Place in This World
By MTopaz

JD sat in the small apartment he’d shared with his mom, staring at the packed boxes that held her clothes. He couldn’t believe she was gone. What was he going to do now? She was the only family he had. If the other guys from the precinct could see him now they’d really think he was a mama’s boy. He was a twenty-something police officer sitting on the floor crying like a baby.

Being in law enforcement had always been his dream. His mom had been his own personal cheerleader, always encouraging him, always rooting for him. She sacrificed so much so he could go to college and to the academy. And now, just when he was making enough money to give her something back…

But it hadn’t all been like he expected it to be. The other guys teased him about how young he looked, how smart he was, how much he talked about his mom, and how he still lived at home. He was the youngest officer to ever graduate from the academy and he’d done it with honors. That seemed to tick a few of the others off, too. They thought he’d been given special privileges just because he was so smart. Some of the older officers also resented the commendations he’d received and how quickly he’d been promoted. JD just couldn’t win. He worked really hard to do the best job he could, but nothing seemed to help. He had a great record, but no respect. JD dreaded going back to work. He just couldn’t picture himself there anymore. He’d stayed for her sake, never letting his mom know how much he hated it there. He still wanted to be in law enforcement, but not there. But where could he go? What could he do?

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled

A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems

He couldn’t stay in the apartment anymore. He had to get away. JD grabbed his jacket and ran out the door. It was late at night and the city was just coming alive. People were everywhere, heading somewhere. But where was he going? Was there anyplace for him now?

Feels like I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

JD hadn’t realized just how far he walked. He looked up to see that he was standing outside of a church. He’d been talking to God a lot lately. JD wasn’t sure God had been listening. It was getting chilly and he was tired of walking. Maybe just for a few minutes.

It was so quiet inside. A few people were lighting candles and praying. JD didn’t want to bother or offend anybody, not being Catholic and all, so he slid into a back pew and bowed his head. God wouldn’t mind him praying from the wrong church.

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me

Hear me asking
Where do I belong?
Is there a vision
That I can call my own?

JD felt so stupid. He was crying again. It seemed that’s all he did anymore. He should be happy for his mom. She wasn’t in pain anymore. He was just being selfish, thinking about himself. He couldn’t help it. It had always been just the two of them. Now he was alone—no one to talk to, no real friends, a job he hated. He looked up at a stained glass window of Jesus. What was he going to do now?

Show me, I'm
Looking for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

JD didn’t get an answer. He wasn’t expecting one. He rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket and got up from his seat. With heavy steps he walked out of the church and headed back towards his apartment. It was a long, lonely walk back.

Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

Back home, JD stood at his living room window, looking out over the city. So many people, so many places. Was there any place for him? Send me a sign, God. Something!

Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world

The End

Place in This World
The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled

A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me

Hear me asking
Where do I belong?
Is there a vision
That I can call my own?

Lookin' for a reason
Roamin' through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world

--Michael W. Smith