Once upon a time there was a prep school located in West Alabama called The University Of Alabama. The fans of this redneck college were called Bammers and they were utterly obsessed with their school. In fact, the Bammers loved to brag about their glorious campus.
Actually, the University Of Alabama does have a pretty glorious tradition dating way, way, way (that's a long time folks) back. The original University was started prior to the Civil War and occupied only one building.
Back then, the University was merely known as Dreamland Ribs. Dreamland was famous for taking students in Tuscaloosa and teaching them (even though it was an extremely challenging task) how to make fires and cook ribs. Since Tuscaloosa students usually took 4-5 years to learn these simple skills, it was just a natural progression to start charging tuition and make the transition into The University Of Alabama at Tuscaloosa.
No longer serving as the main building, Dreamland has now been incorporated into the UAT School Of Business. Still today, UAT football players attend classes there to take fire pit making 101 and bbq sauce application 102 classes.
One of the most famous landmarks on the UAT campus is Denny Chimes. There is nothing that portrays The University Of Alabama more appropriately than Denny Chimes in Spring-time splendor.
Built back in the 1929, Denny Chimes is famous for it's ringing of the chimes at 15 minute intervals. A closer look reveals the Bammer's secret chime mechanism.
You have to give the Bammer's their due. They are world reknown for their on-campus erections!
Denny Chimes is the focal point of the UAT Campus. It resides in a quadrangle - known to Bammers as The Quad! It is not uncommon to see Bammers students mingling in the Quad.
Another famous landmark on the UAT campus is the original President's Mansion. The Bammer President's Mansion is one of the oldest building on campus.
It was constructed in the late 1800's and was one of only four buildings left standing after Croxton burned the campus to the ground during the Civil War.
Unfortunately, it was severely damaged during a recent tornado.
Of course, you can't talk about the UAT Campus without mentioning Bryant-Denny Stadium. This is the stadium where the Bammers played all their "easy" football games for years.
In fact, they played most of their football games in Birmingham for many years so they could trick their opponents into thinking it was a neutral field - YEAH RIGHT! However, after all their opponents wised up and started playing Bammer on a home and home basis, the Bammers suddenly realized that their sham was exposed.
Hurriedly they renovated Bryant-Denny Stadium so they could play all their Bammer home games there.
They even installed a new scoreboard at Bryant-Denny, mainly because all their opponents had new Jumbo Tron scoreboards.
And of course, Bammer's make a major production of their team's grand entrance into Bryant-Denny Stadium during football games.
Unfortunately for Bammer, the NCAA has been snooping around the UAT Campus this year. It doesn't look good for Bammer, and this is how Bryant-Denny Stadium might look in the future!
But the Bammers don't seem to be too worried. They are either extremely arrogant or incredibly naive about this NCAA stuff. In any event, they are erecting statues to their tradition outside Bryant-Denny Stadium, just like nothing bad will happen.
I sure hope that Bammer doesn't get the Death Penalty! I mean, there is no other place in the U.S. where you can see campus tailgating parties like this:
Did you know that UAT had an Engineering School? I didn't, but it turns out that they do. Last I heard, the Bammers were working hard to improve their Engineering School and soon will have the top Engineering program in the entire county!
The Bammers play their Basketball Ball games in Coleman Coliseum. Remember that Bammer saying - there is no I in TEEM!
I have NO CLUE what this building is, but I will just say that the Bammers have a lot of nerve calling Auburn graduates "Barners"!
The Bammers just finished building their brand new Aquatic Center. I wonder if the SEC really expects Bammer to improve upon their annual last place finish in swimming?
And of course, the Bammers just had to build a brand new practice field for their football team!
Football is big at UAT! In fact a lot of famous people stop by to observe football practice.
The Bammers are so worried about football, that they just hired a new football coach. Here is their new coach in his office at UAT. If you look closely, you will see that one of his predecessors actually left him a little momento on the wall.
I guess a tour of the UAT Campus wouldn't be complete without a stop at the Bear Bryant Museum. This is building that the Bammers have erected to house and show-off their storied tradition and past!
Well, that's about it! However, all good things must end sometimes, and UAT has been so scandal plagued recently, that there are rumors that the entire campus is in the process of being bought by a major corporation. Apparently it will be franchised and re-named to McDonald's Hamburger University - Tuscaloosa Campus.
THE END
OR JUST THE BEGINNING?!?!?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
