Ezra sped down the lonely stretch of highway. He was in his Porsche—the precious Porsche that had only fueled the rumors of him being on the take. He would’ve explained about the car being a gift, but who would even listen to him now? The gossip mill had already done its damage. Ezra was tainted. No one wanted to work with him. No one believed his protestations of innocence. Why was he still there? Why did he still try so hard to do his job well when it didn’t seem to matter anymore?
Call me a joker, call me a fool
Right at this moment I’m totally cool
Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife
I feel like I’m in the prime of my life
He was at the top of his game, but everything was spinning out of his reach. When had he lost the precious control he’d had over his life, his emotions?
Sometimes it feels like I’m going too fast
I don’t know how long this feeling will last
Maybe it’s only tonight
He’d always been a bit of a maverick, but he’d gotten results. He had few allies within the FBI, but at least no one had questioned his skill or his integrity. Now those same qualities that were once permitted, even lauded, were deemed inappropriate. He was a “loner”, a “hot shot” whose reckless antics were going to get someone killed. Ezra was giving them all he had, just as he’d always done. What more did they want? His very life?
Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It’s all or nothing at all
Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes
Ezra held his breath at the sudden sharp pain in his side. Maybe he shouldn’t have checked himself out of the hospital so soon. But he just couldn’t bear to be incarcerated there any longer. The only visitors he had were the ghouls on the medical staff, of course, and the two imbecilic investigators who came to interrogate him. Naturally, the bust had gone wrong because of him. It was implied that he had only himself to blame for getting shot. They hadn’t bothered to find out why his backup was so late in making its appearance.
He was right to make his escape. He was too vulnerable there. No one would miss him anytime soon, anyway. Mother had been right about one thing at least—always look out for number one because no one else would. Ezra Standish was on his own.
Sometimes I’m tired, Sometimes I’m shot
Sometimes I don’t know how much more I’ve got
Maybe I’m headed over the hill
Maybe I’ve set myself up for the kill
Perhaps he had become reckless. He’d certainly been getting injured more often lately. Maybe it didn’t matter as much anymore. He was so tired of being wrong, so tired of being on the outside.
Tell me how much do you think you can take
Until the heart in you is starting to break?
Sometimes it feels like it will
Why did their disregard hurt so much? He should be used to it. Maybe he was losing his touch. Where was the hard exterior he’d created so long ago to protect himself from Maude and the vagaries of her world?
He’d thought about leaving the FBI, but where would he go? Another agency would look at his record and turn him down out of hand. Being an undercover agent was the only legal use he could see for the talents mother had cultivated in him. For a brief moment he saw himself in some sunny locale, toasting his mother on another successful con. He shook it off and floored the gas pedal.
Out of the darkness, into the light
Leaving the scene of the crime
Either I’m wrong or I’m perfectly right every time
Sometimes I lie awake, night after night
Coming apart at the seams
No matter how tempting, he couldn’t go back to that lifestyle. But what else could he do? Who was Ezra Standish without the job? He’d spent his whole life spinning lies and wearing different faces. Did anyone know the real Ezra? Did he?
Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It’s all or nothing at all
Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes
Ezra took the curve so fast he swerved out onto the shoulder. For a moment he thought the car was going to roll over, but it managed to stay upright. He sat there, trying to catch his breath. His heart was beating frantically. It was just adrenaline. He wasn’t afraid of death. Ezra faced it every day. It was dying out here on a lonely road without a soul knowing where he was that frightened him. He laughed, nervously at first, then bitterly. Who would care? No one would come for him—not even his mother. Even if he died surrounded by his colleagues, he’d still die alone.
Ezra pulled back onto the highway and turned around. In no time he was up to his previous speed. There was a job waiting for him back there. It was all he had that meant anything. But he wouldn’t let them hurt him again. He would build those walls stronger and thicker than ever before. Trust no one. Rely on no one. If he didn’t care what they thought, didn’t care about them, they couldn’t hurt him.
He would do his job. He’d be the best they’d ever seen and he’d ram it down their throats. And if the job killed him, so what? It probably wouldn’t hurt as much as the betrayal and abandonment. He’d had enough of that to last a lifetime.
Eager to please, ready to fight
Why do I go to extremes?
The End
I Go to Extremes
Refr.:
Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes
Sometimes I’m tired, Sometimes I’m shot
Refr.:
Out of the darkness, into the light
Refr.:
Call me a joker, call me a fool
Right at this moment I’m totally cool
Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife
I feel like I’m in the prime of my life
Sometimes it feels like I’m going too fast
I don’t know how long this feeling will last
Maybe it’s only tonight
Too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It’s all or nothing at all
Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes
Sometimes I don’t know how much more I’ve got
Maybe I’m headed over the hill
Maybe I’ve set myself up for the kill
Tell me how much do you think you can take
Until the heart in you is starting to break?
Sometimes it feels like it will
Leaving the scene of the crime
Either I’m wrong or I’m perfectly right every time
Sometimes I lie awake, night after night
Coming apart at the seams
Eager to please, ready to fight
Why do I go to extremes?