the  house and put some butter on it, and put some barbeque
  on it and – done!  Cook the turkey in the oven.   The oven is
  about 30 degrees.  Cook it for 6 minutes.  Serves 80."

                                                                       – Benny Garner

"First, you have to go get the turkey. You shoot it and then you
  bring it home to cook it.   You get it ready by cutting its feath-
  ers off  and  then  cleaning  it.  Cook the turkey in the oven at
  20 degrees for about 3 hours.  Serves 8."
                                                                       – Connally Esters

"Where do you get a turkey?   At Mom & Daddy's house.  Be-
  fore you cook it we have to play, watch TV, take a nap. Take
  feathers off.   We cook the turkey at 2 degrees for 2 hours in
  the microwave.  When the turkey is done?  Eat with Mommy
  and Daddy and GIGI. I will sit at the table and eat the turkey
  with?
  Mommy and Daddy and GIGI."
                                                                          –Weston Cruise

"Where do you get a turkey?  Wal-Mart. Before you cook it, we
  have to . . . 
Nothing.   We cook the turkey at 11 degrees for 2
  minutes in the oven.   When the turkey is done?   Nothing.   I
  will sit at the table and eat the turkey with?
     Mommy,  Dad-
  dy,  Raelee,  Kinsley."
                                                                            – Rylee Cowles

"Where do you get a turkey?  Kroger.  Before you cook it, we
  have to . . . 
Wash it,  mash potatoes.  We cook the turkey at
  72 degrees for 60 hours in the oven.  When   the   turkey   is
  done?
   Put gravy on it,  apple sauce and milk.    I will sit at
  the table and eat the turkey with?
  Mommy, Dad & Baby."

                                                               – Keaghan Thornton
. . . and 159 others.
                                 [courtesy Edmonson News (
"the Gimlet")]


zacharyt.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Zachary Troy Peyton, 26, Bardstown, DUI, moto vehcle assault; Peggy Sue Brumfeld, 65, New Haven, failure to
appear; Denzel Amante Lydian, 37, Bardstown, shoplifting; Megan Danielle Stein, 32, Bardstown, controlled substances; Nathaniel Francis Mosgrove, 28, Springfield, public drunk
Quotation of the week:
                                        See dumb news from Kentucky, above.

Birthdays:
                  November 20:  Judy Woodruff, 77
                                           Joe Biden, 81
                                           Dick Smothers, 84
                                           Duane Allman (1946-1971)
                                           Bobby Kennedy (1925-1968)
                   November 21:  Björk Guðmundsdóttir, 58
                                            Goldie Hawn, 78

                                            Earl "The Pearl" Monroe, 79
                                            Marlo Thomas, 86
                    November 22:  
Scarlett Johansson, 39
                                            
Jamie Lee Curtis, 65
                                             Billie Jean King, 80
                                             Jesse Colin Young, 82
                                             Jacob Cohen ("Rodney Dangerfield," 1921-2004)
                     November 23:  Miley Cyrus, 31
                                              Nicolás Maduro, 61
                                              Robin Roberts, 63 (this one, not that one)
                                              Bruce Vilanch, 75
                                              Luis Tiant, 83
                                              Lew Hoad (1934-1994)
                                              Alfonso the Wise (1221-1284)
                                              Otto the Great (912-973)
                      November 24:  Pete Best, 82
                                               Oscar Robertson, 85
                                               Todd Beamer (1968-2001)
                       November 25:  Barbara and Jenna Bush, 42
                                                Amy Grant, 63
                                                Kathryn Grant Crosby, 90
                       November 26:  Tina Turner (1919-2023)
                                                Charles M. Schulz (1922-2000)

Tabloid deadlines:
                                Rosalynn Carter, 96


jasenlee.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Roger Stewart Whitlock, WM, 35, probation
violation (domestic battery); Nicole Mechelle Tisdale, BF, 47, attempted aggravated robbery; Jasen Lee Perez, HM, 42, probation viol. (battery)

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Scrabble debated "brutaneer," "gratineed" and "horsefeatherses." . . . The
Navy requested an increase from three to five in the number of whales it
can  strike. .  .  .
The director of the Gaza Government Media office said
that of more than 30,000 injured people,  75  per  cent  were women and
children and that Israeli forces had killed at least 200 doctors, nurses and
paramedics, at least 51 journalists and media representatives, and at least
22 rescue workers.
.  .  . A French senator was accused of drugging a fel-
low lawmaker's drink
with the intent to sexually assault her. . . .
The man
who attacked Nancy Pelosi’s husband with a hammer said he had planned
to interrogate the former speaker of the House while wearing an inflatable
unicorn costume. . . . Daryl Hall sued John Oates.


