He’d tried not to think about it. But reminders were everywhere. He couldn’t stay at the ranch. Not with the ghosts of Sarah and Adam in every part of the house.
Here I am
Playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me
He’d met Sarah his first year at college. Buck told him it was just a crush, but Chris had known even then that she was the one. She knew it, too.
Holding you
A feeling I never outgrew
They’d planned on growing old together. They were supposed to have a lifetime together. It was gone. There was just this black hole inside of him now, sucking him dry. Would he ever be able to go one day without wanting them? Needing them?
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside
Buck had been a good friend. He’d stuck by him longer than most people would. Buck tried to console Chris, tell him that things may look bad now, but it would get better. Time would help. What did Buck know! How could he understand what it was like to love just one woman, to change your whole world just for her? All Buck ever thought about was sex. Chris didn’t think the man even knew the meaning of love and he’d said as much. Buck might not come back this time.
So there's no sense pretending
My heart it's not mending
Chris finished off the last of the bottle. He should’ve been numb. Why wasn’t he numb? Why did it still hurt so much? He threw the bottle against the wall and watched the little bit of whiskey that was left in the bottom run down the crackling wallpaper. He could almost hear her voice in his ear, almost feel her hand on his shoulder. Why wouldn’t it stop!
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't
go on without you
He’d never considered himself a weak man. Chris always figured a man could handle anything life threw at him if he just pulled himself together and pushed on. What a fool he was! Some mornings he could barely get out of bed because he knew she wouldn’t be there. And at night…at night he didn’t want to go to sleep. Not without her arms wrapped around him. He was weak and he was tired.
On my own
I've tried to make the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain
Chris stumbled over to the nightstand and pulled out a gun he’d hidden there. Buck had been hiding all his weapons lately, but he didn’t know about this one. He made sure it was loaded. Chris sat on the bed, cradling the gun like it was the most precious thing in the world. He could do it. He could be with them again soon.
I just can't live without you
I miss everything about you
Memories of Sarah ran through his head. What would she think if she saw him now? He spun the chamber. His hands shook. She’d be furious. She’d tell him he was wasting his life. He wanted… He wanted it so bad. But it was the wrong way. She’d never forgive him. She’d be ashamed of him.
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't
go on without…
He unloaded the gun and threw it across the room. Chris knocked over the nightstand and kicked it until it broke. He took one of the legs and used it like a bat to demolish his room.
go on without…
Chris leaned against the wall, spent. He slowly slid to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. Sarah. Sarah. What am I going to do without you? His whole body shook with sobs as a year of pent up anguish tore out of his soul.
It’s just no good without
You
The End
Here I Am
Here I am
Playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me
Holding you
A feeling I never outgrew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside
So there's no sense pretending
My heart it's not mending
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't
go on without you
On my own
I've tried to make the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain
I just can't live without you
I miss everything about you
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't
go on without
go on without
It's just no good without
you
--Air Supply