Greetings hello to you, American swine! This is world famous wrestling and Internet superstar Gran Naniwa is my name! And see as you can that I have will writing my name in red for this article column newsbeak! RED!!!!! IS OF CRAB COLOR!!!!!!! But only after you white devils fry our honorable crab brethren in pot of water boiling that boils! But you will see! One day all honorable crustaceans the world over shall arise and exact our VENGEANCE on the race of humans! Of humans! Also we will exact the pinching of claws upon to your fat overfed buttocks of much flabbiness! But enough on such matters!

 As you can seeing, Naniwa have decided to bring his amazing talent of the writing to this Buddha-forsaken site!! And in luck you very much are, because honorable Naniwa-san did stumble upon over a juicy tidbit of gossip recently! On phone I was with honorable Funaki-san of Kaientai in World Federation of Much McMahons and Wrestling and he did spill the beans on sexual preferences that he overhears in WWF dressing room of much lockers! SEX SELLS IT DOES VERY MUCH!! He fax picture photo to me that he found while he was of going through wallet of various Wrestle Superstars! And while he did begin to search through honorable wallet of WWF superstar Lance of Storming, he did unearth a picture photo that is of very confusing and exciting to me! FEASTING YOUR RETINAS ON PHOTOPICTUREGRAPH, WHITE DEVILS!!!!!!!

All Naniwa can say is WTF?!?! LOL!!!! (As you can seeing, the Naniwa is indeed down with the "net lingo!" ROFLMAO! Although I would not want to ruffle Mao, he is honorable leader of Chinese revolution! Although I am not Chinese! And Mao is dead anyways! So anyways, back to issue at hand! Hand! FINGERS!!!

So as from this picture, I only can surmise that honorable Lightning Lance does sway to the faggysexual persuasion! Rumor has it that this picture photo was taken of Lance's surprise secret wedding in Bahamas, as he was fearful that WWF Superstars other would discover his bizarre preferences and BEATING HIM UP!!! And further reports do state that lover of Lance in picture photo will to be debuting in WWF as homoqueer team tag partner of Lance! Rumor has it that ring name of this handsome stranger is to be "Bubba Bruce McVaseline" and team tag name is "Canadian KY Jelly Ramshaft Mountie Rangers!!" Very true it is, I did read newsbit in Ross Report! And honorable fatty cowboy commentator man Good Ol' Jim JR Ross Hogg would not be lie to us! Unless he did get strung out on LSD-laced sauce of the barbecue! HOW LIKELY IS THAT OCCURRENCE?!?! Very unlikely, you swine! SHUT UP YOUR FACE, Naniwa is honorable benevolent bastion of news to you hogs, so please to bow and worship me as crab god that I am! I am! I WANT YOU TO DIE!!!!!

Frank quitely, surprised I am that no one else saw this news coming! Lance-san always did have that lisp! Perhaps maybe one day Lance would to announce his fairygayness to entire world on RAW one night! It would be the REVOLUTIONARY! "IF COULD PLEASE TO BE THERIOUTH FOR A MINUTE...I AM DO RIDING THE 100% ALL-MALE BOLOGNA TRAIN TO GAY GAY LAND!!!"  Furthermore also he never seemed that interested in Dawn Marie back in the days of Extreme Champion Wrestle Fight (ECW)!! I had the sex of extramarital sex (OMG) with her many times behind Lance's back! Deano-san may tell you that by "extramarital sex" I am meaning "milking the chicken in dressing room with honorable 8x10 of Dawn Marie in one hand," but he does has been known to lie on very much occasions, so please to not believe Shorty if he does tell you this!! And furthermore while we are on subject, the Naniwa does want to know where has that thumb been, Lance-san?!?! Or maybe I do not! Expecting I am that answer to question posed would be quite stimulating gross!!!

So in concluding: Lance Storm does enjoy to riding the meat missile rocket to Planet Poof! And that is all of news for now, American swine! Training, pray your prayers, and always to eat your sushi! And always to remembering: GRAN NANIWA IS ICHIBAN~!

Here to be clicking to email me care of "The Shooter" Dean Malenko-san!

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