                                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]


alejandr.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Drayton Joseph Sanders, WM, 37, 6', 215 lbs, ag family assault; Teishma Nicole Monroe, BF, 43, 5'4", 230
lbs (Yorkshire hog), joy riding; Marquis Ramon Dennis, BM, 28, 6', 124 lbs, evading arrest; April Dawn O'Neal, WF, 41, 5'5", 145 lbs, theft; Alejandro Sanchez, HM, 36, 5'4", 180 lbs, contr subst

Dear Eleanor:
                            I am the youngest of three sisters and have always
                            had a rough relationship with my mom and sisters.
                           
I don’t fit in.  They are all about drama.

                            Recently I received a call from my dad, asking me
                            to visit.

                            I was so stressed out the night before that  I  didn't
                            sleep.   That morning I almost threw up from such
                            anxiety.  I never know what I'll say that'll set them
                            off. 
I can’t ask them questions.  Anything I do say
                            gets used against me.

                            I have tried to give them a taste of their own medi-
                            cine, but that only seems to increase the bullying.


                            I want them in my life because they are my parents
                            and sisters,    but I don't want to walk on egg shells
                            around them.

                            We have gone two years without talking before, and
                            recently we went over a year with no contact.
Times
                            I didn’t have them in my life were amazing.   My re-
                            lationship with my husband flourished.  I   was   not
                            stressed. My daughters did well because I was happy
                            enough to make sure they thrived. 
I don’t know how
                            to go about explaining this to them  in  a manner that
                            doesn’t set them off, but I just don’t want them in my
                            life.

                            Do I need to explain why,   or do I just flat-out go no
                            contact?

                            What  do  I  tell  my  dad?   Do I block him too, even
                            though he's innocent?      But he's never defended me.

                            It’s always them against me.   And Dad just stays out
                            of it.
                                                                               
Confused by Family
Dear Confusée:
                              Dump 'em all.  Dad included.  I never liked women
                              much, and my dad was an asshole.



goschjes.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Andrew Coffee, 41, no license; Jessica Gosch, 21, mj; Mortain Rodriguez, 36, crim. trespass;
Devon Manzanares, 22, marijuana; Malchiah Placede, 36, family violence; Jacob Cooper, 35, pub. drunk; Alejandra Hernandez, 37, DUI; Cleophus Williams, 66, crim. tresp.

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books 
outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky, just after  church  services  at  the 
Boiling  Spring
Church
of Christ every Sunday.  Guest  speakers  lined up for meet-
ings in the near future include Jimmy Carter.


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

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cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



November 19, 2023:    Things you would never know if you did not browse the
   
tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket – this
    week's headlines
:


hed23113.jpg New Supreme Court ethics rules, Clarence Thomas collapses after 1st day of regulating self (Borowitz); Matthew Perry: Inside his final days (US Weekly); The Ultimate Guide to Taylor Swift: Fierce, fearless, fantastic (one-issue special)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Anthony Dean wrote Sun 11/12/23 @11:51 CDT:
Happy to see this edition on my driveway today.  Hope its
arrival means your circulation department has been restor-
ed to full operation.

.J. Ewing wrote Sun @07:38 CDT re last week's headline about
the King and Queen of England:
I have referred to upChuck and Horseface as "Frail and Frumpy"
way before they were elevated to K&Q Consort.

Dumb news from Indiana
:
Mayor re-elected; Republicans retain control of Kokomo
.
                                                [courtesy Kokomo Tribune]


sheppard.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Jeffrey Sheppart, BM, 6'1", 250 lbs, domestic battery (strangulation) (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Democrat Andy Beshear was re-elected Governor, but Re-
publicans
won all down-ballot offices.

