Penny

Dr. Cowan spoke of depression experienced by postop patients being very normal and to expect it. But I didn’t realize how very fragile my emotions could be. My first problem came with my pets. True I have been gone from home a long time but I didn’t think it was that long. First when I got out of the car my hunting dog came up to me wagging his tail then stopped just short of me. She was sniffing the air, and after being in the hospital so long I guessed that my scent was different because she turned tail and ran from me barking and circling round me. Man’s best friend, how can a best friend forget who you are? Even if I do smell different I’m still me, aren’t I?

Then upon settling down in my easy chair I got a call from my mother who was keeping one of our inside dogs while Diane and I were tied up at the hospital. This dog is a little poodle, the white dog in the picture above, that my wife got for herself about a year ago. Although this little dog does love Diane, she has really taken up with me. For a dog that had been mistreated and given away she is the most loving little dog I have ever seen. And I have really missed this one pet more than any other animal on the place. Mom was excited to see how Penny would react when we were reunited.

To everyone’s surprise she completely avoided me. And when picked up and placed in my lap, she thrashed around to get away from my hold and jump down, running to my wife and my mother to hide from me. Do I smell that bad? I have been getting sponge baths and I don’t think I stink, but to animals that rely heavily on the sense of smell I must smell pretty bad.

Well twice now my expectations have been bashed upon the rocks, yep depression can really get you. But there is still something to look forward to. This first weekend home my daughter, Mendy, is bringing Troy, my grandson, to see me. Now I know he will remember me. Mendy has told me several times while I was in the hospital when she and Troy were at our house checking on things, Troy would run through the house calling for grandpa. Then go back to the bedroom and pat the bed on my side and say "Grandpa, Grandpa." Then she says Troy gets my flashlight and tries to go looking for grandpa. This reunion will surely pick my spirits up.

No such luck. When Mendy came over with Troy it didn’t turn out so well. Sure I had lost a lot of weight and now had a Trach - which he couldn’t take his eyes off - but I haven’t changed that much, have I? Troy was scared of me and would not come near me. Even when Mendy tried to pick him up and set him on my lap he kicked and squirmed trying to stay away. Maybe I do smell bad after all!

But as time went on gradually my hunting dog, Dutches, and our house dog, Penny, and even my grandson Troy decided they were no longer scared of me. I never knew how isolated you could feel, until now when I felt so many things that I held dear to me were repulsed by my presence. Now as I work on the web site and Troy cheerfully comes over and climbs up in my lap, I welcome the interruption. And when little Penny comes and tugs at my pants leg to let her go outside I gleefully stop what I’m doing and oblige her.

Love is so very important, you can never get enough. Be sure to remember this, and give those around you the love they need.