Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man)

By MTopaz

Nathan came home to his small, but comfortable apartment.  He took off his jacket and put his beeper on the table.  He’d turned

it off as soon as he’d clocked out.  No on-call tonight.

It had been a busy week.  Being a paramedic in a big place like Denver gave him a view of the city he wasn’t sure he liked.  

Pain, death, mayhem.  He’d wanted to be in medicine, but being on the front lines of what felt like a war zone wasn’t what he

had in mind.  Sometimes it seemed like that was all Denver had to offer.

You see the world through your cynical eyes

You're a troubled young man I can tell

He sank down into his favorite chair to sort through his mail.  The bills should be dwindling now that his sisters were through

with college.  They’d all worked hard to get them to that point.  When he saw each of them get their diplomas, it made all his

sacrifices worth it.  But he was just so tired.

You've got it all in the palm of your hand

But your hand's wet with sweat

He’d taken this job because it paid decent wages and kept him close to the medical field.  But the job was starting to wear on

him.  The whole medical establishment was losing that “rosy glow”.  

Sometimes he felt like he was putting a tiny bandage on a gaping wound.  They just kept coming.  Maybe it was the fact that

paramedics got to see patients at their worst and then they just disappeared into the hands of the ER staff.  There was never any

follow-up.  No sense of closure.  He needed stability, a better support structure.

And your head needs a rest

And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it

You're killing yourself if you don't believe it

If he were a doctor…  No.  He couldn’t think like that anymore.

Why must you be such an angry young man

When your future looks quite bright to me

He was doing good work, important work.  Maybe he just needed another direction.  Rain, a nurse he’d met at the hospital,

kept telling him he was a fool to burn himself up with “what-if’s”.  Easy for her to say.  She was exactly what she wanted to be,

where she wanted to be.  

And how can there be such a sinister plan

That could hide such a lamb

Such a caring young man

That woman was getting under his skin in more ways than one.  But what if she was right?  His friend Josiah had also told him

that if he didn’t like the view from where he was, move.  Could it really be that easy?

And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it

You're killing yourself if you don't believe it

He picked up the application Josiah had given him.  It was for an experimental new ATF team some guy was putting together.  
Josiah had been hired for a position with the team and thought maybe Nathan should apply.

Get up, get back on your feet

You're the one they can't beat and you know it

Come on let's see what you've got

Just take your best shot and don't blow it.

Nathan had crumpled it up and thrown it on the table right after Josiah gave it to him.  He didn’t have any police experience.  
Why would they want him?  But Josiah said that didn’t matter.  This team was going to be a little eclectic.  They were looking for

a wider range of skills and experience.  Josiah said his military service should help and his paramedic experience would definitely

be a plus.

Nathan had actually liked being in the army.  If becoming a doctor hadn’t been such an obsession, he might have stayed in the

army and made a career out of it.  He was still in the reserves and kept up on his skills.  Nathan liked the structure, the regulation.  

Maybe…  Maybe he could do both.

Yeah, you’re fooling yourself and you don't believe it

You’re killing yourself, You don't believe it

Maybe he needed a new dream.  Nathan sat down at his typewriter and filled out the application.  He would make sure it got

in tomorrow’s mail.  What could it hurt?  If they weren’t interested, he wouldn’t have lost anything.  Who knows?  Maybe all

Josiah’s talk of fate and destiny would amount to something.  Perhaps it was Nathan’s turn to hope and believe.

Get up, get back on your feet

You're the one they can't beat and you know it

A week later, Nathan sat at the kitchen table having a quick bite to eat.  He had to be to work in an hour.  When the phone rang,

he quickly washed down the food in his mouth and hurried to answer it.  It was probably work wanting him to come in early.

“Nathan Jackson?  My name is Chris Larabee.  I’d like to meet with you about your application for the ATF position.”

Come on let's see what you've got

Just take your best shot and don't blow it.

 

The End

 

Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man)

Relax

Take it Easy

You see the world through your cynical eyes

You're a troubled young man I can tell

You've got it all in the palm of your hand

But your hand's wet with sweat

And your head needs a rest

And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it

You're killing yourself if you don't believe it

Why must you be such an angry young man

When your future looks quite bright to me

And how can there be such a sinister plan

That could hide such a lamb

Such a caring young man

And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it

You're killing yourself if you don't believe it

Get up, get back on your feet

You're the one they can't beat and you know it

Come on let's see what you've got

Just take your best shot and don't blow it.

whoa whoa whoa oooooo

Yeah, you’re fooling yourself and u don't believe it

You’re killing yourself, You don't believe it

Get up, get back on your feet

You're the one they can't beat and you know it

Ooo, Come on let's see what you've got

Just take your best shot and don't blow it.

whoa whoa whooa whoa whoa  oooo

 

--Styx