                                 [courtesy Bowling Green Daily News]


pursiful.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Adam Pursifull, WM, 39, 6', 225 lbs, parole violation (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotation of the week:
                                       "I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude
                                         would come into my house after dark."
                                                                                                            – Dick Gregory


Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

"Dyslexics of the world, untie!"
                                                          – Leonard Simon

Birthdays:
                 November 13:  Caryn Elaine Johnson ("Whoopi Goldberg"), 68
                                          Merrick Garland, 71
                                          Steve Bilko (1928-1978)

                 November 14:  Condoleezza Rice, 69
                                          now "King"
 Charles "III," 75
                                          P. J. O'Rourke (1947-2022)
                 November 15:  Lofa Tatupu, 41
                                         Anni-Frid Lyngstad, 78
                                        
Petula Clark, 91
                                         Ed Asner (1929-2021)
                November 16:  Oksana Baiul, 46
                                         
Diana Krall, 59
                                         
Chi Coltrane, 75
                                         Garrett "Garnet" Mimms, 90
                November 17:  RuPaul, 63
                                         Danny DeVito, 79
                                         Jim Boeheim, 79
                                         
Lorne Michaels, 79
                                         Martin Scorsese, 81
                                         Gordon Lightfoot (1938-2023)
                                         Rock Hudson (1925-1985)
                 November 18:  Megyn Kelly, 53
                                         Margaret Atwood, 84
                                         Alan Shepard (1923-1998)
                November 19:  Jodie Foster, 61
                                         Calvin Klein, 81
                                         
Ted Turner, 85
                                         Dick Cavett, 87
                                         Larry King (1933-2021)

Tabloid deadlines:
                                Maryanne Trump Barry, 86


essickky Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Witchita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): James Kyle Essick Dahl, WM, 34, 6'3", 180 lbs, probation violation
(opiates); Justin Myles Hecox, WM, 35, 6'0", 200 lbs, probation violation (opiates); Michael Ryan McCullough, WM, 46, 5'10", 140 lbs probation violation
(opiates); Richard Allen, WM, 44, 5'10", 160 lbs, parole vi. (damange); Colton Andrew Brown, WM, 26, 5'10", 175 lbs, probation violation (opiates)
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                            
28D  Retirement home staff
                              Answer:  CANE                                                      [New Yorker l1/13/23]


Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Marijuana and abortion were voted in in Ohio. . . . Tisdale, Sakatchewan,
was debating whether to abandon the slogan "Land of Rape and Honey."
.  .  .  Two South Carolina day care workers were charged with running a
child fight ring. . . .  A man in South Korea was crushed to death by a ro-
bot mistaking him for a box of vegetables.  . . . Kim Kardashian was fea-
tured as Gentleman Quarterly's man of the year.  .  .  . A hiker missing in
Colorado was found dead with his dog still alive by his side. . . . An Ala-
bama woman with a double uterus was found pregnant in both.  .  .  .   A
Scotswoman who  hitched  a  ride  in a 50-mile marathon in England not
only was disqualified from the race but also was banned from marathons
for a year.
                                                                  [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]


shimanod.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Winston Reynolds Jan, WM, 28, 6', 160 lbs, car theft; Lindsey Mae Collins, WF, 36, 5'2", 120 lbs, hindering apprehen.;
Shimano Dennis, BF, 27, 5'1", 227 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation violation (c.s.); Felicia Lynn Medina, HF, 28, 5'6", 130 lbs, fabricating evidence; Eli Ramos Jr., HM, 61, 5'8", 185 lbs, controlled substs.

Dear Eleanor:
                           My father passed away several years ago, leaving his
                           house to my sister and me.   .Since she wanted to live
                           in the house we agreed that she would eventually buy
                           out my half (she couldn’t afford to do this at the time).

                           Now, eight years later, and she's still living there.  If I
                           bring up the subject,  I  get  a "deer in the headlights"
                           look and feel she will cry;  so I let it drop.

