Even though you have come to the decision that surgical intervention is right for you, there may be someone very close to you who is against it. They may be telling you all kinds of terrible things to try to scare you away from Weight Loss Surgery. I had someone do that to me, my own brother. One person who I thought would understand my reasons for making this decision. I at least thought that if he did not agree with my choice, he would be quiet and let me make my own decision. I was wrong, he became very verbal about it and made may hurtful comments. He tried to tell me all kinds of scary things in an attempt to create fear in my heart to make me change my mind.

I have found out that if you really want to "Dig" into the "...I know someone who died from WLS ..." stories you will find out that the person was tremendously overweight and had a multitude of medical problems (of course, right?) and then "Dig" a little more to find out they died after the surgery of some other complication. The percentage of actual deaths from the WLS is a low percentage (about 2%).

Remember this, good news does not sell newspapers. Bad news does. The many successful WLS (about 98%) we don't hear much about -- it is the 2%'ers that everyone talks about.

I have not yet figured out why friends and relatives would down play the life saving effects of WLS. And why do they try to talk others out of surgery? they are not the one that is going to be on the operating table. And they are not the ones who are carrying around over 100 pounds of excess weight.

This is what I told my brother when he started all that crap with me:

Okay little brother, you weigh about 190 pounds while I weigh over 360 pounds. Come with me to the grocery store.... (we did get in my truck and go to the store)

I took him to the dog food section. There were some bags of dry dog food that weighed 40 pounds each. First I counted his pulse (it was 62 beats per minute) and his respiratory rate (which was 12). Then I ask him if he could pick up two bags of the dog food and hold one under each arm. He thought he was going to show me up and he said, "...No problem..." He then lifted one under his left arm and one under his right arm. He stood up straight and said this is easy. Next I told him not to put them down and follow me as I did my grocery shopping. His smile faded slighted, but he followed. I walked slowly up and down each and every isle, stopping occasionally to read labels or price compare. By the time we got to the end of all the isles he let the dog food bags hit the floor and he exclaimed, "...See I did it!" Now I reached out and took his pulse and counted his breathing rate. His pulse was now up to 124 and his breathing rate was now 28. His pulse and breathing rate is up about 100% and he confessed his back was hurting.

At this point I elaborated on this situation. I told him that he had just carried an extra 80 pounds, where as I am about twice that -- almost 160 pounds heavier than he is. So for him to see what I feel he would have to carry Four Bags of 40 pound dog food all day long just to see what I feel for one day. He told me he would have to be crazy to even attempt such a trick. Then he stopped cold in his tracks and looked at me. He never said anything but I could tell by the look on his that I had made my point.

From: DarylGDav@aol.com

Hi Xxxxxxx,

I read your post with dismay. I am, and I am not surprised at your wife's reaction. But I feel she will come around in time. I don't think you came to the acceptance of WLS overnight yourself. It may just take her a little longer.

Yes, there are risks involved, I have even heard of children dying form having their tonsils removed. But that doesn't stop parents from wanting their children to have the tonsils removed when a doctor says it needs to be done.

Any time you go under the knife there are risks. But, remember if you qualify for WLS then every moment you continue at your present condition there are many risks anyway. The thing my wife and I looked at was, my health was failing at my present condition. It had gotten to the point where every week Diane could see me getting weaker and weaker. I was going to end up home bound or hospital bound, unable to get around. Maybe if I had be heavy all my life the weight related problems would not have been so devastating. Maybe they would have been hidden by the body's ability to try to adapt. Then one day -- Snap! It would have been surprisingly over.

That is what you and your wife have to think about. If you qualify for WLS and don't have a lot of related health problems showing up now, THEY WILL, THEY WILL.

Picture this, if you are just 40 pounds over weight. Take your wife to the grocery store, have her pick up a 20 pound bag of dog food. Now pick up another 20 pound bag of dog food. One under each arm. Now have her walk slowly down each isle caring the 2 bags of dog food. How many isles can she do it? Can she manage the entire store? Whatever the answer, this is the result -- It was hard! Her arms got tired, her legs felt the strain, her back may be hurting, and most likely her pulse and respiration will have increased. And that was only 40 pounds!!!

You are over 100 pounds overweight if you qualify for WLS. How much longer does she think your arms, legs, back and heart will last? It is a fact that there are risks for the obese. But continuing the way you are there can be but one sure thing -- early death. The option of WLS gives you "a chance to live longer" and be happier.

I feel the main reason she doesn't want to agree to your choice of WLS is that she is afraid she is going to lose you. That is love, she doesn't want to give in to chance loosing you early. You, that is right YOU have to understand that. But she needs to go with you to learn more about the surgery. The more she knows the better she can feel with her final decision. If she makes her decision without all the facts, how can she live with herself knowing she deprived the two of you from a chance for you to be together longer. (that sentence doesn't sound quite right, but you know what I mean)

If she wont go to weight loss class, will she go to family counseling? That might be your next step. The both of you have to get it together first, then WLS.

You ask if my health is improving, Yes. My back doesn't bother me any more. I can get around the house, yard, and even go to town and shop at the malls now. I love getting out and getting around now. I do not have the pain and distress as before. This is good.

What am I eating? I eat anything I want to now. I have learned what not to eat, too. I stay away from sweets -- of course. And I really, really read labels now. Last night Diane fixed me chicken legs in shake 'n bake style. While I was eating it I started to feel strange. I stopped eating and went to the trash can and got the shake 'n bake box to read the label. It is just spices, right? Wrong, first ingredient was Sugar. The second ingredient was Brown Sugar. Now I know not to use that shake 'n bake stuff.

Eating is fun again. I don't just gulp down food to "get enough." Now I chew more and spend more time with each bite. I eat less but get more out of it.

You ask if I am working yet? Yes, I have gone back to work now and I am building up to it a little at a time. Now I work about three days a week for several hours at a time. This is not the normal. Most people are back to work in less than six to eight weeks. But I had gotten into such bad health I was not able to work before the surgery. So every one is surprised to see me back in the office anyway.

I am sorry this letter got so long but there was a lot to say. For you my friend, I hope your wife will meet you half way and try to understand more about WLS.

I am sending a copy of this post to the OSSG list in hopes that it will be posted by the moderators because I feel positive that there are others out there who have spouses that love them and don't support their decision for WLS. Maybe something in this letter will not only help you but it might help others to understand.

Best Wishes,

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Note: Mr. Xxxxxxx has since written me and his wife went with him to meet the doctor and then she went to the information meetings at the doctor's office. Now with the wife's support the doctor proceeded with everything and Mr. Xxxxxxx got insurance approval and has since had his WLS. His recovery went very well and now he is experiencing tremendous weight loss. His prognosis on a long and healthy life looks very good and both he and his wife are so glad that he was able to have WLS. They are very happy.

Please, if you have a family member who wants to have weight loss surgery and you are not sure about giving him/her support, take time to learn more about this lifesaving procedure. Help them and yourself make an informed decision -- a decision about life not death.