As I sit here on this table
Strapped tightly to it so
My head it starts it's spinning
Because I know there is no winning
The flashes that I am seeing
Confuses me to no end
My mind it cannot think the same
As the pain shoots thru my feet
And up and down my leg
The numbness overtakes me
No longer can I speak
They want to hear "I'm sorry"
For something I haven't done
Refusing to give in
I leave the table below me
As well as a part of me
I choose to feel this freedom
I leave her in her pain
Now the shame is killing me
Because I have betrayed her so
How can I feel this anger towards her?
For begging them for
"Their forgiveness"
She speaks the words I cannot say
Yet at times I hate her so
I want her to go away
I want to see things clearly
Without her helping me
Her ugliness is all I see
Ashamed of things she says and does
But yet there is a comfort
Such a security I can't explain
In knowing that she is there
No one else would rescue me so
But she has allowed me to feel free
They liked to call her "insane"
Diane calls her "Sonya"
And understands her pain
I should tell her thank you
For keeping me alive
But I want to tell her
I HATE her
For allowing me to be free!
Once again I want to leave her with the pain
Safely from the storm
Wanting her to rescue me
So I don't have to share the pain!
© helpers 2000