                           Now  that  my  husband and I  want  to  retire,  I  will
                           need my half of the inheritance.  What should I do?

                                                                          Ready for the Next Step
Dear Ready:
                         Hire a lawyer.   You can force the sale of the property.
                         You and your sister and anyone else in the world  can
                         bid on it


giggersha.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Jonathan Staker, 45, burglary, kidnaping; Shanae Gigger, 41, theft; Nicholas Carthome, 18, upside
down ears, burglary; Dianne Reilly, 52, controlled substance; Joshua Felix, 39, trespass; Melody Ramirez, 52, mobery; Ernesto Molina, 39, parole violation; Lindsey Jass, 32, mobery

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books 
outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky, just after  church  services  at  the 
Boiling Springs
General Baptist Church
every Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for
meetings in the near future include Xi Jinping.



lifediam.jpg "What a disappointment! This isn't my ball either!" Like most of us, Bob had a hard time spotting a diamond in the rough. Life Saver Dude: That's at least a triple bogey . . .

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



November 12, 2023:  Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in  the  supermarket   –
    this week's headlines
:


hed23112.jpg Frail Charles renouncing the throne, fighting fatal disease, William & Kate take over, Queen Camill's fury (Globe); Home is pigsty, Britney buried in filth (Globe); Sweet plea deal ends
18-year mystery, Natalee's killer gets away with murder (Enquirer); Shameless Meghan seduces Costner (Enquirer), Furious Ohio Republicans report widespread incidents of woman voting (Borowitz)
Dumb News from Kentucky:
  
huntjone.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Mark Hunt-Jones, 33, WM, 5'9", 150 lbs, wanton endangerment (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers}
Birthdays:
                  November 6:  Sally Field, 77
                                         Glenn Frey (1948-2016)
                                         Guy Clark (1941-2016)

                                         Stonewall Jackson (the country music star, 1932-2021; not the Civil War general)
                   November 7:  Roberta Anderson ("Joni Mitchell"), 80
                                         Johnny Rivers, 81
                   November 8:  Lynndie England, 41

                                          Bonnie Raitt, 74
                                          Bonnie Bramlett, 79
                   November 9:  Lou Ferrigno, 72
                                          Whitey Herzog, 92
                                          Mary Travers (1936-2009)

                                          Bob Gibson (1935-2020; not this Bob Gibson 11/16/1931-9/28/1996).
                   November 10:  Miranda Laambert, 40
                                            Dave Loggins, 76
                                           
Donna Fargo, 78
                   November 11:  Leonardo DiCaprio, 49
                                           
Calista Flockhart, 59
                                            Daniel Ortega, 78
                                            Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)
                                            George Patton (1885-1945)
                                            Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821-1881)
                   November 12:  Ryan Gosling, 43
                                            Tonya Harding, 53
                                            Sammy Sosa, 55
                                            Nadia Com
ăneci, 62

                                            Neil Young, 78
                                            Booker T. Jones, 79
                                            Charles Manson (1934-2017)http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/TH2311.html
                                            Grace Kelly (1929-1982)

Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Evan Ellingson, 35

Crossword  puzzle clue of the week:
                                                            "51A  Cat calls?"
                     HEREKITTYKITTY                                      
[L.A. Times 11/9/23]



earlydoll.jpg A rare early photo of Dolly Parton before she had plastic surgery and became a superstar


Quotations of the week:
                                          "If Tecumseh had succeded, the U.S. would end
                                            about Columbus, Ohio."
                                                                                      – Rick Steves



rubenjim.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick County Sheriff): Ruben Jimenez, HM, 19, 5'10", 230 lbs, narcotics & marijuana; Brian Nathan
Lee Brewer, American Indian male, 30, 6'2", 205 lbs, tattoos on neck & face, teardrop tattoo under left eye, aggravated assault, dom. battery, kidnap, feloon w/gun

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Scientists said they had found Argoland, a continent that is said to have
split off from Asia 155 million years ago. .  .  .  A woman trying to feed
an elk in her yard near Kingman, Arizona, was trampled to death by an-
mal . . . Bolivia cut diplomatic ties with Israel, and Chile and Columbia
recalled their ambassadors. .  . 
. King Charles delivered a speech about
Britain's abuses during its colonization of Kenya but offered  no  apolo-
gy
.
                                                                [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]



