454498
ART SERVER 6.5 FOUR EMPTY ERROR 8602 FAILED TO READ FROM DATABSE

ARCServe 6.5 for NT...

555977
INDITE MANAGER REPORTED FRESH HOLD EXCEEDED.

524796
INSIDE MANAGER REPORTED THRUSH EXCEEDED

Engineer needs to take natural yogurt!

526421
POWER CUT - PC WILL NOT OPEN WINDWS 95

506854
FAULT TRYING TO INSTALL OUT LOOK WEB ACCEST VERSION 5.5 4EXCHANGE ON WINDOWS 2000 SERVER KEEPS TELLING HIM THE PREREQUISTITES ARE NOT INSTALL IN SERVER HE KNOWS NT4 WAS FIXED WITH SP4 HE THOUGH 2000 HAS THEM CONTRACT SPECIAL SW

I can't help wondering what Anne-Marie was thinking about when she typed prerequisites.

724583
THEY HAVE A CONNECT MACHINE AND THEY TRIED TO RE-LOAD THE CD ROM INTO THE DRIVE BUT IT WONT RECOGNISE THAT THERE IS A DICK IN THERE AND IT WONT EJECT IT BACK OUT...

That sounds painful

546141
S/N NOT LISTED
HWARE FAULT
SERVER ROOM

548125
MAKING A VERY LOUD NOISE

549193
ASSET 038097 - TJE C,PS BTTU OS MPT JP;DOMG A CJARGE - REQS REPLACEMENT

What language is this?

579599
PRINTER WILL NOT PRINT UNLESS USER PUTS SOMETHING HEAVY ON TOP (HAS COMPLETE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE AT THE MOMENT !!)

579501
GETTING ERROR MESSAGE "HARDWARE MALFUNCTION CALL YOUR HARDWARE VENDOR SUPPORT". THIS OCCURS NOT MATTER WHICH DOCKING STATION OR NETWORK CABLE IS USED. DIRECTIONS: MERIDIAN, TURN RIGHT, WALK TO THE OPENING OF THE OFFICE, LOOK IMMEDIATELY TO RIGHT (3 BIG MANAGERS DESKS - NOT SURE IF THEY'RE BIG MANAGERS OR BIG DESKS!) THEN GLOOK FOR A GREEN FROG. (I HAVE NOT MADE THIS UP).

693853
CD DRIVE IS RUNNING OUT OF SPACE, ...

775688
MONITOR IS GREEN COLOUR, EVEN WHEN POWER IS OFF

782271
ERROR : WARNING PCPLUSMP:ACPI_PROBEILLEGALTYPEINAPICDT

The spacebar is biggest key - you really can't miss it.

879428
NOT FEEDING PROPERLY

What does it eat?

898415
SOME OF THE KEYS ARE NOT WORKING ON KEYBOARD. USER COULD NOT PROVIDE DETAILS MAKE & MODEL APART FROM IT'S A 'MECHANINCAL KEYBOARD' AND IT HAS A ROUND CONNECTION. PLS SOURCE HP STANDARD KEYBOARD.

886409
THERE IS A FAULT WITH THE MACHINE, IT IS FAULTY.

From the verbose description I can deduce that it is faulty.

905695
THE MACHINE IS SMOKING

Part needed - a no smoking sign.

906796 - update #12
ENG ADVISED THAT ANY ENG THAT HAS NOT BEEN TO SITE B4 HAS TO WATCH A 30 MINUTE VIDEO AND TAKE AN EXAM ONIT AFTERWARDS !!! HE EVENTUALLY ASSESSED PRINTER AND FOUND IT NEEDED CHEMICAL CLEANER AND THEY WOULD NOT ALLOW HIM TO USE IT, USER IS OPERATIONAL BUT REQUIRES LOAN AS NEEDS A BETTER CLEAN. . .

907782 - update #6
STRIPPED PRINTER AND CLEANED AND SERVICED AND NOW OPERATIONAL BUT PART REQUIRED FOR BOTTOM PAPER TRAY PLASTIC CLIT THAT SITS ABOVED THE FRONT ROLLER

949396
PROBLEM WITH THE COOLING FAN SEEMS TO BE NAKED

951312
ENGINEER PLEASE TO INVESTIGATE THR FLOPPY DICK DRIVE, THE DICKS WILL NOT GO ALL THE WAY INTO THE DRIVE AND CAN NOT BE ACCESSED

957238
THE INTERNAL NIPPLE IS FAULTY. IT IS BOUNCING AROUND.
THEY HAVE DISABLED THE NIPPLE AND IT WORKS OK WITH THE EXTERNAL MOUSE.

987945 - update #4
ENGINEER ONSITE. REPLACED DYNAKEY BUT HIS DYNAKEY IS DOA.
STORE NOT OPEN ON SUNDAY OR BANK HOLIDAY PLS SOURCE PARTS AND SHIT DTS.

1003056
NAVEL NET WARE 5 AND BORDER MANAGER VER 3.0 SERVICE PACKS NETWARE 5 AND ALSO SERVICE PACK 3 PROBLEM KEEP GETTING ABNORMAL ENDS ON SERVER ...

Removing the blue fluff will fix this one.

1045547
USER REPORTS THAT HDD SOUNDS LIKE A CHICKEN SCREAMING

How does he know what that sounds like?

1054122 - update #2
...A HEATER WAS LEFT ON UNDER THE PRINTER AND HAS WORPPED THE LOWER TRAY. COMPLETE TRAY REQUIRED.

1056662
BANNANA SHOVED INTO LAPTOP? MAKES NOISES WHEN BOOTING UP (HARDLY SURPRISING). LAPTOP WAS HUNGRY!?!!?

1099720 - update #19
THE CLIENT IS COMING HARD ON ME PLS ACT FAST .

1155427 - update #7
... MOUSE (A REAL ONE AND STILL ALIVE) FOUND IN THE PRINTER AND A REPLACEMENT REQUIRED ASAP

1428945
CUSTOMERS WIG AS FALLEN INSIDE PRINTER AND JAMMED - USER MANAGED TO GET WIG OUT BUT SOME OF THE HAIR AS GOT JAMMED

1452048 - update #8
...NO POWER TO PRINTER, SWITCHED ON MAINS EXTENSION LEAD AND ALL TESTED ALL OK...

1926152 - update #34
ENG HAD HIS CAR CLAMPED LAST NIGHT AND HAS NOT GOT IT BACK YET, HE DOES NOT KNOW IF HE WILL BE ABLE TO DO ANY CALLS TODAY...