I Want to Know What Love Is

By MTopaz

Ezra Standish lay in a hospital bed, staring at the ceiling.  The bust had gone all wrong.  It was his fault.  Any minute now, his

colleagues would storm into the room to castigate him for his stupidity.  Thankfully, he was the only one who’d been injured.  He

had at least that to be thankful for.

It had been too good to last.  Mr. Larabee had told him that his past record meant nothing to him, only the job he performed

now.  Ezra was many things, but naïve wasn’t one of them.  It was easy to say something was forgotten, but he knew the rumors

about him swirled around in his co-workers thoughts.  Could they trust him?  Was he reliable?

I've gotta take a little time

A little time to think things over

I better read between the lines

In case I need it when I'm older

His own stupidity had almost gotten Mr. Dunne shot.  Surely he’d lost his last chance now.  Ezra had wanted so badly for his

job at the ATF to work out.  As he’d worked alongside the other men, he’d come to admire them.

He’d watched them in the office, working and laughing together.  Was it foolish of him to wish he could share in their

camaraderie?  Observing that kind of friendship from the outside warmed Ezra’s cold heart—even though he knew being the

outsider looking in would be as close as he would get to their intimate circle.  Now he wouldn’t even be that close.

Now this mountain I must climb

Feels like the world upon my shoulders

Through the clouds I see love shine

It keeps me warm as life grows colder

His mother had taught him well, but apparently some of her lessons hadn’t taken root as deeply as she’d wished.  Ezra still felt

things, still wanted things beyond his reach.  A lonely and loveless childhood had only made him want what the others had even

more.

In my life there´s been heartache and pain

I don´t know if I can face it again

The door swung open.  Now it was coming.  The blame.  The dismissal.

Ezra steeled himself as they gathered around him.  So.  It seemed he would have to face them all at once.

But the next several minutes weren’t what Ezra had expected at all.  They asked how he felt.  They talked to the doctor about

him.  Not one of them even blamed him or cursed his ineptitude.  

One of his most useful skills was his ability to read other people.  He thought…  Surely they couldn’t be…  But he could see it

on their faces.  Even Mr. Jackson, with whom he had an adversarial relationship, looked him over with concern.

Can´t stop now

I´ve traveled so far 

to change this lonely life

He felt flushed.  Their concern shocked and embarrassed him to some degree.  It wasn’t what he’d expected at all.  Where was

the dark scowl that Mr. Larabee so often gave him?  The disappointed looks and angry glares of the others?  They fussed over

him like…like he was their friend.

He couldn’t help the feeling that rushed up in him.  Maybe it was the medication playing havoc with his emotional control.  He

just knew that this was a feeling he’d been denied so long.  And one he’d denied himself.

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is

I know you can show me

He’d tried to bury those kinds of emotions.  They were weaknesses to be exploited.  Other people couldn’t manipulate you

or betray you or crush your very soul if nothing mattered to you.  But things did matter to him.  They mattered to him, even

though he’d tried to hide it, tried to push it away.

And now, here they were, acting like he mattered to them, too.  But it wasn’t an act.  He could see that it was real.  Had it

always been there?  In their playful banter, their “Saloon” invitations, their practical jokes?  Had he been so blind?  Or just afraid. 

I´m gonna take a little time

A little time to look around me

I´ve got nowhere left to hide

It looks like love has finally found me

He looked at the men surrounding his bed.  His colleagues.  No.  His friends.  Maybe even…family.  He liked the sound of that.  

Even though he had a mother, he’d never had a family.  Or a home.

Ezra abhorred gambling, but he’d taken a big chance by transferring to the ATF.  It looked like that was one gamble that had

paid off.

He smiled at them, shaky and still a little uncertain.  How should he proceed from here?  Ezra Standish was definitely in

uncharted waters.

In my life there´s been heartache and pain

I don´t know if I can face it again

Can´t stop now

I´ve traveled so far to change this lonely life

Mr. Larabee was staring at him.  What had the man said?  His boss must have noticed some change in his demeanor.  The

others had seen it as well.  They were nothing if not perceptive.

“Yes, Mr. La…Chris.  I’m fine.  In fact, I feel better than I have in a long time.”

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is

I know you can show me

 

The End

 

I Want to Know What Love Is

I've gotta take a little time

A little time to think things over

I better read between the lines

In case I need it when I'm older

Ohhhh

Oo oh oh oh oh

Now this mountain I must climb

Feels like the world upon my shoulders

Through the clouds I see love shine

It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there´s been heartache and pain

I don´t know if I can face it again

Can´t stop now

I´ve traveled so far 

to change this lonely life

Chorus

I wanna know what love is

I want you to show me

I wanna feel what love is

I know you can show me

I´m gonna take a little time

A little time to look around me

I´ve got nowhere left to hide

It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there´s been heartache and pain

I don´t know if I can face it again

Can´t stop now

I´ve traveled so far to change this lonely life

Chorus 5X

 

--Foreigner