Dear Eleanor:
                          My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and have
                          chosen two of my cousins (ages 8 and 14) to be ush-
                          ers

                          Instead of having a traditional flower girl,  we  deci-
                          ded to have my fiancé's cousins (aged 3 to 6) be the
                          "flower gremlins."    My family is very upset at this
                          and is on the brink of cutting me out of  the  family.
                          They wanted my 8-year-old cousin to serve as flow-
                          er girl.  They didn’t realize that my fiancé has other
                          family members that we wanted to also be involved
                          in our wedding.

 
                        We explained to them that my cousins will still be
                          just as inolved in our wedding as the "flower grem-
                          lins."  They will get ready with the rest of the bridal
                          party, get corsage/boutonnière, and take pictures
                          with us.

                        They've cut out family members before.  I was alrea-
                        dy warned by my mom that if I don't mend relations
                        with my family, then I will meet the same fate.

                        My fiancé and I are very hurt by their reactions and
                        want nothing more than their love and support.How
                        can I mend my relationship with them?
                                                                                        On the Brink
Dear Brinkwoman:
                                    How 'bout you let your 8-year-old cousin be
                                    "flower girl" and keep the "flower gremlins"
                                    as well?





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TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
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cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



November 5, 2023:  Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in  the  supermarket   –
    this week's headlines
:


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Anthony Dean wrote Sun 11/5/23 @19:42 CST:
What's become of today's Tabloid Headlines?
Thanks for asking.  Our Thunderbird e-mail program crashed – we
lost templates, drafts and recent inbox and outbox messages.  Here's
a partial restoration.
                                    – Editor




Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

"Taylor Swift came to my house offering me super-
  sex; and I asked, 'What kind of soup?'"
                                                                      – Leonard Simon


Dumb news from Indiana
:



Quotations of the week:
                                          "If Tecumseh had succeded, the U.S. would end
                                            about Columbus, Ohio."
                                                                                      – Rick Steves




Birthdays:
                   October 30:  Ivanka Trump, 42
                                        Henry Winkler, 78
                                        Grace Slick, 84
                   October 31:  Jane Pauley, 73
                                        Tom Paxton, 86

                                        
Dan Rather, 92
                   
November 1:  
Coco Crisp, 44
                                         
Lyle Lovett, 66
                                         Richard "Kinky" Friedman, 79
                                         Gary Player, 88

                                         Larry Flynt (1942-2021)
                   November 2:  K. D. Lang, 62
                                          Pat Buchanan, 85
                                          Ken Rosewall, 89
                                          Shere Hite (1942-2020)
                    November 3:  Kendall Jenner, 28
                                           Colin Kaepeernick, 36
                                           Rosanne Barr, 71
                                           Lulu, 75
                                           Ken Holtzman, 78
                                           Roy Emerson, 87
                                           Bob Feller (191832010)

                   November 4:   Puff Daddy, 53
                                           Delbert McClinton, 83
                                           
Loretta Swit, 86
                                           Dick Groat, 93
                                           Walter Cronkite (1916-2009)
                    November 5:  Tatum O'Neal, 60
                                           Peter Noone, 76
                                           Art Garfunkel, 82
                                           Elke Sommer, 83
                                           Gram Parsons (1946-1973)
                                           Ike Turner (1931-2007)

Tabloid deadlines:
                                Frank Howard, 87
                                Bobby Knight, 83
                                Matthew Perry, 54


Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Bolivia sevred relations with Israel,  and Chile and Colombia rercalled
their ambassadors. . . . King Charles delivered a speech about Britain's
abuses during the colonization of Kenya  but  did  not offer an apology.
. . .

                                                         [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

Dear Eleanor:

                            I'm a 14-year-old boy, and my mama scolds and
                            punishes me when I beat off  in bed and soil the
                            sheets.  What can I do?
                                                                                      Horny Rory
Dear Whorny:
                            Get you a teen-age girl friend and fill her up with
                            your soilent.




HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next  issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor